


New World

by Hyuka00



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: +U references, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Angst, BeomKai, Biblical Themes (Abrahamic Religions), Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Blood and Injury, Childhood Trauma, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Language, F/M, Guitars, Human/Vampire Relationship, Immortality, Inspired by Music, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Min Yoongi | Suga Cameos, Music, Musicians, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Piano, Reluctant vampire, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tobacco use, Vampire Turning, Vampires, Yeonbin, hobi cameo, sookai, taegyu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 37
Words: 128,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25687651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyuka00/pseuds/Hyuka00
Summary: Kai, a 20 year old musician is pushed to the brink of his existence through a series of unfortunate events. He happens upon a mysterious man one night with whom holds an interest in his talent and an old fashioned charm to him, the likes of which almost don't seem entirely human.(Companion story to 'Mad World' by the same author, told from Kai's point of view.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin/Huening Kai
Comments: 125
Kudos: 87





	1. Prologue

_**Prologue** _

_I had always thought, from an unfortunate young age, that I was cursed from birth. Everything that ever meant anything to me, always slipped between my fingers and was ripped from under my feet. I was left in a constant state of having to stand back up and start over. Like an angel constantly reaching for the heavens only for my wings to be clipped; fallen. My life had.. exhausted me beyond any hope. I wanted to end it all; to save myself. To stop the vicious cycle of pain and loss that I seemed to be eternally stuck within. The only thing that ever offered me comfort had been playing music, but even that was beginning to not be enough. I felt as if I no longer had the human luxury of choices anymore. Until that night, when I was ready to say goodbye to everything, and that mysterious stranger with his admiration for my musical talent appeared.. Maybe I did have one last choice to make._


	2. Chapter 1

I sat upon the wooden stool behind the counter inside the music shop at which I was employed. A special bottle of wood polish next to me sat open, a soft rag in my hand, gently but firmly sweeping back and forth across the sea blue starburst wood of the electric guitar that I had chosen to admire for the afternoon. A _Fender Stratocaster_ , limited edition. Though this one was a new release, its history began in the 50s when they were first manufactured. They were a staple amongst some very famous guitarists. Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughan, just to name a few. The instrument was what truly made The Blues and Rock n Roll into the timeless sounds that they were and still are. An instrument that demanded your respect and admiration. It had been sitting in the front window for close to 4 months, but with my boss's rather unthinkable price tags, and the more affordable competition down the road, it was merely an overpriced painted piece of wood to the common window-shoppers that passed by. But I knew better. I knew the beauty of the sound that this kind of craftsmanship could produce.

I looked down at it, admiring the shapely curves and mesmerizing mixture of colours within the overhead shop lights. The twinkling of the thin wraps of metal strings that led up the maple neck, the everlasting shine of the 6 machine heads poking out from the famously shaped head stock. I suddenly felt the urge to make her want to sing, since no one else seemed to want to bother.

I looked over my shoulder at the door that led out to the back room and kitchenette that my boss was currently in, he was trying to weigh up paying his bills with what little money he seemed to never stop telling me he had. Though with the working hours of mine he had cut back dramatically, I did somewhat believe him. I laid the instrument carefully on its side upon my right thigh, reaching down to the floor to pick up the guitar lead that was plugged into an amplifier behind me. I plugged it in, a sharp distorted noise rang in my ears from the amp already being turned on. I turned the volume knob on the side of the guitar up to half way and made sure it was set to clean instead of distortion. I gave it a quick tune and played the C major chord to check if she was ready, and she was. I reached across my table to pick up the black metal capo and clamped it down onto the 3rd fret.

[Paint It Black](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VauG8-4HUcY)

I played the ever famous opening notes of that timeless 60s song, feeling myself become lost in the sorrow of the notes. I had been playing that song a lot. I began to sing quietly, almost a raspy whisper in the way I let the words leave my mouth.

 _I see a line of cars and they're all painted black_ _  
__With flowers and my love both never to come back_

It had been over 2 months since the incident, but singing those lyrics out loud transported me right back to that not so special 20th birthday of mine when I got the news. The policemen at my front door, a grim glance upon them both; hard and set like concrete. And the words that followed that would lead to the darkest depths of pain and disbelief I had ever endured. The beginning of my end.

My playing was interrupted with the back door opening and my boss standing within it, looking down at me disapprovingly as he often did.

"Jesus Christ, Kai.."

Here it came. The complaining. The nagging. The 'I don't pay you to do this' and the 'Go do something useful'.

"I don't fucking pay ye' to sit there and play all day! Go put that back in the window. How are customers going to buy it if it's behind the counter with you all bloody day?"

"Yes, sir.." I said quietly as I unplugged the instrument and walked with it to the front of the store to put it back in its respective place in the street display window.

"And uh.." my boss said in an uncharacteristic quiet manner, like he was almost guilty for something.

"Hmm?" I mused as I started walking back to him.

"I'm gonna have to take Thursdays off ye'.."

I stopped walking, staring openly at him to see if he was joking like he sometimes did, but the manner in which he avoided my gaze confirmed he was not fooling me this time. His chubby hand coming up to behind his balding head as he scratched at it almost embarrassingly.

".. Oh" was all I could muster.

"... I'm sorry, kiddo. It's that god forsaken new store down the street. They're taking all my customers with their stupidly low prices and apparently non-existent overheads."

He looked down at the floor, the corners of his lips under his mustache grimacing with every word he almost spat out, the smell of strong coffee and cigarettes starting to waft out from the back room behind him.

"It's just business, Kai. Ye' understand, don'cha?"

I tried to put a smile back on my face but it was perhaps the most forced expression I had ever given. I could suddenly feel my house become emptier at the thought of having to sell even more possessions to keep my rent payments going. If I.. could even be bothered with the hassle. There was a much easier way out.. But I tried to fight that notion down.

"Yeah.. I understand."

He nodded grimly and checked his large gold watch upon his wrist.

"Ye' may as well go home now. We've only had 4 customers all day and I doubt we'll get anymore at this time of the afternoon."

I looked at the small white and black clock above the counter. It was only 3pm and I wasn't meant to finish until 5. I needed those 2 remaining hours even more than I did 30 seconds ago.

"Are you sure I can't just stick around and help you a bit more? Do you want me to clean the windows?"

"Ye' cleaned them 2 days ago, Kai."

"Well.. what about all those new guitar strings and picks that came in that need sorted and put out? I could clean the brass instruments too!"

"If ye' do that now, ye' won't be left with much to do tomorrow mornin'."

I sighed deeply. He really was starting to delegate my tasks more specifically lately. Almost as if.. He didn't even need me. I had to be honest with myself, he could have run the store entirely by himself. I knew that. I began to wonder how much longer it would be before he eventually just laid me off.

"Okay then.." I gave in and walked past him to grab my jacket in the room behind him. I saw his laptop open upon the table, a stack of bills sitting in disarray beside it with several dirty coffee cups and an ashtray full of cigarette butts smoked down to the filters.

I shrugged my jacket over my shoulders and instantly felt myself become a bit sick, it smelled like the ashtray itself.

"Thanks, kiddo.. See ye' tomorrow, yeah?"

I started walking slowly past him and was almost at the door before I looked at my own faint reflection upon it through the glass. I'm not sure that he _would_ see me tomorrow. Not with the thoughts that consumed my mind, especially during the evening hours when I was alone in my house. Every morning I was surprised that I even still had the willpower to awaken. I almost felt like saying goodbye and that he should look for someone else to replace me. What good was I to him? Really?

I slowly turned around to see him sit down behind the counter where I had previously been.

"I.." I started but honestly didn't know where I was going with the sentence.

He looked up at me with those large, troubled and aged eyes of his, full of stress and defeat.

".. I just wanted to say thank you for taking me into this place all those years ago."

He blinked at me and raised an eyebrow in curiosity with what I was saying.

"I've.. always enjoyed working here. I just wanted you to know that.."

I turned around and placed my hand upon the glass door to push it open.

"'Enjoyed'? Ye' don't still enjoy it?"

I looked at my fingers against the door, they started to tremble as my throat tightened from the emotions I knew were about to boil over. I couldn't reply to him. I pushed the door open and walked out and down the street, away from the confrontation I knew he was going to bring upon me.

The afternoon air was cool as I walked, I pulled my jacket closer across my chest, the smell of my boss's filthy addiction making its way up into my head. I neared an intersection, I pushed the button on the traffic lights and waited for a crossing signal. I began to feel my mind become numbed, I could barely feel my heart beat in my chest as I stared up at the little man on the sign, waiting for him to turn green. My thoughts seemed to invade every part of me, slowly dulling me more and more. I could barely hear the cars drive past me. My vision blurred to the point that I didn't even notice the crossing signal light up until people started walking past me. I blinked and took in a deep breath, as if to wake up from an encroaching dream.

I got to the other side of the road, I was going to make my way home until I saw the cemetery to my right in the distance. I veered off the footpath and stood under a tree as I gazed at it in thought. I felt myself drawn to it and I accepted my feet's decision as I started to head towards the location instead of my house in the opposite direction.

I walked through the older parts of the cemetery, the old, crumbled tombstones and monuments stood over me as I passed them. No flowers or gifts lay about the cold rocks of their rest; forgotten in time. Would I end up like them? A distant memory only thought of once every few years? Perhaps it was for the best. There wasn't much about me worth remembering.

I entered the newer burial site and stopped in front of the one I sought. I looked down at the soil, still somewhat dark from the fresh turning of it and the small blades of grass that were starting to sprout from underneath. I slowly dragged my eyes up to her name upon the tombstone and the dates of birth and death, both way too close to each other in time for anyone to be comfortable with.

 _"Far too young"_ I recalled the phrase repeated many times at her funeral that I attended that day not so long ago.

I looked down at the now dead flowers upon her grave. I hadn't given her fresh ones for some time. I couldn't afford them anymore. It being Autumn also took me picking my own out of the equation too. I usually spoke to her. A lot. About everything. I would ask how she was. How her day was going. I would tell her about mine. What songs I had been playing and asking if she would've liked me to play something for her. It's a deep and terrible pain, to never receive an answer to anything. To never know if things could have been different. To slowly lose your memory of their voice and their laugh. To lose the comfort you once felt in them. To apologize and to never know if you had been forgiven. To be met with that deafening silence is a pain that never dulls.

I bowed my head as the tears I always cried at her grave started. But I knew the tears I cried not only fell for her. I had begun to mourn myself. As if I was already in a coffin beside her under the earth. I thought of all the things I wished I could have done with my life. All the moments I knew were now never meant for me. I would never fall in love again. I would never be married like I had once hoped she would want to be. Never get to teach my unborn children the deep essence of music or watch them grow up to become something better than I ever was. And under all these deeply final thoughts, there was only one small glimpse of hope. Perhaps.. If whoever I was confronted with in the afterlife allowed it.. I _could_ see her again.

"I'll... be with you soon..."

Saying those words out loud to myself in the empty space of the cemetery would have seemed frightening to anyone who could have walked by, but they seemed sadly accepting to me. I had made up my mind. There was nothing left for me. Music was all I had left, but with no appreciating ears but my own for it to fall upon, what was really the point? No one had ever told me I was any good. Not once. As much effort and soul as I put into it. Even she.. Had never given me praise. But I had loved her, regardless, like the fool I was.

I slowly walked away from where she lay, passing a few more recent graves until I saw an empty plot at the end of the row. I stared at it intently, like I was looking into my short future. Would that.. Be where I would be placed? I truly did not feel anything as I stared at the grass next to me, as if I were already dead. No last minute fleeting worries clutched me. No 'what ifs' entered my mind.

I continued on my way back out the way I came in and I saw a stone statue of an angel glancing up at the sky upon someone's monument. Would angels be the beings who would greet me? Or would I be met with a fiery pit of never ending torture?

I guessed I would find out soon enough.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this is specifically a Tomorrow x Together AU, some of you may have noticed from my previous story Mad World that 'The Black Swan' is a homage to Tomorrow x Together's seniors, BTS. Though this is not a crossover AU, Black Swan's meaning plays a very strong part in both these stories. This is specifically emphasized within this chapter with a special, although brief appearance from a certain rap genius. Black Swan's meaning and this particular BTS member are very big influences on my personal day to day life. I felt it important to include them as tribute in this work.

I arrived at my house, pushing my key into the lock and giving my door a gentle push, it opened with a small creak as I walked through. I placed my keys upon the small table near the door, shedding myself of my jacket and hung it up on the hook above the table, glad to be rid of it and its foul scent. There was no point in washing it. I wouldn't be wearing it again.

I slowly made my way down the hallway that branched off into my small kitchen and dining area. I still hadn't gotten used to how empty my house was. It was barren, except for the mostly essential items I.. once needed. When she had left me before her death, she took most of her belongings with her. I didn't own many material items, except for instruments. I didn't feel the need to decorate my house as beautifully as she once had with her possessions. Freshly cut flowers always used to sit upon the middle of my small, round dining table in a crystal vase, now a sizable pile of unpaid bills in its place.

I eyed up my pantry door but thought it was still too early to make dinner for myself, not that I even had an appetite. My mind and my body almost seemed to agree with each other, they both were aware that I was shutting down. I had seen it happen once before with the family dog I had with my adoptive family. He just lay down one day, refusing to eat or drink and passed within hours. He just knew it was his time, like I knew it was mine.

I made my way upstairs and approached the bathroom, entering it to come face to face with my own reflection upon the small mirrored cupboard above the sink. I deliberately avoided looking myself in the eye and I pulled it open to see the bottles of medication that sat upon the tiny shelves. I reached for one of them, slowly turning it in my hand to see the date upon it. It had been expired for almost 2 years. I placed it upon the edge of the sink and drew another bottle from the inside, reading the small white label that read _Benzodiazepines_. My doctor had put me on them not long after my ex had died to help me sleep through the insomnia that I developed. I felt the weight of the bottle in my hand, it seemed like it was almost full from how heavy it was. I hadn't ingested them for very long, they caused me muscle weakness and memory loss and would often cause a deep drowsiness that made me sleep through my morning alarm. A side effect my boss wasn't particularly impressed with.

I placed the other bottle back inside the cupboard and walked away with my 2nd choice. I headed back downstairs to the hallway and entered into my living area, just as barren as the other rooms were. A small, two seater couch against the far west wall and an electric piano on a stand where my TV used to be before I sold it on the opposite side of the room. I approached the couch and sank down into the dark blue material of it, looking down at the white plastic bottle in my hands, slowly turning it over and over as I began to think about what would happen. I didn't know what death felt like, especially by drug overdose. Would it be painful? Would I suffer for long before I died? Or would I just fall asleep peacefully, never to awaken again?

I slowly began to open the cap, pressing it down firmly and turning it to bypass the child safety lock on it. I looked down into the opening and saw at least 60 or so little baby blue pills staring back up at me. Would taking the whole bottle be overkill? I usually only had to take 1 a day when I used them. I was about to tip the bottle upside down into my other hand until I felt my back pocket buzz rhythmically in my jeans. I sighed and tried to ignore it. It was probably just my boss calling me to nag about something I had done wrong, but that almost didn't make sense. My boss usually liked to reserve the pleasure of complaining to me in person. It wasn't like him to call me, actually.

I reached behind myself and drew my phone out of my pocket and looked down at the glowing screen in my hands.

_The Black Swan_

I suddenly remembered I had put down my name to play there that night almost 2 weeks ago. I decided to answer it to inform them I wouldn't be attending anymore. I pressed the accept call button and held it up to my ear.

"Hello, Kai speaking."

"Hi, Kai! It's Rose from The Black Swan. How are you?"

Did she want an honest answer? I thought as I looked down at the drugs still in my other hand.

"Oh, you know... still alive" I replied nonchalantly.

She giggled down the line at my supposed sarcasm.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it! I'm just calling to confirm if you're still playing here tonight? We've had a few cancellations and I'm doing my best to make sure we have enough musicians for tonight's set."

The cheer and hope in her voice almost pulled at my heart. I shouldn't have answered the call. I was bad at lying and making excuses, but I made an attempt at it.

"Actually.. No. Something's come up and I won't be able to make it tonight. I'm sorry."

I usually felt that rush of guilt whenever I had to lie to someone, but this time there was nothing.

"Oh.. That's okay then. Maybe another time?"

"Maybe" I said quietly and ended the call, not wanting it to go on for any longer than it had.

I placed my phone next to me on the couch and turned my attention back to the bottle. I tipped it on its side, perhaps at too much of an angle and the many small pills came pouring out in a rush, most of them landing and bouncing across my carpet. I sighed and leaned forward to pick them up, standing to collect the few that had made a journey over to my piano.

I felt my gaze fixed upon the keys before me. I reached my empty hand out to the inviting fingers of the instrument, placing my own in the position of the F minor chord upon the keys. I could almost hear the sound in my head, even though my piano wasn't turned on. I hummed the sound to myself and a song suddenly sprang up in my mind from the notes.

_All around me are familiar faces_

I sang the opening lyrics quietly to myself and the rest of the song echoed in my head. I tightened my grip on the smooth chemical stones in my right hand, hearing a few of them crunch with the force as I felt my emotions almost overwhelm me again like they did in the cemetery.

_Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow_ _  
_ _No tomorrow, no tomorrow_

Mad World. How perfectly the song seemed to mirror my thoughts. I looked back at my phone on the couch and felt an idea enter my mind. What kind of musician would I be if I weren't to at least give a final performance? As much as I thought no one cared, I felt like the act of performing being the last meaningful thing to do was fitting. Much like people on death row are asked what they would like for their final meal, all I could think was what my final songs wanted to be. I walked back over to the couch and picked up my phone, calling The Black Swan back. The same girl who called me answered.

"Welcome to The Black Swan, you're speaking with Rose."

I was silent for a moment and she began to wonder if she had been called by accident.

"Hello?" she asked and I realized I was being stupid.

"Uh.. hey, it's Kai again."

"Oh hey, Kai. What's up?"

"There's.. Been a change of plan. I will be there tonight."

"Oh, awesome! Can I ask you to come in within the next few hours? The owner will want to know what you're playing and how long your segment will be, you know the drill."

"Yeah.. no problem."

"See you soon!" she hung up and I slid the phone back into my pocket, opening up my palm and looking down at the crushed pills within it, the fine powder and sharp fragments covering my fingers. I could almost taste the bitterness of them with the metallic scent that filled my head. This could wait.

As close as I had come to taking them, as much as despair still filled me, I felt I could still endure the coming evening long enough to live out one last musical expedition. How else could I possibly blow out my own candle if not first spending some time with my first and last love?

The following 2 hours passed by quicker than I expected, it was now early evening and I was almost in front of The Black Swan as I approached it by foot. I looked up at the large curved shape of the swinging doors, two black painted wooden wings were spread wide above them. The name of the establishment underneath it. There was some small writing that had been engraved into a metal plate below it. I stopped as I glanced up and read the words that I had never bothered to before that moment.

_"A dancer dies twice- once when they stop dancing, and this first death is the more painful."_

It was an intriguing quote that gave my brain a kick in its side and a pang in my heart. Apparently I had been standing there staring at it long enough for someone else to notice it.

"Interesting words, huh?"

I turned to my right to see a shorter, slim man standing against the side of the red brick wall of the building. Two sharply shaped and dark eyes stared at me from under his equally as black hair, a quiet yet cool and collected air about him, like a little stray cat not feeling the need for a home. Cigarette smoke slowly passed between his lips and up into the early evening atmosphere.

"What do they mean?" I asked him.

He took another drag from the burning paper cylinder between his fingers as he looked at me, giving a quick but emotionless smile as he then looked down at the pavement in front of him.

"The death of the passion for your talent hurts more than physical death itself."

I stared at him almost too openly as I felt blood rush down through my legs, they became solid lead at the heavy words he had just spoken to me.

"Ayo, Yoongi!"

I saw another man from around the corner of the building poke his head out to the gentleman who talked to me.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming.." he said with a sigh, dropping his cigarette to the ground and stamping it out with the tip of his boot. He pushed himself away from the wall and walked in not a particularly fast manner to where his name was called.

I looked back up at the quote above me and let the words the man had said slowly curl around my mind like smoke as I pushed myself through the doors of the club. I was greeted with quiet murmurs of conversations at the tables over candlelight, there were only about a dozen people there at the time, but I knew it would get busier once the musicians would start soon. I approached the bar and saw Rose recognize me as she pulled herself away from a conversation she was having.

"Good to see you, Kai. Make your way out back behind the stage and let the owner know you're here."

I nodded and turned on the spot, seeing the stage lit up already with the lights overhead as I approached it. I stepped up onto the side of it and pushed my way through the black velvet curtains that hung towards the back and saw a few musicians already there, talking to the owner. I waited until they were done and gave my name, the length of my songs and he finally asked me what instruments I would be using.

"Just the piano" I answered.

I saw it out of the corner of my eye, glossy black and grand with its open top. I smiled at it, feeling its keys beckoning me to it, my final resting place, my own custom sized coffin made just for me that evening.

I took a seat in a corner by myself and waited there backstage, watching the people come and go from their performances. Sometimes I had struck up conversations with other musicians in the past, but I wasn't in the mood for my mind to be stimulated. The words that man had spoken to me outside a while ago was almost more than I could handle. I didn't want to process them any further than I had. I heard a small applause from out in the audience and soon the owner peeked his head around the corner at me, nodding. I felt goosebumps cover my entire form at the nerves that took me. I had always felt an excited sort of nervousness set in whenever I played in front of an audience, but this time it was different; more mortal. The realization that this would be my last time playing.

I stood up, taking a deep breath as I walked up to and in front of the stage curtains. I walked across the stage to where the piano sat square in the middle. I turned to my right to face the audience and gave my small bow to the people, as I always did, flicking my light brown hair out from in front of my eyes on the way up.

I sat down at the seat in front of the piano, reaching in front of me to pull the small microphone closer to myself. I took in a deep breath and began to speak.

"Good evening, my name is Kai. I'll be playing some piano for you tonight."

[Mad World](https://youtu.be/xvu9C1GsXJ0)

A few people clapped for me and I suddenly felt myself become immersed into my own world as I pressed my fingers down into the keys, opening up the space of the room with the notes. I had always tried to play with as much passion as I could, but I had never tried harder at that moment. Not that I really had to try. The song, my mood, the way I let the lyrics be almost breathed out of me, as natural as air, was like second nature that night. It was easy to be convincing with the mood of a song, if the song _was_ your mood; your life, your entire existence, everything you had ever known. I summoned every last bit of emotional fiber that still resided within me and poured it out of myself through my fingers down into the keys, as if my uncried tears were the very things that gave pressure to the ivory and ebony blocks of wood of the instrument.

_And I find it kinda funny_ _  
_ _I find it kinda sad_ _  
_ _The dreams in which I'm dying_ _  
_ _Are the best I've ever had_

As lost as I was within my own world of pain upon that stage, I could almost _feel_ a gaze upon me. I knew most of the audience was paying attention to me, but somewhere amongst it all.. There was a stillness. Something undivided. I just couldn't place what it was.

I ended the song and gave myself a small smile at the applause I was given. Though they were not words of praise, it was collective, expected of them. That unwritten rule that you _should_ applaud someone for playing out of courtesy. But I accepted it and took it for what it was. I waited a few moments and started on my second but also final piece.

[Wake Me Up](https://youtu.be/M44uvYTHu4o)

The song in its original composition had vocals, but I made it instrumental, I didn't wish to sing another word. I had already said all I wanted to say in my previous song, my final lament. But as I played, I could hear the unsung lyrics within my head.

_I tried carrying the weight of the world_ _  
_ _But I only have two hands_ __  
_I hope I get the chance to travel the world_ _  
_ _But I don't have any plans_

Though the stage lights were bright and blocked out most of the view of the audience from the corner of my eye, I could make out a figure moving amongst it all. I lifted my gaze slightly to where it was and saw a tall man holding his long, black coat to himself as he pushed his way through the standing crowd near the entrance. I caught the smallest glimpse of the side of his face, and my fingers almost slipped off the keys at how strikingly pale he was with the contrast of his deep ebony black hair. He was.. Leaving. I saw him make his way out through the front entrance. I returned my focus back to the song and tried not to become disheartened by the fact that someone had left during my performance. It had happened before. But, with it being _that_ night and everything that enveloped me within it, I couldn't help but feel all the more lonely and forgotten for it.

Or maybe that person left because they had their own pressing matters to attend to that night, much like I did. Who was I to really know?


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a forewarning that this chapter deals with some pretty heavy themes surrounding suicide. Please remember to be safe. You are loved.

I had finished my segment of my 2 songs a while ago, but I hadn’t left The Black Swan yet. Half of my reason for being there that night was not only to give my parting message to the ears that resided within the establishment, but I also wanted to listen to music too. I was one of the earlier acts and there was still at least another few hours of songs that I sat through. Most of it was quite upbeat in contrast to the dreary sack of emotions I had lugged up onto the stage with me; my sad baggage of hopelessness. The other musicians were much better than I thought I was, more seasoned with experience and stage presence, true professionals. They were all what I had once hoped I would be.

As the minutes ticked down I was approached by a slightly older female during the music, asking if she could buy me a drink through her slurred words with the obviously large amount of the intoxicating substance she already had in her system. The way she boldly placed her hand upon my thigh made it obvious that it wasn’t my musical talent that had caught her attention. My polite decline to her invitation was met with a somewhat offended reaction, though she quickly moved onto another man. He was tall, slim, blond, very well dressed and had a smooth charm to him that seemed almost far too matured for his young appearance. I was quietly thankful that he had taken the drunken woman off my reluctant hands for the night.

Another half hour crept by me and the musical events for the evening came to a close. I eventually stood up from my own secluded corner of the room, giving the club one last look over before I made my exit. The night air was chilly and fresh, the thin emerald green jacket I wore was almost not enough for that kind of temperature. I looked back over my shoulder at those large doors I knew I would never again walk through and that small quote above them. I began walking away slowly to my house.

 _The death of your passion for your talent is more painful than physical death, itself._ That man’s deciphering message had been floating around the edges of my mind all evening.

“The death of your passion..” I whispered out loud to myself into the night air.

That _first_ death of yourself. Losing your love and motivation for something that had once made you feel alive. The loss of it, more painful than your own mortality. It was something I had always feared would someday consume me; to no longer be able to feel the music. It _almost_ had gotten to that point. It had almost left me, but it was, in a way, my only comfort that remained. It was the only hand that would hold mine as I would enter the afterlife. My only friend. My only true love; first and last, there until the very end. I had never felt more thankful for its existence, even though, sadly enough, it was not enough to save me.. anymore.

I approached a children’s playground to my right, the same playground I would often spend my time at as a child with my adoptive mother. She would bring me there whenever my father was being too overbearing towards me. Though she was not my blood, she did care about me, but, like myself, too scared of that abusive man to do anything but run and hide. I used to keep in contact with her after I had left home, but eventually her calls became less frequent, shorter in their duration, until eventually her name no longer appeared as an incoming call to my phone anymore. I couldn’t look at the playground as I passed it, the memories of other children staring at my bruises upon my face and arms back then were far too painful to relive.

The chill in the air should have been enough to make me feel awake, but I was tired, in every possible way. I was.. glad for it. It would make my oncoming eternal sleep be that much easier to slip into. I had finally started walking along my own street, my house now only several yards ahead of me. I walked past two cats, one black, one white, sitting on top of my neighbours fence as I approached my house. I suddenly heard them both screech into the night air behind me, the sound filling every inch of the neighbourhood. I stopped and looked back to see what had caused their terrible cries of disdain.

My eyes were met with a man standing underneath the streetlight behind me, he had stopped walking as I laid eyes upon him. I didn’t think much of it. He probably stopped at the noise from the cats also. I turned to start walking again.

… Wait.

I stopped again and turned around to look at him once more, he still stood there, unmoving under the streetlight. The long, black velvet coat down to his knees covering his broad but thin frame, the strangely pale skin of his face and that deeply dark hair that sat against it; he looked like a living antique black and white photo in immaculate condition. It was him. That same person who had left during my second song. I felt a strange, compelling force to speak to him. He seemed almost uncomfortable, and not just because of the cats.

“You were at The Black Swan tonight..” I said to him.

His dark eyes widened at me in surprise and I was suddenly curious why he had given me such an expression.

“Uh.. yes. How did you notice me? I was seated at the back..”

His voice was deep, deeper than my own. His accent had a strange foreignness to it that I just couldn’t place from any part of the world in particular. I forced a smile upon my face, as I often did to reflect any concern of my own away from prying questions for my saddened disposition.

“I saw you leave out of the corner of my eye while I was playing my 2nd song.”

His shocked expression seemed to suddenly drop to the ground at my words.

“I’m sorry..”

I confusedly tilted my head at him, my eyebrows arching up at his apology. He looked deeply guilty for something.

“Why are you sorry? I don’t even know you..”

But did he know me? It almost seemed as if he did.

“I had some business to attend to suddenly. I would have stayed, if I had the choice..”

His words, the deeply apologetic and sincere manner in which he spoke them to me. I felt them slowly begin to lift my heart up from its position in the pit of my stomach. No one had ever spoken to me in such a respectful manner before.

“Well that’s good to hear. I thought perhaps I had scared you off with my music!”

I let out a laugh, the first one I had given in.. far too long. The sound of it echoing in the street was almost saddeningly foreign to my ears. I had almost forgotten what my own laugh sounded like. The troubled stranger in front of me was suddenly giving me a small smile in response to it.

“Oh.. certainly not. You play beautifully. That rendition of Mad World is my favourite and you did it justice one hundred times over.”

I felt my jaw slacken as my mouth hung open slightly at his compliment for my performance. My heart began beating against my ribcage with a purpose it hadn’t ever felt before, my skin warming in the cool, evening air. This stranger, within the space of only 30 seconds, had just said the words I had always wished to hear from people I had known for most of my life.

“... Thank you so much. I… don’t often hear good feedback.”

He almost looked _annoyed_ at my comment, like he could barely believe what I had just said.

“You must be playing to the dead then.”

He offered me the smallest of smiles, a certain secretiveness to it. I could barely control my reaction to his words as I matched his smile, although it was twice as wide. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. He had made me both smile _and_ laugh, genuinely, for the first time in far too long. Just who _was_ he? Maybe if I introduced myself first, I would find out. I stepped closer to him and extended my hand between us.

“I’m Kai. It’s nice to meet you.”

He stared down at my hand, almost cautiously, like I was holding out a knife instead of the bare skin of my palm. I felt my heart slowly begin to sink back down again, along with my hand as I realized that maybe I had made him uncomfortable for whatever reason. But just as my hand was about to reach my side, he stepped forward quickly to grasp it with his own. My God, he was _cold_. Colder than the air around us. Bad circulation, perhaps?

“I… my name is Soobin. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Kai.”

I didn’t quite know what to make of the old fashioned way in which he introduced himself _and_ the bow he had given before me after he spoke. I felt like I was standing in front of an actor who had just walked off the set of a Victorian era movie but had forgotten to drop out of character.

“Soobin..” I whispered out, acknowledging his name and memorizing it in the same instant.

His hand left mine as he stood back up. I.. really didn’t know what else to say. I felt stunned and my previously dark thoughts of defeat were suddenly turned upside down in my head. I made the decision to just continue on my way to my house only just behind me. He was derailing my intentions and I didn’t know if I wanted him to continue to do so; I was already a little lost.

“Well.. I’m almost at my house now. Goodnight, Soobin” I offered him a small smile and turned around to start walking.

“Do you think..” he suddenly spoke again. He had hooked me once more, not letting me off the line. I turned around to hear out what he had to say.

“... Do you think you’ll play at The Black Swan again sometime soon?”

My thoughts raced out of my mind and up into the inside of my house to that small bottle of pills that awaited me.

“I.. hadn’t planned on it, actually.”

“Oh.. that’s a shame. I would love to hear your entire setlist. Without any outside distractions.”

I… I couldn’t do this. Not right now. Not that night, of all nights. I couldn’t promise him anything just to let him down. My resolve was slipping. I was beginning to feel scared. Scared that I would lose the courage to do what I had to do that night. I felt deeply selfish at that moment. I couldn’t let this stranger of no consequence block my path any further than he had already. I did what I did best and plastered another smile on my face and said the words I knew he wanted to hear.

“Well.. I could hardly turn down such a request. I will drop my name to the owners when I next plan to be there.”

“But you don’t know when?”

Jesus, he was making this harder than it had to be. I.. didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want to let him down, but I knew I would have to.

“How about 1 week from now?”

He seemed finally satisfied with my forged compromise.

“I will mark it on my calendar.”

And there it was again. The _way_ that he spoke to me, quiet, deeply private and gracious like I was the only other person on earth. Like I was all that mattered to him. Mark it on his calendar? My walls came tumbling back down again as I couldn’t control the laugh that left me from the once again odd fashion in which he spoke. He was so.. Intriguing.

“I will see you there, Soobin. Goodnight.”

I truly did not know if I spoke the truth or not at that moment. I turned around and felt relieved that he didn’t ask me any further questions. I started walking away from him and my stomach turned, I was feeling sick, like I had just gotten off some kind of ridiculous roller coaster not for the faint of heart, but it wasn’t over yet. The thoughts he had paused for me started up again in a rush of adrenaline. I needed to get away from his bewildering, distracting presence.

I ventured up to my house and quickly unlocked the door in the dark and pushed it closed with my back against it. I was running out of time. Running out of resolve. I was breaking down, and not in the way a healthy minded person would describe. I flicked the hallway light on and raced upstairs to my bedroom where I had left them, those little deadly pebbles that would take all this away. I turned my light on and quickly closed my blinds, looking behind myself at the bottle that sat on my nightstand. I walked wearily over to my bed, my vision becoming blurred and disorientated from the ill feeling that almost seemed to take over my entire body. I clumsily fumbled with the top of the bottle, my hands were sweating, shaking, everything just _ached_ deeply; my body silently screaming at me to stop but I refused to let my mind listen. I shook about 20 of the pills into my hand and tried to force my eyes to focus upon them, they all blurred into a blue mess in my palm.

The tears started. No. Go away. I don’t need this right now. This was meant to be easy. It _seemed_ easy hours ago. Why was it so..

I closed my eyes and clutched my hand tightly around the pills. I saw spinning, abstract colours and odd shapes that held no form; my life flashing before my eyes in no given order. And amongst it all.. His pale, chiseled face. That smile that covered every inch of it. Those dark eyes that closed and almost looked like cream macarons when he smiled at me. His words of appreciation for my music boomed in my head to match the fast rushing of blood in my ears. He became lodged inside my head like a dam blocking a river.

“Get out..” I whimpered, as if he was standing right in front of me. Like he was physically holding my hand away from my mouth, stopping me from committing to my final choice.

And then it came, the tight clenching of my stomach and the lightheadedness. I was going to-

I rushed out of my bedroom and into the bathroom, reaching the toilet just in time as I emptied my lunch from earlier in the day into the porcelain bowl, dropping the pills onto the tiled floor around me in disorder.

I coughed and spluttered, my head spun like the universe did around me, tears almost didn’t seem to leave an inch of my cheeks untouched, by God, did they burn just like my throat did. I blindly reached to my side, grabbing the hand towel and wiped my mouth with it before throwing it across the small space of the bathroom in frustration. I let my body fall against the wall next to me, staring down at some of the pills before me on the floor and I swept them viciously away from myself. The small pinging sound of them hitting the opposite wall was like heavy rain upon a tin roof.

I continued crying. Perhaps harder and louder than I ever had. I grasped at the cold floor under me, my fingers aching from the pressure. But the more I cried, the more I felt a shift inside of myself. The tears that fell morphed in their purpose which took me far too long to notice. The hot liquid in my ducts slowly turned from pain into something that closely resembled a deep gratefulness that could not be fully brought to justice in spoken words.

That mysterious, quietly charming stranger had prevented me, far easier than I thought, from doing the now unthinkable.

“Soobin..” I whispered into the dark.

I knew his name, but _who_ was he? _What_ was he? An angel sent to earth to come to me at the exact moment I didn’t realize I needed him? Nothing about him made any sense. _Nothing_ . The way he spoke, the way he dressed, the way he held himself and his mannerisms. The way he so easily let my thoughts run away from me and broke down my intentions in what seemed like an instant. The way he looked troubled at me, and I couldn’t help but feel some sort of curiosity and empathy for it. The way he had given me the exact words I had always wanted to hear about my music, out of _nowhere_. The way I couldn’t stop thinking about his deeply impactful smile and those shapely lips of his that I wanted to-

I blinked through the tears, feeling them begin to stop, my eyebrows knitting together at the new thought that just entered my mind. He certainly was.. attractive. I had only thought that about other men if it was generally ‘acceptable’ to do so. Like not being able to deny that a movie star was handsome. But this was a bit more personal. It wasn’t a general consensus that I chimed in with. He was attractive.. to _me_.

I lifted my hands up to my eyes and rubbed them, slowly feeling them start to regain some focus. I forced my deeply tired body off the floor, feeling like I weighed twice as much as I actually did. I slumped over the sink and let the cold tap run, cupping my hands under it to scoop water up into my mouth. I swirled it and spat it back out to get the horrid taste of my half digested lunch out of myself. I splashed the water up onto my face, pushing the awakening cold liquid into my pores. I slowly looked up at my reflection within the mirror, finally able to look into the depths of my own bloodshot eyes, the ends of my hair dripping with water in front of them.

Whoever he was, _what_ ever he was, I would keep my word to him. He would hear me play again, if it was the last thing I ever did. I allowed myself a small smile with the realization that I, unknowingly, _had_ played for him, thinking it was the last thing I would ever do.

 _No tomorrow, no tomorrow_  
  
Those lyrics of Mad World quietly echoed in my mind, like a now distant memory. No. There _would_ be a tomorrow. The night’s moon would disappear and in its place, thanks to him, a sun would rise for me again.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely sure where most of my readers are from in the world, but someone in this chapter has a strong Scottish accent and his speech needs to be written.. a little differently, and if you're unfamiliar with this accent in particular, it might make it difficult to read. Because I care about you all, here's a video to hopefully help you imagine the dialect a bit better moving forward ^-^ : https://youtu.be/c42dvgPIfSk

I slowly peaked my weary eyes open at the sound of the midi alarm noises coming from my phone next to me on my bedside table. I groaned and rolled over as I blindly batted at it to make it stop, it did and then fell to the floor with a small thump as I knocked it off. It was 7am, Sunday, and I felt wildly unprepared for almost everything that day could throw at me already.

The previous night came flooding back into the stillness of my bedroom. I expected myself to feel weary and defeated like I often had back then. But my head was emptier, it felt lighter on my shoulders; no longer filled with the consuming dread that slowly took it over day by day for those months prior.

But I didn't manage to get much sleep. After I had tidied up my bathroom from the emotional and physical mess I had made, I laid upon my bed and just stared into nothingness. My insomnia had snuck back up on me, but there was no possible way I would take one of those pills again to try and fix it, especially since I had now tipped them all down my sink. Sleep was barely an option, not when all I could think about was him. That man who had abruptly interrupted my life.. and my death. In the dark quietness of my room that previous night I had contemplated all thoughts beyond reason. A puzzle that I was trying to put together, even though I didn't know what the big picture was meant to resemble as a finished product; an enigma. I tried to reach back into my fragmented memories to recall if I had seen him at The Black Swan before and I couldn't recognize his face. With the distinct features that he had, he would have surely stood out to me before. Just where did he come from? And why then? Why, of all the nights that he could have possibly crossed my path, did it have to be mere minutes before my own attempted demise? Was this what people called 'destiny'? The start of my very own, far fetched fairy tale? He was a knight, not in shining armour, but black velvet.

The thought of the soft material made me look over to a small chair in the corner of my room, several plush toys that I had kept from my childhood sat upon it, staring at me in the still darkness of the Autumn morning. My eyes traced over the form of my favourite. A rabbit, white and round like a fat bean of sorts. Two small ears stood upright upon its head with dotted eyes on its face, a blush upon its pale cheeks and a small, curved mouth to resemble a smile. The shape of it almost reminded me of _his_ lips, a natural curvature to their edges and corners, like he was always somewhat smiling, even when he wasn't.

I rolled away and felt my cheeks become warm from the notion. I didn't want to get carried away with those thoughts, in particular. I didn't know him well enough or if I trusted those feelings to even be real yet. But I did know that I owed him what I had tentatively promised to him. Another performance. The thought of putting together something made my blood rush in excitement. No one had ever personally requested me to play for them. The many songs that then circled my head were interrupted with my stomach groaning at me from how empty it was. I didn't have dinner the previous evening and my lunch had obviously disagreed with me rather violently from the attempt at my own life.

My whole body ached from my fatigue as I sat up onto the edge of my bed, rubbing at my stomach through my t-shirt. I forced my body up and made my way downstairs to make myself some breakfast. I was thankful that my appetite had returned.

"Omelette time!" I smiled happily to myself at the thought of the egg dish that I was an expert at making, given how often I made it.

I left my house for the day about an hour later, making my way to work in the cool morning air by foot. It was mornings like that one that I so desperately missed my car that I sold, but I didn't mind the light exercise. I pushed myself through the glass door of the music shop, the small bell above it ringing with my entrance. My boss sat behind the counter with his laptop open, his eyes squinted in concentration at something upon his screen. His gaze didn't break away from it as he acknowledged my arrival.

"Hey kiddo."

"Morning" I replied as I pulled my hood back from my head, shaking my hair about slightly to let my head breathe in the warmer inside temperature.

I saw him look up at me for a moment then back to his laptop, but he quickly looked back at me in surprise.

"What on earth happened to ye'?"

I stopped walking and looked openly at him and then down at myself, checking for something out of place but couldn't find anything.

"Ye' look dead," he added.

Not quite. But I almost had been.

"I just.. had a rough night, I'm okay now!" I tried to divert his concern away with enthusiasm.

"A rough night? Ye' look pretty steamed, lad. Did ye' hit the bottle?"

Again, almost. Though not the bottle he was referring to.

"You know I don't drink, Jack" I smiled at him as I stood in front of the counter before him, leaning against it.

"Aye... But there's a first time for everythin', ain't there?"

I couldn't help but laugh at his teasing nature and that overwhelmingly thick Scottish accent he had that seemed to completely envelope every word he said. It had taken me months to finally be able to understand what he was saying to me without having to ask him to repeat himself 5 times. Those early days of employment were tough, especially with his short tempered nature only amplified with my inability to comprehend his spoken words. I felt a bit guilty for the manner in which I had left the shop the previous day. As overbearing as he often was with me, I still felt the need to apologize for almost quitting.

"I'm sorry about yesterday.." I looked down at the glass counter in between us, my eyes tracing over the small, shiny replacement guitar parts for sale within it.

He looked up at me with those piercing bright blue eyes of his for a moment before lowering them back down to whatever had his attention upon his laptop screen.

"If ye' want to apologize, ye' can do some work."

I smiled slightly as I received the expected reaction from him; avoidant and disregarding. I did as he instructed and set out to do my tasks that I had told him I would do the previous day.

It was quiet, as usual, Sunday was our slowest day out of all 7. I helped a mother and her daughter fit new violin strings to her instrument and sold a few sets of guitar strings and drum sticks. Nothing that made the cash register full, but it was something. A few hours passed and Jack finally left the store for an early lunch. I did as I always did when he wasn't there and turned the radio on behind the counter. I always found it strange that he never allowed me to play music in a _music_ store. I flicked the dial through several stations that seemed to only have radio hosts talking about until I eventually hit a station that was playing songs. I leaned back against the counter and gazed out at the street as the next song on their list began.

[Come Away With Me](https://youtu.be/QKEuOO0lQPc)

It was slow, airy, a deep but soft raspiness to the vocalists tone, a mixture of acoustic pop and jazz in the piano and drums. I felt myself sink into the comfort of it like a warm bath after a long day on a winter's evening.

_Come away with me in the night_ _  
_ _Come away with me_ _  
_ _And I will write you a song_

For the first time since I arrived there that day.. I thought about him. The song that played around me made me want to get to know him. To unfold him. To see what was inside the mystery that he was. To know if I was falling for another man, as impossible as that seemed to me.

_And I want to walk with you_ _  
_ _On a cloudy day_ _  
_ _In fields where the yellow grass grows knee high_ _  
  
_

I smiled at the thought of potentially spending time with him outside of my performance that I was going to give to him. But I first had to decide what to play. I suddenly paid closer attention to the song. I _could_ perform it. But with the piano, bass, drums and guitar, I lacked the remaining band members to pull it off. But I could.. rewrite it.

I looked over to the electric piano that sat for sale against the east wall of the store and a compelling thought entered my mind. I could make a piano arrangement for him instead. An instrumental piece. Something about the idea seemed almost perfect, like I _knew_ he would like it, with what little knowledge I had about him. I didn't know how much longer Jack would be gone for but I quickly made my way over to the piano, picking up the Bluetooth headphones that it was connected to and began improvising my way through the key of the song. Taking note of the tempo, the chords, the amount of verses. I took my phone out of my back pocket and opened up a note app to record down everything in my head as it appeared. I had made my way about half way through the adaptation I was creating until I heard the shop bell ring and Jack walked back through the door. I quickly took the headphones off my head and stood up.

He stopped and looked at me and then over to the radio.

"What 'ave I told ye', Kai? A _billion_ fuckin' times-"

"No _music_ in the music store?" I raised an eyebrow at him and tried hard not to grin at him with my words, as if to make him realize that his rule made no sense.

His eyes jittered in his head slightly and the corners of his mouth frowned and I knew I had made a point to him.

"Yer' goddamn right, no music in the music store, cheeky little fu-"

He grumbled words of thickly accented and inaudible agitation as he walked past me and I smiled smugly to myself. He turned the radio off and continued out into the back room. I looked down at the piano and then back to my phone, adding a few more lines of inspiration to my wall of text that already sat there before sliding it back into my pocket. I smiled to myself at the progress I was making. I felt the rare occurrence of happiness fill me at what I was achieving. For the first time in far too long, I was looking forward to going home and continuing to work on what I had started. But I needed further inspiration for other songs to perform. Being stuck inside the now again silent store wasn't going to help that.

I looked up at the store clock and realized it was now my lunch break. I walked to the back door and opened it ajar to speak to Jack through it.

"I'm going on my break now."

"Alright.. don't be gone _too_ long!"

"I won't."

I pulled the door closed, catching a whiff of tobacco as I did. I walked away and out of the store into the bright noon sunlight. I took a left turn around a corner to my favourite cafe bakery and pushed the door open. There was a small line of people in front of the food display cabinets, but not as busy as they were during the weekdays. I waited in line and eventually got to the counter and was greeted by the same older lady who always worked on a Sunday.

"Kai!!" she beamed at me, like a grandmother finally seeing her grandson after far too long.

I smiled and felt slightly embarrassed from how loud her voice was, gushing over me.

"Hey" I said quietly.

"Let me guess... you want 5 egg tarts, right?!" her aged green eyes danced at me fondly.

I laughed softly and nodded. She swiftly left me and came back with what she had correctly guessed I wanted. I pulled my wallet out of the front pocket of my jeans and opened it.

"That's $10 please, my love."

I pulled out a $5 note and rummaged through the pockets of my wallet to find the coins I had weren't enough to pay for at least 1 of the baked goods.

"Uh.. I only have $8 on me. You can put one back-"

"Nope. Not happening. You have it, sweetheart. It's on the house!"

I smiled shyly at the fuss she continued to make over me as she took my money.

"Thank you.." I said as I picked the plate up.

"You are _more_ than welcome, sweet pea."

I turned around to look for a seat and half the people inside were looking at me and the woman behind the counter, giggling. I could hear her whisper perhaps too loudly to one of her co-workers as I walked away to find a seat.

"He's just _so_ lovely, isn't he?"

I walked over to one of the window seats and sat down at the long bench that stretched across it, facing the street. I began to eat and started to hear the notes and chord progressions I had played around with in my work resonate through my head. The cafe had music playing and I caught some of the lyrics through the quiet conversations I heard around me.

[Can't Help Falling In Love](https://youtu.be/vGJTaP6anOU)

_Like a river flows, surely to the sea_ _  
_ _Darling, so it goes_ _  
_ _Something's are meant to be_

I recognized the song, sung by that distinctively deep and charming voice of 'The King'. He spoke an undeniable truth: something's _are_ meant to be. That stranger inconsequentially finding me when I didn't even notice that I needed to be found.

_Take my hand_ __  
_Take my whole life too  
_ _For I can't help falling in love with you_

I felt my cheeks flush again like they did early that morning in my bed when I was thinking about his.. lips. I looked down and played with the side of one of the tarts on my plate, the pastry flaking away and becoming something of a mess between my fingers. Was I falling in love with someone I barely knew? And could I help it? I.. truly didn't know. This felt different to the first time I had fallen in love.

I sighed and quickly ate the rest of my food. As the song went on, the more I realized it could be another possible one to perform, but again with the various instruments within it, I would have to rewrite it for piano. Soobin.. he certainly seemed old fashioned, would he like an older song like that? Perhaps.. If I didn't modernize it too much..

I blinked as I realized my thoughts. I was really picking out songs for _him_. Not for myself. Not for anyone else that could have cared. Almost like I was planning to.. serenade him. Like a hopeless romantic singing underneath someone's window at night to win their love. Was that wise? Or would he not read into it too deeply?

I finished my lunch and picked myself up to exit the cafe to head back to work. As I made my short trip back I couldn't keep a particular small, secretive smile off my face. How exciting, mysterious and _new_ this all was. Why was it still only Sunday? Next Saturday, at that moment, seemed way too far away.


	6. Chapter 5

The remaining afternoon of my work day went by faster than usual with my lifted mood. I was more motivated to speak to customers, which in turn rewarded me with higher than average sales, much to Jack's unusual delight. I arrived back home not long before sunset and decided to make a start on dinner.

I turned my Bluetooth speaker on and connected my phone to it to play some music as I worked in my kitchen, in the hopes that further inspiration would come to me. I decided I needed just 1 more song to the 2 I had already decided upon for performing for Soobin.

I preheated my oven and started cutting up a rather large pineapple for the homemade Hawaiian pizza I decided to make. It took me far longer to cut up than it should have though, with how the music was distracting my purpose. I stopped at several points in time to drum my hands against my kitchen counter to match the beat of songs and sang unashamedly into the small space of my kitchen. I heard an older song that I was quite fond on start from the random list of songs I had going and instantly felt myself distracted once again.

[Nights In White Satin](https://youtu.be/iVusUjyby18)

" _Oh_ yes.." I nodded in approval at my fine taste of music as the song progressed. My cutting of the pineapple suddenly slowed as some of the lyrics spoke to me in a way they never had before.

_Beauty I'd always missed  
_ _With these eyes before  
_ _Just what the truth is  
_ _I can't say anymore_

His.. beauty. I had always missed, never had I seen a face like his before. Just _what_ the truth was? As the song suggested, I couldn't say. I gazed down at the tropical fruit before me on the chopping board and felt my vision turn to a yellow blur as I continued cutting it.

"Ah, shit.." I pulled my hand back from the fruit and dropped the knife, having slightly cut the edge of my finger with my distracted thoughts. It stung deeply from the juice that it was covered in. I brought it up to my mouth and nursed it with my lips with an attempt to ease the pain, tasting the metallic traces upon my tongue as it bled lightly.

I leaned against my kitchen counter as I listened to the rest of the song while I waited for my finger to heal enough to resume dinner preparation.

_Gazing at people_ _  
_ _Some hand in hand_ _  
_ _Just what I'm going through  
_ _They can't understand_

Just what I was going through.. They can't understand? _I_ didn't even understand.

"Okay, this is definitely going on the set list.." I decided. Although I knew I had to adapt it to playing solo again. But I didn't mind the creative venture. I lived for it, in fact. The song had no piano in it though, and it was backed by an Orchestra of strings.

"Strings.." I said out loud to myself in thought. I could perhaps do an acoustic guitar version of it, just for a bit of variety. I.. wanted to show Soobin that it wasn't just piano I could play. I _wanted_ to make an impression upon him, to show him my skills with a range of instruments. I could play the drums too, but.. Maybe that could wait for another time. I didn't quite know if that would have been his style in particular.

I walked over to the top of my refrigerator and brought down a pack of band aids, wrapping one of them around my finger and resumed preparing dinner.

"3 songs should be enough.." I said as I slid the pizza into the hot oven, feeling the heat of it push against the skin of my face and making me squint from the feeling.

I smiled as I sat down at my dining table, waiting for the Hawaiian variant of the Italian dish to cook. Maybe I was getting carried away with my thoughts, maybe I wasn't, my impatience for that coming Saturday night only increased as I sat there. I realized I hadn't even put my name down to play and thought I should fix that while dinner cooked.

I reached for my phone in my back pocket and went through my contacts until I found _The Black Swan_ towards the bottom of the list and called it.

"Welcome to The Black Swan, Rose speaking."

"Hi, Rose! It's Kai."

"Oh, hello! How are things?"

I thought about my reply for a moment. Things were certainly a lot better than the last time we spoke, only about 24 hours prior.

"Things are good. Hey, can I put my name down to play next Saturday?"

"You sure can! I'll make a note of it and let the owner know. Just make sure you're here by 5 to speak with him."

"Will do. Thanks, Rose."

"No problem! See you then."

She hung up and I smiled brightly to myself. The wheels were now officially set in motion, I just wished they would turn a bit faster.

 _I'm going to blow your mind, Soobin_ I thought to myself. I owed him my life. I would make sure my performance would be nothing short of perfection, hopefully, in his eyes and ears. It was all I cared about, my only goal that held any sort of weight to it. It hadto be _nonpareil_.

The days and nights that followed into that coming week went by much faster than I anticipated. Work had been oddly busy. My cheerier than usual disposition was still making quite an impact upon my ability to close a sale. There was even one day that Jack didn't even _look_ at me funny. It was.. weird, but I was thankful for it. My evenings were filled with working on my own adaptations of the songs I had chosen to perform. A few nights I had even skipped dinner and I barely noticed it. I even caught myself up as late as 3am at one point, but I still awoke the next day with both my heart and mind on _fire_ inside of my tired body. I wasn't just 'alive' anymore, I was _living_.

Saturday had now arrived, it was 4pm and I came across my first hitch of the entire week. I needed to be at The Black Swan at 5. I had been so caught up in my performance preparations and work that I forgot to ask Jack if I could leave early. It would take me almost an hour to get to The Black Swan from where I worked if I walked, so I had to leave pretty much at that exact moment. The store was thankfully empty at the time, and I approached the back door and opened it to speak with the hopefully not-too-grumpy Scotsman.

"Hey Jack.." I said tentatively.

"Mmmmm?" he hummed at me in a monotone as he was in the middle of rolling himself a cigarette, his previous one still smoking in a pile of ash in the tray in front of him.

"Uh.. do you think maybe.. I could leave an hour earlier today? I'm performing at The Black Swan tonight and I need to get there by 5.."

He looked up at me, an unreadable expression upon his old face as he slowly licked the edge of the paper of his cigarette to seal it up.

"Now why do ye' want to go n' do that when we've sold more products today than we have for the first half of last week?"

My heart sunk as he continued, picking up his flip top lighter to ignite the end of his vice.

"Ye' could still make us another couple hundred in sales before ye' finish, Kai. We're doin' too well for ye' to jus' stop now."

"I.. I know, it's just.. Tonight's performance is important. I promised I would be there. I can make up the extra time tomorrow if you want?"

I had hoped my bargaining with him was enough, watching as he took a long, slow drag from the burning coffin nail between his lips. He exhaled it deeply, his eyes unmoving from me within the smoke that almost engulfed him as he thought about it. I felt my palms perspire at the thought of just leaving anyway and dealing with the fallout the next day, even if it potentially cost me my job.

"Fuck it, alright then."

He finally replied and my heart bounced back up almost into my throat.

"Ye've done well all week. Dunno what's been drippin' out of yer tap at home, but whatever's been in yer water has done ye' some good."

It took me far too long to realize what he had meant by that but I eventually deciphered it and smiled.

"Thank you, Jack. I really do appreciate this. You have no id-"

"Yeah alright, alright.. Jus' go before I change my mind, yeah?"

He waved dismissively at me and I felt like I could have _hugged_ him; not that the gesture would've gone down well with him in the very slightest.

"Okay! See you tomorrow!"

My heart hammered in my chest as I could not have left the store faster. I walked so swiftly down the street, I was almost _running_. I got to the same corner that I had stopped at a whole week beforehand. I saw the cemetery in the distance and slowly came to a stop. I hadn't visited her grave since that last Saturday and found myself feeling a bit guilty for it. I slowly drew my gaze away and kept walking, mentally promising myself that I would see her the next day. I felt a strange feeling that I hadn't ever encountered before briefly wash over me as I continued on my way to The Black Swan. I looked up at the late afternoon sky, the sun slowly beginning to drop further towards the horizon in a soft glow of orange with the oncoming evening. Was she watching me? Did she know what I was doing? ... Did she even care? Similar to all the questions I had ever asked at her grave, I would never receive an answer to any of them.

I decided I couldn't get caught up with any of those feelings and I pushed them down as deep as I could. I had spent all week preparing for that very evening and nothing and no one, dead or alive, was going to get in my way of fulfilling my promise to him.

I approached The Black Swan not quite an hour later, once again eyeing up that quote above the doors. It motivated me further. There would be no death for my passion, nor for myself. Both deaths seemed equally impossible with how much my blood boiled with excitement for the music _and_ my life once again.

I entered the facility and went through the same procedure that I had followed that previous week 7 nights ago. Once again, waiting backstage. Once again, not engaging with anyone, but with a different purpose this time. It wasn't out of being dissociative, I was busy reading through the notes of my songs on my phone, making sure I memorized everything. The more sensible thing to do would have been to write it all down as sheet music, but I had a fairly strong musical echoic memory from having learned a lot of music by ear from a young age. I trusted myself.

I felt that excited nervousness slowly creep up on me the more I waited for the owner to call my name, but the scales tipped more towards the excited side. Was Soobin out there already, waiting for me?

_"I will mark it on my calendar."_

His words repeated in my head with all the sincerity and promise with which he had spoken to me that night outside my house. I _knew_ he was there. I could almost sense it.

Applause came from the audience, it seemed louder that night, like there were much more people in attendance. The owner came backstage and gave me that nod he always did. I stood up and picked up the guitar leaning against the side of my seat that was given to me to use for the evening. I opened and closed my empty hand multiple times in an attempt to calm myself. I closed my eyes for a moment and focused, bringing all the emotions that boiled inside myself down to a simmer. I would only let them leave me again through the music.

I walked out onto the stage, placing the guitar down into a stand next to the piano set out for me. I turned. I bowed. A few people clapped for me. The usual. The stage lights were as blinding as ever as I briefly looked out to the large crowd gathered. I was right in my assumption that there were more people there that night than usual. Apart from people near the front of the stage, I couldn't see anyone beyond that. Maybe he was towards the back again.

I turned back around to take my seat at the piano, once more pulling the microphone closer to myself.

"Hello again! I'm Kai. I hope you're all enjoying your evening so far! I'll be playing some piano _and_ guitar for you tonight!"

I knew I was more upbeat than last week. I wanted to be. I _needed_ to be. This had to be perfect. I looked down at the keys before me, placing my fingertips delicately upon the opening notes of my first piece and took in a deep breath. I gave myself one final thought before slipping into the other world I often did while playing music.

_Are you listening, Soobin? This is for you._


	7. Chapter 6

[Come Away With Me](https://youtu.be/Kx6CygOHFhE)

My fingers skipped over the keys with as much tenderness and levity as the edge of a feather would touch the surface of water in the breeze. Warmth, comfort, _peace_ is what I wanted him to feel. I recalled the initial worried look he had given me when I first spoke with him and I wanted to banish it from all parts of his mind. Whatever discomfort he had felt, I compelled myself to ease it with every note resonating out from under my fingers. Was this making him happy? Was a smile sitting upon those cutely shaped lips of his out in the audience somewhere? I smiled to myself as I played. He deserved the feeling of solace. It was the very least I could give him for the indescribable amount of life he had put back into my soul. I closed the song just as delicately as I had opened it and I heard an applause from the audience in a volume I hadn't ever received before.

"Thank you" I said with delight, surprised at the praise that didn't just seem forced that evening.

I looked back down to the keys again, feeling myself become more comfortable upon the stage. I pressed my fingers down, opening up the song with the F and A major chords softly and began singing.. To him.

[Can't Help Falling In Love](https://youtu.be/npwHNcGqueE)

_Wise men say_ _  
_ _Only fools rush in_ _  
_ _But I can't help_ _  
_ _Falling in love with you_ _  
_ _  
_I didn't know him yet, but I _did_ in the same instance. I already knew he was capable of saving my life. That was enough.. For me to start falling in love with the _thought_ of him. I knew that much.

 _Take my hand_ _  
__Take my whole life too_

The image of him that I briefly had in front of me when I had come terrifying close to taking my own life appeared in my mind with those words. Like he _had_ been holding my hand away from me, pulling me out of the tight grasp of my demise. Taking my life out of the terrible depths of my sorrow and back into the world. The.. _new_ world his presence and words had created for me. Would he understand the hidden meaning in the song? Was he thinking about the words just as much as I was? Had he.. Fallen in love with..

I smiled as I continued through the song, trying to not let myself get swept up with my own thoughts. I knew what overthinking could do to people; what it had once almost done to me. My 2nd song came to a close, not having witnessed anyone walk out this time. I smiled as I was once again met with an abundant applause from the hidden hands in the darkness of the room beyond the bright lights of the stage.

"Thank you!" I said louder this time, feeling somewhat proud of the recognition. Was this what it felt like to be an accomplished musician?

I stood up from my seat and pulled it forward to the front of the stage, feeling a bit nervous as I reached for the guitar which had sat quietly in waiting for me. Playing an instrument facing _towards_ the audience was more confronting than sitting to the side like I did with the piano. You only had the keys to look at. It was somewhat exposing to be behind the smaller, stringed instrument; being able to feel the audience's eyes in a more pressing manner.

One of the staff members came out with a microphone stand for me with 2 of them attached. One for me, one for my wooden accomplice. I gave a soft strum to the steel strings and heard all 6 of them be in the exact key they needed to be. I softly tapped the side of the guitar and counted myself into the song inside my head.

_3, 4.._

[Nights In White Satin](https://youtu.be/1dwvdoxZ7Pc)

The sound of the guitar was almost louder than the piano was, being amplified with the microphone in front of it. I could hear it reach every corner and reflect back to me. I gave my voice a deeper, acoustic feel to it, laced with a tender thoughtfulness. I got to the end of the opening verse and hovered my fingers over the top of the strings, barely touching them and plucked them to achieve the airy natural harmonics; almost imitating the sound of a harp. That specific guitar technique wasn't always easy to pull off, even for a seasoned player, but I managed it without a hitch. Out of all 3 of those songs I played that night, that one by far took the longest for me to adapt to guitar. I even had to write the solo into it out of improvisation. I hoped with all my heart that Soobin was enjoying it.

 _Beauty I'd always missed_ _  
_ _With these eyes before_ _  
_ _  
_I wouldn't miss it again. I decided towards the end of my song that I would try to seek him out as soon as it finished. I felt the blood in my veins almost become solid ice at the thought. I was feeling nervous.

I closed the song and smiled once more with the cheering I again received. I could see a shadow towards the back stand up sharply, two hands clapping feverishly in appraisal. I focused my eyes on the figure, trying to isolate it against the lights and various other people.

I took in a sharp gasp of breath. It was him. The black hair against the flawless pale skin, unmistakable.

I felt my smile brighten further, the sound of the applause seemed to slowly slip away from my ears. He was all I could see or comprehend in that moment. The waves of people seemed to almost part in front of me, like an ocean opening up to reveal the brightest pearl upon the seafloor.

I needed to go to him. I needed to start to establish.. Something, between us.

I turned my attention back to the audience for a moment, nodding in thanks to them and made my exit off the stage with the guitar in hand. I relinquished it to the same staff member who had brought the microphones out and stood backstage for a few moments, trying to calm my nerves. I didn't even really know _what_ to say to him. But I figured since music seemed to be what he admired about me, maybe I would start with that.

I walked down the stairs out into the audience, slowly making my way through the people, receiving a few friendly, recognizable smiles from a few of them as I made my way to the back where I had seen him. I eventually laid eyes upon him. He was seated in one of the back booths, his eyes cast downwards towards the table he sat at. He was alone and seemed very deep in thought as he looked at the candle burning in front of him. Once again, he was wearing that black velvet coat, but with a dark turtleneck underneath it. A small, golden locket sitting upon the center of his sternum and I felt my eye drawn to its contrast against all the black. I took in a deep breath and slowly approached him. I saw his dark eyes move to quickly look up at me, his lower lip slowly falling as he gazed up at me.

"Hello, Soobin" I smiled immensely at him, barely able to hide the thrill of seeing him once more.

I knew I had caught him off guard with the way he blinked at me in surprise. I looked to the empty seat beside him behind the table.

"Mind if I join you?"

He turned his head to look at the seat and seemed like he was having trouble forming an answer to give to me.

"N-not at all.."

My smile remained and I saw him shuffle over slightly to give me room that I didn't even think was necessary, but perhaps he was just being courteous. I walked around and sat down a few feet away from him and slowly drew my gaze up to his. He was.. So stunningly handsome up close. Even more than I had previously thought the first time I spoke with him. I had to break the ice between us to stop myself from staring.

"Did you enjoy the songs?" I asked, hopeful that everything was to his liking.

"Oh.. very much so. You're very soulful."

My heart expanded in my chest with his words. Though they were short and few, that ever charming manner in which he spoke them made me think he didn't need to elaborate further. I believed him.

"You seem to fancy older songs, I notice."

"Oh I enjoy all kinds of music from any generation. I was just.. In the mood to play these ones tonight."

I looked at him very briefly and found myself flustered with both the words I had just spoken and the intrigued look he was giving me. I looked around the crowd as a brief distraction. I couldn't tell him that the songs were _for_ him. It barely seemed possible to say anything without sounding like I was already utterly obsessed with him. I tried to change the subject as I looked back at the bar over my shoulder.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

I looked at the small line of people in front of it for a moment and noticed I wasn't receiving an answer from him.

"Soobin?" I asked as I turned back to him. He seemed.. Oddly uncomfortable again.

"Sorry. No, I'm fine. I don't drink alcohol."

"That's okay, neither do I. They do have really good grape juice here though."

I saw him ponder my words for a moment and he was suddenly smiling to himself, his eyes brightening from the apparent lightbulb that turned on inside his head. He stood up to begin walking past me.

"I will be right back then."

I watched him head towards the bar. He seemed even taller from my lower, seated angle, although not that much more than myself. We could have even been the same height, although he held himself better than I did in his posture. He seemed very.. proper but had a modest and polite air about him; unassuming. He was now talking to Rose at the bar and I turned away to stop staring so obviously. He didn't look like anyone else there, not that anyone did. I liked the unique individuals the club seemed to attract most of the time. Although the word 'unique' almost wasn't enough to describe Soobin, in particular.

"Your grape juice" I heard his deep, silken voice next to me and he sat a tall glass of grape juice in front of me, a small black straw floating in the body of purple liquid. I smiled almost too much at it and took a sip from it almost immediately.

"Oh my god, it's so good! Did you want some?" I tilted the straw towards him as he sat back down in the same spot as he did before, he was smiling at my reaction to the beverage.

"Oh.. no, it's fine. You enjoy it."

I suddenly felt a bit guilty, not having thanked him for it yet.

"Thank you for this. You didn't need to get me a drink" I said before taking another sip from the deeply sweet refreshment.

"Well, you must be thirsty after singing."

I swallowed and felt the rush of sugar from the drink already begin to take effect on me.

"Yeah.. the stage lights get pretty hot, so it makes you extra thirsty if you're singing too." I offered a small laugh, remembering the way in which he had previously smiled at it a week ago.

"I can imagine" he replied quietly and gave me that small smile of his that made me look at his lips perhaps a bit too long.

I turned my attention to the stage to see the next artists setting up for their segment, giving myself a moment to regain my thought patterns. I felt a little bit awkward around him still. The ice I was trying to break seemed a bit thicker than I had realized.

"How long have you been playing for?" he asked me and I was glad that he initiated further conversation.

I took another sip from my drink and really had to think about my answer. Due to the trauma I had experienced in my youth, the memories had almost disappeared from trying to block them out for most of my life.

"Hmmm.. Piano since I was 8 and guitar since I was 9."

"And how old are you, exactly?"

The sound of the knock on my door and the faces of the policemen that I was greeted with flashed through my mind. It was the only thing that I associated with my recent birthday. I fought it off and replied anyway.

"I turned 20 a few months ago in August."

The artists on the stage began their set. I didn't recognize their song, but those two women in particular did like to sing their own material. It was relaxing in its sound, giving a nice ambience to the conversation between Soobin and I, as much as some of it was bringing up some rather harrowing thoughts.

"And what is it that you do, Kai?"

"Oh for a job? I work at a music store in the city."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Yeah.." I replied but couldn't contain the giggle I let out at the thought of trying to describe Jack to Soobin, they were polar opposites in nature.

"What is it?" he smiled and leaned closer to me across the table. He finally seemed to be a bit more at ease the more we spoke.

"I do like my job, but my boss often catches me playing instruments instead of actually working. So I'm not exactly employee of the month." I grinned at him and found myself leaning slightly more towards his position next to me.

"How will his customers know if the instruments are any good if someone's not giving a demonstration?"

"Exactly!!! What's what I always tell him but he grumbles at me anyway."

I then heard him laugh for the first time, his smile was so luminescent in the dimly lit area we sat in. I looked at his cheeks and noticed the small indentations upon each one. I was so stunned by their appearance with his laugh that I couldn't even control the next words that left my mouth.

"Wow, you've got really deep dimples.."

I turned away from him the moment I said it, realizing my error.

Really, Kai? Ever heard of being _subtle_?

He didn't reply to my comment but he did ask me a further question which I was thankful for.

"Do you come across many interesting instruments in your store?"

I thought on the query, bringing my hand up to my mouth as I dug through my memories to find an answer.

"Actually a few weeks ago we had a very old harp come in. Had to get an antiques dealer in just to figure out how old it was. Apparently it was almost 200 years old. It was so fascinating."

It really was. I loved admiring the handmade craftsmanship of instruments that barely seemed to exist anymore. They all sat in museums or collectors houses, untouched and unplayed in their early retirement. Such a waste of beauty and sound. Especially for the pianos.

"You know.." Soobin started and he looked at me with a newfound purpose, I could hear the tone of his voice rise with a certain interest that I couldn't ignore.

"I have something in my house that might be of interest to you, if you like antiques."

"Really?" I finished off my grape juice and listened intently, curious to his response.

"It's the same age as that harp. But it's something you in particular can play."

No way..

"A piano?"

He nodded and I felt the universe around me lock itself into place; the stars aligning. He really owned something like that.. Something I had once only dreamed about playing. I noticed his open gaze upon me as I just stared at him in disbelief, almost like I was looking at a mirror image of my emotions.

"Wow... Yes, I would love to see it. If that's okay."

"Well then.." he stopped and he gave his next words some thought.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

I smiled at him in response and he understood my silence. I was then incredibly firm in my belief that my song choices for him that evening were the right ones. Something's, really, truly, deeply, _are_ meant to be. Whatever it was that had ignited between us over candlelight felt more destined than any moment in my life.

We continued talking for another whole hour. He ordered me a 2nd drink, bringing my energy levels up _way_ too high, but he didn't seem to mind my increased extroverted nature. We eventually decided to leave and he offered to walk me home, which I more than happily accepted. Any excuse at that point in time to spend longer around him was a God send.

As we walked together towards my house, I came across the same point in the street where I had previously contemplated The Black Swan's quote above its doors. Now that I understood it's deeper meaning, I started thinking about it in a more simple context.

"Soobin.."

"Yes?"

"Do you know the quote _'A dancer dies twice, once they when stop dancing-_ "

" _And this first death, is the more painful_." He continued the quote effortlessly for me. Like it was something he recited to himself daily.

I looked at him walking leisurely at my side, he had a smile upon his face underneath the street lights as he looked at me, his coat swaying gracefully with every step he took.

"Those are the words depicted above The Black Swan's entrance."

So he had paid attention to them before.

"Yeah, about that. Why does a music club have a quote about dancing associated with it?"

"The Black Swan used to in fact be a hall for ballet dancers. Many moons ago. But the quote, itself, could be applied to _any_ form of artistic passion or otherwise."

"Yeah.. I know. A guy told me about it last week."

I heard our footsteps almost start to walk in sync with each other, I had unknowingly begun to walk closer to his side. It was all too natural. I _wanted_ to be closer to him.

"Do you have a passion that you can relate to those words?"

I saw him glance up ahead of us in thought before his softly smiling eyes returned to mine that stared at him openly.

"Music."

I matched his expression and finally unglued my eyes from his, almost veering off the footpath from how mesmerizing they were.

"Same here. I couldn't imagine dying that first death. Losing my love for music."

"I do agree, Kai. A world without music is.. _Truly_ dead."

He looked down at his feet with his words, I could almost _see_ some briefly troublesome thoughts enter his mind after he said them. I looked down at his large, pale hand that stuck out from the deeply embroidered cuffs of his coat. I opened my own for a fleeting moment to reach for it, to hold it within my own, but I didn't want to overstep my boundaries. As much time as we had spent together that night, he was still unreadable. In a way, he was becoming even _more_ of a mystery to me. But I knew that was my own fault. He had been asking most of the questions and I was too caught up in my replies and feeling too stupefied by his charming disposition and appearance to manage anything else. We were almost at my house, and it wasn't the time to open up a bag of questions. I did still have the following evening planned with him too. Everything would come to light soon enough.

He walked me up to my front door and he stood behind me and I reached into my pocket to draw my keys out. I suddenly found things a bit awkward again. Even though I had kept my promise of performing for him, I still almost wanted.. more out of the evening. My heart began to race in my chest at the almost forbidden thoughts that danced along my mind. I wanted to invite him inside, but with the inklings of temptation that crept up my spine, I knew there was the possibility that I wouldn't let him leave until the next morning. I... couldn't. I didn't want to potentially ruin an otherwise perfect evening with him.

"Thank you for walking me home, Soobin."

"The pleasure, Kai, was entirely mine."

He gave a small bow in front of me, though not nearly as foreign and formal as the one he had previously given the night I first saw him. I smiled at the gesture, my head spun in a pleasing manner, barely able to comprehend that he was even real. He was so enchantingly _confusing_.

"I will come to collect you tomorrow night. Does 7pm suit you?"

"Yeah, that's fine.. You don't need to pick me up though, I don't mind walking by myself."

He didn't seem entirely convinced with my response and he brushed it aside.

"Oh no, Kai. I will escort you. It will make for some more.. Delightful conversation on our merry way."

My cheeks were beginning to hurt with how much he was making me smile with his whimsical manner of speech. I couldn't argue with him.

"Okay then... Goodnight, Soobin."

"I bid you a pleasant evening, Kai."

He smiled and turned around, walking away from me to the opposite side of the street. I let myself into my house, making my way up to my bedroom and closing the blinds before I flopped myself back onto my bed.

I sighed deeply, feeling pleasantly overwhelmed from the evening. I gripped the side of my pillow and pulled it out from under my head and to my chest, cuddling the soft item in my arms. I chuckled to myself in the dark. He still didn't make any sense to me. But I didn't let it bother me at that exact moment. His presence in my life, perplexing as it was, had given me purpose. He was almost too good to-

I grinned and reached under myself to pull my phone out, searching through my music app and let a song play.

[Can't Take My Eyes Off You](https://youtu.be/LcJm1pOswfM)

_You're just too good to be true_  
 _Can't take my eyes off of you  
_ _You'd be like heaven to touch  
_ _I want to hold you so much_

I held the pillow close to myself as every last thought in my head became willingly consumed by him. Even though I still knew nothing about him but his love for music, _had_ I fallen in love with him?

 _Undoubtedly._


	8. Chapter 7

I awoke earlier than usual, without the assistance of my alarm. It was still dark outside, but the inside of my house was illuminated with my smile that even sleep hadn't seemed to have disturbed. I skipped down my stairs to start breakfast, deciding to make myself some pancakes. I poured 3 medium sized gooey circles into my pan and waited for the underside of them to cook. I started gently tapping the edge of the hot metal with the side of my wooden mixing spoon, a pseudo drum, feeling a particularly old R&B song pop into my head and I sang it out loud, unashamedly.

_I don't know why I love you, but I do._

I grinned as the rest of the song played in my head, slowly swaying in front of my stove top. Every inch of me felt so _light_ and animated. The stack of bills behind me on my dining table seemed as if they didn't even need to be paid. The thought of going to work to see Jack and to be met with the unrealistic pressure of him almost felt compelling. Soobin didn't enter my mind, he had _become_ my brain. As curious as I had been about him the previous night, that morning there was less of an oddity about him and more of an acceptance. Did I know what he did for a living? No. Did I know how old he was? No. Did I know where he was from? No. Did I even _care_? Not in the slightest. He was perfect, just the way he was, to hell with the details; love is blindness.

I could suddenly smell a crispy scent make its way up into my nose.

"Damn it.."

I pulled my pan from the stove, flipping my pancakes over to reveal the colour of my breakfast to be a little too dark for it to taste any good. I just smiled at them. I wasn't even mad. It was nothing a good helping of maple syrup and fruit couldn't fix.

I left for work a few hours later, walking through the front door and loudly announced my arrival to Jack, seated behind the counter with a calculator in hand.

"Good morning, Jack!"

He looked up at me, a thick, bushy eyebrow quirked at me.

"Mornin'.."

I felt his gaze follow me as I went into the backroom to hang my jacket up. I came back out with a box of drum sticks that had come in and I set to work beside Jack, sorting them into pairs.

I hummed quietly to myself, happily working away with the monotonous yet oddly pleasing task. I had coupled together at least 20 sets of them in front of me, I didn't even notice there was a tension slowly building in the room until Jack threw his calculator away onto the counter.

"Right. I've had _jus'_ about enough of you and that stupid bloody smile on yer' face.."

I blinked at him to my left as I stopped what I was doing. Was I being too obvious?

He leaned over the counter on his elbows, dipping his head low to make sure I caught the look in his prying eyes.

"So what's er' name then?"

 _Her_ name? How the hell was I going to explain to him.. Maybe if I was just honest.

".. Soobin."

He looked deeply disorientated at my reply.

"What the _fuck_ is a 'Soobin'?"

I laughed loudly, the sound deflecting off every surface within the small store. I eventually looked back at him, he was still waiting for a reply. I honestly didn't know what his reaction would be, but I was in too good of a mood to really care.

"Soobin is.. a man."

He still looked perplexed at me and slowly looked around himself, I could see his mind trying to work out what I had just admitted to him. His expression eventually changed slightly as he scratched at his red forehead.

"Are ye' one of those.. bisexuals or whatever ye' call them?"

I laughed again, but quieter this time. My sexuality had briefly crossed my mind at moments, but it didn't seem as important as just trying to wrap my mind around Soobin. Jack saying it like that really did seem to somewhat confirm it now that I knew what I felt was real.

"I.. guess so."

I seemed oddly satisfied with my answer and went back to my task until Jack spoke again.

"Right..." he shifted in his seat a bit and coughed lightly.

"Takes all kinds to make a world, I suppose.."

I smiled at him. It was probably the nicest thing he'd ever said to me.

"How long ave' ye' been seein' this 'Soobin' for then?"

"I'm not really.. 'seeing' him yet. I've only known him for a week."

"Ahhh.. so yer' _courting_ him then?"

I.. sort of had been. With music.

"Something like that."

Jack finally nodded, having understood the situation a bit more.

"Well.. yer' a good lookin' lad, kiddo. I doubt you'll ave' much to worry about."

I smiled more brightly at him with the compliment.

" _Don't_ take that the wrong way.." he pointed a finger at me and glared down the edge of it at me but his eyes wore a teasing smirk as well.

I laughed once more. I liked when Jack was like this. He sometimes almost felt like the father in my life that I never truly had as a child. It felt reassuring to hear his rare words of encouragement.

That Sunday was a little bit quieter than usual. The music store down the street had a sale going and we only saw a few loyal regulars enter the store during the day. Jack stood at the front of the store, glaring his way out the window to watch potential customers head towards the competition.

"How the fuck do they even stay open? Sellin' stuff at almost _cost_ price! Seems fuckin' mad to me.."

He grumbled with his hands balled into tight fists on his hips. He sighed and pulled a pre-rolled cigarette out of his front pocket and started walking out towards the back to light it.

"It's home time, kiddo" he said as he looked up at the clock. I knew it was. As good as my mood had been all day, I had been watching those little metal hands move with deep impatience for the past 3 hours.

I followed Jack into the back room to grab my jacket, sliding my arms down into it as he sat on the corner of his desk.

"Are ye' seein' that guy tonight then?"

"Yeah! He's invited me to his house. He has an 18th century piano, apparently!"

"Christ.. Fella must 'ave a fair bit'o coin lying around to afford somethin' like that."

Soobin's financial status hadn't even crossed my mind until that point. Although he did almost _seem_ to have that quiet air about him that money wasn't an issue. I couldn't relate.

"Maybe.. I'll see you tomorrow, Jack."

"Wait a minute."

I stopped walking out the door to turn my head over my shoulder to him.

"If ye' want to make a real impression..." he stood up and pulled open a drawer of his desk, rummaging around under some bits and pieces until he pulled out a small glass bottle.

"Ye' can borrow this" he said as he walked over and handed it to me.

"You're giving me.. cologne?"

I turned the oddly heavy bottle in my hand, looking over the intricate shapes and curves of it. It had a black and gold symbol near the neck with what I could have sworn was French writing on it that I couldn't decipher.

"Aye. I wore it the night I met my wife. She couldn't keep her hands off me.." he grinned and laughed in a deep, hearty manner that filled the entire room.

I smiled at him and tucked the bottle into my jacket pocket.

"Jus' make sure ye' bring it back, alright?"

"I will... thank you, Jack."

He nodded and finally lit his cigarette up, waving me out with a shake of his hand.

I left work and started on my journey back home. As I neared that certain corner I realized I had almost forgotten about something. I looked over at the direction of the cemetery, it almost seemed foreign to me with how long it had been since I last went to see her. It had only been just over a week, but with all the events that had taken place, it felt like months. I had to keep that promise to myself that I made the previous afternoon.

I approached the row that she was placed in, I stopped for a moment as I saw a stray purple and white flower growing underneath a tree. I leaned down to pick it from the earth and made my way to her grave.

I felt deeply strange standing before her resting place. I opened my mouth at several points in time as I stood there, about to speak, but the once constant flow of words I would always say to her were suddenly nowhere to be found. I.. didn't feel the need to ask how her day was going. I didn't want to tell her about mine. I didn't even want to talk to her about music. The odd guiltiness that skimmed over my heart wasn't even enough to bring any tears.

Was this what moving on felt like? Had I finally.. let her go?

I stood there and thought about it. She had let me go a whole month before her death, probably even before that point with how dissociated she had become from me. She never truly appreciated my music. It even got a point where I would have to play my piano through my headphones just so it wouldn't annoy her. I had.. cut a piece of my life for her, only with her to leave me anyway.

And then there was Soobin, who wanted me to play. For him. _Specifically_.

Love really had blinded me.

I looked down at the flower in my hands that I had been turning over by the stem with my thoughts. I stopped and leaned forward to place it upon her grave. I stood back up and gave it one last look over. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I somehow knew this would be the last time I would come to see her.

I began walking away and came across that same point in the row of graves that I had once contemplated becoming a part of. A large pile of fresh dirt sat upon the recent resting place, though it was not me who was beneath the earth. I could sense every inch of my skin become cold with the feeling of my own mortality, now more scared of it than I had ever been.

I kept walking towards the exit and felt the guilt inside me slowly change into understanding.

As much as somethings are meant to be, there are also somethings that aren't.

I arrived home, made myself a rather quick dinner that mostly consisted of leftovers in my refrigerator and took a shower. It was 6:30pm and Soobin would be arriving within the hour. I stood in front of my open wardrobe and pulled a denim jacket that I was quite fond of off its coat hanger and onto my shoulders. I wandered away to my bathroom and looked myself over in my mirror.

Jack's reassuring words of me being 'a good lookin' lad' made me thoughtful. I didn't overly think of myself as such, deep down, as much as people had told me the opposite in the past. I tilted my head at my own reflection, bringing my hand up to sweep my fluffy hair about slightly. It was getting long again. It sat in a mostly parted nest of soft auburn brown trestles around the edges of my upper face, my forehead peeking out somewhat in an almost heart shape from the way my hair fell. I didn't mind it that length, but it was sometimes annoying, especially on a windy day. If I had to choose one physical feature about myself that I liked the most, it was my eyes. I liked their deepness, their shape and the triple eyelids sitting above them from my mixed heritage. They didn't quite look like anyone else's I had ever seen and I was thankful for their unique visual.

I looked down to the bottle of cologne that Jack had given to me for the evening, sitting on the edge of my vanity. I picked it up and took the cap off the top, bringing it up to inhale its scent.

"Wow.."

It was strong with wooden, earthy notes to it and something else that was somewhat sweet that I couldn't place. Almost like cinnamon and sugar but with a small, sharp hit of something else that was foreign to me. I did like it though. Would Soobin?

I guessed there was no harm and I held the bottle a short distance from myself as I sprayed it a few times in the general direction of my upper body, letting the particles settle in amongst my neck, t-shirt and jacket. It smelled a lot better outside of the bottle on myself than it did inside.

I went back downstairs and paced around almost nervously as I waited for him. I checked my reflection perhaps a bit too much in the mirror in my hallway. I began to realize I was almost treating the evening as a date. Was it? Technically, no, but my nerves told me otherwise. It was a few minutes before 7 and I turned the porch light on for Soobin so he wouldn't be met with dark steps to walk up.

As I was making my way back up towards my living area, I suddenly heard the ever awaited knock on my front door. I raced back towards it, a huge smile bursting across my face as I pulled the door open, perhaps a bit too excitedly.

There he stood on my doorstep, my eyes immediately caught by the striking red silk shirt he wore. And of course, that coat of his. Did he _sleep_ in it?

"Hey!" I said with all the enthusiasm that simmered in my heart. His face broke out into a bright smile, his eyes almost closing from the expression. Those gorgeous little dimples of his sinking into his cheeks. Just where had he been all my life?

"Good evening, Kai."

That deep voice of his resonated around us and I was once again completely surrendered to its gentlemanly, mystifying charm; lost to his mystery and that smile upon his lips. Lips that I would hopefully become accustomed to the taste of by the end of the evening.


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I deeply enjoyed writing this chapter and it's corresponding one from Soobin's POV in Mad World (Chapter X). This chapter is the very essence of why I've written this story/AU. It expresses why I am a musician outside of writing and the impact it has on my life. I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it >3<

We walked next to each other in the still darkness of the early evening. I could occasionally feel his eyes on me, once actually catching him as he almost tripped over a piece of pavement that didn't sit quite flat. He coughed lightly to give the impression that nothing happened and I couldn't help but laugh at him. It was so.. _cute_ to see him momentarily lose his otherwise composed manner for a moment. I was glad that he was looking at me though, as slyly as he was trying to play it off. Maybe he did feel the same way. That, ideally, was my goal for the evening. Getting to know more about him was capital, of course, but the idea of finding out if he harboured the same feelings as I did was almost equally as important. The detective work seemed intriguing and he had already given me the first clue by the way his eyes gravitated towards me.

We had turned a corner already off a main street and I wondered for a moment if he lived in the same area as me.

"Where do you live, anyway?"

"Surprisingly close, Kai. I own a house on Choi Avenue."

Choi Avenue? That was only another 2 blocks away.

"That is close.. You kinda struck me as the kind who would live in the wealthier suburbs."

He smiled and straightened his coat out, looking down at his feet as we walked.

"I do know someone who lives on that side of town. It's.. not quite my taste, though. I prefer the quieter, humble side of the city."

"Yeah.. this side has more parks and trees too. Way nicer to walk about in."

He looked at me curiously, a dark eyebrow arching up underneath the thick parted black hair that graced his forehead.

"Is that something that you enjoy, Kai? The outdoors?"

"Yeah.. I like being around nature. Walking through parks in the middle of spring and summer is always nice when it's that time of year."

I saw him nod thoughtfully and the smile lessened on his face just ever so slightly. Did he not have the same opinion?

"Do you not like warm weather?"

"I don't find myself with the.. opportunities to enjoy it like I once did. Autumn and Winter seem to suit my way of living a bit better."

His reply brought a flurry of questions into my mind. As much as it didn't overly _matter_ what he did with his time, I was still curious about it nonetheless.

"So what is it that you do, anyway?"

The speed in which he walked seemed to slow somewhat as he pondered my question, and I lessened my own pace to match his.

"I.. took an early retirement. I was once a musician, like yourself, but... well, I'm afraid that was never meant to be. I mostly just appreciate music now."

An.. early retirement? He barely looked a day older than me.

"You must have been one hell of a musician. Were you a child prodigy or something?"

He smiled and shook his head.

"Not anything even remotely close, I'm afraid. I hail from a lineage of high status, though my relatives passed many years ago, I was left with their abundant wealth."

As much as that certainly made a lot more sense to me, it still didn't explain why he couldn't get out to enjoy the warmer months of the year. But I didn't want to press the matter.

"So, you're a man of leisure then?" I grinned at him.

He smiled further as he gazed at me, looking over my face in a curious manner that made my heart flutter.

"For lack of a better title, yes."

I smiled to myself as we continued walking, beginning to feel his mystery unravel more minute by minute.

We eventually turned into Choi Avenue and he turned off to start walking up the short driveway of perhaps the biggest, most grand of all the houses on the street. I slowly began to hang back behind him as I took in the sheer size of it. There must have been at least 5-6 bedrooms within it. It was a single story house, but spread across the land to take up as much space as 2 of the neighbouring properties. It was painted in shades of black, grey and white with deep green embellishments on the delicate carvings of the window sills. It certainly seemed old. At least one or even two hundred years since it was built but it was _immaculate_ in its condition. Was this part of his family's inheritance?

"You really live here?"

"It's nothing much.." he replied in a deeply humble manner.

Nothing much? It made my rented house look like an Amazonian straw hut in comparison.

He unlocked the front door and stepped through to hold it open for me, my jaw dropped as I approached and walked through past him into the grand entrance way.

"Oh my god, your house is amazing.."

The wide open space was as big as my bedroom, kitchen _and_ living room put together. The dark floorboards were recently polished, not a scuff to be seen. The grandfather clock that stood to the side of the door was the size of two men. The walls were a pure white with corner pillars built into them, deeply European in their design. I spun around on the spot I had stopped at, everything I laid my eyes upon even more incredible than the last. I finally looked at the large floor length mirror next to Soobin, almost mistaking it for a window with its size.

"That mirror is 10 times bigger than mine" I laughed at him, feeling almost breathless with how impressed I was by every corner and object.

He smiled at me and closed the door behind him, beginning to walk away into another room and I followed him.

"And you live here all by yourself?"

"Yes. I guess it's too big for one person, but I like having plenty of space to enjoy things."

I was greeted with a wide double doorway, he stepped just inside of it and flicked a light switch on. I slowly walked forward into the threshold to see a crystal chandelier come to life and it illuminated everything inside the room with a soft, romantic glow. And then I saw it. I took in a deep breath, almost more than the capacity of my lungs could physically allow.

"Oh my god, Soobin.." I breathed back out and began walking closer to it, I could feel Soobin's eyes on me and his footsteps behind me as I approached the instrument he had invited me there that evening to see.

Deep, dark mahogany wood glistened under the light with a shine that seemed like it had never faded since it was crafted. The off white keys were genuine ivory, something you couldn't find on _any_ recently made piano since the 1950s, at least. The top sat open and as I circled it, my eyes were met with a vast span of the most intricately carved details upon it. Roses, thorns and leaves sat deep inside the wood, almost exact copies of the real things. It was like gazing at the great Pyramids of Egypt, you wondered just _how_ they were made. It didn't seem physically possible. Like God himself had forged it with his bare hands. I finally looked at the inside and my heart did acrobatics in my chest. The cast iron plate inside was painted _gold_ , its shine from the light that bore down onto it above me reflected with a million lumens back into my eyes; blinded by its beauty.

I eventually started shaking my head with a small smile, I could barely believe such an instrument existed. I had seen photos of antique pianos in the past, but they paled in comparison to the craftsmanship that stood before me.

"Where on earth did you find this?" I turned to Soobin behind me.

"It was given to me as a child. I just haven't played for an age."

I looked back at the piano and couldn't comprehend what he had just said. Someone gave him _this_? I almost laughed at the notion.

"Did Beethoven himself give it to you?"

"You would think that.." he smiled and he walked closer to stand next to me. He motioned at the black leather topped bench seat sitting in front of the piano.

"Would you like to play it?"

Oh, Soobin, you do _not_ need to ask me, but thank you anyway.

"... Could I?!"

"Actually.."

I saw a cunning thought cross his handsome features and he walked over to the endless inbuilt wall of bookshelves to our right.

"Since you mentioned him, how about.." he pulled out a book of sheet music from one of the shelves and browsed through it until he stopped at a certain page.

"You play some Beethoven for me" and he placed the book on the music stand above the keys.

I slowly sat down and looked at the title of the piece. _Moonlight Sonata. 1st movement._ I knew the piece, I had played it as a child but not for many years. I was about to lift my hands to the keys but noticed something very odd about the notes. They were.. Handwritten. And not recently by the cursive nature of their form and the ink that was used.

"This is.. Some very old sheet music, Soobin.."

I realized I may have sounded offensive by the comment and tried to correct any misconceptions.

"I mean, I can still read it but.. I just can't believe you _own_ things like this. They must have cost you a fortune to get."

"Or just live 200 years ago. It's a much cheaper option."

I laughed at his idea, though he wasn't wrong. I brought my hands up and focused my attention upon the notes. I felt strangely nervous, like I was being watched. I _was_ but.. there was no audience in the room, save Soobin. This felt way more private.

[Moonlight Sonata, 1st movement.](https://youtu.be/sbTVZMJ9Z2I)

I began, the ivory keys were _heavy_ and not what I was used to, there was something satisfyingly authentic to the feel of them under my fingers. They forced you to feel the notes to achieve the correct tone, not like the modern ones of today that mostly did the job for you. The sound that resonated out from the inside was so precise. It had been tuned _meticulously_. Had Soobin tuned it, himself? He must have had remarkable ears, or amazingly accurate equipment. I became quickly accustomed to the odd handwriting of the notes and how much pressure I needed to give to them. The bass notes that filled the room were nothing short of spine tingling, they had _true_ depth to them, an ancient and foreign sound that nothing I had ever played accomplished previously. It was the perfect instrument, the perfect sound. There was no way I could go back home and replicate anything even remotely close to this deeply enjoyable experience. I closed the piece tenderly but I was still fathomless inside my own bubble of senses. I looked to my side and found that Soobin had disappeared, I hadn't even noticed him move.

"Perfection" I heard from the end of the piano and I whipped my head back around to see him standing there staring at me through the space of the inside of the piano and the top.

He had a deep look of intention upon him as he stared at me, I could barely bring myself to reply to him. Something about the way he looked at me made me almost feel as if it wasn't just my playing that he had made his comment about. The way his almost glazed eyes rested on me made a blush rush to my cheeks and I bowed my head.

"Thank you.." I eventually replied in a quiet manner, offering a small smile as I looked back down to the keys.

"This is.. so amazing to play. It's.." I paused as I found words had failed me momentarily.

"It's something you may only come across once in a lifetime."

Soobin finally moved from where he was and my eyes followed him. He motioned to the bookshelves again and began to speak.

"Every shelf, every book, is filled with music. Take a look and choose something else to play if you so wish."

I felt spoiled. This opportunity had never been given to me before. If he let me have full access to everything, I definitely wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. Can I get you a drink while you browse?"

"Oh yes, please!" I smiled and stood up as he walked away behind me.

I felt overcome as I was once again met with the seemingly impossible to fathom possessions that he owned. I pulled almost an entire shelf worth of books out and sat them down on the edge of the piano with a thud. I started flicking through the covers as I stood there, noting they were alphabetically sorted.

Bach, more Beethoven, Gluck, Handel, Haydn, Mozart, Paganini, Rossini, Schubert.. _Vivaldi_.

"Fuck me.." I hardly ever cursed, but I couldn't help it at that point.

Everything was handwritten. Every single title of the pieces were in the original language of the composers and were.. dated.

"Oh my god.." I whispered to myself as I saw the signatures of the composers _themselves_ at the bottom of each piece. They were.. Originals. Some of them were almost 300 years old.

... What? Why? _How?_ This _can't_ have been family inheritance. Everything was in such incredible condition, like they were only just written _yesterday_. Was this really what he spent his money on?

I took the piano adaptation of Vivaldi's Four Seasons in hand and sat back down, shaking my head in disbelief for what felt like the hundredth time that evening already. Just when I thought I was getting to know Soobin better, he had thrown yet another conundrum at me. I could hear his footsteps approaching me as he walked back through the doorway.

"Your collection, Soobin.. I mean, there are collectors out there who could only _dream_ to own some of these!"

"You can take some of them if you want to. I don't play anymore" he said as he placed a wine glass of what appeared to be grape juice in front of me next to the pile of music. I gave him a look of pure incertitude to his words.

"I could never take these, Soobin, they're far too valuable."

"What good is their value if they aren't being used? They sit and gather dust."

I looked back down at Vivaldi's works in my hands. I couldn't see any dust on it. My piano at home that I played every day had more dust on it than this did.

"Of course that's not to say, you could just come here and play anytime."

"I'd love to come and play.." I bowed my head as soon as the words left my mouth, realizing their double-natured meaning. It wasn't a lie though. I was becoming ever-more curious about him and not just in a theoretical manner.

"I um.. Found something else to play" I cleared my throat and shyly brought my eyes back up to him standing next to me.

"I see that. Vivaldi. Which season?"

Spring. _Of course_.

"I really like Spring."

He seemed deeply approving of my choice and I carefully took the pieces of music out that I needed from the book, placing them on top of where Beethoven's work still sat. I decided to just play the 1st movement, much like I had with Moonlight Sonata. I readied myself, giving the notes a quick glance over, checking for anything that may have thrown me off. I had only ever _attempted_ this piece before. It was complex to say the very least. But I would give it my best, for Soobin. He walked past me and put two logs of wood onto the open fireplace that had been roaring away ahead of us both on the north wall. I took in a deep breath and focused, fixing my gaze upon the notes, steadying my hands while my heart raced.

[Spring, 1st movement.](https://youtu.be/jGFqtOdEIWk)

I started the piece off brightly, immediately making me enter another world almost. Another time in place. Another season. I almost missed a few notes but I compelled myself to not lose focus. I wanted everything to be perfect for Soobin. He deserved only the _best_ of what I could give him. It came naturally, I felt at home, every note didn't just reverb into the room, they _sang_. My music became a story, a painting for the ears and mind. If Soobin couldn't enjoy the sunlight like he once had, for whatever reason that was, I would bring it to him. I would dowse him in it. I would bring him the sound of the birds' songs, the sight of the butterflies' short and beautiful journeys, the endless beauty of blooming flowers, the scent of the dawn and all its life that it offered the day.

I had immersed myself deep enough into the piece confidently enough to look at Soobin across the room, my heart bursting open in my chest at the sight of him before me. He was walking around the large empty floor of the room; lost and found in the same moment. An indescribably breathtaking smile upon his beautiful face, I could almost _see_ the tangible sunlight upon him as he bathed in it. I could see him breathe in the fresh air and the endless field of flowers of the now transformed floorboards beneath him. Goosebumps covered every inch of my body as I watched him with a realization deeper than any notion I had ever felt in my entire 20 years of life.

 _This_ was it. This was music's true essence and power. It wasn't just a string of notes, it wasn't a chord, a song or an album. It was a force. An entity. A living, breathing thing. A _world_. A world that I had created and Soobin was deep inside of it with me. I never wanted us to leave. I smiled at him with all the ever blooming love in my heart allowed.

Please, Soobin. Stay with me here forever.

The song ended but the remnants of its immersive nature hung in the air. Soobin was now rushing past me in a blur of red and black dressed joy. He was suddenly beginning to drag a small table with an old record player sitting on it next to the piano.

He turned around and gazed at me with a thousand smiles, his hand extended to me.

"Kai.. would you dance with me?"

I didn't know how to, but I also didn't know how I could possibly refuse him. I reached my hand out to wrap it around his, accepting his offer to stay in the world made for just the two of us that evening.


	10. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning for this chapter: Very brief suicide contemplation.
> 
> Happy Hueningkai Day ^-^

Soobin gently pulled me up by the hand from my seat and led me to a corner of his bookshelves, several of them were filled with records, they too seemed alphabetically sorted. He briefly let go of my hand and I stood behind him in waiting as he finally found what he sought.

"I didn't know you could dance.." I said to him excitedly, but I was nervous. It certainly wasn't something that I expected to happen that evening, but it would bring me closer to him, in all manners of speaking.

"There are many surprising facts you don't know about me, Kai."

That was an understatement. But I laughed at him anyway at the truth he spoke.

"I never pegged dancing to be one of them is all."

"Do you know the Waltz?" he peeked back at me over his shoulder with a curious eye.

I shook my head at him "No, but I'm guessing you're about to teach me."

"Perceptive of you" he offered me a small, teasing smile and he pulled the record he had found out of its cover, placing it upon the turntable. It too, was antique, though not nearly as much as everything else in the room I had discovered so far. He set the needle down to play. A classical piece started, though I did not recognize it.

[Vienna Blood Waltz](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSQrGAQZM5Y&list=PLx3sQc7YekdGU5M7NCGkB_xFE7-_USZyc&index=6)

Soobin curled his once again strangely chilly fingers around my wrist and he walked me over to the middle of the room a short distance away from the piano. He turned to face me and all I could do was smile at him like an idiot.

"I will give you a quick demonstration. You move in triple time. 1-2-3, 1-2-3, do you understand?"

Soobin, you're talking to a _musician_ here. But I nodded at him anyway, the smile on my face only increasing with every passing moment.

"You move in a sort of angled square formation. Where your feet move first depends on who's leading. I will lead for this dance, it will be easier for you to learn."

I nodded at him once more. I could tell he was excited by the way he just let the words spill out of his mouth, it was the fastest manner he had spoken to me in yet.

"Come here" he said softly to me and I stepped into his personal space, my heart began racing again at the close proximity. He held his left hand open at our shoulder height and I noticed I _was_ almost as tall as him, there was little to no difference at all.

"Put your right hand in mine" and I complied.

"And your left hand rests on my right shoulder." I did as instructed and fought back the idea of placing it somewhere else. I didn't want to taint the otherwise innocent moment.

His right hand slid up behind me and gently rested it at my lower back against the edge of my jacket. Though he was tender with his hold, I felt secure within it. I could tell he had done this perhaps many times before. The idea of Soobin dancing, especially the likes of a _Waltz_ , deeply confused me. Everything about him seemed to lack modernization. He seemed frozen in time from a world much older than both of us. Was he a time-traveller?

Don't be stupid, Kai. He's just.. Soobin.

"When you start following, your right foot will always go back as my left comes forward."

He demonstrated and I watched, joining him with the simple enough instruction.

"And then to the side, and back up, and across."

I followed his feet almost better than I had hoped I would.

"So you dance in a square, once you gain confidence and get your rhythm, we could then start doing circling squares."

I laughed as I continued looking down at the pattern we had just traced on the floor, committing it to memory.

"I think I understand."

"But first!"

I looked back up at him and he had let go of me, taking a few steps backwards and he bowed deeply in front of me, his right arm crossing his stomach. He almost bowed as low as my knees. This was so formal. So gentlemanly. He reminded me of a prince.

He looked up at me and grinned with his next choice of words.

"Don't worry, Kai, I won't make you curtsey."

I couldn't fight off the blush that appeared on my cheeks, appearing easily on my skin at the way he looked up at me. He slowly stood back up and we resumed our previous position. He waited a moment and looked intently at me as we began, making sure we took our first steps at the correct timing of the piece of music.

I made a few small mistakes, though the timing was simple enough from a musician's point of view, it was another thing entirely to execute it with your feet on the floor instead of your hands on some keys or strings. I eventually became accustomed to it though and looked back up at Soobin at the same moment he looked up at me, both of us aware that I no longer needed any eyes for supervision.

I smiled at him, even giggling from moment to moment at how surprisingly _fun_ I found all of it.

"You're a natural at this, Kai."

"This kind of lesson could have come in handy during high school prom."

I recalled the night from only a few years ago and the first kiss of mine that I had also experienced that evening. Though, like most things in high school, especially relationships, it was fleeting.

"If you had these moves, Kai, people wouldn't have been able to resist your charms."

I lowered my head slightly at his words. The only person I cared about being interested in my 'charms' was Soobin. Was I doing enough to impress him though? Outside of my music?

I heard the song suddenly double its timing and Soobin grinned at me.

"Oh this is where the fun really begins."

He made me dance faster, twice the speed at which we had been so far. I was _not_ ready for any of it and accidentally stood on his shoes a few times, laughing at each mistake I made and he mirrored the sound. We laughed and fumbled through the dance like two small children in a playground, hoping to not hear our mother's calls to go home; we were having too much fun to stop now.

I took one step too far back and felt myself lose my balance, his other hand shot around behind me to catch my fall, simultaneously bringing my body up against his to hold me securely. I could feel him against me, his firm body pressed into mine and I looked up into his eyes. His face was so close, there wasn't even enough space between us to look down at his lips to contemplate my next course of action. The slightest manoeuvre would have been enough to kiss him. The song ended in the same moment and he pulled back, standing us both up straight and he turned around on the spot with a light clearing of his throat to cease the moment.

"So that's how you dance the Waltz."

And there it was, plain as day with the way he had gazed at me up close and the shy tone to his voice- the second clue.

He _did_ want this, but he was too nervous to initiate anything. I had felt a similar sensation during the start of my past relationships. I decided to use the experiences to help guide me through the scenario. If he wasn't confident enough to take the lead, then _I_ would have to.

I placed a hand upon his shoulder and slowly turned him around. I noticed his expression and he had regained his composure already. No. I couldn't just kiss him. I had to break through the walls he had quickly rebuilt around himself. I had to set the mood back to where I needed it and I decided that music would assist me with the task.

"Can I... choose something?" I said as I looked over at the record player.

He looked briefly surprised at my request but adhered to it.

"Of course!"

I walked past him to the multitude of his albums within the wall. Most of it was classical music, I was almost tempted to pick one of them until I saw something that _must_ have been a mistake. I pulled the album from the wall and stared down at the navy blue, black and silver cover.

"Soobin.." I said as I turned to him, showing him the record in my hand.

"You listen to _Nightwish?!_ "

He smiled brightly at me, almost ashamedly, like I had caught him up to no good.

"You actually have some music in this house from this century" I teased him with a smirk.

"Jest at me all you like. I did say there are many things you don't know about me."

I smiled as I just shook my head at him. Yes. There were many things I didn't know about him still. But I did know that he had contemplated kissing me and that's all the information I needed about him at that specific moment.

I took his record off the player and back into its cover, replacing it with the one I had just found. I knew _just_ the right song for the moment. I carefully set the needle down and heard the opening mystical piano notes fill the large room.

[Slow, Love, Slow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6l4H689FtM&list=PLx3sQc7YekdGU5M7NCGkB_xFE7-_USZyc&index=7)

I approached Soobin once more, taking his wrist this time, leading him around in a small circle until I suddenly faced him. This would not be a Waltz, or probably anything even remotely close in nature. The song I had chosen had an almost sultry air about it, quite the contrast to what had previously been played in the room that evening so far. I slowly slid my arms up over his shoulders and rested my hands at the back of his neck against the collar of his coat. His posture seemed to straighten at the gesture, he wasn't expecting it. I dropped one of my hands to his forearm, persuasively making him put it at my lower back. He didn't move it away; a good omen.

I smiled up at him softly and stepped forward into him to start a very casual slow dance with him, no real form or shape to it, but our motions weren't really of great importance. I gradually felt the atmosphere around us transform once more, but it wasn't Spring at dawn, it felt more like Winter in the dead of night. Deep, dark, mysterious, slightly.. forbidden. But the intrigue I could see slowly burning within Soobin's eyes made me warm; the light in the dark, the comfort of the fire on a cold evening.

I allowed myself to look up and down his face, his features were so much more defined up close. The soft light from the chandelier and the fire behind us reflected upon his surreal and pale complexion; the face of timeless beauty. And those lips of his... so curved, so.. plump. So very kissable. I noticed he was looking at me too in a similar fashion, like he was studying a map, trying to figure out where to go.

_I wonder, do I love you?_ _  
_ _Or the thought of you?_

I knew we had both listened to those lyrics with particular intent with the way his hands now snuck up underneath my jacket, his large palms pressing into my lower back. It encouraged me further and I danced closer to him still, our bodies almost against each other once more. I felt a pleasant chill spread across my skin as I saw his eyes trace over my features again, looking at my left cheek in particular. I could feel the air shift and become deadly still; the calm before a storm. I almost thought he was going to whisper something to me with the way he leant around, but I was met with the feel of his lips softly pressing against the skin of my cheek instead.

My heart raced faster still, smiling at him as he pulled back, he was checking for my reaction, almost seeming worried he had done the wrong thing. Wrong? No. He had given me his third and final clue; an opening, and there wasn't anything that would stop me from taking it.

I closed the distance between us and kissed him, one of my hands lifting from behind his neck, threading my fingers through the thick, short strands. I heard his intake of breath, but it wasn't one of a confused nature, I had just caught him off guard.

_It's okay, Soobin. Relax._

I withdrew my lips from his for a split second and returned them once more against his immediately, kissing him with deeper intent, really letting him feel my mouth on his.

He began returning the kiss and I got a distinct feeling that he hadn't done this before. He was so careful, tentative like I was made of glass. I took it upon myself to reassure him that he didn't need to have any concerns. I merged my lips in amongst his, slowly feeling his confidence rise and it encouraged me further. Every time he met my lips with his own I kept raising the bar further for him to reach, wanting more out of him second by second; the snowball to become an avalanche.

I slowly peeked my eyes open between kisses and noticed the piano was now directly behind Soobin. I walked into him and pushed him back by a single step to press him against the side of the sturdy instrument. There was zero space, no object between us except for my hands that began exploring his upper body. My fingertips skimmed the edges of his neck, down the sides of his arms and around to his chest. His muscles felt lightly toned under the smooth silk of his shirt, and it got me curious to how his bare skin would feel under my busy hands. I got chills from the feeling of him, that avalanche was fast approaching us now.

Soobin's hands made a slow descent down my sides from the bottom of my ribcage to the sides of my hips and he held them securely. It was my final undoing and I deepened the kiss further with his body against mine, gently easing my tongue past his lips to meet his own. The outside of his body was still somewhat cold, but the inside was a completely foreign environment. The feel and taste of his mouth and tongue were so exotic and... _hot._ The pale surface of this cold moon before me had the inner core temperature of a sun and I was lost to its arousing heat. I could sense the need for something more growing between us, it was consuming me with the way he returned the kiss almost more feverishly than I was giving it. I was mere milliseconds away from forcing that soft coat of his off his shoulders until he stopped suddenly and pulled back to look at me.

No, Soobin. Don't make me stop. We're in way too deep now.

"What's wrong, Soobin?" I whispered out to him in a deep and truly surrendered tone. I was almost breathless. I needed him more than _air_ at that very moment; I couldn't keep breathing without him.

I finally brought my gaze up to his eyes and they were wide with what I could have sworn was fear. He was looking at my lips. I could feel a small, stinging sensation upon my bottom lip and I brought a finger up to slide it across it, looking down at my hand. There was blood on it.

"Oh... you bit me... Heh.. it's okay, Soobin."

Did he like being a bit rough? I decided that was fine by me but the expression upon Soobin's face said otherwise. He was tense, I could see the tendons upon the sides of his neck stiffen and his posture straightened before me, the muscles I could still feel under my hand upon his chest went as hard as a board. He pushed me out of his personal space gently and walked around to the other side of the piano.

"Kai... please..."

The desperately pained sound in his voice made all the lust-glazed particles in my eyes dissipate in an instant. He was struggling with an invisible force suddenly present in him. Had I gone too far? Was this too much for him?

"Soobin..." I called to him softly now, trying to reel him back into comfort.

"Kai, you need to go. Now."

Need to go? How could I, possibly? Not when he was like this. Not when he so clearly needed to be held and reassured that everything was going to be alright.

I made my way around to him but he almost jumped away out of my reach like a rabbit from a predator... Was I? Did he... fear me now? I looked openly at him with the painful notion. Please don't do this, Soobin. Don't go breaking my heart when you had only just mended it.

"Kai. Leave."

I didn't want to. I had to try to speak to him. Just let me understand _one_ thing about you, Soobin.

"... Soobin, I don't understand... Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry... I thought you..."

"KAI. YOU NEED TO GO. **_NOW!_** "

His voice boomed with ferocity as his arm cut through the stack of music I had placed on the piano, hundreds upon hundreds of sheets now flew through the air in what seemed like all directions. The glass of grape juice catapulted with them, spinning, swirling circles and droplets of deep purple mixed in with the airborne mess. And through it all, I saw his eyes. They almost seemed to glow, and not just from the reflection of the fireplace near us. The edges of his mouth were no longer soft and round but sharp and hungry; animalistic. He looked insane, unhinged... like he had gone _mad_.

I could only look at him for a further second before fear took me. I had to move. I had to _run_ before it would freeze me. I bolted from him, bursting through the cyclone of sheet music that still fell around me. This was not the avalanche I had thought we were bringing, but it was here now and I could feel its icy, sharp fragments almost nip at my ankles as I ran from it; from him.

The muscles in my thighs tensed as I made a sharp turn once I was in the entranceway, heading towards the front door. I pulled it open, not bothering to close it as I sprinted as fast as my feet would allow me back to my house. It had started raining and didn't seem like it was going to let up anytime soon. My vision and mind was blurred as the thick sheet of the downpour hit my face. It only took me a few minutes to return home with how fast my body seemed to want to move.

I noticed my porch light had blown as I fumbled in the dark to insert my key into my door, barging my way through and locking it behind me. I was shaking. Soaked through to my skin. The chill of the cold night made its way into my very soul. I flicked my hallway light switch but no brightness appeared. Of course. I hadn't paid my power bill on time.

I stood there in the darkness with my back to my front door, staring down at my feet, watching the droplets of rain drip down from the ends of my hair, making my carpet wet. Soon the tears that I began to cry joined the absorbing puddle at my feet. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides and slowly felt my legs give out under me, sliding down the door at my back to collapse into a heap of soaked and saddened self-pity upon the floor.

Yet again, I was left to pick up the pieces of another shattered dream. I couldn't hold onto anything long enough before it disappeared. Why was I, despite my best efforts to make people happy, not ever enough? Was I just not meant to be happy? Was _this_ my true destiny? To always fly too close to the sun, only for my wings to be burned; cursed.

The blood in my veins began to boil, I threw my keys down the hallway, watching as they hit and cracked open the side of a tall ceramic vase that my adoptive mother had given me as a housewarming gift. I looked at one of the large sharp fragments that landed not too far ahead of me.

I could do it. I could just take it and end it all. Right now. I could stop this cycle as I had once almost done. Soobin couldn't stop me this time.

But... he did. He had entered my mind once more. There he stood before me, his foot on top of the sharp tool, stopping me from reaching for it to stick it into my neck. Why? Why was he still anchoring me here to this world? When he so clearly didn't want me... anymore.

I thought he did until I asked too much of him. I had tried to unravel his mystery too greedily.

_Slow, love, slow_

The lyrics of the song that still played around us when I ran from Soobin tapped the side of my brain almost annoyingly.

Perfectly fine advice, Kai. And you _fucked_ it.

As much as I did fear the look in Soobin's eyes when I had pushed him to the edge of as much as he could take from me, the more that I sat there and thought about it, the more I felt that fear slowly change into a deeply selfish annoyance. I had put so much time and effort into trying to get close to him. I had rebuilt myself up from the very _ground_ with the purpose he had given me just to get to know him. He couldn't draw me in like that, just to kick me back out.

Why couldn't he just _talk_ to me? Why couldn't he explain what was going on? Why did I have to _leave_? So he had bitten my lip... And? It's just a bit of blood, Soobin. What are you, a _vampire_?

You've watched too many movies, Kai.

My tears began to dry as my eyes focused upon the piece of the broken vase in front of me. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to do _anything_. I wasn't sad but I certainly wasn't _happy_. I was...

Angry.


	11. Chapter 10

I sat in the darkness of my kitchen at my dining table, hunched over a cold and sad bowl of soggy cereal, staring at it more than consuming it. I didn't know why I was bothering, I wasn't even hungry. I pushed it back from myself and rubbed my hands up and down my arms. My power was still off from the previous evening and I hadn't managed to feel warmth for the past 12 hours.

I took my bowl of unfinished breakfast to my sink and dumped it into it without so much of an ounce of care not to damage it. I wandered upstairs to my bedroom and pulled open my wardrobe, grabbing the edge of a mint green hoodie out from the inbuilt shelf and pulled it down over myself. Even though it was thick and heavy, I could still feel the chill that had set into my bones since the previous evening. I took a shower earlier but of course, the water was cold and I wondered if I was starting to become sick from the raw feeling in the back of my throat. I had a headache too, but I in part knew that it was mostly due to my still tense mood.

I looked across my room at the small circle of plush toys on the chair, the rabbit in the middle sat there smiling at me and I crossed the room to it. I grabbed it by its ears and forced it face down. I couldn't stand to look at it and it's little curved mouth that reminded me of Soobin's.

The raw anger I had felt the previous night when I got home had seemed to simmer down from a boil due to sleep, but it was still present in me. If there was one thing my life had forced me to become accustomed to, it was forcing my emotions down. Condensing them into a fraction of their size, like when a car goes into the crushing jaws of those machines that turn them into a metal cube of wreckage. But although they appeared small in size, the weight they held was still heavy. My heart was a cold steel ball in my chest.

I walked off to my bathroom and grabbed the bottle of cologne that Jack had given me. I tucked it into the uni-pocket of my hoodie, turning around to make my way down the stairs to exit my house.

I looked up at the dreary and bland grey clouds, covering the atmosphere like a dulled, old blanket. The ground was still wet from the rain and I brought my hood up over my head, forcing myself to begin my commute to work by foot.

I arrived 10 minutes early by how fast I had travelled. I usually liked to take my time to enjoy the outdoors, but I didn't much care for it that morning. I entered the store and saw Jack behind the cash register, readying it with the float money for the start of the business day.

"Hey, kiddo."

I pushed my hood back off my head and continued to approach him without replying.

"How'd yer date go last night?"

I withdrew the bottle of cologne from my pocket and set it down on the edge of the counter, still not indulging him with a response. Jack looked down at it and slowly brought his gaze up to my face and looked me over. I gave him nothing but he had still figured out my silence.

"Not well then, I take it?"

I felt the corner of my eye twitch ever so slightly at his words and I decided to change the subject.

"As much as you're probably going to say no, Jack, could I please have an advanced payment on my wages? My power was cut last night because I couldn't pay my bill on time."

He walked over and picked up his cologne, flipping it in his hand as he thought about my request as he continued to look at me. As much as he was trying to figure out an answer to my question, I could tell he was still pondering my oddly dismissive nature.

"I suppose so, Kai... s'long as ye' stay behind tonight and help me with stock take. I won't be payin' ye' extra for it though."

"Fine."

Jack walked past me without a further word and out into the back room. I walked back towards the front of the store and flipped the small open sign over on the door to face outwards towards the street. I needed it to be busy that day. The more I could put my mind to other things, the better.

I was quite preoccupied initially, a travelling orchestra had come through town for a concert and almost cleaned us out dry of strings and brass cleaning equipment. The afternoon was dragging though. I sat behind the counter, barely having seen Jack poke his head out of the backroom all day. I was busy cleaning the inside of a flute when I heard the store door swing open.

A young woman, probably not much older than me came walking in. Her lightly tanned skin glowed under the store lights, long light brown and wavy hair flung about as she took her coat hood off. She held a stack of paper under her right arm.

"Man, it's _cold_ out today!"

I lowered my gaze back to the instrument, pulling the cleaning rod out from the inside of it and placed it down as I brought the flute up to look down into it, checking its cleanliness. It wasn't like me to not greet a customer, but I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.

She came walking up to the counter and I eventually lifted my gaze back up, finally acknowledging her.

"What can I help you with?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to put one of these posters up in your store window? They're a new act in town and I'm just trying to spread the word for them."

She placed one of the A3 sized posters down on the counter in front of me. I briefly looked over it before nodding. I heard the back door lightly creak open behind me but Jack didn't appear. He was watching me as he once previously used to in my early days of employment. Making sure I wasn't messing anything up. I didn't even really care. This woman wasn't a buying customer.

"Sure thing" I replied in a flat tone.

"Thank you so much! They don't really care too much about revenue as such, so here!"

And she placed down 5 tickets to the show on top of the poster.

"Thanks."

I turned my attention back to the flute, picking up a soft piece of cloth and began cleaning the barrel and mechanisms. But the woman wasn't leaving yet. She stood there almost nervously as she looked at me. I slowly brought my gaze back up to hers.

"Is there something else I can help you with?"

"Oh! Um... n-no... sorry. Thank you again! Hopefully, I'll see you there..." I could have sworn I saw her blushing as she turned around quickly and walked away to make her exit.

I didn't think anything of it and went back to work. Jack finally emerged from his hidden position behind the back door and walked over to me, looking down at the poster and tickets.

"Are ye' blind or somethin'?"

"What do you mean?" I disconnected the head joint from the flute and began cleaning it.

"Did ye' not _see_ the way she was lookin' at ye'? She obviously wanted ye' to ask her out."

I _had_ seen the way she looked at me. But I wasn't in the mood to start something that would inevitably fail.

"I'm not interested."

Jack sighed next to me in an exasperated manner and let out a small string of curses followed by how thick-headed he thought I was. He made his way to the front of the store.

"I'm goin' to grab a coffee... Did ye' want one?"

I shook my head without looking at him and heard the door close behind him on his way out. I placed the flute down and let my eyes gravitate towards the poster, pulling it out from under the tickets.

It was a photo of two young men, one with pitch-black hair and the other with red as bright as blood. Their skin was incredibly pale, almost as much as... Soobin's, and were very good looking, to say the least. I saw their names underneath the photo. _Taehyun_ and _Beomgyu_. The name of their act was _'Taegyu'_. It took me a moment to realize they had combined parts of their names to create the title of their musical unit. I felt almost intrigued at the wittiness of it.

The genre of music they performed didn't seem straight forward, but there was some text at the bottom of the poster that read **_"A performance to die for."_** As much as it still didn't tell me anything about them, their visuals and the writing at the bottom of the poster was almost enough for it to not even _matter_.

I grabbed a roll of sellotape from under the side of the counter and bit off 4 pieces, sticking them to the corners of the poster and stood up to walk to the front of the store with it. I stuck it against the door and walked back to what I was doing. I sighed as I sat back down, trying to kick Soobin back out of my head as he sneaked back into it from looking at the two musicians on the poster. I was still pensive. I wasn't busy enough to truly distract my mind. But with the on-coming evening ahead of me and the busy stock-take that I would be undertaking with Jack, that would soon fix the issue. At least for a few hours.

The evening finally arrived and Jack and I had begun counting the various products in the store. He was taking care of the instruments and I was left to counting all the smaller objects and parts behind the counter. We got about an hour into the task before I could begin to feel Jack looking at me out of the corner of his eye. I tried to ignore it. I knew he was perhaps still questioning my mood that day. I was _never_ in a bad mood. I had been visibly sad before between moments of imitated happiness, but this wasn't something he _or_ I were particularly used to. My headache was still throbbing in my skull and my throat was feeling more and more inflamed as the day had gone on.

Jack had finished counting a row of ukuleles and walked over to reach for something behind me. He picked up the radio, placing it down at the edge of the counter and, to my surprise, turned it on.

He walked away silently and went back to counting a row of bass guitars. Radio hosts were briefly talking about the colder weather and mentioned they would play something to hopefully warm up the atmosphere of the city.

[Three Little Birds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LanCLS_hIo4&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=12)

That unmistakable drum introduction played and I instantly recognized it along with the humming of the electric piano.

 _Don't worry about a thing_ _  
__Cause every little thing_ _  
__Gonna be alright_

I took in a deep breath and tried to ignore the lyrics and the laid back nature of the song. Everything about it was the exact opposite of what was going on inside of me. It was _annoying_. I tried to fight it off, momentarily losing track of all the packs of guitar strings I was counting. I could only contain my disdain for the sound until the end of the 2nd chorus before I reached across the counter and smacked the power button on the radio, shutting it off.

Jack turned around to me at my out of character decision.

"Christ... whatever happened between you n' that man last night has got ye' all kinds of fucked up, Kai."

My heart began truly beating for the first time that day as I tried to ignore Jack's words. I put my attention back to counting before he interrupted the numbers in my head.

"So what _did_ happen then? Did he not feel the same way?"

I didn't want to reply to him. I didn't want to talk about it. A long moment of silence hung between us before he had finally had enough.

"Fine. Fuck ye' then. Sit there and be a sad sack of _shite_. Not fuckin' surprised he wasn't interested in ye' with an attitude like that."

I couldn't stop the expression as I glared up at Jack across the room. That anger in me was beginning to boil over almost as much as it did the previous night.

"Aw what, kiddo? Keep lookin' at me like that n' you won't have a job to come to tomorrow mornin'."

Everything I had condensed within myself came bursting out.

"Why don't you just fire me then, Jack?! I can never do anything to please you! You don't even need me here and you _know_ that!"

He dropped his pen and paper to the floor, he came walking over to me in a sturdy purposeful manner. He slammed his palms down onto the counter, bowing his head to be eye level with me. The stare he gave me almost frightened me as much as Soobin's had the previous night.

"Yer' right, Kai. I _don't_ fuckin' need you."

I almost laughed. Finally, the truth was coming out. But he held my gaze and the fire in his blue Scottish eyes burned brighter with something different.

"The only god damn reason I hired yer' sorry arse in the first place was because I could _see_ somethin' in ye'!"

I felt my gaze lose its hardness at him. What was he talking about?

"I remember it like it were only yesterday. Yer' scrawny lil' pale arse walking through my door askin' for an afterschool job. I said no, but ye' came back the very next day n' asked me again. I wasn't gonna give it to ye'. But I saw the _fire_ in yer' eyes, Kai. I thought to myself 'Now _here's_ a lad who really wants to turn his world around.' So I thought well fuck, why the hell not give this annoyin' lil' shit a chance then?"

My lower lip fell with his words, now openly listening to him.

"I saw those bruises on you that ye' tried to hide. I knew something weren't right at home. Until one day ye' came in without a scratch on ye'. Ye' hadn't given up. Ye'd achieved yer' goal and freed yourself."

I... had. I had worked and saved until I could get out of that house and the daily abuse I would get from my adoptive father.

"Even when... she died. Ye' still picked yourself up n' carried on, Kai."

Jack's tone seemed to soften, he was no longer yelling at me.

"I know you've had it rough, kiddo. But after all that ye've been through, I'll be fuckin' damned if I let ye' just give up on this man o' yers' who's made ye' the happiest I've ever fuckin' seen ye'."

I sighed deeply, looking down into my lap.

"It's not that simple..."

"How so?"

I looked back up at him.

"Soobin... he... he's not interested in me."

"N' how do ye' know that? Did he say those words, exactly?"

I forced myself to recall the previous evening, emerging myself back into the dream-come-nightmare that it was. No. He _hadn't_ said those words, in particular.

"No, he didn't..."

"So how do ye' know that's how he really feels then?"

I didn't.

"He.. had bitten my lip while we kissed and-"

"Jesus, kiddo, I don't need the fuckin' details. _Christ!_ "

I blushed slightly as Jack cut me off, but he allowed me to continue.

"And him doing that was apparently too much for him, for whatever reason. And then he told me to leave... rather abruptly."

Jack's eyebrow arched up and he tried his very best to not become too defensive again.

"Well... sounds to me like this Soobin of yers' has a bit of explainin' to do, don' ye' think? Hardly seems like it was yer' fault. Or even that big of a deal."

Soobin _did_ have some explaining to do. But I had almost worked myself to a point of not even wanting to hear it. I didn't want to be met with the possibility of rejection, once more.

Jack took in a deep breath as he looked at me.

"Do ye' love him, Kai?"

I stared across the counter at Jack. Even though I didn't truly know if Soobin still held an interest in me or not, I did still love him. More than air, more than food, almost more than.. music.

"Yes.."

"Then don't give up on him so easily, kiddo. We're all only _human_ , after all. And we make mistakes. Both you _and_ him."

Jack finally stood back up straight and turned his back to me as he added another thought to his advice.

"It may not seem like it sometimes, but we all have a destiny. Ye' may think that all ye' can know is pain n' loss. But you're still here, despite it all, Kai. I don't know the dynamic between the pair of ye', but he's given ye' purpose. I can _see_ it."

He turned his head to look at me over his shoulder.

"Anyone that gives ye' _that_ kind of feelin' is worth fightin' for, don' ye' think?"

I opened my mouth to reply but Jack was already walking away from me, picking his pen and paper back up and kept counting instruments in silence. I looked back down at the stack of guitar strings in front of me and the piece of paper I had been keeping tally on. I tore the edge of it out of nervous habit.

"One last thing, Kai, and I'll drop the subject."

I looked back up at Jack as he noted down the number he had just counted.

"As hard as it might be to just sit still n' wait, let him come to _you_. If he loves you, he'll realize that this is _his_ problem to fix."

The thought of sitting and waiting seemed like complete torture. I didn't know if I could do that.

"What if he never does? How long am I meant to wait?"

Jack smiled and he moved onto another row of instruments in front of him.

"There's an old sayin' my mother used to tell me as a child: _If ye' love somethin', let it go free._ _If it doesn't come back, ye' never had it. If it comes back, love it forever._ "

I sat there and let the words endlessly bounce back and forth in my head, slowly beginning to ease the ache inside it. I slowly went back to work and felt the first smile I had experienced all day creep its way along my lips.

I left work about an hour later, it was dark and the air was as cold as winter already. I arrived home and paid my power bill on my phone with the advanced wages Jack had paid me earlier in the day. It took a while for it to come on, but as soon as it did, I made my way upstairs to run myself a bath. It took a whole 15 minutes for the water to get hot with the recently turned on power, but I could wait.

I stripped myself back and eased my still cold and somewhat sore body down into the invitingly hot water. I had brought my Bluetooth speaker up with me and I let some music play as I lay back with my head resting at the edge of the bath. The mostly gentle and tranquil song I had going ended and a particular favourite of mine started in its place.

[Mercy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caKHTxwR49w&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=13)

I stared up at the clinically white ceiling of my bathroom as I sang the lyrics out into the natural acoustics of the tiled walls around me.

 _Show me an open door_ _  
__And you go and slam it on me_ _  
__I can't take any more_

I sang with all the desperate and pained love in my heart allowed as if Soobin was right next to me.

 _I'm not asking for a lot_ _  
_ _Just that you're honest with me_ _  
_ _  
_I sank lower into the consuming water, feeling the ends of my hair become soaked.

 _Please have mercy on me_  
  
Would he? Would he come to put my mind and heart at ease? Even if it was just to let me down gently. How long could I wait? How long could I keep going, not knowing the truth? I had waited 20 years of my existence to be met with the feeling of life and fire he had given me. If I had to wait another 20 years, a lifetime... forever; I would.


	12. Chapter 11

I awoke the following day feeling somewhat exhausted. As relaxing as my bath the previous evening was, the conversation between Jack and I had pulled apart the tight ball of a mess of my heart once more. Bits and pieces of it sat in disarray inside my chest, and I was at a loss to the deep impatience to know that it wasn't me who could even put it back together. As much as I sat there at work trying to keep myself busy, half of me wanted to leave early and go to Soobin. But I knew Jack's words were the wiser albeit harder option; I _had_ to wait for Soobin to come to me. I had to wait until he was ready to talk... if he even still wanted to. That, of course, was the main problem: the unknown; the ever deep mystery of Soobin.

I sat behind the counter at work, about to replace the strings on a classical guitar that, if I was honest, didn't even _need_ to be changed, but I liked to keep my hands busy, especially if my mind was. As I pulled the strings out of the headstock one by one I started to count with them; the facts I knew about Soobin.

1. ~~He was ridiculously handsome. And cute. And se- Ugh. Stop it, Kai, these are fewer facts and more personal opinions. Let's start again.~~

1\. He _loved_ music. Almost as much as I did. That was painfully obvious from the beginning.

2\. He used to be a musician.

3\. He didn't do anything for a living, but he was wealthy due to family inheritance.

4\. He was old fashioned, but not in a negative sense. He was deeply traditional to a timeline that seemed hundreds of years old. That, in itself, made no sense, but... I've heard of stranger things. Maybe it was just a personal taste or even some kind of religion I'd never heard of. There _were_ people in the world who lived outside of modern society. Take the Amish, for example.

5\. The sight of blood on me disturbed him. Everything was going fine, _more_ than fine before he saw he had bitten my lip. Did he have a violent past? Had he hurt people before or _been_ hurt, himself? Was it a trigger to terrible memories? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, perhaps? That _had_ to be it. What else could it be?

6\. I wrapped the end of the string around my finger in thought and couldn't bring myself to pull it out of the guitar. That was all I had on Soobin that I thought was real and not some fabrication of over-exaggerated thoughts.

Soobin was an old fashioned, rich, retired musician with a love for music and had... PTSD?

I sighed and pulled the 6th and final string out of the guitar. The more I thought about the 5 things I knew about Soobin, the more they made even less sense in my head when placed side by side with each other. That 6th and final fact about him I needed to know was the biggest piece of the puzzle that I was missing. Nothing else really fitted together, without it; there was no clear image. He was still every little piece of an enigma as when I had first met him. And I was still in love with a stranger.

I found the rest of my day to be eternally frustrating. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I had given myself yet another headache but from hopelessness instead of irritation. I just couldn't win either way. My workday had finally ended and I walked into the backroom to collect my jacket.

"Y'know, I think I prefer ye' bein' angry rather than sad, Kai" Jack said through the thick fog of cigarette smoke that hung in the air like a blanket.

"Ye' seem to get more work done bein' pissed off. Our sales were _way_ below average today. Ye' better make up for that tomorrow, alright?"

"Okay... Sorry."

"Apologizin' won't pay the bills, kiddo. If things don't pick up in a big way soon, we'll _both_ be out of a job."

I nodded and zipped my jacket up to my chest, preparing myself for the cool late afternoon air.

"And go do somethin' to take yer' mind off things. Sittin' around overthinkin' never did anybody any good."

He had a point. All I was going to do was go home and fill my head with Soobin until it hurt.

"Yeah.. maybe you're right. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jack nodded silently with a flick of his cigarette into the ashtray.

I walked back out to make my exit and started to slow my pace when I reached the front door, looking at the poster I had stuck to it the previous day. That act had a performance that evening. I walked back to the counter and saw that there was only 1 ticket left out of the 5 I had put out for customers to take. Maybe this would be a good way to distract my thoughts. Music always _did_ have a way of helping me internalize things. Maybe I could even find an answer within some of their music, whatever it was they played. I picked up the ticket and tucked it inside my jacket pocket before leaving for home.

The concert didn't start until 8 pm and I spent the hours between just mindlessly wandering around my house. I did sit down to play my piano at one point, but I could barely concentrate on the music. I was almost hoping to hear a knock on my door and to find Soobin standing on my doorstep, ready to talk to me about everything, but it never came. I almost considered not going to the concert, in case Soobin decided to visit me while I was out. But I still didn't know when or even _if_ he would, at all. I couldn't put my entire livelihood on hold waiting for something that might not even happen to occur, I knew that would just drive me crazy. Soobin almost seemed like the type to leave a handwritten note in my mailbox if I wasn't home. I somehow very much doubted he even owned a cellphone to try and reach me.

It was now just after 7:30 pm and I left my house to head towards the location of the concert. The closer I got to my destination, the more the streets seemed to fill with cars and people on foot, like myself. I arrived at the theatre and couldn't believe just how many people had turned up. I still had no idea what kind of music this 'Taegyu' act performed, but I was open to it, nonetheless. My musical spectrum was as wide as the span of the universe itself.

I fell into the line of people in attendance and eventually handed my ticket over to the man standing at the front doors. I filed in with the rest of the crowd and was met with a sea of individuals who seemed to fill every inch of the place. The inside was massive, at some point in time the rows of seats that once occupied the floor were stripped away and could now fit as many as a few thousand standing people. I shuffled my way through to stand at almost the exact center of the venue. The lights went down above me and were replaced with red and purple ones bursting forth from above the stage. Smoke rolled along the floor, curling and twisting in an ominous manner and I saw two figures emerge on either side of the stage, spotlights flicked on with a bang and their identities were illuminated to the audience who cheered in unison for them.

My _God_ they were... I almost didn't want to admit it, but they were _gorgeous_. No heterosexual man who was in attendance that night could have even remotely denied that fact. The red-haired one, Taehyun, was wearing, from what I could tell, bright red eye contacts and his gaze seemed to rip through the crowd in an almost prying manner. You could hide nothing. He could see every last inch of you, leaving you feeling deeply exposed. His eyes held you down like a fork as the sharpness of his jawline cut you like a knife. My eyes then moved to the black-haired man, Beomgyu. His stare and perfect posture were so... intimidating. The way he looked at you almost made you feel like you were _nothing_ ; a cockroach under his shoe. He _owned_ you, even if he didn't need you. Their stage presence was overwhelming and they hadn't even _begun_. How intriguing. How captivating. How _terrifying_.

[The Dead Of Night](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5dWdltVqzU&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=14)

Their opening song started to lift off with a deep rumbling of a _heavily_ distorted synthesizer, the thin and lithe pair met up in the middle of the stage to grab their microphones on stands. Taehyun opened the song and I couldn't believe how _clear_ his tone was. He had perfect pitch. It was inhuman. Beomgyu started the bridge of the song and his voice was incredibly deep and dangerous, almost seductive in the way he let the words _drip_ from his tongue. They both licked their lips in an incredibly suggestive manner before the chorus started and I almost blushed at the expression upon their perfectly featured faces.

It was the darkest combination of backing instruments and vocals I had ever heard in my entire life. The masks they wore to get into their stage personas were almost as if that's who they _really_ were; born performers. I felt like it was more than just a musical event, it felt like a play. A musical, telling the world their deep and terrible desires. They were so immensely convincing.

Their opening song ended and almost immediately their 2nd one began in a seamless transition. I initially thought it was one of their own songs again, but then the opening verse had me instantly recognize the dark, devilish cover they were beginning.

[Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFZ2IpDHo9k&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=15)

_Some of them want to use you_ _  
_ _Some of them want to get used by you_ _  
_ _Some of them want to abuse you_ _  
_ _Some of them want to be abused_

I felt my thoughts slowly draw back into myself at the lyrics. The various people who had existed in my life ran through my head. Some of them had used me. Some of them had abused me. And then there was Soobin, forever longing to know what he really wanted from me. None of the things listed in the song seemed to fit him. I felt the frustration that had taken me earlier in the day take hold of me again. Maybe the answers I was searching for didn't lie within their music as I had briefly pondered.

Beomgyu took the microphone with such purpose in his pale hands as he stared down into the audience beneath him as he sang with a sinister and feral tone.

_I gotta **use** you_ _  
_ _And **abuse** you_ _  
_ _I gotta know_ _  
_ _What's_ **_inside you_ **

He offered one last lick of his lips as the song ended and I felt my blood run cold from his stare. The audience cheered with plentiful enthusiasm and I offered them a clap too. As much as their music wasn't overly speaking to me in the manner I was hoping it would, I had to applaud their talent.

Their performance seemed to pause and they stood next to each other as Taehyun began to speak.

"What a delightful crowd we've gathered here this evening. Wouldn't you agree, Beomgyu?"

The darker haired man smirked as his gaze took in the sight of us.

"They're positively delicious."

The crowd cheered again with the vehement compliment. Taehyun then spoke again in his clear tone of a voice.

"For our next song, we like to invite a few special people from the audience to join us here on stage. It's a song you'll all know."

Were they going to get people to sing with them? I had seen it done before at other concerts but I was never brave enough to offer my voice as a contribution.

"Which one do you want, Beomgyu?" the redhead asked his stage companion.

A flurry of arms around me shot up in the air, all hoping to be picked. I kept my hand down and became quietly curious as to who they would invite onto the stage with them.

"Hmmmmmmmm..." Beomgyu hummed to himself in thought as his eyes swept across the sea of hands until they lay directly on _me_ and didn't move another inch. I didn't have my hand up. Was he going to insist on picking me anyway?

"That one, Taehyun. I want that one."

The way that he spoke made it very clear he had made up his mind. Could I refuse? Did I... even want to reject the invite? I was almost quietly curious about the pair, as much as they scared me.

" _Oh_ yes..." Taehyun moaned in agreeance with him and I felt his gaze lock onto me as well with the double-edged sword that they held at my throat with their demanding, intriguing presence.

"I agree," Taehyun continued. "Come to the stage, young man."

I swallowed and hesitated for a moment. Was this a good idea? Something about the situation screamed at me to stop but their gazes were like magnets, I felt drawn to them. I eventually gave in and started making my way through the crowd as they turned around to look at me, parting the waves of themselves for me.

I was finally out towards the front between the first row of people and the stage, a small staircase stood before me. I was about to take my first step onto the bottom of it before I felt something cold and hard grip my right wrist. I spun around and could barely believe who I saw.

"Soobin?!"

Why was he... How did he-

"Quickly Kai, we need to leave" he whispered next to me in a rushed and impatient manner, beginning to pull me away from the stairs.

"Soobin, what are you doing here?"

He didn't reply to me, he looked beyond terrified and he started to forcefully pull me back through the audience that I had just appeared from. I began pulling back from him but he was incredibly strong in his grasp upon my wrist, I could feel my flesh begin to bruise. The feeling reminded me of the forceful way my adoptive father would handle me as a child. I became annoyed by it. Was he one of the people mentioned in the song? _Was_ he just someone who wanted to abuse me after all? I wasn't going to let that kind of behaviour be used on me again.

"I don't understand, what's going on?!" I almost yelled at him through the noise around us.

He spun his head around to look at me and then past me back onto the stage. He was looking at the musicians with as much dread as he did when he had seen blood on me the other night. But he wasn't replying to me. God _damn_ it, Soobin. Just _talk_ to me.

"Soobin, please explain to me what's go-"

"I will explain everything soon, just please, Kai.... Please... trust me."

I hung my head as he continued to try and drag me away with him and I had to use all my strength to stop him, almost feeling my arm pop out of my shoulder socket with the force. I didn't know if I did truly trust him. I didn't know enough about him to make that decision. I had expected him to come to me gracefully out of nowhere like he once had. Not be met with this demanding, almost violent force of taking me away from an evening that I was almost enjoying. But my curiosity for what he was going to explain to me outweighed all of it. Was he finally going to tell me everything? I decided I wouldn't leave him until he did and I let myself be taken away by him through the crowd.

"Look, Taehyun. Someone is running away with my new toy..."

I heard Beomgyu speak behind us and the audience just laughed at the comment. His new toy? Had he just wanted to use me? Something about the way he spoke made it almost tangible and not sarcastic.

Soobin continued to drag me out through the foyer and out onto the street. He waved down a slowing taxi and I took the opportunity to ask him to explain himself again, now that we were out in the mostly quiet street.

"Soobin... Can you please just tell me what's going on? Why are you here?"

He pulled the back door of the now stopped taxi open for me.

"Please, Kai, get in, it's not safe here."

Not safe? Had Taehyun and Beomgyu really gotten to him that much to convince him that they were actually threatening?

Fine, Soobin. Have it your way. But you _will_ talk to me.

I got into the taxi and shuffled over to let Soobin sit next to me as he slammed the car door closed.

"Evening, lads. Where to?" the taxi driver spoke to us and Soobin almost spoke over him directly with the speed in which he answered.

"4319 Choi Avenue. Please be fast, driver."

"Choi Avenue, you got it!"

The vehicle started to take off. I didn't even bother to put my seatbelt on as I watched Soobin whip his head back over his shoulder, staring out the back window like a pack of wolves were stalking him.

"Soobin..." I said to him softly. Maybe if I spoke to him gently, he would register with me, but he didn't.

"Soobin." I said more forcefully with my annoyance that immediately boiled back up at his silence. He finally looked at me.

"I will explain everything when we get back to my house, Kai."

I knew if I spoke to him again I would possibly say something I would regret. Why did it have to wait? I had already waited long enough. His mystery was as deep to me then as it ever had been. I sat in silence during the drive to his house, giving him just as much void as he was giving me.

It didn't take long to arrive and I saw Soobin digging through his pockets to find money for the fare.

"Kai... I'm terribly sorry to ask this of you, but would you mind paying for the ride? I used up all I had just to get in there tonight.."

I looked at him in silence for a moment. Fine. Whatever you want, Soobin. I'll empty the remains of my wallet for you if it means you'll just fucking _talk_.

I handed the last of my money over to the taxi driver and we made our way into Soobin's house, his hand pushing at my back to make sure I didn't veer off. I stood in the middle of his entranceway, hearing him lock the door behind us. He made his way to stand in front of me.

"Wait here a moment, please."

I'll wait here all night if I have to, Soobin.

He took off down his hallway, I heard him enter and exit many rooms. Just what the hell was he doing? Checking for burglars? He eventually came back through the entranceway but didn't even look at me and he went into the room where we had spent our time the other night. I followed him and he was pulling the blinds down, locking them into the window sills.

You bring me here to explain yourself and you busy yourself with _blinds_ instead, Soobin?

I flicked the light switch on and the chandelier came bursting to life above us both as I walked through and stopped several yards away from him. He snapped his head back to me, almost frightened from the sudden light I had cast upon us both.

Time to fess up, Soobin.

"Well?" I asked, folding my tense arms across my chest as I waited.

I saw the fear still present in his dark eyes, his coat swung around like a bedsheet in the wind as he turned his back to me once more. His head bowed as it looked like he was thinking to himself. I glared at him through his velvet-clad back. I almost couldn't contain myself.

Tell me, Soobin. Tell me why you appeared out of nowhere tonight to rip me out of my evening without a say in the matter. Tell me _who_ you are to push me out and force me straight back here again without _any_ explanation.

"Beomgyu and Taehyun..." he began and I listened intently.

He turned back around to look at me, his eyes were still wide with a heavy fear.

"They're vampires, Kai."

Oh, that's rich. He brought me here to lie to me.

I raised an eyebrow at him, about to explain to him that those artists were just acting. Did he not realize that?

"Soobin, they-"

"And so am I."


	13. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long chapter.. took me a few days to write as it is quite pivotal, after all. Especially if you've read the first story, Mad World- you will understand. Time to put my feet up with a glass of grape juice, I feel ^^ Enjoy, readers!

My world swam in front of me. Eyes up, down, left, right, drawing a cross between us. My heart was a hammer on an iron plate in my ears. I felt sick, disorientated like I had just lifted myself out of a 6-month coma in hospital. A cold sweat broke out across the back of my neck and the palms of my shaking hands as they opened and closed of their own accord. I focused my gaze on Soobin's face. Don't take me for an _idiot_ , Soobin. You... you can't... there's just... there was no way he could have been a... he couldn't...

My arms fell from my chest like dead weights and my thoughts raced like the hooves of an antelope as the teeth and claws of his confession chased them. I ripped my eyes away from him to the piano next to us, a few hundred years old. To the bookshelves of originally composed music, even older. Then back to him, his posture, the style of his clothing, the iciness of his skin that I could still feel upon my own like an imprint. The facts I knew about him were rotating, starting to gravitate towards each other to fit together from a completely different angle of approach now.

I stepped closer to him, looking at him with the deepest intent I had ever given, studying him, the deathly pale skin of his face and the uncanny amount of pure _honesty_ upon it that I just couldn't believe. My eyes settled on his lips, though it was not their shape or taste that now held my keen interest, but what sat _behind_ them. I brought a shaking fingertip up to my mouth, touching the spot on my lower lip that he had bitten. Was he really..

"A vampire.." I breathed out narrowly, barely an audible whisper. The sound of that word leaving my mouth sounded so _alien_ to me. A foreign language that I was struggling to translate.

... No. I don't believe you. I _can't_ believe you, Soobin.

I stepped closer to him again, ignoring all the pieces of him in my mind that so desperately wanted to click into place. I wouldn't let them. I wanted to _burn_ the blank canvas in my mind and all the thoughts that tried to paint the image of him onto it. This was a farce. You're going to have to do better than stand there and talk _shit_ , Soobin. I'm not some wet-eared little child who would believe such an impossible declaration so easily.

I reached a hand up, sliding my fingers down into the buttoned-up shirt that sat flush against my neck and ripped it open to the side, hearing at least 3 buttons pop with the movement and bounce across the hardwood floor beneath us. My breaths were deep, laboured, I was drowning and I was only just holding my chin above water. I tilted my head to the side and stared him down, challenging him in what perhaps would be my final act of bravery... or stupidity. Your far-fetched disclosure isn't enough, Soobin. You're going to have to...

"Prove it" I said to him between my clenched teeth.

I saw his lower lip drop and quiver like a worm. I kept my gaze locked onto his own, I wouldn't let him look away. I wouldn't let him fabricate another lie. I wouldn't let him make me leave again. This was all or nothing.

He slowly stepped closer to me, in my personal space now and my breaths increased their intake but the exhales were barely present. I couldn't catch my breath now with how fast my thoughts and heart still raced inside of me. He lifted his right hand up to the side of my exposed neck, I suppressed a shudder at the feel of his wintry fingertips. His eyes now moved to where his fingers were and I slowly saw the glance in them change, like he had entered a trance; hypnotized by something I couldn't see.

His left hand lifted as I felt his long fingers comb through the strands of my hair and he was suddenly gripping it tightly. I let out an involuntary pleasurable sigh from the feeling. He had me slipping, falling for his now overbearing presence in front of me. Why was this so arousing? Why was I letting my body be fooled by him? He inched closer and dipped his head down into the juncture of my neck and shoulder. My tendons were so tight from the angled position of my head, I felt like I would snap and break under him. He inhaled me deeply and I felt a wave of arctic-cold water dowse me with the sound of his intake of breath.

His lips were upon my neck now. I felt them open and spread apart across my skin. He kissed me but it wasn't gentle. It was needy, _hungry_. My hands shot up behind him, clutching at his upper back in desperation, but I was impossibly confused by my desire. I didn't know what I wanted from him. I couldn't deny the sensuality in the moment but it was quickly being overrun with tentative revelation. I.. almost believed him.

"Please, Soobin..." I gasped out at him in my struggle for air.

Please what? What did I want from him? To use me? To love me? To prove himself and for me to die with the evidence?

I could now feel the edges of something sharp emerge from behind his thirsting lips. I could _hear_ them move in his skull. Two teeth that now sat adjacent from the rest and lightly skimmed the surface of my skin like two little knives. My eyes widened as I found myself helplessly caught in my own trap that I had set.

I felt all the notions about him suddenly burst open in my head, no longer holding them back from painting that final image of him. I could see him; completed. He _finally_ made sense. And I was saddened by the fact that I would only be alive for another few short moments to realize it. I had fallen in love with someone who wanted my life, but to take it instead of embrace it. I felt my throat tighten as tears welled up inside of me. I knew he was too good to be true. I knew I was always destined to be cursed. It wasn't the fiery sun I had flown too close to this time, but the freezing surface of the dark side of the moon. How tragically ironic that I was about to find death in the person who gave me such life. This was my true destiny then. Sorry, Jack. You were wrong.

"Do it, Soobin... _save me_."

I closed my eyes in acceptance. Waiting for it. Waiting to hear and feel my skin rip open. But it never came. A whole eternity passed in a mere moment and I was left with Soobin refusing to let me die once more.

"... Save.. you?"

He questioned me with his deep voice next to my ear and I blinked the tears out of my eyes, feeling them roll trails of wet fire down my cheeks. My body began to shake as every last painful memory in my life expelled Soobin's unravelled mystery out and tore down the foundations. The walls caved in and smashed mirrors, glass falling to pierce every tender vessel inside my heart that sat like a raw, open hole in my chest to consume it all.

Soobin pulled back and looked upon me, his eyes chasing my tears. I felt the grip he had in my hair release suddenly and his cold palm cupped the side of my face as he straightened my head back up upon my shoulders.

"Kai.." he spoke softly to me. The sound of my own name being spoken to me in that deeply revealing moment of myself only made the pain worse. I was _seen_. Caught with my always hidden and sore bleeding heart on my sleeve for the first time by another person. I had matched Soobin's unveiling of himself with my very own tragic debut.

I released the floodgates and opened them fully, now crying pathetically as my head bowed forward, my forehead meeting with Soobin's shoulder before me. I was so overcome by _everything_. Pain, disbelief, revelation. They all mixed together inside of me at a volume I couldn't control; the very breaking point of my life.

I felt Soobin's arms come up and wrap around me, they just compelled the emotions further. Urging me to release them from myself. He gently began walking me over to an old antique couch and sat me down on the end of it. I watched through watery eyes as he got down on his knees in front of me. My hands were tense fists in my lap, still struggling to calm myself down. Soobin's palms started moving up the sides of my thighs soothingly, trying to draw me out of my own head and back to him.

"Kai... talk to me" he slid his fingers between mine, a gentle force used to hold my hand.

I had never spoken to another soul about my life, not in any manner of detail. I had always been a fact sheet, not a novel. I sat there and thought about it. Where could I begin? There was so much to tell. Maybe, as most stories began, it was best to take it from the start.

"My life Soobin... I..." I trailed off as I finally looked at him, his eyes catching mine like a soft net to a delicate butterfly.

"I think it's about time I told you about it."

He immediately stood up and sat next to me. The room was quiet except for my still uncontrolled breathing. Soobin waited patiently at my side.

"I'm listening, Kai. Take your time."

A few more tears fell as I reached as far back into my memory as I could, recalling that first early memory of the orphanage I was placed into. Though the recollection was faint, I could remember the feeling of being there. My only clear image of my birth parents was a photo of them holding me as a baby that sat on my bedside table at home.

".. My parents, they... they died when I was still very young, I was only 3 and I basically have no memory of them."

I knew their names, their faces, the time of day they died in that car crash while I waited at home with a babysitter and nothing more.

"I'm so sorry to hear, Kai.."

I could sense Soobin's deep sympathy beside me. He understood. He had no family either. Though, for how long he had been without them... That was another question for another time.

I shook my head and tried to refocus my thoughts.

"I was put into an orphanage as I had no other family to take me in. I was adopted at age 4 but eventually my adoptive father... began to beat me."

I could _hear_ Soobin's fists clench beside me upon his thighs, an obvious disdain for my previous statement.

"He said I wasn't turning out to be the boy he wished I would be. He wanted me to pursue sports and become a great athlete, but all I wanted to do was play my piano. Music was my only escape from him, until one day he smashed my piano right in front of me."

"What a pathetic excuse for a human being."

I eyed up Soobin beside me, every inch of his face was sharp and seething. I allowed myself the smallest of smiles to know that he was on my side.

"Yeah.. he wasn't exactly dad of the year."

"That's an understatement, Kai."

I let my eyes fall onto the piano in the middle of the room, beginning to recall the way I would sneak about in my youth to be with my first love.

"I used to visit an old church after school and the pastor let me play the piano there. That was my only chance to practice."

"I'm sorry your family did not nurture your passion, Kai."

I offered a casual shrug. I was past it.

"It happens in families a lot more often than you'd think. I got my job that I have currently in the middle of high school. Doing small shifts after class. I saved up enough money to put towards moving out of home as soon as I graduated."

"I'm glad you got out of there," Soobin said with deep relief.

I nodded in agreeance, giving myself another small smile until my next memory in the timeline appeared in my mind.

"Yeah..." I trailed off, thinking carefully about my next words. I wondered how he would react. I still hadn't admitted my feelings for him but I was about to admit my previous ones for someone else.

"And then I fell in love... I met her at work."

I remembered the day she came in with her father. He was a previous regular at work but he had never brought her in with him before. Jack had struck up a conversation with the man, which, at the time, I was thankful for. It allowed me the opening of both talking to and admiring her. The endearing way she was so shy as she had tried to hide those evergreen emerald eyes of hers behind the short blond hair that sat level with her chin. The long purple and white dress she wore on that overbearingly hot summer's day. I was so inexperienced, fumbling over my words to her but so was she. We started a new journey of love together. As much as things were met with a terrible end, those early days had once made me happy.

"Things moved really quickly between us. She moved in with me and we were... happy. For almost a year and a half."

Soobin didn't seem to have much of a reaction to what I was saying, I didn't know if that was good or bad but I carried on with my story.

"And then I started to see tendencies in her that I saw in my adoptive father.."

"She didn't... _beat_ you, did she?" Soobin was suddenly apprehensive once more. I shook my head at him.

"No. But she started to become annoyed that all I seemed to want to do was play music."

I really should have known better back then. She didn't hear, see or _feel_ the music nearly as much as I did, if at all. It was mostly just our personalities that had gone well together, initially.

"And then one day.. I came home from work and she was gone."

"As sad as that is, Kai.. I'm not sorry to say that I'm glad she left. You deserve someone who appreciates your talents."

I bowed my head with Soobin's words as fresh tears came bubbling up once more. I couldn't deny the truth in them. She... hadn't really deserved me. But I had been too foolishly in love with her to see that.

"You're right... I wish I could have heard that from someone at the time, but I was very badly hung up on her. I tried reaching out to her several times, but she never answered the door or picked up her phone. I was wanting to make it work. I was willing to change myself for her."

I had come dangerously close to forcing that _first_ death of myself for her. To give up my love for music, just to keep her.

"And then... I received the news only a few months ago, on my birthday no less.. That she had been killed."

I gave myself a small moment to breathe. The only person I had spoken to about her death was Jack, but he had mostly gotten the details from her father.

"She was found in a river. Autopsy revealed she had been bitten and killed in some kind of animal attack. Her neck had been.. Ripped open. But the wound wasn't consistent with those of the usual animal related deaths they dealt with."

I felt the mystery of her death unravel with every word I spoke. Now that Soobin had revealed his identity... it made sense. But something in the back of my mind told me it wasn't Soobin who could have possibly killed her. I slowly brought my gaze up to him next to me. He wasn't a monster. He would have killed me already, surely. It had to have been someone else.

"Soobin..."

He looked at me directly now, he was doing his best to hide his concern with the notion that we both knew had crossed my mind.

"I think I believe you when you say that vampires exist."

"Kai... I don't know if you suspect it to be me or not, but I speak the entire truth when I say-"

"I don't suspect you, Soobin. You're too... human."

He was. He wasn't _anything_ my imagination could have possibly cooked up to form a 'vampire' in my mind. I still didn't know how old he was, where he came from or the circumstances of how he became who he is, but I could tell his humanity was still intact. He slowly brought a hand up to my forehead and swept some of my hair away from it as he gazed at me with a small smile. Nothing about him frightened me. I returned his smile briefly before looking down. My story hadn't ended quite yet. Soobin still had his part to play.

"Her death.. Was really unlike any pain I had ever felt before. Because I hadn't moved on from her. I was mourning the loss of both our relationship and her life. My life from that point took an even further downwards spiral. My boss cut back my hours because he fears he's going out of business. I can barely pay my rent some months."

Or my power bill.

"I had to sell my car. I sold many other instruments I kept that I had been planning to learn properly. I even had to sell the nice piano that took me forever to save enough money for. Now I'm left with something that doesn't do the music any justice.."

I looked back over to Soobin's complete masterpiece of an instrument again.

"Certainly nothing that holds a shine to yours."

I bowed my head back down. I knew my next words would be hard to admit to. But I trusted Soobin with them. More than I trusted myself.

"I reached.. an incredibly low point in my life. I know I seem happy most of the time, but honestly.. it's just easier to plaster a smile on your face than appear miserable. Appearing happy gets you less questions from people."

I swallowed down the encroaching lump in my throat, feeling my heart begin to race once more at the recent memories I was about to give form to in spoken words.

"And... when you saw me at The Black Swan, I played a lament that night. Mad World. It just seemed to sum up everything in my heart. It was my final farewell to the world, in a way."

Soobin looked at me intently with my last sentence.

".. What do you mean, Kai?"

Tears took hold of me again, my body shaking once more. That evening came flooding back and I drowned in the memory of it.

"I had planned to take my own life that night when I got home."

"... You..." Soobin now turned to face me, I could feel his deeply worried gaze as he couldn't bring himself to say anything. I was undoubtedly convinced in the way he looked at me that he _wasn't_ a monster. He cared about my life. Some people had once told me they thought I was an angel, so pure and innocent of heart. How wrong they were. The real angel among us was the individual of dark circumstance seated to my right in that moment. A being born of darkness who had held onto his light. A _saviour_.

".. And then you found me, Soobin."

I saw the look in his eyes change, the adam's apple of his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. I could have sworn he was about to cry from my confession.

"You found me, and told me how much my music pleased you. You asked me if I was going to play again and I said I hadn't planned to."

"You hadn't planned to because you... were going to.."

I nodded at him, completing his sentence silently.

"But then I thought to myself when I got inside... how could I let such an intent listener like you down? Your compliments were the first that had ever been given to me, actually."

"Kai.." his hand then gripped my forearm as he struggled to reply to the most pivotal part of my story.

"I even thought to myself that night..." I smiled and blushed slightly, another light confession about to come tumbling out of my mouth.

"I thought I had never wanted to kiss another man before that night. I thought you were very handsome. I had never seen someone like you before and you... intrigued me. I really... really enjoyed my evening here with you a few nights ago. Playing for you, dancing with you and.. kissing you."

"And then I ruined it for you..." I heard him sigh next to me.

I felt guilty for all the anger I had previously harboured inside of me for how that evening ended. He hadn't deserved any of it.

"No, Soobin. I understand now. You don't need to apologize for anything. It was just a misunderstanding."

Possibly the biggest misunderstanding in my whole life, but it wasn't anything that stood in our way now. I accepted our mistakes. I would learn from them... if he would let me.

"It was but I.. could have handled it better than I did Kai."

"I don't think you could have."

He blinked at me in confusion, shaking his head.

"If I had accidentally bitten someone as a vampire that I didn't actively want to harm... I'm not sure I would have had the willpower to stop myself. Not that I know what being a vampire is like.."

I was suddenly incredibly curious about something.

"How do you... drink?"

I saw him glance over to our right before he turned back to me, smiling.

"Follow me."

I stood up after he did and walked behind him. What was he going to show me? What did he _keep_ in the vast space of this house except for a piano and music? He walked through into what appeared to be a kitchen, flicking the light on as he passed in front of me. To the left of the room were 4 of the biggest refrigerators I had ever seen. They almost looked custom made for a purpose.

"Holy shit.. Those are some.. very big refrigerators, Soobin."

He was silent as he walked in front of them, slowly pulling each door open one by one and my eyes were met with a vast sea of red. I thought I was suddenly in the transfusion ward of a hospital. On every shelf inside all 4 appliances sat _hundreds_ of bags of blood. I wasn't so much shocked, not even scared. I was _impressed_. How convenient for him.

"Bagged blood... where do you _get_ it all from? This is a lot..."

"I ransack a blood bank every now and then."

He _stole_ them? The thought of him stealing anything was almost amusing with how proper he was.

"Soobin... that makes you a thief" I grinned at him and he offered me a smile in return.

"I'd rather be a thief than a murderer. People can produce more blood, but they can't come back to life."

How unfortunately true that was...

"My apologies, Kai. That wasn't appropriate of me to say..."

"No, it's okay... I think I've dealt with all that now."

He looked at me almost as if he didn't quite believe me.

"Kai... you still haven't told me what you meant when you asked me to save you before.."

I looked down at the marble white floors beneath me, thinking about those two little words that I had uttered before I thought Soobin was going to take my life. I thought death _was_ the only thing that could save me from my existence. But... had I unknowingly been asking for something else from him? I truly didn't know. His confession had unravelled every last piece of my heart and mind and became a tearful mess around us.

"To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what I meant by those words either. I think I... realized that I just don't fit into this world, sometimes. I didn't know if I was asking you to kill me or.. For something else. I just... don't feel content being who I am. Everything I touch seems to disappear. My parents, my ex, my job... _you_. Perhaps I thought maybe I should just disappear with them."

"Kai, I haven't gone anywhere."

"Yes, but I thought you had. I thought you didn't want me. For the smallest of moments after you told me what you are, I thought maybe you just wanted to kill me. My mind was so clouded, I really didn't know what to think."

I turned from him, looking upon the blood inside the refrigerator closest to me and reached out a hand to run my fingertips over the top of one of the cold bags. How unfair I had been to Soobin. I had almost ruined everything for _both_ of us with my careless words that evening.

"I'm sorry for asking you to prove yourself to me. That wasn't fair on you. I know you don't want to kill me, Soobin. Not after you protected me tonight at the concert."

"I'm grateful that you understand that now, Kai."

I frowned suddenly as a previous thought Soobin's confession had almost abolished entirely popped back into my brain.

"How did you even know I was there? I hadn't mentioned the concert to you."

"I've... been protecting you from afar, ever since the first night I saw you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Every night.. As soon as the sun goes down, I sit across the road from your house and make sure no one suspicious approaches. I usually leave when all your lights go off."

As much as anyone else would have found that creepy, it had offered me the feeling of safety. No one had ever gone out of their way so much to make sure I was kept from harm.

"Is that because of Beomgyu and Taehyun?"

"Yes. There is one other vampire in this city, but he is of no threat to you. I made sure of that."

I could have laughed. How crazy. How inconceivable it all still was. Even though I believed him, the idea of immortals running around while the world slept was _mad_. My previous swan-song entered my mind and I felt the need to reference it as I leaned back against a nearby counter-top.

"It really is a mad world, isn't it?"

"Truly" Soobin replied, a knowing smile on his face.

"I'm guessing you won't let me go home tonight then?"

"Correct. I... don't know what to do about those two we saw tonight, but, it would put my mind at ease if you were to stay here until I work that out."

I was fine with his decision. I finally had him back in my life when I thought I had possibly lost him. His identity had answered a lot of pressing questions but also brought upon me several more. I hoped that staying with him would allow me to be presented with some answers to the fresh queries.

"Are you tired? Do you wish to turn in for the night?"

I didn't _feel_ tired. But my mind was exhausted beyond relief.

"Mm.. not really" I said as my eyes cast upon the inside of one of his refrigerators again. Under the bottom shelf sat 4 large bottles of grape juice. How cute, Soobin. You really had gone out of your way to cater to me the other night, didn't you? I turned and grinned at him.

"I could go for some grape juice though."

He smiled and reached to press his hand against my right shoulder.

"Go take a seat in the study and I'll bring it out to you."

I turned around and started to walk away, smiling at the way he had spoken to me. He was so reassuring and polite. He could have easily owned a restaurant or hotel of some kind with his deep respect and willingness to please. You really are an angel, Soobin. Regardless if you think that or not.

I walked back into his 'study' as he put it. I guessed it was. Other people probably would have referred to it as a large living room, but it wasn't filled with any modern forms of entertainment. I took a seat upon the dark green single ended couch. Now that I wasn't nearly so much of an emotional mess anymore, I noticed it was a chaise. An incredibly antique version of something you would find in a psychologists office.

I sat upon it for a moment and noticed how truly comfortable it actually was, despite its age. I lay down on my side and stared out towards the middle of the room, my eyes laying upon the piano once more. I felt my thoughts finally die down to join my body in exhaustion. I couldn't think a further thought. Maybe I was more tired than I realized.

I closed my eyes as I waited for Soobin to come back but consciousness finally left me before he could. I swear I could feel something shift under me as I slept, but I couldn't be sure. I was so comfortable and I began to fall into a dream. I was in a field of flowers, red and blue in colour. It was endless. I couldn't tell where the horizon started or stopped. And then I saw a figure in the distance begin to approach me. It was him. I could hear something that sounded remotely like a song coming from him. Was he singing to me? The closer he got, the louder it became and I eventually made out the lyrics. It was a lullaby.

 _You are my sunshine, my only sunshine  
_ _You make me happy, when skies are gray  
_ _You'll never know, dear, how much I love you  
_ _Please don't take my sunshine away_

I smiled as he finally reached me, his fingertips gliding along my jawline and settling against my cheek. He leaned forward to press a kiss against my forehead and I felt something fall behind me into the bed of flora. I turned around to see two wings, one burnt, one frozen, they had fallen from my back with how much lighter my shoulders suddenly felt. I smiled in understanding at them. I didn't need to fly anymore in search of what I was looking for. I had found it.


	14. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning- This chapter mentions the death of a child.

"Kai.." I heard my name being softly called to me and a light pressure upon my forehead from something slightly cold. I awoke from my slumber and peered my eyes open, laying them upon my surroundings that, for a moment, were unfamiliar. This was not my bedroom.

I shot up to sit upright and looked around myself, feeling the previous evening come rushing back in a split second. I was still at Soobin's house.

"It's alright, Kai. You're safe. You just fell asleep" Soobin spoke gently to me at my right.

"Oh.." I said as I bowed my head into my palms, rubbing at my face in an attempt to wake myself up. I had never slept so soundly before, and I hadn't even been in a bed that night.

"Sorry. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"No need to apologize, Kai" I could hear Soobin smile his words out at me reassuringly.

I looked around myself. I didn't know if it was still night time or not with how effortlessly Soobin's blinds seemed to block out any form of light from the outside.

"Uh.. what time is it?"

"My clock just told me it's 8 in the morning."

I did the quick math in my head, I had to leave shortly for work. If... Soobin allowed it.

"Are you... going to let me go to work?" I began stretching, my back arching against the back of the chaise, hearing a few spinal joints pop back into place from the odd angle at which I must have slept.

"What time will you finish?"

"It's Wednesday so... 4 pm."

I looked over at Soobin and wondered for a moment with his close proximity if I had slept upon his lap, though it didn't seem like he minded much at all. He was thinking about a reply and seemed very reluctant in giving me one.

"I guess it would be foolish of me to tell you not to venture out in daylight.."

So the effects of sunlight to vampires wasn't just a myth then. Or even vampires, themselves for that matter.

"I think I'll be fine, Soobin. I promise I'll come straight back."

He gave my words some further thought before he stood up and approached his bookshelves. He opened a small cupboard to the far left of them, withdrawing something from the inside and walked back over, holding out a $100 note extended towards me.

"Take this. I want you to use taxis to get to where you need to be."

I stared at the money with as much reluctance as a cat to a bath.

"Soobin... you don't have to pay for me."

"Yes I do. I'm essentially holding you hostage. The least I can do is pay for your travel."

"I'll be okay walking, it's alright."

"Yes, but-"

"Soobin" I smiled up at him with a gentle force, almost finding the small domestic quarrel amusing.

He blinked at me a few times, I could see him trying to figure out what to do to bypass my assertiveness. He folded the note up and quickly tucked it inside the chest pocket of my shirt stubbornly.

I sighed, offering a small laugh in defeat. Whatever made him happy.

"I won't control your intentions, Kai. But take it anyway in case you run into trouble."

I grinned at him as I finally stood up. We weren't even officially an item but the moment felt somewhat matrimonial.

"Yes, dear" I offered him a teasing smirk for his behaviour and began to make my way to the front door to leave for work.

I had only taken 3 steps before I felt him approach me from behind, his arms wrapping around my waist in a tight squeeze of a hug. I initially stiffened at the gesture, not having expected it but eventually relaxed into it. I felt his head bow into my shoulder and whisper next to my ear.

"Please be safe, Kai."

I smiled tenderly at his concern for me.

"I will. I promise."

Soobin continued to hold onto me and I let him. I wanted him to feel reassured. Jack's advice flashed through my head _"If it comes back, love it forever."_ He had come back to come to me. Whether or not it was through love or mere protection of my life, I didn't yet know. I would find out eventually though. That exact moment in time wasn't fit for my questions.

"Is it okay if I stop by my house on my way home? I want to pick up some clothes if I'm staying here for a while."

"Alright. As long as you're-"

"Quick. Yes. I will be, Soobin. I will be back before dark."

I felt his hold around me slowly loosen to release me, his hand gliding along my arm as I stepped out of his personal space. I turned around to him before I exited the study.

"You stay here and be a good housewife" I grinned and let a small giggle escape me. He looked surprised at my comment.

"Cheeky little cherub, aren't you?"

I offered a small laugh, feeling glad I could still at least bring his sense of humour out of him to stop him worrying. He stopped following me once he had reached the doorway of his study. I guessed he didn't want to be too close to the sunlight as I opened the door.

I exited the house and made my way to work. I looked down at myself as I walked and noticed my shirt was still ripped open down to the middle of my chest from the previous evening. It wasn't very cold when I had left my house for the concert, deciding that a jacket wasn't necessary. It certainly was that morning and I pulled the shirt closed as best I could.

I arrived at work just on time and tried to let myself in but was met with a locked door. I peered inside and noticed all the lights were off.

"Well, that's a first.." I whispered out loud to myself. Was Jack sick?

I turned around to the busy street behind me and his car was parked out front as usual. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and called the work line. I could faintly hear it ringing through the door and I saw Jack emerge from the backroom to answer it, not having seen me at the door yet.

"Wilson's Music, Jack speakin'"

"Uh... Jack? Behind you?"

I could see him turn around and he saw me waving at him through the glass door.

"Ah shit, sorry, kiddo."

He hung up and approached me, unlocking the door to let me in. He looked incredibly tired, in fact, judging by the clothes he wore, it looked like he hadn't even _left_ the store last night.

"Are you okay?" I asked as he turned back around to walk straight back to where he had apparently been hiding.

"Yeah, yeah... Jus' had some stuff to do here last night is all. Didn't make it home."

He pulled the backdoor closed behind him and I turned the open sign over on the door. I looked down to the 'Taegyu' poster and couldn't have ripped it down faster if I tried. I had torn the poster in half and in each of my hands sat both of their faces. I had come so close to falling into their grasp. I began to wonder what would have happened to me but really the answer was obvious. I had lost count of the number of times Soobin had saved my life, by accident and otherwise.

I walked up to the counter, scrunching up the remains of the poster and threw it into the trash next to me. I picked up the work phone immediately out of instinct, wanting to call the venue to alert them that one of their booked acts were murderers. But why would they believe me?

_"Oh yes, hello. You might want to cancel all remaining Taegyu concerts because they're vampires."_

I imagined the conversation in my head and immediately put the phone back down. What could I do? Not a thing. I sighed out of helplessness and sat down. I wasn't in the mood to be there. My life was no longer mediocre; normality was long gone. It didn't seem right to have fallen into the world of vampires the previous night and to have just come to work the next morning like nothing had happened.

I hunched over the counter and let my chin rest into my palm as I just stared through the glass door to the outside world. I let my mind wander and soon it was bubbling with new questions for Soobin, each one giving birth to 10 more like an endless set of Russian dolls.

How old was he? Did he choose his existence? Who was this other vampire in the city that wasn't of any harm to me? Why... was Soobin protecting me so faithfully? I knew he didn't want me to die, but... for what purpose? I didn't truly know if he was in love with me, but he certainly cared about my own life more than I did. Was he keeping me alive to ask me if... I would want to _become_ like him?

My vision became a pot of mixed paint of all colours as my eyes glazed over.

Was that something that I wanted? Was it even something that Soobin's overly cautious mind would allow him to follow through with?

I sighed deeply and pushed my fingers up through my hair and stared down at the counter several inches away from my face. The longer I sat there, the more I felt myself being pulled back to Soobin's house. How could I possibly get any work done?

I stood up, trying to think of some excuse to give Jack to leave until I heard the store doorbell ring and a middle-aged man walked through, clutching a guitar in his hand.

"Hey dude, can you help me out?"

No, I have a vampire to get home to.

He looked desperate though, the closer he walked to me, the more obvious it became that it was a pressing matter he had on his hands. He placed his electric guitar on the counter in front of me. It was in very bad shape.

"I really need this fixed by 3. It's had beer spilt through it and won't turn on. I need it fixed before I leave town today."

I looked at the bright red instrument, the pickups and strings were rusted to hell and back. I would need to take it apart and fully replace almost all the mechanisms and parts inside of it. It would take me hours to do. It certainly wasn't a job that Jack could do either, he left most of this kind of work to me. His hands weren't as steady as they used to be with a soldering iron.

I glanced back up at the man and the desperation in his eyes made me realize that I couldn't just leave. A musician without his instrument was like a painter without his brush.

"I will do my best" I said to him and he was washed over with deep relief.

"Thank you so much, bro! I'll be back at 3!"

He hurried back out the door and down the street. I sighed as I sat back down, reaching under the counter to get my tools out and set to work.

As I suspected, it _did_ take me hours to fix. I had run out of flux for my soldering iron and had to leave temporarily to source some more in town which set me back even further. I skipped lunch and became impossibly hungry at around 2 pm. But I pushed through and eventually managed to repair the instrument just before 3. The man came walking back in as I was giving it a quick polish for him. I decided, for Jack's sake, to charge the guy extra for a same-day job. He wasn't particularly pleased about it but I knew I had to make up for my poor performance at work the previous day.

I decided to just stay at work for that last remaining hour and I opened the backdoor to stand in it and say goodbye to Jack. He hadn't poked his head out once the whole day and something about the way he had spoken to me that morning was starting to bother me. I had never seen him so low and disengaged.

He sat behind his desk and I was surprised at the lack of cigarette smoke inside of the small room. His ashtray was empty and he was looking at something intently on his open laptop. He quickly closed the top as he saw me there, not noticing I had already been standing there staring at him for 5 whole seconds.

"Shit, is it that time of the day already?" he looked around himself as if he had just woken up.

I nodded at him and looked closer at his expression, his eyes were red, but their puffiness told me it wasn't out of a lack of sleep. I knew the familiar look in my own eyes too well- he had been _crying_. Were things with the business really that bad?

I felt stuck. I knew I had promised Soobin to get back to him on time before sunset but the sight of this saddened, old man in front of me wouldn't let me leave. I still had the money Soobin had given me. I decided I would take a taxi as he originally suggested to save time.

I pulled out the chair on the other side of Jack's desk and sat down, I saw his surprised and slightly uncomfortable expression. He didn't like that my eyes were on him so pryingly all of a sudden. But I wasn't going anywhere until I had gotten to the bottom of this. I owed Jack more than I ever thought I would. But before I could ask him what was wrong, he spoke instead.

"Has yer' man been in contact with ye' then?"

I nodded slowly.

"Yeah... I... happened to bump into him at a concert last night."

"And?"

And he's a vampire.

"He was... having something of an identity crisis."

Jack took a sip from his coffee cup and swallowed noisily.

"Identity crisis, huh? Sounds a bit complicated."

It... was. But not anymore.

"Kind of. I don't think he realized what he wanted from me."

Did he, even now?

"Makes sense, I s'pose. So are ye' together then? Officially?"

Technically, no...

"We're... working on it."

Jack nodded and took his coffee cup into his hand again and looked down into the pitch-black liquid that sat inside, staring back up at him.

"Good for you, kiddo. M' happy for ye'."

I gave a very small smile but my concern for Jack still hung over me like a dark cloud.

"Jack, what's wrong? Is it this place? Are you really going out of business?"

He opened his mouth to say something but immediately shut it again, shaking his head as he fought with his own thoughts. I allowed him some time, I knew he wanted to talk. I could see the way his posture slumped further down in his seat, looking like he wanted to dive head first into his coffee cup and hide in it from me.

"... It's the anniversary of her death today. Isobel. My daughter."

My face dropped with his words. His voice was so quiet, his accent almost disappeared entirely. I had no idea Jack even had children.

"... I'm so sorry, Jack... You should have told me earlier."

He pursed his lips together tightly and I could tell he was holding back more. He let out a deep sigh and rubbed at his face, blinking his bloodshot eyes multiple times to try and stop the oncoming tears.

"Would've been her birthday in September. She'd 'ave been 23. She died of leukaemia when she were only 8. Fifteen years...." he shook his head and just stared down blankly at the desk between us.

"It don't get any easier, y'know?"

I nodded slowly in sympathy. I had known grief, but not the almost unspeakable version of it with the loss of your own child. I could only sit there and hopelessly imagine that kind of pain. Jack gripped his coffee cup hard enough to almost break it as he took in a deep breath before speaking again.

"I'm sorry I've always been so hard on ye', Kai. Believe it or not, I don't hate ye'. I just want ye' to do well. Ye've got so much potential in ye' to be something _greater_ than ye' are. I... never got the chance to see my wee girl grow up. Watchin' you come out of yer' shell and turn into the man ye' are today has... been good for me, in a way..."

He coughed and shifted in his seat, avoiding my gaze at all costs. I felt my own tears begin to gather in my eyes with his words.

"... The reason I never let ye' play music is because my wee Isobel used to play piano before she died. Sometimes... certain tunes they just.... They bring back memories that I don't overly feel like re-livin'.."

I understood the notion all too well. As much as music could heal you, it could also do the opposite if you weren't yet ready to _be_ healed. Music could only speak to you if you allowed it.

"And... my wife's not been too well lately. Docs can't figure out what's wrong with 'er. We could go see a private doctor for a second opinion, but... things ain't been doin' well enough 'ere for me to afford that."

I felt truly helpless at the situation. There wasn't a single thing I could do to help Jack. The only help would be him letting me go so he didn't need to worry about paying me wages, but... I still had to get by as well.

There really are some circumstances in life that are just pure _shit_. This was one of them. It made all my previous worries seem like pebbles in comparison to this large rock that Jack had stuck in his way.

"Anyway...." Jack coughed and straightened his posture back up, shifting in his chair again.

"I think I've had _quite_ enough of this psychologist's appointment with you, Dr. Huening."

He looked up at me and offered me the smallest of teasing grins but I couldn't return it. He noticed it and started rolling himself probably his first cigarette of the day.

"Aw look, kiddo... don't let my sad excuse for a life get in the way of yers', yeah? What will be, will be."

I sighed deeply and lifted myself off the chair. I couldn't think of _anything_ even remotely useful to say to Jack. I saw him frown as he looked at my chest.

"What the fuck happened to yer' shirt?"

I looked down and noticed it was hanging open again from the lack of the top 3 buttons that still lay on Soobin's floor.

"Oh... I-"

"Nevermind, I don't want to fuckin' know what ye' get up to with that Soobin lad."

I laughed and fought off a small blush at what he was implying.

"I'll see ye' on Friday, yeah?"

I would have said yes, but something inside of me almost... doubted it. My future was now so uncertain. I didn't know what would happen in the next 2 hours let alone 2 days. I eventually just nodded at him slowly and turned around to leave.

"Goodbye, Jack."

I closed the backroom door behind me, walking past all the instruments within the store as I approached the front door. Why did I suddenly feel like I would never come back? Was Jack right? Was the potential in me about to finally emerge and turn me into something greater than what I currently was?

I felt like a chapter of my life had finally ended. A blank page and fresh ink sat ready before me now. How would that next development be written? Would it be a chapter about... Eternity? Would someone else write it for me or would I conjure up the courage to be my own author? Whatever kind of tale it would be, I knew Soobin would be holding that pen with me as we wrote it, together.


	15. Chapter 14

I took a taxi to my house, packing a large duffle bag of clothes and a few personal items. I honestly didn't know how long I was going to be away from home, so I emptied almost my entire wardrobe into the bag. Nothing quite like a bit of overkill to lessen your worries, right? I briefly contemplated taking a quick shower since I skipped one that morning, but didn't want to keep Soobin waiting. He had likely been worried all day. I decided getting another taxi for a mere 3 blocks away was a waste of the money Soobin had so generously given to me, so I walked. I still had plenty of time before the sun would set.

I once again found myself before Soobin's door, wondering for a moment if I should have knocked but.. he was expecting me, the formality seemed redundant. I walked through the large, tall doorway and I could hear him running towards me from the right as I closed the door behind myself.

"Kai," Soobin stood within the doorway of his study, a smile as wide as the entranceway itself sat upon his face. He basically _sprinted_ at me before he stopped, his eyes moving over my body in an inspecting manner.

"How was your day? Did everything go well?"

I momentarily wanted to bring up the subject of Jack and his situation, but that would have been a long conversation not suited for the moment. I didn't want to drag Soobin's clearly good mood down.

"Everything is fine, Soobin" I eventually smiled at him. "And I arrived before sunset, as promised."

"Thank you, Kai.. I've been worried all day."

Called it. Silly Soobin.

"I figured you would be. You should have a bit more trust in me" I grinned at him as I bent forward to place my bag upon the floor, feeling it become heavier by the second.

"My apologies, Kai. It's not you I don't trust, it's others."

"I guess that's a fair statement."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Actually.. Do you mind if I have a shower? I realized I left this morning without one."

"Not at all. I actually haven't long finished cleaning the bathroom for you."

I saw him bend forward to pick up my bag and was surprised at just how easily and lightly Soobin lifted it off the ground without an inkling of struggle.

"Oh, so you _have_ been a good housewife today" I smirked at him as he walked on ahead, laughing at my comment. I followed behind him closely as he led me down a hallway.

"You should be more careful with whom you jest, Kai" he teased me and I could have almost laughed back in response. What were you going to do, Soobin? Cuddle me to death? You're a big softie and you don't even know it.

I continued following him down the long, wide and wooden hallway. The floorboards were accented with a deep forest green rug that sat perfectly in the middle and stretched for the entire length of the hall. There were paintings on the walls, displayed in overwhelmingly thick and detailed gold frames. Most of the art pieces were of scenery, sunrises, flowers dazzling in the sunlight. Everything Soobin could no longer enjoy with his own eyes during the daytime. I felt lonely for him at that moment.

He stopped at a crossroad of two rooms on either side of us and turned to me.

"The bathroom is on your left, my... your bedroom is straight across the hall. I'll put your bag inside it."

I wrapped my hand around the thick crystal round door knob and was about to push my way through until Soobin spoke to me again.

"Kai... could I please ask a favour of you?"

I looked at him to my right and smiled. Anything for you, Soobin.

"Of course you can."

"Do you have a telephone device I could borrow? I need to make a call."

I chortled at him. Who on earth called it a telephone device? Soobin, of course. _God_ , he was just too cute for words. I reached into my back pocket and withdrew my phone, holding it out for him.

"Sure do. There's no lock on it, just tap the button on the right side."

"Right..." he said as he took my phone off of me, inspecting it with as much confusion as a Michelin 5-star chef would to a microwave meal.

I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me. And, as expected, was immediately overwhelmed with what my eyes were met with. I flicked the light on and was almost blinded by the white marble walls and floor. Directly ahead of me sat perhaps the largest bath tub I had ever seen. It sat above the floor upon 4 sturdy short legs, its capacity looked large enough to fit 3 adults inside of it. A vanity and toilet sat against the left wall, sparkling under the lights above with their cleanliness. To the far right wall was a large shower head that angled out towards a slight dip in the floor, the marble tiles facing inwards and sunken slightly towards a drain. It was a mere open space with no walls or curtains and seemed slightly more modern than the rest of the vintage facilities. It almost seemed like it had been added to the room years after its construction like an afterthought. Two brass water temperature taps stuck out from the wall underneath the showerhead at almost chest height.

I approached the shower and, as most people would in a house that wasn't theirs, second guessed my ability to turn the taps to the correct position I needed them to be to achieve the right pressure and temperature. I stood slightly off to the side to not accidentally dowse myself as I turned the taps and the showerhead came bursting to life above me. It was wide and round, almost the same circumference as my fully spread hands. The harsh sound of the water beating down against the floor told me the water pressure was immense. It made my shower at home sound like a leaking tap.

I slowly began to undress myself, leaving my articles of clothing lying across the edge of the bathtub and noticed Soobin had folded up two large white towels for me at the opposite end of it. They looked brand new, or barely used. Beside the clinically white towels sat 3 bottles of what I could only guess to be soap, shampoo and conditioner. The off white bottles weren't branded and were made of porcelain. Had Soobin crafted his own concoctions and filled them with them? I wouldn't have put it past him. It almost felt like I was staying in some $7000 per night hotel rather than Soobin's house.

I collected the bottles as carefully as I could and placed them down in the shower area. I held a hand under the water and was surprised that I had not far off guessed the desired temperature that I liked. I slowly stepped under the water and the sheer pressure of it could have almost been enough to pin me into the floor. It was heavy and relentless but _so_ comforting in the way the warm water engulfed me. This was just what I had been needing. It was almost as consuming as a bath but the water pressure both relaxed and stimulated my tired muscles simultaneously.

I just stood there for a while, enjoying the feeling of the steam opening up my pores before I finally picked up one of the bottles, unscrewing the gold cap and sniffing the inside of it. I had never smelled a more pure scent of Lavender before. This had definitely not been mass produced in a factory inside a large metal tank with God knows what other ingredients.

How effortlessly Soobin just seemed to endlessly impress me.

I stopped procrastinating and finally began ridding my body of the past almost 35 hours it had been since I showered at home the previous morning.

I felt so much more relaxed afterwards. The bathroom was almost as hot as a sauna and I found it difficult to breathe properly inside of it. I quickly wrapped one of the towels around my waist and picked up the other one, patting at my hair to catch the drops at the ends of it. I exited the bathroom and walked across the hall into the bedroom Soobin had mentioned he would place my bag inside of. I suddenly heard a loud thump onto the hardwood floor in front of me and shot my eyes up to see Soobin seated on the edge of the bed. He had dropped my phone.

"Oh! Uh... I... M-my apologies.."

I hadn't expected him to be in there still. He leaned forward to pick up my phone, almost dropping it again with how nervous his hands seemed. I watched as he bowed his head and avoided looking at me, feeling a gradual grin grace my lips. He wasn't averting his gaze because my presence had disturbed him, he was _shy_. He stood up as fast as an arrow being launched through the air and kept his eyes away from me as he started walking towards the door. I couldn't help but let out a small giggle at his behaviour.

"You're fine, Soobin... No need to be sorry."

He was about to walk out of the room but stopped right next to me, his hand extended in front of me with my phone and his eyes still staring directly in front of him instead of at me. I hung my 2nd towel around my neck and took my phone from him.

"Did you make your call?"

"Yes... they didn't answer. I might try again later."

He began walking away again and I headed towards my bag that he had placed next to the bed. It was huge, the frame was dark wood and 4 posted, immaculately presented in white cotton and light purple silk. I heard Soobin's footsteps behind me halt as he spoke.

"Kai, do you mind me asking what your middle name means? I saw it on your bag."

I still had my back to him and allowed myself a cunning smile. He really wanted to know? I slowly turned to half face him from the side. He was so desperately trying to keep his eyes upon my face but was doing a poor job with how I noticed him slipping every few seconds.

"Perfection" I said in an almost mysterious air to him. Almost as if to not answer his question at all, but to make a subtle statement.

He blinked at me and I saw his mouth open to speak until he closed it and swallowed hard. I couldn't control the smirk that I gave him in response to his silence. I knew I had stirred up some thoughts in him that he was too bashful to admit to having. As much as I was enjoying the sight of him somewhat unravelling in front of me, I decided to put him out of his misery and elaborate a bit more.

"Kamal. It means perfection."

"Right. Yes... of course." He nodded multiple times and finally broke his gaze away from me. I could see a blush upon his cheeks for the first time since I had met him, the edges of his ears were turning a beautiful shade of pinkish red and he turned back around away from me once more. Don't feel guilty about your thoughts, Soobin. I'm more than okay with them.

"I will leave you to get dressed."

My somewhat desirable thoughts were interrupted as I felt my stomach clench inside of me. I had momentarily forgotten just how hungry I was with the importance of getting back to Soobin's house on time. I hadn't eaten in an entire 24 hours.

"Soobin... I know it's probably against your rules, but do you think we could maybe go out to eat? I didn't have breakfast and I had to skip lunch to fix someone's guitar on time."

I heard him sigh deeply, but not out of annoyance. I knew he didn't want me out of the house in the dark hours. But I was only human. I couldn't live off of the contents of Soobin's refrigerators.

"I... suppose so, Kai. Let's just keep it close to home."

"Sure. I don't mind." I smiled at him, thankful he was going to let me eat. I reached down to adjust my towel that I felt slowly slipping down my hips but it fell to the ground before I could grasp it.

Soobin's eyes were suddenly everywhere upon me and he stepped back in an uncharacteristically clumsy manner, his back hitting the doorframe behind him. He turned around quickly and tried ever so hard to recompose himself as he exited the room.

"RIGHT well... y-you just... let me know when you're ready."

His words echoed down through the hall and I stifled a laugh at his shock from seeing me in such a revealing state. It _was_ an accident, but... I guessed it was closer to what you would call 'serendipity'; a happy mistake. I almost wanted him to... come back, but I knew my hunger for food outweighed anything else at that moment.

As I finished drying myself and getting dressed I couldn't help but wonder, though... Was any sort of physical intimacy even remotely possible without him being triggered into a state of what I guessed would be 'bloodlust' again? It almost didn't seem entirely plausible. I sighed slightly. Questions begetting questions. I would use that oncoming evening to find out everything I could about him. I knew I had to unravel him further.

I walked out of the bedroom and back down the hallway into the entrance. I saw ahead in the study that the fire was lit and I could hear light, delicate music coming from the inside of it at a low volume. I approached the doorway and stood inside of it, my eyes tracing the insides until I saw Soobin seated on the chaise with a wine glass in his hand. It was filled with blood.

"Oh.. do you... want to be alone while you do that?"

He hesitated a response for a moment before he swallowed the worry down.

"I don't mind, Kai.."

I could tell he almost _did_ mind. But I think he realized he had to get past it if I was staying with him and if my knowledge of him wanted to increase at all. I slowly walked over to him and took a seat next to him, settling against the chaise and getting comfortable as I watched him.

"I will finish this and then we'll take our leave. The sun is setting about now."

I looked at the glass he was holding in his hands. If I hadn't _known_ he was a vampire, I almost could have been fooled that it was just wine. A question about his existence came trickling down from my mind to my mouth.

"Does blood... taste different as a vampire?"

"I can't recall the exact flavour before I was turned, but, according to an acquaintance of mine, the taste is vastly different and not at the same time."

I felt his reply a bit vague. As I watched him take a mouthful of it I thought I should get him to be a bit more precise.

"What does it taste like to _you_ then?"

"It's.." he paused as he looked down at the glass, giving it a quick swirl in contemplation like a wine taster.

"It's metallic. Earthy. But sweet, as well. I think it's the sweet property that becomes more apparent with my kind."

Sweet? I could barely comprehend blood having such an essence to it, but I didn't possess the obviously different taste buds that a vampire had.

"Do you ever get sick of it?"

"I... don't quite know. My body won't take in anything else, it rejects it. And I no longer have the human urges of hunger to compete with it."

"Interesting.." I trailed off in thought. So becoming a vampire really did alter your physiological state. I could barely imagine not feeling a longing for my precious grape juice and egg tarts. But if being immortal came with the want for human food being taken out of the equation entirely, I suppose it made some amount of sense to not feel the need for them anymore.

"Are there any other side effects to being what you are?"

I knew that was as broad of a question as _ever_ , it was I who was being vague now. Soobin thought about my question and he suddenly almost downed the entire glass of blood before he turned to face me. My mouth hung open at the set of piercing red eyes that he was now adorned with. But I wasn't scared. He looked _stunning_. They... suited him.

"Wow... they're beautiful.."

He looked almost pleasantly surprised at my comment. Had he expected me to say he looked like a monster? Could he not already tell that I wasn't frightened of him? Come now, Soobin... would I have come back to you today if I were?

He turned away from me again and finished off the remains of his glass and stood up.

"I will wash this and we'll go."

I continued sitting there and watched as he walked off to his kitchen, giving thought to the answers I had collected from him about his existence.

Blood tasted sweet. You didn't hunger for any other form of food or beverage. And your eyes turned red when you drank. As interesting as I found the facts to be, they were the mere tip of the iceberg that sat in the deep ocean of queries I still had. My mind began circling the most important and heavy out of all of these- what did Soobin want me to be? His very own human or his very own vampire? Would his answer to that question sway my own opinion on the matter?

I had to dive deeper into him still, but as deep as I already was, an unspoken feeling in my heart, not my mind, had already made its choice. It had been manifesting all day, uncontrollable and relentless, slowly consuming me with acceptance, even with all the questions I still had.

I smiled as I looked at the piano in its ever stationery position upon the floor. I wanted Soobin to always be as happy as he was when I had brought Spring into that room for him. I wanted to make the sun shine for him forever with my music. No other future I could possibly conjure up in my head gave me more purpose and life. I recalled the lullaby I had heard him sing to me in my dream the previous night.

_Please don't take my sunshine away_

Don't worry, Soobin. I... don't think I ever will.


	16. Chapter 15

Soobin and I took a taxi to a nearby shopping and restaurant area within the suburb. I looked around down the street we were standing in, the light cool Autumn air making me feel wide awake and somewhat hungrier. Soobin asked me where I wanted to go while looking around ourselves, his eyes darting into every dark corner and alleyway.

"Mm.. I don't really mind. Just anywhere. How about that pizza bar across the road?"

Soobin glanced over at it thoughtfully and eventually looked disapproving. He smiled back at me.

"Oh, we can do better than that place, Kai. I want you to eat _well_."

I grinned at him "What's wrong with pizza?"

"Oh, nothing.. I imagine. I've never had it before, but you need a more filling type of sustenance."

He'd clearly never heard of a deep dish, stuffed crust, double pepperoni and cheese before. Let's not forget the pineapple. I was practically begging for one at that stage with how I felt my stomach shrivelling up further minute by minute.

Soobin looked straight ahead over my shoulder and smiled, gently turning me on the spot and I followed him.

"This will be perfect, I feel."

We walked about 30 yards down the street until Soobin stopped outside of a restaurant. I glanced inside the glass door and suddenly felt incredibly underdressed for the place in my jeans and hoodie that I had just thrown on. I had only ever walked past that place, always thinking I would never have enough money to even breathe the same air as the people who dined there. It was high class and from what I had heard from people, you needed to book at least 6 months in advance to even step through the door.

But Soobin stepped in front of me, pushing the door open and held it for me as I walked through semi-self conscious of the fact that I looked like I didn't belong. Even the kitchen staff were probably better dressed than I was.

Soobin walked up to a man standing behind a large, free-standing counter with a thick and heavy appointment book on top of it, each and every line filled with people's names and the date and times of day.

"Good evening, gentlemen" the man with his immaculately styled back hair spoke to us. He offered Soobin a respectful nod of his head and didn't let his eyes linger on me for any longer than a millisecond.

"Do you have a reservation tonight?" he asked Soobin as he quickly glanced back at me as he waited for Soobin to reply.

"Unfortunately, no.." Soobin said as he reached down into his coat pocket and pulled out a roll of crisp cash that looked like what I could earn in the space of 2 whole months at work, before taxes. He placed it almost sneakily beside the appointment book.

The man looked down at the money and returned his gaze to Soobin.

"You do realize there's a..." he looked at me again intently "dress code for this establishment."

Soobin reached into his pocket again and withdrew even more money to sway the man.

He gave a quick look at the money without so much as a slight change of expression and stepped out from behind the counter.

"A table towards the back, if you please" Soobin asked as graciously as ever.

"But of course. Please follow me, gentlemen."

Jesus, Soobin, this was _not_ necessary. Just let me go back and order a pizza to go.

Soobin smiled at me and bowed, his hand gesturing to the man that led us, wanting me to go first. I hesitantly followed him through the large glass doors that he held open for us. The entire place was full, but the conversations were quiet, private. Every table had bottles of champagne upon them worth more than an entire month's worth of my rent money. The carpet was deep red and the people who sat upon the chairs at each table looked as if they belonged there. I felt like a weed in a royal castle garden.

I felt Soobin's hand at the small of my back and he walked next to me as we were led through to an empty table towards the very back at the south wall.

"Try not to fret, Kai. Don't feel bad for not dressing for the occasion, this was my decision after all. Do try to relax and enjoy yourself."

"I'll try.."

We stopped as the man pulled out both chairs for us to be seated. The table was already dressed in a pure white cotton cloth that touched the ground, silverware of all types sat perfectly straight in the correct order they were to be used. Not that I knew that correct order to even use them in. I took the seat on the left side of it and tried to quietly bring my chair in closer to the table. Soobin took his place opposite me and the man handed over two, leather-covered, tall and thin menus.

The man put his hands behind his back and spoke to us quietly.

"The soup du jour is shark's fin with abalone, Japanese flower mushroom, sea cucumber, dried scallops, huan ham, pork and ginseng. It is delicately garnished with saffron and caviar."

I hadn't even _heard_ of most of those ingredients, let alone if they actually tasted any good mixed together.

Soobin nodded at the man gratefully for his spiel and he continued.

"Can I offer either of you gentlemen a drink? Our finest champagnes are the Moet and Chandon _Espirit du Siecle Brut_ and the Louis Roederer Cristal Gold Medallion, limited edition _Brut Millesime_."

The who and the what?

Soobin looked across at me intently. I knew he wouldn't obviously order anything to drink and I severely doubted they had grape juice on the drink menu.

"Uh... I'll just have water... Please."

The man nodded in response.

"One of our waiting staff will be with you again shortly to retrieve your orders, gentlemen."

He bowed and walked back to the front of the restaurant. I sat there and just _breathed_ like I had never needed to before. The place was overwhelming. Soobin noticed my still uncomfortable disposition and offered me words of comfort again.

"It's alright, Kai. Take a look at the menu and order whatever takes your eye."

I cautiously opened it and flicked past the hors d'oeuvres and entrees to get to the main meals. _Everything_ was written in French. There was no description of what they even were in terms of their ingredients. Like it was _expected_ of you to know the dishes if you were even present there.

"Uh... how's your French, Soobin?" I giggled across the table at him as I handed the menu across the way to him.

He smiled as he took it and looked down at the list of food.

"I can understand a small amount of it. I do find languages and etymology in general fascinating. I always thought perhaps if a Musician's life wasn't for me, I could have been a language teacher of some sort."

I smiled at the thought. Soobin the French teacher? If he had taught at my high school I wouldn't have been able to pay the slightest bit of attention to the subject if _he_ was the one teaching it. Would he have... allowed me to see him after cla- No, Kai. Stop that. Get your mind out of the gutter.

"I think this would be easier if perhaps you were to tell me if there's a particular food you're desiring this evening, Kai."

"Mm... I really like egg dishes or seafood."

He handed the menu back to me.

"There's an egg dish 4th from the bottom, and 2 seafood dishes directly below it. The last one is Lobster."

Eggs or Lobster.... I knew the lobster would be expensive, and it was as I glanced at the small fine printed price of a staggering $400 _minimum_ depending on the size of it.

"Lobster sounds amazing, but I think I'll just settle with the.." I didn't even want to _try_ and pronounce it "the egg dish."

A waiter came back and stood there with a small notebook and a pen.

"Pardon me, gentlemen. Are you ready to give your orders?" He looked at Soobin first.

"Ah.. I'm afraid I won't be eating this evening. Apologies."

The waiter blinked in confusion and moved his gaze to me.

I stared down at the menu again. I _really_ wanted to try Lobster. But I just couldn't justify Soobin paying that much. He had already spent way too much just to get us in there. I opened my mouth to speak but Soobin interrupted me.

"He will have the lobster. The biggest one you have please, waiter."

I blinked up at him in surprise and all he could do was smile back at me smugly.

"Very good, sir" the waiter bowed and collected our menus to return to the kitchen.

"Soobin.. Lobster is very expensive."

"And you're very hungry" that unmoving smile from his face remained. He wasn't going to let me argue with him.

I eventually couldn't help but just smile back at his neverending generosity.

"Thank you, Soobin."

"Of course" he nodded at me and began slowly looking around us at our surroundings.

I could barely bring myself to. I may as well have been dressed in pajamas at that point. But I did catch the sound of a familiar tune playing and I instinctively lifted my gaze up to the high white ceiling to see if I could fully recognize it. I eventually caught the end of the chorus.

[Everybody Here Wants You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt95Mcl0dws&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=16)

"What is it, Kai?" Soobin asked me as he noticed my curiosity pique.

"Oh, the song that's playing. I covered it once at The Black Swan."

Soobin smiled as he listened to it and I sang the bridge to him quietly across the table.

 _I know the tears we've cried_ _  
_ _Have dried on yesterday_ _  
_ _The sea of fools has parted for us_ _  
_ _There's nothing in our way, my love_ _  
_ _  
_He smiled at me and I thought about the words I had just sung. The tears I had cried yesterday were there to stay now; that end of the chapter of a piece of my life and the beginning of this new one being written from the very moment Soobin had told me what he was. There was very little in our way now, as the lyrics suggested to me. We could, hopefully, only become closer still.

I began openly admiring Soobin across the table from me. Everybody there probably _did_ want him as Jeff Buckley's famous song suggested around us quietly. I knew I certainly did. And I was lucky enough for Soobin to only have those dark and beautiful eyes of his for me as he gazed back at me.

 _I know they all look so good from a distance_ _  
__But I tell you, I'm the one_

I would prove that to Soobin further if that's what he wanted.

Two waiters soon arrived at our table, one placing down a large bottle of crystal clear water and the other placing down a plate almost 2 foot wide in front of me. The lobster upon it had been deconstructed and arranged in a beautiful pattern that made you even wonder how it even looked beforehand. A type of red sauce or _'jus'_ I guess, was scattered delicately around the plate on one side. The other side had another type of liquid that was yellow and very translucent. I didn't know what they were but the entire thing smelled _incredible_.

"Thank you again for this, Soobin."

"Enjoy, Kai" he smiled at me.

Dear. Fucking. _Lord_.

I sat there as I barely even chewed the first mouthful coupled with the sauces. I just closed my eyes and shook my head, the smile upon my lips was as unstoppable as my love for Soobin, himself.

"Describe it to me, Kai" I opened my eyes to see Soobin smiling excitedly at me across the table.

"It's...." I shook my head again, swallowing my mouthful down and thought about it.

"It's got a meatier texture to it than shrimp, but it's so _sweet_. Like crab, but there's virtually no fishiness to it _at all_. It just somehow melts in your mouth even though the meat is solid. It just breaks apart and becomes this... this... beautifully disintegrated mouthful of pure _heaven_."

"That sounds remarkable" Soobin laughed quietly at me.

There was so much on my plate, but I finished it easily. I was so hungry and the taste was moreish so it was barely a difficult task. I sat there savouring the very last mouthful of it. I felt bad that Soobin couldn't have enjoyed it, nor had he apparently ever had the chance to before he became what he is.

"You know I just had a thought, Soobin.."

"What's that?"

"You could have sneaked your blood in here and just emptied it into a glass."

He looked at me impossibly, like he thought I was probably crazy. But I got the feeling he knew I had a point.

"People would have just thought it was red wine" I grinned at him and pushed my now empty plate away from myself slightly.

"What a cunning mind you have, Kai" he laughed softly at me.

A cunning mind? I looked down at one of the cotton napkins on the table to my right and began nervously fiddling with it as I thought. I hadn't been cunning enough that evening so far. I still had questions to ask him. I was enjoying Soobin's company and the food too much to have even thought about any of them. Even though we were out in public, it still felt like the right moment.

"What's it like... _being_ a vampire?"

Another broad question, but I wanted his personal opinion on the matter. I looked up at Soobin and he seemed almost worried about the inquiry, but he eventually began replying.

"The answer to that, Kai, vastly differs from being to being. Some embrace the night, some rip it wide open. Some... hide from it."

"I'm guessing you hide?"

"For lack of a better explanation, yes."

Of course he hid from it. He was playing the part of a human, basically, in a whole different world. But for how long had he been putting up that facade?

"How.. old are you, exactly?"

"Physically or mentally?" He smiled at me and I returned the expression.

I figured he must have been somewhere between 20 to 30, but it honestly didn't even remotely matter. He could have even been 40 and I wouldn't have _cared_ ; I loved him too much to let the trivial matter of physical age bother me.

"Mentally" I eventually replied.

He looked around himself for a moment before he grinned at me in a teasing manner.

"Take a guess."

I looked down as I thought about it. That first night I had met him I _did_ think he could have almost been from the English Victorian era of the 1800s. And that piano of his... I began to smile again.

"You said that piano of yours was given to you as a child... I'm guessing at least 200 years old."

"Correct. My body, however, is the same age as yours, just eternally frozen in time."

Well, I wasn't far off the mark with his body, but his _mind_... 200 years. What had he _done_ with his time apart from hiding from the ever-changing modern world? Hadn't he been lonely? Did he not feel the need for a companion of some kind? Was that why... he was protecting me and keeping me alive? I could now hear my heart inside my ears, beating almost as loudly as it had when he had revealed his identity to me. I _had_ to ask him. I couldn't go one more moment without knowing.

I brought my gaze up to his own and second-guessed my own ability to even speak, but I forced myself to. Tell me what you want from me, Soobin.

"Have you.. Ever thought about... turning someone before?"

I watched as Soobin almost seemed to physically change before my very eyes. His eyes were clearer, his skin looked warmer in colour, every single strand that sat perfectly upon his head seemed to suddenly _shine_ like a black diamond. I felt as if I really _was_ sitting in front of a human. My question had made him come _alive_. He looked at me with the deepest of intent upon his now glowingly paleish pink complexion. I could see every last slither of deep brown within his eyes that seemed to almost burn with flecks of auburn; a fire now ignited within him. He slid a hand across the table between us and pressed a surprisingly warm thumb into a vein in my wrist.

"All the time."

I mirrored every last bit of intention back to him as he looked at me. A million words wanted to come pouring out of my mouth, but there were none that would have made any sense to either of us. I understood. I understood _everything_. At long last. The very last finishing touches upon the unreal painting of him before me had now been added. Everything around me seemed to disappear. There was no table between us. No people around us. Even the walls didn't exist. The music that still played had been muted. All I could see and feel was him. Soobin; a masterpiece. A vampire who wanted me to join him in immortality.

I don't know how long we sat there for. Time could have stopped and I wouldn't have noticed. I felt like crying. I felt like smiling. I felt like laughing in hysteria, joy and disbelief. A wide variety of emotions as vast as the surface of the sun mixed together inside of myself, slowly consuming my heart and mind second by second. Although I had the feeling I had already made up my mind, accepting his request was still almost somewhat impossible. The confession was every bit deep and true as it was inconceivable; everything and nothing.

I finally dropped my gaze to his thumb still pressed into my wrist and I wrapped my hand over on top of his. I shifted in my seat, withdrawing myself out of the other world I had slipped into.

"Should we go?"

He nodded at me and I slowly stood up from where I sat. My legs felt heavy as if I had been seated for hours. Soobin paid for my meal and we left via taxi once more. I sat silently in the back with him, holding onto his hand as I gazed out the window, watching the street lights pass us. I did want to be a part of his world. I barely had anything to leave behind me. His existence and purpose had been put on full display, but...

Heh. Maybe it was obvious. Maybe it wasn't. I knew Soobin wanted my _presence_ in his life. But did he also want my love too? The love I hadn't yet admitted? The love that was becoming harder and harder to hide. I looked at him quietly out of the corner of my eye as the taxi got closer to his house.

I knew the time was ripe to give him one last confession of my own to match the one he had given me inside the restaurant. I wouldn't let the sun rise to begin a new day without showing him the inside of my heart first. I only hoped the inside of his own looked like mine as well.


	17. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter delves into some mostly mild sexual content. I've tried to make this as heavily suggestive as possible without getting too carried away. But as a courtesy to my readers, I thought I would give some forewarning if ANY kind of sexually natured themes don't sit well with you. If this is you, kindly accept my apologies and wait until the next update. If you don't care, carry on as you were ^^ Thank you.

We arrived at Soobin's house and I stood within the entranceway. I had goosebumps covering almost my entire body. I wasn't cold, just... nervous. I suddenly felt like I wanted to lie down with how much my head began to spin upon my shoulders. Soobin interrupted the thoughts with a question dressed in the ever deep politeness of his voice.

"Kai, could I please borrow your phone again?"

I looked at him and smiled, pulling it out of my pocket to give it to him. I didn't know who he was trying to call, but it didn't much bother me at the time. What was important to him, was important to me.

"I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Oh? So soon? It's only 7 pm."

I turned away from his prying eyes and gave a casual shrug of my shoulders, trying not to let on that there was anything wrong.

"The past few days have been taxing."

It wasn't a lie. But it wasn't the entire truth I needed to get out, either.

"Of course, Kai. I understand."

I slowly walked away from him down the hallway. It was dark but I had memorized how many doors down I needed to be to find the bedroom. I looked at the two doorways that sat parallel from each other and decided to head into the bathroom instead. I quickly brushed my teeth and stripped myself down to just my underwear and the white t-shirt I had worn underneath my hoodie. I carried my clothes back out into the bedroom across the hall, placing them down upon where I faintly saw the outline of my bag. It was still too dark. This wouldn't do.

I walked around the bed and felt my way around the windowsill until I found the lock of the blinds that were pulled down and released it. The blinds slowly rolled up before me and I was greeted with the bright light of the moon that sat in the sky, filtering into the room through a bare tree in the backyard. Was this a sight I could get used to? Would the moon offer me as much comfort as the sun previously had?

I turned back around, lying upon the bed on the left side closest to my belongings. I reached my hands up behind myself between the back of my head and the soft pillow beneath it. The bed sure was comfortable. Soft but with just the right amount of firmness to it. Not lumpy like mine at home was. I could soon hear Soobin's footsteps approaching the bedroom and felt my nerves kick up again. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, standing within the doorway.

"You want the blinds up as you sleep?"

"Your windows are so massive, they let so much light in. I felt like being bathed in the moonlight tonight."

God, this small talk just wouldn't do. How could I possibly talk about anything casually with that confession of Soobin's sitting at the forefront of my mind and my own impending one that sat alongside with it? I needed an opening, but I just didn't know how to create one at that exact moment. I knew Soobin was too polite to try and pry my mind open for me. He would just want to let me sleep. But that just wasn't an option. I heard him turn on the spot.

"Well... Goodnight, Kai. Sweetest of dreams."

No. Don't go.

"Soobin..." I spoke and I heard him stop as he had taken his first step away from me. He was listening.

"Please stay" I whispered out, wondering if it had been loud enough for him to even hear. But from the sound of his now approaching footsteps, I knew he had.

He walked around to the opposite side of the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it as he looked up out the window at the moon.

"Something on your mind, Kai?" He spoke calmly, quietly, deeply.

My eyes traced the silhouette of him seated there in the moonlight, my heart hammering in my chest enough to bruise my rib cage.

"There's a lot on my mind... Most of it is about you."

My reply was as vague as ever, but I was still struggling with how to approach the conversation. Soobin turned around to look at me, smiling, but his expression seemed to change as he saw me lying there. He had seen the look upon my face, something about it drew him closer to me. He moved to lie down beside me on the opposite side of the bed, the mattress moving slightly as he did.

I stared up at the high wooden ceiling, tracing over all the shadows the moonlight created upon it. Well, I had his attention, at least. But was it _really_ as easy as saying 'I love you'?

Of course it was. But some things are easier said than done.

As confident as I had been with Soobin with both my words and actions in previous situations, this felt delicate, perishable, I was almost too afraid to touch it. The next words spoken between us would likely seal my fate once and for all. Once they were admitted... there was no turning back. My death. My rebirth. My immortality. All of it coming down to those 3 little words.

But what if... he could speak them first? Could I coax one last little confession out of him? I took in a deep breath to calm my worried tongue.

"Tell me, Soobin... what do I mean to you?"

I thought for a moment that perhaps I was being vague again. But I had almost done it on purpose. I didn't want to be too overly direct. I needed to handle the inquiry with care.

"You are... the sunshine of my existence. And I-"

I held my breath, waiting, hoping that the inside of his heart was an exact reflection of my own.

".. I love you."

I exhaled deeply and sat upright almost through my body's own accord. I needed to see his eyes. I slowly leaned across his body beside me, my right hand sinking into the pillow beneath his head and he looked up at me. There was no lie, no hesitancy. Deep acceptance sat upon his flawlessly pale skin as he gazed up at me. I wanted to kiss him, but the memory of that first kiss of ours we had shared and where it had led us before stopped me. I couldn't put us both into that situation again. I knew it had been an accident, but that wasn't to say that _this_ time... it hadto be his _lips_ that I kissed.

I looked up at the straight line of pale skin peeking out between his dark strands and lowered my lips to it, pressing a tender and sweet kiss into his forehead. I let my lips linger on him, letting my affection for his confession and everything about him sink into his mind from my mouth through his cool exterior.

I came back down to stare down into his now soft eyes and there wasn't a force known to man that could have stopped me from speaking my next words.

"I love you too, Soobin."

His left hand slowly came up, cupping my cheek within it and sliding his thumb affectionately across my now warmed skin from his words. The corners of his lips curled upwards as he gazed up at me, a very different smile sat upon his face from any I had previously seen upon him. He knew, we _both_ knew, we were meant for each other. Despite all the events of the past few weeks, we had broken through all of it to come out the other side. His moon has eclipsed my sun, we now sat together, day and night existing in perfect harmony; full circle.

I smiled as I saw those beautifully deep dimples of his grace his face and I couldn't stop myself from dipping down to kiss one of them, feeling its small hollow be filled with my lower lip. He smiled further from the gesture. If he was comfortable enough with that, perhaps he would let me _truly_ show him my undying love..

I reached a hand up to his chin, gently gripping it and tilting his head to the side, my eyes were met with the side of his neck and what little amount of bare skin sat there. He always had his shirt done up to his throat, but I would work with what was given to me. I pressed a gentle kiss just above where his collar sat, then another, and another, leaving a trail of tender affection up his neck. My ears were graced with the sound of him sighing deeply from my lip's short and slow journey. My chest that was now against his felt a small shiver against it from him beneath me. I felt the multiple small and icy tips of his fingers slide under my t-shirt up my sides. The encouraging reactions of his body fueled me further, but I still couldn't let them take control of the situation.

Slow, Kai.

My mouth reached the junction of where his lower jaw connected to his ear and I whispered against it quietly.

"Do you trust me, Soobin?"

"I-" he hesitated. Perhaps it wasn't _me_ he had to trust as much as it was _himself_.

"Do you trust yourself?" I whispered again and waited patiently for a reply.

He didn't speak. I began to wonder if I had once again asked too much of him, but I soon felt his hands move to my lower back, pulling me closer to him in a silent reply to my questions. He hadn't said yes, but he hadn't said no. I just knew he wanted to at least _try_.

I understand, Soobin.

I pulled back and sat on my knees as I looked him over, still fully dressed. _Over_ dressed. I placed my hands upon his calves and slid them down to his leather dress shoes. I smiled at him as I wrapped the ends of one of each of the laces around my fingers and pulled them in a straight upwards motion to undo them. I reached my hands underneath to hook my fingertips into the back of his socks at his heels and pulled them downwards, making them and his shoes slide off his feet in one motion. I dropped all 4 items to the floor next to us over the side of the bed.

I reached out to one of his hands lying at his side and gripped it, gently pulling him forward to sit upright. I kept my gaze upon his eyes, staring out as much trust as I could into his as my hands slowly pushed his velvet coat off his shoulders and down his arms. He lifted himself slightly to untuck the rest of the deep black article from underneath his seated position. He looked to the left of us and threw the coat onto a chair that sat in the corner near the window. I smiled. He didn't want _that_ particular item on the floor. It was too precious to him.

I edged closer to him, gentle pressure upon his sternum with the palm of my hand as I pushed him to lie back down, strands of his hair laying upon the pillow like a little dark halo above him. I moved to kneel between his legs, lying his thighs over the top of my own. I reached up to the top button of his white shirt, undoing it, then the 2nd and the 3rd, working my way down to the very last one and pushed the fabric apart to reveal his bare torso. I pulled the garment off his arms and pulled it out from underneath him, letting it fall to join his socks and shoes upon the floor.

His shoulders and chest were broad, almost as much as my own and lightly toned. His body was every bit as pale as his face and seemed to narrow inwards considerably from the bottom of his ribcage to a rather small waist and hips that sat in a straight line, slimmer than my own. I grinned as my eyes moved to his stomach and noticed the 6 little abdominal muscles that subtly sat adjacent from him.

I didn't know you had abs, Soobin. You hid them from me almost as well as everything else you had previously.

I reached out my hands to them, my fingers moving across his cool but slowly warming skin and he sighed pleasantly from my touch. I leaned over him and kissed his neck again, but I made a descent with my lips this time. I passed over his collarbones with the very edges of my lips, barely skimming their surface and earning another sigh out of him. I dropped to his chest, leaving slightly more succulent kisses against it and his hands were now lightly gripping my upper arms, but they weren't pushing me away. He moved them to grip the back of my shirt, beginning to pull it up towards himself. I let him and finished removing it by myself as I threw it away, sitting up momentarily. His eyes were upon me, his lower lip parting from his upper as he traced every outline of my torso.

"You're so..." he paused as his evermore confident hands reached outwards to me, placing his large warming palms upon my sides and slowly but surely pushed them upwards until they were upon my chest.

"... Beautiful, Kai" he finished his compliment and I smiled at it, pushing myself against his hands to feel them more directly on me. I let out a small moan with the feeling of him touching me so confidently for the first time. He was starting to become intoxicating.

I bowed my head back down to continue kissing my lips into every small curve and crevice of his stomach. My hands slid down his sides and underneath him, gently scratching at his lower back with the tips of my fingernails. I moved my palms around to his front, skipping them gently over his hips to grip his upper thighs, squeezing them in my hands firmly to feel the muscles tense under my grasp. I slowly grew more and more confident in my endeavour to pleasure him with each and every one of his soft moans and small tremors I heard and felt under me.

I extended the tip of my tongue and dragged it from the centre of his stomach down to where the hem of his pants sat at his hips. He was gasping at me now, no longer quietly enjoying the moment but actively wanting more. The sound of him made my lower abdomen clench with an impossible desire, the only other article of clothing upon myself no longer sat comfortably across my pelvis.

"Kai...." he breathed out at me and my eyes shot up to his face. His hair was already dishevelled across his forehead and his eyes were staring intensely at me, a lustful essence flowing forth from them into my own. His expression was desperate, longing, deeply needing something more than what I was giving him. But I knew it wasn't my blood he was wanting.

I sat back and could barely control the speed in which my eager hands worked to undo his belt and pants, forcing them and his underwear down his long toned legs and off, dropping them to the ever-growing mountain of his clothes upon the floor. I allowed another soft moan deep in the back of my throat to myself at the sight of him before me. I returned my mouth to his lower stomach, deliberately avoiding the exact position upon himself that he was so desperately desiring lips and tongue to be. My hands massaged the top of his shuddering thighs and I suddenly felt satisfied with my brave decision to have started this expedition of his physical form. I hadn't expected him to become so quickly unravelled from my actions, but I _had_ suspected that he had never been in such an intimate space with another person before, in his past or present existence.

His hands were pushing through my hair now, lightly gripping it as I continued to just tease him, not giving in quite yet. I knew I was possibly playing with my own life by reducing a vampire to a quivering mess beneath me, but I was somewhat further aroused by the dangerous feeling it gave me. I tilted my head to lick one of his hip bones, moaning at the feeling of a familiar heat and firmness from between his legs pressing into the edge of my collarbone, feeling the deep warmth of it pulse against my skin.

".. Kai.. please.." he gasped out above me.

"Please what, Soobin?" the words dripped from my mouth from how wet it was from the teasing kissing and licking of the bare skin of his hips.

I saw him blush brightly above me, his whole body tense from my relentless onslaught of keeping him on the very edge of his sanity. I offered a smirk up at him, his thumb now sliding along my lower lip in a quiet, suggestive manner of trying to speak to me without words. He was too bashful to tell me what he wanted, so I thought maybe I would give him a demonstration of his thoughts.

I gripped his wrist in my hand, curling my tongue around the base of his middle and forefingers, leaving a wet trail of hot saliva up the side of them. I held his gaze with my own, not letting him look away as I kissed his fingertips, sucking them inwards in a torturously slow descent into my mouth and against my tongue. I made the long and slender digits disappear entirely and all he could do was watch hopelessly. I felt his twitching fingers at the back of my throat and I swallowed around them, the muscles inside my neck enclosing and clenching around the two phallic objects before I offered a moan around them in deep satisfaction. I could barely wait to taste and feel the _real_ object of my desires in the exact same spot in my throat that his fingers were.

His eyes were glued to my mouth, impossibly stuck like chewing gum as he struggled to comprehend the very state I had worked him into. I slowly began pulling back, increasing the suction around his fingers as I did, grinding my tongue along every inch of them before giving one last little flick of my wet muscle against his fingertips. I licked my lips at him, detaching the small string of my saliva that was attached to his now drenched fingers.

"... Heaven's above, Kai.." Soobin almost whimpered out to me. I stifled a small laugh at his choice of words. I moved back up his body to whisper some choice words of my own to him before my mouth would be too full with his throbbing need to speak to him again.

"I want to give you everything, Soobin.." I pressed my forehead against his as I spoke and I could practically feel the heat from his cheeks rise up through the air onto my face. He was burning up from the lustful fever I had induced inside him. I leaned around and licked the edge of his burning hot earlobe, gently nibbling at it before whispering.

"I want to give you.." I paused with particular emphasis as I then pressed my hips down into his own, fire meeting fire to create an inferno "..Every last inch."

He arched off the bed beneath us and up against me, pleasurable shivers ripped over the skin of my back with the deep and needful moan I drew out of him. His hands were upon the tops of my shoulders, pushing me back down his body and I let him. His gasps for air that graced my ears as I finally descended my mouth upon him were so beautiful, they were like nothing I'd ever heard.

He was music to my ears. A song I was already addicted to from the first listen. I would put him on repeat for the rest of the night and not let up until I had memorized every last vocal tone and octave he could give me. I would rewrite and undo him until he sounded nothing like his original composition. How deep could I make his tone? How high could I get him before his falsetto would break? How fast could I change the tempo and bring it right back down to where it started?

I would conduct him into a symphony of our very own private rendition of _Moonlight Sonata_ within the glow of the night sky. And this was just the 1st movement.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes a bit deeper into Soobin's backstory, and Kai's, I suppose. I didn't want to give a geographical location to this story, really. Mostly because I've been undecided. But I've finally come to a decision ^^ Enjoy, readers.

I groaned softly, rolling onto my front with the sound and feel of movement next to me, but I was honestly too drained to open my eyes to it yet. I heard a small metal noise and soon felt the mattress beneath me move again and I eventually peered my eyes open to see Soobin smiling at me on his side. He almost took my breath away with the expression. Did I really die last night and now awoke within heaven?

"Good morning, beautiful" Soobin breathed out at me, deep relaxation in his voice.

I wasn't dead, but I was certainly in heaven, regardless.

I grinned at him, the previous night flooding every empty space in my head as I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him headfirst into my chest. He gave me a small laugh and nestled up against me, his hands resting around my waist. I felt so _heavy_. Every muscle in my body ached from our moonlit night together. I didn't get much sleep but I didn't feel the need for any more of it either. Being awake with Soobin seemed so much better than any dream my imagination could ever put together.

"Good morning, Soobin" I said as I placed a gentle kiss into the messy strands of the top of his head.

"Do you have work today?"

"Hmm.." What day was it, even? Thursday?

"No. Thursdays I no longer work. Those were one of the days my boss took away from me."

I didn't even know if I still _needed_ my job. As much as I had accepted my fate last night, Soobin and I hadn't discussed it further. We... hadn't discussed much, at all, actually, being the activities between us were 99% physical.

"I suppose you're stuck with me all day instead," Soobin said lightheartedly. I had never heard that tone to his voice before. I truly had made him happy and I smiled at the thought.

"I think I prefer that option more."

I soothingly traced my fingertips in small patterns across his back, feeling a few particularly favourite moments of mine from the previous night creep their way across my mind.

"What did you wish to do with your day then?"

I smirked to myself at the thought of once more turning Soobin into a whimpering, orgasmic mess under my hips like he previously had been. Was "you" an acceptable answer to his question?

"Nothing that requires getting out of bed for."

I heard Soobin try to stifle a small giggle into my bare chest and felt it become warm from his cheeks that I guessed were now blushing. A few blissful and quiet moments passed between us before he eventually spoke to me, the sound of his voice peaking slightly with curiosity.

"Kai.. can I show you something? I would like your opinion."

"Mm? Yeah, of course."

He rolled away from me and bent down to rummage through his clothes on the floor for something. I admired the long line of his body and fought back the notion of grabbing those hips of his back into mine. He rolled back and had my phone in his hand that he had kept on him from the previous night. He was dialing a number and held the phone up to his ear before passing it to me.

"What do you make of this noise?"

I took my phone from him and listened intently, hearing the sound of a disconnected line beeping furiously.

"It usually means the line on the receiving end has been disconnected."

I saw Soobin's expression change from curiosity to worry.

"Who are you trying to reach?"

".. Yeonjun. He's the only other immortal acquaintance I have a friendly relationship with."

He must have been the other vampire he had mentioned to me that wasn't Beomgyu or Taehyun.

"I'm guessing he's the one you said I don't have to worry about?"

Soobin gave a nod to my question and I looked back down at the phone, ending the failed call with a press of my thumb into the screen.

"Do you.. Need to talk to him about the other night?"

Soobin looked up at me again, concern still covering every inch of his features.

"Yes.."

How much danger was I really in that he had to seek outside help? I was safe as long as I was with Soobin... right?

"Do you really think those other vampires want me that badly?"

Soobin's gaze upon me lowered again and I saw almost all the happiness in him melt away with my question.

"They're monsters, Kai. Although they seem to have found a way to blend into modern society, their instinct to hunt and kill at will is still very much present."

The air around me suddenly felt cold and dead. Maybe we had temporarily gotten ahead of ourselves. As much as we had both enjoyed our previous evening together and the exchanges of words between us, perhaps we _should_ have spoken more about the distant and lurking danger I was in. But it seemed like Soobin was at a loss. This Yeonjun he spoke of was clearly the answer to him. But then... maybe the answer was right in front of us.

"Maybe it would be easier if I _were_ a vampire."

I gazed out of all thought and mind at the small space between Soobin and I upon the cotton sheets, feeling all I had known as the mortal I still was pass by me. As I had previously pondered, there were very few things still holding me to my world.

"Do you... really think you could enjoy this kind of existence, Kai?"

I placed my phone down between us and rolled onto my back, staring up at the dark ceiling. Did I want to become like Soobin? Yes. Just to be able to be with him, forever. But even after the questions I had asked him, I still had very little idea of what to _really_ expect from it. There were some trivial things I would soon be without though.

"There's a lot of things I would miss. I like to take walks in the park with my guitar and find a quiet spot to play during Spring. I would miss going to the beach in Summer. I would miss my job, as much as that's slipping away from me, already.."

Jack. I _would_ miss him. I felt terrible about the manner in which I had left him yesterday after he truly opened up to me about his life for the first time since I had met him. Such odd timing for it to have happened, but I was almost glad for it. He really _was_ the father in my life that I had missed for almost all of it. And now, I.. had to say goodbye to him too, almost as permanently as I had to with my birth father. But at least I had gotten to know him. I hoped he would grow to like listening to music again and hopefully allow himself to be healed from it. I felt a small smile cross my lips.

"I would still have music though."

"That is true, Kai. Music has always been there for me throughout all my years. It's been.. All I've ever truly had, that didn't eventually disappear."

I looked over to Soobin, feeling my soul see his own in an understanding too vast and deep for words. He understood the true, immortal essence of music too. He knew that once you let music into your life, you had automatically gained a friend for all eternity.

"Likewise."

I rolled back over to face him, lifting a hand to his cheek and slowly caressing the side of it with the back of my finger.

"And I have you too, now."

Soobin's face broke out into a huge, uncontrollable smile which drew my own upon me.

God, I was so in love with him. So completely and utterly _whipped_.

He tilted his head to kiss the edge of my hand and I leaned over to press one match it against the hair sitting across his forehead. I felt a muscle in my shoulder ache from the movement, my body was still tired and sore. I needed some kind of relief from it.

"As much as I want to stay in bed with you, Soobin, I do feel the need for a shower."

"Of course" he continued smiling at me and I rolled away from him, making my way into the bathroom across the hall.

I flicked the light on and ran the shower to heat up. As I stood there, I slowly turned around and saw my reflection upon the mirror above the vanity. I squinted at it and could make out small marks upon my chest. I looked down at myself, noticing Soobin had left tracks upon me with his fingernails. As much as he had tried to keep his hands to himself most of the time for fear of what I presumed would be hurting me, there were.. certain moments.. Where he couldn't help himself. I smiled softly at the little souvenirs I had collected from him and made my way to stand under the gushing water of the shower.

Nope. There was no way. I couldn't ever go back home to my old shower. This water pressure was just too good. Sorry, Soobin, but I live here now.

I slowly rotated around on the spot every so often, letting the water beat down into my tired muscles from all angles. I leaned a forearm up against the wall and bowed my head against it as I slowly felt every ache be relieved. The previous night I had been wildly unprepared for a fact about vampires that had never crossed my mind- their sexual endurance. It wasn't something to be taken lightly. Soobin took just about everything he could from me and then some. I certainly hadn't complained about it, but my body hated me with every last fiber that morning from the overexertion.

I blinked my eyes open from my further relaxing state as I heard the bathroom door open behind me. I pushed my fingers up through my wet hair and out of my eyes, looking back over my shoulder to see Soobin had made his way in and was now walking towards the large open area of the shower. I was about to turn around but he had already reached me and was sliding his arms around my waist to cuddle into me from behind.

"Mind if I join you?" he said quietly against my ear.

"You're already here, aren't you?" I grinned in response.

He laughed softly "A valid point. Disregard my request."

I relaxed further in his embrace, the feeling of the massaging warm water and his arms around me were matched together perfectly. I could have stayed there forever and it wouldn't have felt wasted.

"Would you do me the honour of playing some music for me today, Kai?"

"You don't have to ask, Soobin. I was going to, anyway."

He bowed his head into the side of mine.

"You really do suit that middle name of yours, Mr Huening."

I laughed quietly but I was suddenly curious about something that had never crossed my mind until then.

"Soobin... what's your surname?"

"There are a few different answers to that question.."

I turned around to him, staying inside his arms and looked into his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"My given name from my family is Lewis, but every 50 years or so I change it to something else to try keep myself out of the suspicious minds of humans. At the _moment_ , my surname is Choi."

"Choi? Like the street we're on?"

"Correct. My family legacy left many estates across this city that I now own. I like to change my surname depending on where I'm living at the time. So, for the time being, Choi is the surname I choose to go by."

"Fascinating.." I trailed off and thought a bit more and asked another question.

"So you really are from Britain's Victorian era?"

"I was born in the Georgian era, actually. But the Victorian era was my favourite. I preferred the arts that came to fruition during that time."

He grinned at me almost secretly with his next words.

"Although I can tell you certainly aren't from this country, are you, Kai? You have a hint of a foreign accent to you. Where did your birth parents raise you?"

"Oh so you did notice that.." I laughed and continued.

"I was born in Hawaii. Even though I was only living there until I was 4 at the orphanage, I sort of held onto my accent. My adoptive parents are from here and they brought me back with them."

"I see.. And just... what sort of blood runs in your veins, Kai?"

I blinked at him, wondering what kind of answer he _really_ expected out of me considering it had come from a vampire. He noticed my confusion and corrected himself.

"My apologies, that sounded misplaced. I meant your family history. Just what kind of combination are you to be as beautiful as you are?" he smiled, tracing my jawline with his fingers.

I smiled at him "My father was German American and my mother was Korean."

"Oh.... what a pleasant mix, indeed. That explains a lot, Kai" and he smiled at me further, admiring my features through the increasing steam of the shower.

I pulled him closer to me, the warm water flowing between us.

"I've enjoyed this history lesson" I grinned at him.

"Likewise, Kai."

The rest of the day slipped by relatively slowly. Soobin let me go out and return with some lunch. Egg tarts enjoyed with a side of grape juice from Soobin's refrigerators. Of course. I spent most of the afternoon and early evening in the study, playing a multitude of songs for Soobin, but with all the happiness I had brought him through them, his mind was still elsewhere. I couldn't quite seem to get him to give me all his undying attention. I knew he was still struggling with the idea of wanting to keep me safe and to find a solution to the two vampires who wanted my life. I wanted to ask Soobin to just solve the problem, himself. To just change me. But the only thing stopping me from asking him was Jack.

I needed to say goodbye to him. Properly. Not just disappear off the face of the earth without a word and for him to presume me as being dead. He had already lost his own child. I knew he thought of me as his own son and I just couldn't bring myself to make him go through that similar pain of losing someone all over again, not when his business and even his wife were slipping away from him too. I was too familiar with grief to let it willingly happen to another person. I had tentatively decided to work one last day with him, but I still hadn't formed a solid enough excuse to quit my job. Could I say I was leaving town with Soobin, permanently? It didn't seem plausible enough. It was too sudden. Jack was too smart to see through my lies. I just didn't want him to think that I was dead. I had to give it much more thought. I needed an outside opinion from someone much more experienced at this type of thing.

Perhaps Soobin was right. Maybe I, too, could find some solutions through this Yeonjun.

I looked down at the piano in front of me, Soobin was in the kitchen cleaning his recently emptied wine glass of blood and I thought about one last song to play for him. Something that would... really speak to him. To calm him. To make him see that, even if it didn't seem obvious at the time, everything would be okay in the end.

My fingers wandered back and forth over the keys until I eventually pressed them down, ascending up the keys from the bass notes and eventually felt a tune enter my mind that seemed relevant to our situation. Soobin was soon standing beside me again, watching, and I decided to sing to him as I played.

[Stand By Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pqW_4LH03c&list=PLx3sQc7YekdGU5M7NCGkB_xFE7-_USZyc&index=11)

_When the night has come  
_ _And the land is dark  
_ _And the moon is the only light we'll see  
_ _No I won't be afraid  
_ _Oh, I won't be afraid  
_ _Just as long as you stand  
_ _Stand by me_

Soobin was soon sitting next to me on the bench seat and to my surprise, began harmonizing with me during the chorus. His voice was so delicate and clear. He truly didn't think of himself as anything much of a Musician? How wrong you were, Soobin. If his talent didn't lie within playing a piano, it certainly did with his very own instrument inside of himself.

I wrapped the song up as delicately as I had started and turned to face him, barely able to control the oncoming compliment I was about to pay him.

"You know, you have a really good voice, Soobin."

His dark eyebrows arched up at me in surprise.

"I.. do?"

"Absolutely. Your falsetto is beautiful."

I saw him smile and bow his head.

"Thank you, Kai."

"We should be a duo act at The Black Swan" I grinned at him teasingly, but I was almost deadly serious. It would be my idea of perfection, making music with Soobin and having an audience wider than just the two of us listening to it. I wanted people to hear him.

"Sometime.. maybe.. Kai, I hate to ask this of you, but I need you to accompany me somewhere this evening."

I looked at his expression closely, the concern that had been present within him all day was coming to a head again.

"I'm guessing it's not out to dinner?"

He shook his head as he looked down into his lap.

"I need to see Yeonjun. I... we need his help. He's the most worldly, experienced person or vampire I've ever met and we would do well to seek his counsel."

Most worldly, experienced person _Soobin_ had ever known? If he trusted him, so could I. I could seek my own advice from him.

"I understand. You seem.. Distressed about it though."

His brows knitted together further, but he couldn't bring himself to speak about the worries that plagued his mind.

"Just promise me you'll stay close, Kai. Stand by me."

I smiled and he did too, both of us realizing that he had caught the message in my song. As long as we had each other, things would be alright.

"I promise, Soobin. Whatever you need."

His hand moved to one of mine upon my lap and gently squeezed it.

We left his house not long after via taxi. We were heading into the wealthier suburbs and soon the vehicle came to a stop outside of a... well it wasn't so much a house. It was a mansion. Its size was just pure _stupidity_. Did Yeonjun live by himself, too?

We stepped out of the taxi after Soobin had paid the driver and I stood there before the open, black iron gates, my mouth hanging open in overwhelment.

"And I thought your house was big.."

Soobin took my hand in his hold securely and began walking us up the long and winding driveway. On either side of us were lawns and conifer trees in immaculate shape and form. I looked ahead the closer we approached the residence. There must have been at least 30, no.. 40 rooms within it, most of the ones towards the front door were lit up with soft, glowing lights. They looked like candles. This was really how the other half lived? Well, how vampires seemed to live, anyway. I would likely end up being the poorest vampire out of all of them at that rate.

We were now at the front door, it was dark and tall, but almost twice the size of Soobin's. He offered a knock upon it and we waited in silence. But no one was approaching. Soobin knocked again and decided to softly call out.

"Yeonjun?"

I thought perhaps he was just out at the time, but Soobin didn't seem to have the same thought patterns as I did at the moment. He stepped forward and tried opening the door, it swung open before us from being unlocked and Soobin stepped through. I followed, my hand still within his own.

The entranceway was lit up with probably around 400 or so candles upon tall iron stands. The walls were tall and the ceiling was high. Paintings and small statues hung and stood in every corner in between the burning cylinders of wax. Surely he was home. He wouldn't have left all the candles still burning if he was out? I would have been too worried about the possibilities of a house fire.

I felt Soobin's hand clutch mine tightly all of a sudden and he began stepping back towards the door.

"What's wrong, Soobin?" I whispered next to him.

"We need to leave, Kai. Something-"

I felt a sudden cold and hard pressure around my throat. My feet were lifted from the ground and I was being pushed straight backwards with as much force and speed as a body being hit by a truck. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't make a single sound. The whiplash that hit me left me stunned into silence.

" ** _KAI?!_** " I heard Soobin yell out from behind me.

I tried to gasp for air but the pressure around my throat was too suffocating. I heard a loud thump come from somewhere and I finally opened my eyes to see that I was now outside on the doorstep, an arm extending out from my neck that led up to two familiar blood-red eyes and hair that sat across them.

Taehyun.... No.... He had found me...

"Good evening. How lovely of you to drop by tonight" he smirked at me, he was holding my entire body suspended in the air with his hold around my neck. I brought my hands up, trying to pry his fingers away from my skin, but they were so precisely and firmly placed upon my throat, making the insides of it feel like crushed concrete. I tried to cry out to Soobin but it wasn't physically possible. The red haired vampire in front of me just laughed at my pitiful attempts to free myself.

"The more you struggle, the more pain you'll cause yourself.... Not that I mind, of course."

How was he so strong for someone of his size? My head was becoming dizzy and he suddenly dropped me to the ground. I bent forward onto my hands and knees, coughing and trying to catch my breath. I felt even dizzier as my blood finally reached my head again. I tried to speak but my throat was a mess inside of myself. Where was Soobin? Taehyun was now kneeling in front of me, placing two fingertips under my chin and forced my head up with very little effort to make me look into those terrifying eyes of his.

"I do hope you've got all your affairs in order."

He inched closer until he was mere centimetres away from my face.

"As it's time to say goodbye now."


	19. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Graphic descriptions of violence and BEOMKAI. What more could you want?

"S-Soobi-" I coughed, clutching at my throat with a shaking hand. Taehyun was still kneeling in front of me, offering a small heartless laugh at each and every attempt I made to call out to Soobin. Where was he?

"Don't worry. Soobin's still here, although he's currently a little bit... indisposed."

I saw Taehyun's large eyes move to something over my shoulder, I heard footsteps and turned my head around to see a long, slender body that led up to eyes and hair as dark as night and a condescending look aimed down at me. Beomgyu. A smirk covered his lips as he caught my eyes with his. He was holding what appeared to be a small oval-shaped knife of some kind with an incredibly narrow tip dripping in blood.

No... Soobin...

The dark-haired man slowly licked the edge of the knife menacingly, cleaning the blood off of it.

"His blood is surprisingly sweet, for a vampire."

"What.. have you done wi-" I coughed again, it felt like my throat had gone through a woodchipper.

"He's not dead. _Yet_." Beomgyu grinned and twirled the small, sharp tool in his hands around his fingers thoughtfully as he looked at me.

I looked behind him and saw Soobin's legs lying upon the floor in the entranceway.

" _Quite_ the handy little tool, this" Beomgyu smirked again and stopped twirling the knife in his hand, tucking it into his back pocket.

"It pierces the back of the neck at just precisely the right angle and depth to sever the brain from the body. Although it's not enough to _kill_ a vampire since we have the ability to heal from such a wound. But it's enough for him to be unconscious for a few hours."

As much relief as it gave me to know that Soobin wasn't dead, it made me deeply curious.. What was their plan? Why hadn't they killed Soobin? Or _me_ yet, for that matter? Did I really want to know..?

"Do you fancy one last little stroll through the woods before you die, Kai?"

I whipped my head back around to Taehyun's words.

"The moon is full and the night is still _so_ young.." he offered me a flash of his perfectly white and somewhat naturally sharp teeth.

My body started shaking with the pure, relentless fear he had put into me. He suddenly grabbed the front of my shirt within his small but incredibly strong fist and pulled me upwards to stand upon my feet. He turned me on the spot and I winced as he slammed my body forward against the edge of the house to keep me from moving and spoke to Beomgyu.

"Tie his arms for me, Beomgyu. I don't want him making too much of a fuss when we..." he trailed off and laughed ".. take all we can from him."

Beomgyu stepped outside and unhooked a coiled rope hanging from the back of his belt, unravelling it and bound my wrists together at my back. It was tight and made my skin burn and my shoulder joints ache from the pressure in which he tied me. Taehyun grabbed a fistful of my hair at the back of my head and yanked me away from the wall to whisper next to my ear.

"Do be quiet on our little journey. I'd hate to have to gag that pretty little mouth of yours, too.."

He shoved me down the footsteps and I almost fell with how off balanced I felt with my arms behind my back. Beomgyu had hoisted Soobin up over his shoulder, beginning to carry his body like a sack of rice.

I couldn't figure out what their plan was. Where was Yeonjun? Had they disposed of him before we arrived? Was this why Soobin couldn't get through to him over the phone? It was obvious, Soobin and I had fallen into their trap. I started to feel guilty. This was all my fault. If I had just asked Soobin to turn me that night, none of this would have happened. I shouldn't have let the thought of saying goodbye to Jack stop me. It was about to cost me my life.

As Taehyun made me walk in front of him out through the backyard of the mansion, I thought further about Beomgyu's words. He said Soobin wasn't dead _yet_. Had they planned to kill him too? Was their goal to eradicate all other vampires within the city so they had full claim over everything? Was that a _thing_ in the world of vampires? Territories? Did they operate like a pack of wolves?

As hopeless as everything felt, I _had_ to think of something to stop them. I obviously couldn't take them on physically with the unreal strength that they possessed. Both literally and metaphorically, my hands were tied.

Come on, Kai, _think_. You need to save Soobin, even if... you can't save yourself.

"You know, I was thinking Taehyun, after we're done with this city, can we take on London? OH and then maybe Paris? I've always wanted to go there. And then Rome? Italy is so beautiful, not so much their food though- too many tomatoes. And then we-"

Beomgyu spoke so _fast_. He sounded like an auctioneer. He just didn't seem to need air in between his words.

"Oh do _shut up_ , Beomgyu. I've always told you that you talk too damned much" Taehyun spat at the other vampire behind me.

Was Taehyun in charge? What _was_ their dynamic? Master and servant? Had one turned the other? I needed to find out more about them. Only then could I begin to devise some sort of plan of my own to get Soobin and I out of the situation.

"Don't lie, Taehyun... you know you like it when I talk _dirty_ to you.."

Oh. So _that_ was their relationship. Good. I had something to work with. _How_ I would work with it though, I hadn't yet figured out.

"I would still rather you just held your tongue. Your mouth has almost gotten us caught, on _several_ occasions. I won't let your stupidity mess this up, Beomgyu. I've done too much work just for _you_ to fuck it all up."

The more serious of the two didn't seem to hold much respect for the other. My arsenal of tools to assist me with escaping was slowly growing. Could I.. turn one of them on the other?

They didn't speak for some time as they continued to walk me through the thick woods we were in. The bright light of the moon was the only light available to me, but it was plenty for me to see. The light made its way into every corner of the forest. Leaves and small branches crunched under my feet, watching the non-existent trail in front of me curl and twist as I thought further about what to do. Where were they leading me?

I could soon hear the sound of water trickling by in the distance. A river? My footsteps seemed to slow as it dawned on me. We were on the same side of town as where my ex was found dead. Had they really been the two who killed her?

"That's far enough" Taehyun spoke from behind me and I halted, fresh fear clutching me.

The two of them emerged from behind me under the moonlight, Beomgyu dropped Soobin to the ground several feet in front of me.

".. Soobin?" I tried calling out to him with my voice that seemed to be slowly returning to me. He didn't move.

"Heh... He's not awake. Nor will he ever be again." Beomgyu raised an eyebrow at me tauntingly.

They... they really were going to kill him, weren't they? Beomgyu was now approaching me, pushing me back until I hit the trunk of a tree.

"Are you ready? Just watch. Keep your eyes.." he turned to point at Soobin ".. on the birdie."

Taehyun was now gripping the back of Soobin's coat, dragging his body up to freely hang in the air before him. My hands clenched into fists behind myself, the coarseness of the ropes rubbing and almost making my skin bleed open. No, Soobin... I can't let you die. I needed to distract them to buy more time. Taehyun's mouth was mere inches away from Soobin's neck.

"You're a coward" I glared at Taehyun, hoping it was enough to take his attention away from Soobin. My words taunted his gaze back to me and I decided to add insult to injury.

"Why don't you fight him one on one like a _man_? Is it because it's easier with him being unconscious? Do you think you're not strong enough to take him out when he's awake? Pathetic."

I was either doing both Soobin and I a favour or making things incredibly worse. But it was slowing Taehyun's resolve, I could _see_ it upon his face. I knew I was getting inside his head like a worm into the earth. He dropped Soobin's body back down and turned to face me fully.

"My, you really are just _full_ of surprises, aren't you? A weak human like you speaking so boldly to _vampires_. You need to know your place.."

He began approaching me, leaving Soobin on the ground. Good. Do your worst, Taehyun. Just stay the hell away from Soobin.

Beomgyu stepped aside as Taehyun replaced his presence in front of me, his hand shot up to be around my neck again and my whole body ached from his fingers being placed in the exact same position as they previously had been, squeezing firmly. He leaned up over my shoulder to speak against my ear.

"I was just going to drink your blood straight after disposing of Soobin. But I don't think I will now..."

His voice deepened, a sinister and feral tone replacing his cool and calm one.

"I'm going to tear you open. Limb from limb like a pair of chopsticks. I'll _break_ you. Slowly. I'm going to make you scream until your voice leaves you. I will feast upon your dismembered arms and legs while you watch, completely helpless. I will take _everything_ from you and leave you here to die, wriggling upon the cold, dead earth like the _maggot_ you are."

He released my neck and I coughed harshly, trying to catch my breath again. Good one, Kai. You _had_ just made things worse. The short amount of time I had bought wasn't enough as Taehyun left me and walked back to Soobin. Then Beomgyu suddenly turned his head to something to the right and then Taehyun too just a second later. They were listening. Able to hear something that my human ears could not.

Taehyun clicked his tongue and sighed. "There are humans nearby down the river. I'll go deal with them." He turned back around to stare intensely at Beomgyu next to me.

"Stay here with him. **_Don't_** touch him."

"But he was my choice that night from the audience... why _can't_ I have him first?!"

Taehyun approached Beomgyu slowly, and I saw the dark-haired vampire bow his head almost like a beaten and defeated dog with his presence. Taehyun just stared at him, seeming a lot taller than the other with his posture.

"I will _let_ you have a taste of him first but only after I return. You're too pathetically inexperienced at this to do it all by yourself, Beomgyu. **_Know your place_**." The red-head backhanded the other sharply across the face, the sound echoing around us in the open area of the clearing in the forest.

Beomgyu backed away slowly, his head still down and Taehyun left in the direction of the people he had heard.

I could have almost felt sorry for Beomgyu if I didn't know that he wanted to kill me. But this had given me an opening to escalate things. Their basic instincts seemed animalistic in nature. There was obviously a pecking order between them and Beomgyu was at the bottom of the short list.

He kept his gaze away from me as he walked away to lean against the side of another tree not too far from me. He rubbed the side of his cheek for a moment where Taehyun had struck him and looked down at the moonlit earth in front of us. I looked at Soobin, still unmoving and then back to Beomgyu. He had pulled that little knife out from his back pocket and just stood there twirling it back and forth between his fingers.

I squinted at his hands, swearing I could have seen something upon his fingertips. I kept watching him, trying to figure out what it was. Then I finally figured out what they were. Calluses. One on every fingertip of his left hand, except for his thumb. I could recognize those little abrasions _anywhere_. They were from playing guitar.

I slowly drew my gaze up to his face. He looked pissed off. As he should have been considering the manner in which Taehyun had just spoken to him. It took me a minute to try and gather together all the courage and knowledge I had of the pair of them. I cleared my throat and began speaking to him.

"Those calluses on your fingers..." Beomgyu looked over at me, stopping his little twists of the knife in his hand.

"You're a guitarist, aren't you?" I said as gently as I could. I wanted to be a contrast to Taehyun. I needed Beomgyu to let his guard down.

His almond-shaped eyes suddenly squinted into a glare at me and looked away. But I didn't let it deter me.

"How long have you been playing? Judging by the state of your fingers, you look like you play a lot."

"That's none of your business" he spat at me and tucked the knife away into his back pocket again.

I felt my chest swell with tentative hope with the thought of the knife. I somehow needed to get it off him. A far fetched idea, but it was the only one I really had to work with. I felt a cunning plan cross my mind. It was bold. It was dangerous. It was outright _insane_. I would be playing with my own fleeting life even more than I had been but I had to try. I looked back over at Soobin, offering him a small apology in my mind before committing to the impossible thought I had conjured up. Actor Kai, it's time to make your debut.

"You know, I'm a musician as well. Do you play guitar at your concerts too? I wish I could have stayed to hear you.."

I offered more softness to my voice, more intrigue, and something of a hidden flirtatiousness to it. Beomgyu was silent but the glare in his eyes softened to my words somewhat.

"Do you like the music that you play?"

Beomgyu looked off to the side with my question. I thought he was going to remain silent but he eventually replied.

".. I don't get to choose what to perform."

So Taehyun _was_ in charge of almost everything. This was perfect.

"That's a shame... you know there's this little musician's club on the other side of town called The Black Swan. Have you heard of it?"

He shook his head slightly, I was thankful he was listening to me.

"They have open mic nights there every Saturday. It's a really cool place. You can play whatever you want. No one seems to care what kind of music it is, there's always open, appreciating ears in there."

Beomgyu was silent again as he didn't offer me any kind of response. You're going to need to be a bit more forward, Kai. I tried to calm my breathing and thought about my next words.

"Taehyun doesn't appreciate your talent, does he? Those calluses on your fingers tell me you're very dedicated to your craft. I bet you play _beautifully_."

He finally lifted his gaze up to me, he was intrigued now. I plastered a deep, intentful look upon my face as I gazed at him as I carried on with my facade. I knew I was on the right track with my words. Despite his disposition, he was a _musician_. I knew what he needed to hear. What he had always wanted to hear.

"Music is amazing, isn't it? Especially if you get to perform to people. To be able to tell your stories of happiness, pain, intrigue and hope..." I paused and gazed as deeply as I could into Beomgyu's eyes from my position against the tree.

"I'd really like to hear you play... for me.. privately.. I want to know your stories.."

Beomgyu looked confused. He shot his eyes across the open space to Soobin and then back to me.

"Does that vampire mean nothing to you?"

"Of course he doesn't" I lied as best I could and carried on. I had Beomgyu on the end of my line now and I needed to reel him in.

"I had been hoping for this, to be left _alone_ with you, Beomgyu. I let Soobin take me away from you that night because I needed to find a way to leave him. I had planned to do it tonight, actually, but he brought me here with him before I could.."

His mouth fell open slightly now. Good, Kai. Keep going.

"I knew as soon as I saw you that night on stage that _you_ were the one I really wanted. No one else could _possibly_ compare to your talent and beauty.."

His eyes now moved up and down me, looking at me with every last possible piece of desire as his eyes had the same night he saw me in the audience.

"I saw the way you looked at me. You wanted me too.. So.. what are you waiting for?"

He blinked at me, I could see his mind ticking over and he briefly looked over his shoulder in the direction Taehyun had left. I didn't know how much longer I had to bargain with my own life.

"Forget Taehyun. He doesn't really care about you _or_ your music. I do, Beomgyu.." I breathed out at him desperately.

He looked back at me again, his posture seeming to straighten like he was about to move but he couldn't yet. He needed further convincing. You're a fool for this, Kai. Or a genius.

"Turn me, Beomgyu. Take my life for your own. I'll treat you so much better than Taehyun ever could.."

His head bowed again, I could see his thoughts wrestle with each other inside of him. Just a bit more, Kai...

"We can.. 'Travel the world and the seven seas' as you said in your song that night. Together. I'll take you to London, Paris, Rome... even across the seas to Tokyo and Seoul.. We can.. Make music together. Perform to the world and take it for ourselves. You.. and me.."

He looked back up at me, his lower lip was starting to quiver like he wanted to talk. Don't let up, Kai.

"Turn me and we'll kill Taehyun. You don't need him. You'll be free with me, Beomgyu. I'll give you the existence that you _deserve_. The.. love and kindness that you deserve.. "

He took one step towards me and stopped, he looked back over at Soobin.

"And him?"

"We kill him too."

I am so sorry, Soobin.

Beomgyu started walking over to Soobin's lifeless body and my heart jumped up into my throat. No. He wanted to kill him _now_.

"Wait.." he halted and looked back at me.

I hesitated. I hated myself so much at that moment. I had never felt guiltier for anything else in my life with the words I was about to speak. But I had to say them. I had to save Soobin.

"Kiss me, Beomgyu.."

God, Soobin... please... please forgive me...

Beomgyu was now grinning at me as he pivoted effortlessly on the spot to start making an approach towards me. I tried to keep a pleasing smile upon my face, as much as it pained me. My plan was working, but the sheer amount of emotional pain it cost me outweighed almost all of my progress.

He was now in front of me, scanning my face intently before his eyes settled on my lips. He moved faster than lightning, his lips almost smashing into my own. He kissed me forcefully and I did my very best to return it without wanting to break down and cry from the betrayal I felt. I had him in front of me, but my hands were still bound. I couldn't reach the knife yet. I had to entice Beomgyu to free me.

He pulled back after a few moments, licking my lower lip and moaned to himself in the back of his throat.

"You're so sweet..." his eyes moved to my neck and he was lunging forward towards it. I thought for a moment he was going to bite me but he was just tasting my skin instead. I let out a small, imitated moan next to his ear and looked at Soobin over his shoulder.

God, I hoped he wouldn't wake up right now. This was the very _last_ thing I needed him to see.

Time was ticking away and I knew Beomgyu was running out of patience in the way his teeth started to gently scrape my skin. I had to stop him, but keep him right where I needed him too. I thought of one last final thing.

Soobin, I hope you understand. I'm trying to save _both_ our lives here.

"Don't you want to play with your food a bit before you eat it?" I whispered out in a needful manner to Beomgyu.

He pulled back from my neck, he looked so consumingly _hungry_ that I barely thought I could convince him.

"There's no time."

No, there _had_ to be more time. Taehyun would likely return any moment.

"We'll have to be quick then. Please Beomgyu, I need you so much, it hurts.. You've been all I've thought about since that night.."

He glared at me, but it wasn't out of hatred. I had ignited an unstoppable lust inside of him. His hands shot down between us as he started undoing his pants and I rushed my next words out before he could fully undo them.

"Untie me. I want to feel you.."

He smirked at me. All things considered, he had _nothing_ to fear from me. I was still human and he knew I couldn't physically stop him or try to run. He had me in the palm of his hand, but he was actually in mine.

He turned me around and began hurriedly untying the ropes from my wrists, I felt them drop to the ground and he forced me back around. My lips were met with his once more and I followed through with my promise to put my hands on him. His own were everything upon me until he focused enough resolve to start undoing my jeans. I slid my hands down his lean back and settled them upon his back pockets. I could feel it. The very thing I needed to get myself out of this.

I distracted him further as I forced his body forward into mine, he gasped against my lips and his tongue was now sliding into my mouth. I summoned every last piece of my heavy, guilty heart as I kissed him deeply and finally got a grip on the end of the knife in his back pocket. I pulled it out and positioned it in my hand, bringing it up behind him to align it with the back of his neck.

I opened my eyes during the feverish kiss to make sure I had the right angle of attack until I saw two red eyes staring at me furiously over Beomgyu's shoulder. I gasped and broke the kiss. I tried to ram the knife into the back of Beomgyu's neck but Taehyun shot forward in a flash and caught my wrist before I could follow through.

"You two are just unbelievable.."

Beomgyu tore himself away from me with the sound of Taehyun's voice, breathing heavily and stepping back slowly. He withdrew deeply into himself with obvious guilt and fear. Taehyun threw the knife deep into the woods behind us and turned back to Beomgyu who was almost cowering at that point.

"I told you not to touch him, and _what_ do you do?"

Beomgyu couldn't speak. He couldn't even look at him.

"The. Exact. _Fucking_. Opposite." Taehyun seethed his words out and forced Beomgyu down into the ground with a firm shove of his hand into the other's shoulder.

I quickly looked over at Soobin. I wanted to run to him. My feet left the ground in an attempt at a sprint but Taehyun had already caught me and shoved me back against the tree.

"As for _you_.." he trailed off and laughed.

"Oh, an intense physically painful death is too good for you. I know how to _really_ make you suffer. I'm going to hit you where it hurts." He broke his gaze away from me to look over at Soobin and slowly brought it back to me.

"I'm going to let Soobin wake up. And I'm going to make him watch as I drain you and just let you bleed out slowly right before his eyes. I will break every last bone in his body and tie him to a tree to let the morning sun come to claim his own life. You will _both_ die, with the knowledge that there wasn't a thing either of you could have done to save the other."

I finally broke down, hopelessness claiming me entirely. My plan with Beomgyu was all I had and it failed. I had failed Soobin. Taehyun let me go and I fell to the ground beneath the tree, uncontrollable tears rolling down my cheeks in the cold, night air.

I tried, Soobin... I summoned every last drop of my nerve and it still wasn't enough. I hoped that in heaven or hell.. Wherever I was going to end up, that I could still find him there. 

Soobin.. would... lose his sunshine, after all.


	20. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually, I'm faster at writing than this, but honestly, this chapter emotionally drained me to hell and back. Even more so that the corresponding one for Mad World. I wrote some things in the previous chapter and this one that just made me hate myself.. lol. UGH. Okay. I'm fine now. It's fine. Enjoy and suffer with me.

I was so cold, all warmth had left me and my body shivered violently as I sat beneath the tree, unmoving from where Taehyun had dropped me. The tears I shed had dried upon my cheeks, having no more left to cry. With the absence of hope within myself, my mind had become a numb, black sheet of fog; I couldn't see beyond it. I had fought, tooth and nail to climb out of the 6-foot deep hole of my life with Soobin's own existence to help me out of it. But death had been following me silently this whole time. It stood before me again and it was impatient now, tired of all my tricks and shenanigans to avoid it. It wouldn't leave empty-handed this time. Death waits for _no one_.

The night air was quiet and still. Taehyun and Beomgyu didn't speak. The latter of the two was still upon the ground from where the red-head had slammed him down. I had lost all concept of time but I knew I had been seated in the same spot for what I presumed was close to an hour, with how numb my legs were. I stared over the top of Beomgyu's unmoving form to gaze at Soobin not too far from him.

I.. wished he were dead, already. I didn't want him to wake just to endure further pain and die, anyway. If it could all end right then and there and not a second longer, I would have been somewhat happy. But Taehyun wasn't going to allow that and _I_ had brought it upon us. It seemed that even though I had discarded my own wings to stop myself from flying too close to things, pain still found me upon the ground, regardless.

You _are_ cursed, Kai. Happiness was not made to fit you regardless of how much you tried to squeeze into it, anyway.

My eyes wandered back to Beomgyu with the fresh memory of my last failed act of defiance and freedom. He slowly began to finally sit up with a soft groan, his back to me. Taehyun peeked his head out from behind the tree I was seated against and began silently walking over to the other vampire to stand before him.

"Stand up," Taehyun said in a surprisingly soft whisper to the other.

It took a moment for Beomgyu to respond but he eventually lifted himself to his feet, his hand clutching his injured shoulder from where Taehyun had forced him into the ground. I blinked for the first time in what felt like far too long as I watched Taehyun take Beomgyu's chin in his hand and kiss him. He was so soft and delicate with the other, like Beomgyu was a fragile, withering flower, being careful to not let his petals fall. Their kiss ended after a small moment and Taehyun moved his head around to look at me over Beomgyu's shoulder as he whispered some words against his ear that I couldn't hear. All I could tell was that he was talking slowly to the other with the delayed movement of his lips and jaw.

Beomgyu eventually looked back at me with something Taehyun had said and his blank expression morphed into disgust. I didn't know what was said, but my instincts told me Taehyun was filling Beomgyu's head back up with the hateful resolve that I had almost drained out of him entirely.

I looked away down into my lap. I had been so _close_. But the stark reality was, even if I _had_ succeeded in rendering Beomgyu unconscious, Taehyun likely would have found me escaping with Soobin shortly after, anyway. What had I been thinking, playing a vampires game as a human? Maybe I _should_ have let Beomgyu turn me as I had so boldly asked him to. But I had... wanted that task to be one for Soobin to follow through with. I belonged to him and him alone.

I looked back up as I saw Beomgyu now approaching me once more, but I could tell it was out of instruction through Taehyun with the way the other just stood back and watched, seeming to judge every step he took towards me like a ballet teacher watching you attempt to pirouette correctly. Beomgyu reached my feet and kicked the side of my thigh with the tip of his boot. It would have hurt more if I had any feelings in my legs, but I still felt it bruise my flesh with the force.

"Get up" he spat at me. I complied and slowly pushed myself up, struggling through the lack of feeling in my lower body. I had to lean back against the tree just to support myself.

"Turn around" Beomgyu punctuated another order at me and I did so.

I looked down and saw the rope that had sat beside me be pulled up and my wrists were being bound together behind my back once more. I felt a strong hold on my shoulder and I was spun around on the spot to face Beomgyu again.

He stared his hard, cold gaze all the way through to the back of my skull, penetrating it like two knives through my eye sockets.

"On your knees."

I hesitated for a moment and apparently it was one moment too long as Beomgyu slapped his hand across my left cheekbone. I winced and fell to the ground easily with how stunned my senses became from the relentless force. I almost fell forward from how much my head spun, looking down at the dead autumn leaves in between my knees upon the short, cold grass of the forest floor.

Beomgyu started walking away from me and past Taehyun who was staring at me in a particularly unpleasant manner. Beomgyu stopped once he had reached Soobin. He had been lying upon his front since Taehyun had dropped him and Beomgyu now kicked his body over with his foot until he was lying on his back. The shorter black-haired vampire stared at the other upon the ground and examined him closely, searching for any signs of immortal life. A gradual smirk covered his lips and he slowly turned his head towards Taehyun and the redhead caught the other's expression with silent understanding.

"It seems the time is almost here," Taehyun said as he turned back to me with his words.

Death was readying his scythe now, sharpening the edge of it with a large, flat stone with every moment that passed.

Taehyun walked past me without giving me a further look and took his position behind the same tree as me again. Beomgyu was now sitting himself down behind Soobin's body in a cross-legged position. He was so small seated there in comparison to Soobin. He was oddly symmetrical. If you drew a line down the middle of him, he would be two perfect reflections.

He stared up at me, although his dark eyebrows were covered with his flawlessly aligned hair, I could see them draw closer and closer to each other as he began glaring. The little white, flowing ribbon that was done up around his throat made him look like a possessed and murderous _teddy bear_ of sorts. There was a strange decorativeness to him dressed in deep foreboding that made you second guess picking him up to play with him. A plush toy out of a horror movie that awoke at night while you slept to cut your throat.

The thick fogged maze of my mind began to part down the middle as I began to wonder. Soobin was a lot bigger than _either_ of them... could he... take them on by himself when he awoke? I knew Soobin was strong, but I hadn't seen his true strength yet. Was there hope, still? Could I put my trust in Soobin once more to save me? To save us?

My chest began rising and falling rapidly, filling myself with hope with each breath. Even though Taehyun seemed to possibly be the stronger out of the two, Beomgyu was weakened. I could tell his shoulder was still bothering him with how it twitched every now and then. Maybe my plan _had_ worked, but not in the way I had seen it in my mind. I did temporarily turn one of them on the other which resulted in an injury that could still be the opening we needed.

We could still make it out of this, Soobin... there was still a chance, as small as it was. Never say never, Kai.

I stared intently at Soobin and I noticed his limbs were beginning to show signs of life. His arms were twitching involuntarily. His face was still blank for the most part, but his eyebrows now held a slight expression to them. He was starting to wake up.

"Soobin?" I said quietly, though I'm not sure why I bothered to try and stay quiet with the little privacy I had between the two conscious vampires.

I saw Soobin's fingertips start to move along the grass. My chest felt like bursting open with the unstoppable faith I put into him. Beomgyu now stood up, his glare directed down at Soobin now with a deep and seething hatred. No. Stay _away_ from him.

"Soobin, please wake up."

"It sounds like the show is about to start, Beomgyu. Make yourself useful and _quiet down_ that noise" Taehyun whispered from behind the tree, but it was obviously loud enough for the other to hear him with their gift of heightened hearing.

Beomgyu stepped over Soobin's body and strutted over to me. He reared a hand back and all I saw was what appeared to be a large, ruby-encrusted ring upon his middle finger. It became a blur of red as the back of his hand came swiping down into my left cheek again, the hard sharp edge of the ring cut into my skin to create a deep gash, feeling the blood begin to slowly seep down the side of my face.

As much as it hurt, Beomgyu now had his back to Soobin. If he woke up now, he would have the upper hand.

"SOOBIN!" I cried out at him now, desperate for him to hear my plea.

"Kai.." I heard Soobin gasp out softly. Yes. Wake up, Soobin. Come on.

I had to say something that would trigger him back into the real world. What had I said to him in previous times that had roused him? My mind flashed back to when I thought Soobin was about to bite into my neck that night after the concert. Those two little words I had uttered before accepting my fate were enough to bring him back then, I hoped they would be enough now.

"Soobin, please.. **_Save me_**." I heard Taehyun lightly laugh with mockery behind the tree. He seemed unphased with my attempts but I couldn't let it dishearten me.

I heard Soobin's sharp intake of breath followed by a pained groan and my eyes focused past Beomgyu still in front of me. Get up, Soobin. Come on. Come on. Come on. _Come_ _on_.

Beomgyu left my side as he began circling back around to Soobin's body. Fuck. No. No no. **_No_**.

Soobin was looking at me now, though he seemed completely out of his wit, his eyes couldn't settle on me accurately. My heart began to sink.

"Kai.." he tried to call out to me again and his voice was clearer than it had been, but he was still unmoving entirely.

"Soobin!" I cried out to him once more to further bring him back to his senses. Beomgyu pivoted back to me unexpectedly and kicked the side of my ribcage, I winced out a hiss as I felt a few of my ribs fracture inside of myself. It hurt to breathe.

"Oh, good. Took you long enough to wake up. I was getting so _impatient_ " Beomgyu finally spoke to Soobin.

Shit... Please, Soobin... You need to get up.

Beomgyu now stood directly over him, a foot on either side of Soobin's chest and he suddenly sat down upon him to pin his upper body into the ground.

No... Come on, Soobin, _fight_. He's weakened.

"You.." Soobin groaned out at Beomgyu on top of him.

"Hold him down firmly now, Beomgyu. We can't have him... interfering." Taehyun finally emerged from behind the tree and stood next to me to watch the pair upon the ground.

Soobin looked across the small space to stare at Taehyun and I knew his gaze had him trapped. The scarlet red orbs had him locked in place. I knew first hand, it wasn't just the largeness of his eyes or the mere _manner_ in which he stared at you, there was something else lurking within those vermillion orbs. Some unknown, supernatural charm to them that compelled you to keep staring helplessly. A deep, dark magic trick of sorts that only Taehyun seemed to possess the talent to pull off.

Beomgyu's thighs were now enclosing around Soobin's arms, crushing them into his sides. I could hear his muscles tear under the pressure and he was crying out in pain. I could only watch as Soobin tried to fight off Beomgyu, pushing his feet into the ground to arch his body up in an attempt to escape but he was pinned by the unmitigated strength of Beomgyu's thighs that I had vastly underestimated. His upper body may have been injured, but his lower half was still in perfect working condition. The very last ounce of hope I had held onto escaped out of my grasp with ease. My chest deflated and my shoulders sank.

"Soobin.." I wheezed out pathetically through the pain.

Beomgyu was now laughing breathlessly above Soobin at his failed attempts to free himself.

"Oh, no, little rabbit.." he leaned down to be directly in front of Soobin's face. "You can't fight your way out of this trap."

I saw Taehyun move at my side, circling around to position himself behind me. I heard him kneel down into the grass.

 **"KAI!"** Soobin screamed at me, having seen Taehyun's position behind me.

"T'was very bold of you, Soobin, to steal away one of our precious audience members that night."

Soobin was glaring at Taehyun, his body shuddering with a deep-seated disdain and helplessness.

"Very bold, indeed. I chose him, specifically, and you absconded with him, like a filthy little thief" Beomgyu picked up the end of Taehyun's sentence. He lowered his head further to Soobin's, their foreheads meeting.

"I _hate_ other people touching _my_ things." Beomgyu sounded like an entitled child as his eyes glared down into Soobin's.

"We've brought you here tonight, to teach you a little lesson in manners.." Taehyun continued with the death sentence he was serving and Soobin whipped his head back around to look at him.

" _You_ will experience what it's like to have something taken away, too."

"Kai.. Kai... no, please.." I saw Soobin's eyes well up with tears as he stared at me with every last ounce of desperation within him. The expression alone was _already_ killing me softly.

"Yeonjun.." Soobin whimpered out after a long moment of silence between us all.

"Yeonjun? Oh, no, Soobin.." Taehyun laughed casually behind me like it was _nothing_.

"He's dead."

As I had unfortunately presumed...

Soobin's lower lip quivered with the confession. I saw all hope leave him. He would have been our last fighting chance. I knew that, deep down. I hadn't even got the chance to meet him and yet I still would have trusted that mystery vampire with my whole life.

"You see, it's not hard to do the arithmetic. There are only _four_ of us in this city. I knew you would come crawling to Yeonjun for guidance in trying to keep a _human_ alive. And you, in all your naivety, took the bait. Such a pity, for you, that we got to him first."

Oh, Soobin... we really had underestimated how smart Taehyun was. Monster or not, he had us figured out from the very start. It had been just a matter of time and he had all the patience in the world to wait for us to make our mistakes.

"It was so beautiful.." Beomgyu spoke again to elaborate on the tale. "Watching his neck rip and _burst_ open like that."

"Oh yes," Taehyun moaned. "It was definitely one of my finest kills to date. And then we sent him, on his merry little way down a river. He's probably sunken to the bottom of the ocean by now."

I didn't need to ask them. I knew now. Like I had _always_ truly known since Soobin's confession of himself to me. Taehyun and Beomgyu _had_ killed her.

Ava... I am so sorry you had to die to the hands of these two. Though you may not have deserved _me_ in life, you hadn't deserved _them_ in death.

"But enough chit-chat" Taehyun broke my thought process with an icy deep chill to his voice over my shoulder. I felt his fingers push through the back of my hair and grip it tightly, yanking my head to the side at a harsh angle. I let out a groan from the pain and tried my best to look at Soobin before Taehyun could take my life.

"It's okay, Soobin.." I tried my best to smile for him. He had told me that very same morning in the shower how much he adored my smile.

"No.." Soobin whispered back. The tears he was holding onto in his eyes now fell freely and I did my best to ignore the pain they caused me. He was struggling with Beomgyu's thighs again but to no avail. It's alright, Soobin. There's nothing we can do anymore.

"I love you, Soobin.. So very much.."

How I would miss his smile on those gorgeous lips of his when I played music to him. The softness in his eyes whenever he looked at me endearingly, like I was all that mattered. That deep, smooth and charming voice in my ear, forever comforting me. I choked back my own tears. I didn't want him to see me cry in my last moments.

You were.. The best thing that ever happened to me, Soobin. My saviour. My dark angel. My knight in black velvet. It's okay that you couldn't save me this time. You did all you could, beautiful.

"Don't do this.." Soobin whimpered out and I truly couldn't tell if it was Taehyun or me that he spoke to. Possibly both. He saw that I had accepted my fate.

I was about to close my eyes to let it happen until I heard a thump. Beomgyu had gripped Soobin's hair and slammed his head into the ground and lifted his gaze to Taehyun. Was that... fear... In his eyes?

"What are you doing, Taehyun?"

"What we planned, Beomgyu."

"But you said _I_ could have him _first!_ " Beomgyu seemed strangely desperate and more than just in an entitled, spoiled manner. Like he was trying to.. Stop Taehyun from killing me.. Why?

He was tense, his thighs squeezing impossibly harder around Soobin's upper body and I could have sworn I heard something inside Soobin pop and break. I could hear Taehyun's teeth clench together in annoyance next to my ear.

"If it weren't for me, Beomgyu, we wouldn't have him at all. _I_ did all the work while you sat there and pined over him like a cry-baby."

"BUT I-"

 ** _"Silence."_** Taehyun growled out at the other and it sent unpleasant shivers down my spine.

Beomgyu's body seemed to freeze, I could tell by the angle at which he looked at Taehyun that he was caught by those controlling eyes seething from over my shoulder. He was physically struggling but his body couldn't move. Taehyun held him still with his stare and in turn, kept him pinning Soobin to the ground. Two birds and one stone. A double kill about to be a triple as I heard Taehyun's mouth open across my neck.

Heh... and so it is then, death. My old friend. Chasing me from the beginning. At least I never allowed you to take that _first_ death from me. The music in me is _eternal_.

I gave one final look at Soobin, he was struggling against Beomgyu in a last attempt to free himself. His movements slowed in front of me as all colours of the rainbow flashed before my eyes. He was the moon, the sun, the stars and all 4 seasons in between them. My entire world. A shining prism in my tear-filled eyes.

Goodbye, Soobin, my sweetest love. Please search for me in another lifetime. I hope it will be Spring at dawn when you find me and we can enjoy the sunshine together.. I'll be waiting. Thank you for _everything_.

My closing thoughts were ripped from my mind as Taehyun put a stop to them all in a single moment. His teeth sank deep into my neck, my skin burst open under his tight jaw and I let one last sharp gasp escape me as I felt the warmth of my blood seep out into the searing heat of Taehyun's mouth. The pain I felt was far greater than I had ever imagined. Every vein that sprouted down from my neck felt like it had been frozen, my blood seemed to slow and turn to ice. It was so cold that it _burned_. I was suffocated by the fiery icicles and I felt my body go limp like a wet leaf upon the ocean surface. All the bright colours of Soobin's existence dissipated as everything faded to black.

...

Death wasn't as quiet as I thought it would be. I could hear a voice. Was it an angel? Was it a devil?

"Looks like you dropped something."

Had I? I hadn't been holding anything..

"You young things.. I'm disgusted. They sure don't make vampires like they used to anymore."

But I'm.. not one..

....

Am I?

"You really thought.." the voice continued, it was deep and strained.

".. That you could finish the legendary Yeonjun off so easily?"


	21. Chapter 20

... Yeonjun?

He... why was he ...

... I'm not dead, am I?

My thoughts were confirmed as I felt my body drop to the ground. My insides were in utter turmoil. I could feel every nerve. Every muscle. Every bone. They felt like they were melting slowly now, the ice in my veins became consumed by fire and I was incinerated from the inside out with each moment that passed.

I felt my head be lifted slowly and gently placed upon something firm. I heard Taehyun's voice now.

"You.. can't be... I was so precise with my wound upon you.."

"Precision is nothing against pure, unrestrained _willpower_ " I heard the first voice reply in a deep, feral growl. Yeonjun. He sounded like an untamed _beast_. Soobin had been friends with him? I couldn't even imagine the scenario.

"I wasn't about to just give up then and there and let you two run wild with your uncouth methods of killing. You draw too much attention to us. This is _my_ territory. You are **_nothing_**."

I knew I was still dying, slowly, but the words that Yeonjun spoke gave me hope. They slapped me across my heart and I began breathing harder now, trying to wrestle with death in my weakened grasp.

I soon felt a soft pressure around my neck, something was being placed around it but it wasn't a hand or teeth. It was gentle. I could smell.. An incredibly faint scent of perfume. One I had smelled on Soobin before very briefly but never questioned it.

"Soo... bin..."

I felt movement around my wrists, my hands were being untied.

"Don't speak, my love. Save your breath."

That voice, deep and charming in my ear once more. He was free? What happened to Beomgyu..?

"Get him out of here, Soobin." I heard Yeonjun speak again, he was more composed now but I could tell the situation that was rising around me hadn't yet reached its peak.

"Take him to my house. It isn't far from here. Head south."

I soon felt my body being picked up, Soobin groaned next to my ear with the strain he must have been feeling from still being injured.

"Yeonjun.." Soobin spoke worriedly and hesitated in moving.

"Don't worry about me, Soobin. Go."

Trust him, Soobin. Like you trusted me. I didn't know a damned thing about Yeonjun, but he cared. Perhaps more than he let on.

"Let's _dance_ , little squirrel."

Little squirrel? Was that what he just called Taehyun? If he thought someone as terrible and foreboding as Taehyun to be a _squirrel_.... What kind of ferocious animal was _Yeonjun_ in comparison?

I could now feel the wind against my face, Soobin was running. Fast. If I hadn't opened my eyes to look around, I could have sworn my head was hanging out the back of a car window at 100km per hour. But it was a painful journey. With every step that Soobin took across the ground, my body ached deeper in the consuming pain that didn't leave an inch of me untouched. I knew Taehyun's teeth hadn't just drained blood out of me, but he simultaneously filled me with something that was causing this deep other-worldly suffering. Its essence violated every corner of myself.

"Hold on, Kai.." I heard Soobin whisper out to me through his hurried strides.

I soon felt my head being cradled upwards and my neck and throat were beginning to feel empty with how much blood I felt oozing out of me from the position.

"Almost there, Kai.." Soobin whispered to me again.

I soon felt Soobin run into something with a tremendous force and heard it break and slam into the ground. The air around me was no longer cold, but slowly becoming warmer. I was being placed upon something slightly cool but soft. A bed? A couch? My head was being tilted to the side where my wound was and gentle pressure being applied to it once more. My hair was being moved away from my forehead and I felt the familiar lips of Soobin's press into it tenderly. Something warm and wet dripped onto my face in places. It was salty from its scent. No, Soobin. Don't cry.

"Soobin.." I struggled at him. I felt my airways fill with blood as I tried to speak. I just swallowed it down but the empty space of my throat was immediately filled with the crimson, metallic essence a moment later from the unstoppable internal haemorrhage. I was slowly drowning myself.

"Kai.. it's alright.. You're going to be alright.."

No, I'm not, Soobin... It's all going to end here... and begin..

"Soobin.." I wheezed out at him again, swallowing even more blood down and I felt ill from the taste of it. I blindly grasped for Soobin's hand. It was wet and sticky from touching my neck.

"Do it, Soobin.."

I didn't need to elaborate. I knew he understood the implication. There was a moment's silence except for my laboured breaths in between us.

"Kai.. are you sure? Is this really what you want?"

I tried my best to focus my gaze upon the deep concern that covered Soobin's face. He looked so torn and undone. But I had faith in him. I believe in you, Soobin, even if you don't hold the same opinion.

"I.. want to be with you. Always." I let out a strained cough, blood was overflowing from my throat now with how I felt it dripping down my chin.

I closed my eyes again. I had used every last bit of my remaining fortitude to give Soobin my dying wish. He was all I wanted. I didn't know what the future held for me with being turned. If I would still be the same or forever altered. But as long as I had Soobin, I knew things would be okay. I sang the very last song I played for him in my head.

 _No, I won't be afraid_ _  
__Just as long as you stand by me_

My head was being tilted to the side now, the unharmed side of my neck exposed. I'm proud of you, Soobin. I knew the pain that was going to hit me again but I wasn't scared. I was about to be saved. I was about to enter the new world.

"I'm sorry, Kai."

Oh, Soobin. Always so polite. Even now.

My body tensed under his bite as his teeth sank into my bare skin, but he was so much more gentle than Taehyun had been. It still hurt. It still ached. My blood became ice once more but I could still feel those plush lips of his against me and they offered me some small amount of comfort through it all.

He pulled back after a small moment of drawing from me and I could hear him undressing for some reason. I didn't know what kind of rituals had to take place for someone to become a vampire but I waited and heard something rip open followed by a puncturing sound, similar to the noise my neck had made when it was bitten. The side of my face was being held gently and my mouth was being opened. I soon felt the warmth of not my own blood, but Soobin's dripping into the back of my throat like a leaking tap. I swallowed it back and let the taste of it settle on my tongue. It tasted different than my own. It... was sweet. Had I adopted a vampiric trait already to be able to taste the sweet essence in blood or was Soobin just different from everyone else?

Possibly both, with a particular emphasis on the latter option.

I closed my mouth and waited. I felt something shift inside of me. My heart began racing, but it was too fast. My lungs couldn't move quick enough to keep up with the tempo. The beats per minute were escaping me and I was drowning once more, my head being pulled under into a glacial body of water. All I could see was white, my vision was void of all other colours or tones. I wasn't burning this time along with the chill, everything became solid ice. I couldn't even move. My heart was a double-kick drum pedal in my chest, but my ribcage didn't budge. I was trapped inside my own body. I couldn't call out.

As much as I tried to remain calm and trust the process, it didn't feel normal, but what _was_ normal? I hadn't known what to expect in the first place. I felt like I was perpetually dying and resurrecting in the same instant, over and over. My body didn't know what to do with itself. But the conflicting struggle within soon started to slope more towards the side of perishing. Was this.. Really how it was meant to feel? My physical form was completely immobile, but I could still hear what was going on around me. I could soon hear footsteps approaching.

"Yeonjun.. Something isn't right. I tried turning him but it isn't working." Soobin spoke hurriedly, his words spilling and tumbling over each other like a herd of elephants on rollerblades.

"It won't."

 ** _".. What?"_** Soobin's reply echoed my own in my mind.

"His body is fighting both Taehyun's venom _and_ yours. The blood you gave him isn't enough to overcome it."

I heard a loud crash upon the floor next to me. So.. it was a _venom_ I could feel course through me that caused so much pain. And there was too much of it, apparently. An incorrectly mixed concoction within myself becoming a failed experiment. We had unknowingly botched this operation to save me.

"There is... only one way to fix this." Yeonjun spoke again.

"What is it?!" Soobin cried desperately, like his very _own_ life depended on it.

"Kai must also take in the blood of _your_ maker, Soobin."

Soobin's maker? I hadn't bothered to ask him about that story yet..

"But I.. I've never known who my maker was, Yeonjun..."

If Soobin didn't even know.. Why would Yeon-

....

Of course...

"Oh, Soobin.." I heard skin pierce open again under a set of teeth.

"How have you ever _not_ known?"

... Yeonjun was..

Yes. There could be no disbelief. It all made sense. The manner in which Yeonjun had spoken to Soobin in the forest when he came to save us both, I knew there was something deeper there than just a do-good nature for the other or mere revenge. I knew he cared. I partially knew _why_ now too.

".. You.." Soobin was in complete shock from the tone in his voice that seemed breathless.

"Soobin, get up. You need to hold his head for me."

I heard Soobin finally move from the floor next to me and my head was being tilted backwards and my jaw lowered. I soon felt the hot essence ripple across my tongue, but my body was still too frozen in place to even swallow, it dripped down the back of my throat slowly as it made its way into me. I could finally taste it and it was nothing like Soobin's. It wasn't sweet. It didn't even taste like human blood. It was.. Sour. Seasoned. Fermented. Like it had been brewing for years. A completely contrasting flavour to which Soobin had let me taste from his own veins. But I didn't hate it. It was just.. different.

I felt my head be placed back down gently, the end of whatever I was lying upon moved as someone sat down near my feet. There was silence for a minute before Yeonjun spoke from down where he had obviously sat.

"I have only seen this done once, Soobin. He has a long fight ahead of him to process and break down the combinations of venom and blood inside him. His body is in limbo right now; between life and death. It will take some time."

'Limbo' felt like an accurate description. My mind was wide awake inside of myself, but I still couldn't move a single muscle. I couldn't even open my eyes. The blood of Yeonjun's had seemed to put a temporary hold on the freezing pain inside myself. I was slowly becoming numb and I couldn't feel much of anything anymore. I was thankful that, for the time being, at least I could somewhat 'relax'. I was thankful I could still hear the enlightening conversations around me.

I felt something be placed upon my body, a blanket? I could smell blood upon it and a familiar scent. Soobin's... coat?

"Are you going to be alright?" Soobin asked. I presumed it was directed at Yeonjun. There was a certain hesitancy in his voice. That wasn't the real question he wanted to ask. But, Soobin being Soobin, was accommodating as usual.

"I've been through worse.." Yeonjun seemed to shrug the inquiry off.

I personally couldn't imagine going through worse. Taehyun seemed impossibly sinister with his desire to kill and the _way_ in which he described wanting to kill people. Beomgyu.. I... I didn't... what had happened to him? I couldn't hear him speak when Yeonjun arrived at the death scene.

"Taehyun was certainly quick on his feet, I'll give him that. Took me an eternity to eventually pin him down. It was like trying to grab thin air with your hands."

Yeonjun's statement hadn't confirmed anything further about Beomgyu for me. But I was glad that at least the red-head was put to a stop. Maybe Beomgyu could have escaped... but I.. somehow doubted that. Yeonjun didn't strike me as the kind of person to do things half-baked.

I felt my upper body be pulled up and soon felt what I presumed to be Soobin sitting down underneath me to put my head into his lap. I could feel his fingers gently run through my hair, but a few strands pulled with how matted some of it felt from my blood upon myself.

"What did you do with them?" Soobin asked carefully.

"I burned them."

Burned.. Them? Taehyun and... Beom-

"I keep a can of gasoline and a lighter buried in those woods, on the small chance I need to dispose of any threats... more permanently. They are particles of ash in the wind right now."

There was a long silence in the air around me. I thought for a moment that I had completely passed out, but I still felt Yeonjun move around occasionally at my feet. He really had killed them then... I was.. Mostly relieved, but.. Something tugged at the corners of my mind.

Yeonjun hadn't known that Beomgyu's disposition was, at that specific point in time, something of a mystery. No matter how long I lay there and tried to tell myself that I had just _imagined_ it, the look of desperation within Beomgyu's eyes when Taehyun was about to kill me was replaying in my head. What had he _really_ wanted? The way he spoke about me made me sound like I was just a play-thing to him. Nothing of great importance... But was that the whole truth?

I spent far too long torturing myself with the thought of him, trying to figure it all out. I didn't come to a conclusion and I eventually heard Yeonjun speak in a low tone to interrupt my thought processes.

"... I'm sorry, Soobin."

Sorry?

"I'm sorry for bringing you into this world."

Did he regret it? Had Soobin, too? This was yet another conversation I hadn't had with him. I knew he hid from his existence, but I didn't know he held a possible resentment for it.

".. Why did you?" Soobin eventually replied in a whisper. He didn't seem upset, but deeply curious.

I heard Yeonjun sigh out a laugh that held no joy to it and it took him a long moment to answer.

"You were being hunted that night."

"By.. another vampire?"

"Yes."

Yeonjun's response still didn't appear to make much sense, to me and presumably Soobin either.

"Why did... how did you.." Soobin was fumbling over his words. I could tell his head was a mess. I wished I could have held his hand throughout all of it. But my unmoving head in his lap would have to do.

"I got to you before she could. I know that filthy, wretched woman just wanted to drink from you and leave you to die."

".. And you.. didn't?"

There was another pause within the unravelling conversation. I could tell Yeonjun was still struggling. The tone of his voice was deep and low, seeming to lack the charisma to it when he had spoken beforehand.

"I had been following you for a few years at that point. Do you recall your coming of age birthday party that your parents held for you? When you turned 18?"

I began to wonder what an 18th birthday party would have been like 200 years ago. Likely much fancier than ones held nowadays. Especially if it was _Soobin's_ family organizing it with the ridiculous wealth they had.

"Somewhat.." I heard Soobin reply as he dug through his old memories.

"I was there that night. Not by invitation. But you know what I'm like."

Soobin might have, but I didn't. Was he the kind to just get whatever he wanted? He seemed well-spoken and quickly responsive to conversation. Intuitive and gifted in the ability to read a situation easily.

"I was just there to hunt out some 'dinner' for the evening. But I saw you there, seated in your corner by yourself. Your mother trying to pull you towards every young girl in sight, with the hopes you could find yourself an eventual marriage proposal to pursue."

Oh, Soobin.. That sounds so _cute_ of you. I knew you would have been shy. And Soobin proposing to someone? If I had felt anything inside of myself at the time, it likely would have combusted with the thoughts of Soobin trying to buck up the courage to court someone. Maybe I could tease him about it eventually when he found out that I was hearing all of this.

"You.. caught my eye. But not in the manner you would think."

.. What _was_ the manner then, Yeonjun?

"I followed you. Protected you... much like you have with Kai."

This was.. Beginning to sound like a familiar scenario.

"I was.." Yeonjun trailed off and I heard him take in a very long and deep breath. I didn't know vampires still had to breathe, but I guessed it was a hard habit to kick in certain situations.

".. I was so madly in love with you, Soobin."

Oh...

Heh...

I don't blame you, Yeonjun.

It seemed we were more alike than I ever could have guessed.


	22. Chapter 21

200 years of revealed emotions hung in the air around us, the silence it brought with it was suffocating. I could feel Soobin's thighs underneath the back of my head stiffen with the confession of love the other vampire, his maker, had given him. He truly had been oblivious to this fact this whole time?. Years I could barely comprehend. I couldn't even stand to wait 2 weeks to tell Soobin how I felt. But Yeonjun..

"We used to be more alike, you and I. Especially during that time. I thought too much. Always about you. Forever worried that you would fear who I was.. What I am. I wasted those two years. Not even having enough courage to introduce myself. Not like you did with Kai."

I suddenly felt so sad, but it was an _odd_ sadness. Hearing someone else confessing their love for _your_ love. But jealousy hadn't touched my heart.. yet.

"And then a small group of new vampires entered town. I knew it wouldn't take them long to notice you and notice you, they did. I was at a loss. I couldn't just let you die. They.. forced my hand."

Oh, Yeonjun... what a truly terrible predicament to be in. Even though he still hadn't finished his tale of the past, I already knew where he was going with it.

"You.. turned me because.." Soobin let the end of his sentence fall off and Yeonjun picked it up.

"Because I still had _hope_ , Soobin." Yeonjun's voice cracked under the emotions, now too heavy to keep hold. His pained sighs told me he was now crying.

"I held onto the hope that.. You _could_ know me. That you _could_ love me in return."

.. Had, Soobin? Once upon a time? Was he about to confess to something too..? To tell a tale far, far older than my existence?

"Yeonjun.." Soobin whispered out. He sounded just as pained as the other.

A small inkling of jealousy _was_ now making its way into my heart. I couldn't stop it. I was only _human_ still. I could barely stand the silence between them. Say something. Say something to make this stop. I've had enough of being strapped into this emotional rollercoaster and I want to get out now.

"So I played the part of a shy, strange immortal. Trying to get to know you better. Trying to guide you. Trying to open up that godforsaken _thick_ head of yours."

Yeonjun fought with his tears now with the way his voice deepened again. My envy slowly ebbed away with his tone. Soobin was difficult to figure out, even then?

"I tried to get you to hunt with me, but you never did. You stuck to your deer, your sheep, your pigs.."

I began to relax more now as Yeonjun carried on. Soobin really had hidden from his existence from the very beginning and tried to remain human with everything he could. Even Yeonjun couldn't tempt him to stray from his path of moral abstinence. I'm.. deeply impressed with you, Soobin. You don't give yourself enough credit.

"It then got to a point where you would yell at me, cursing me for the way I embraced the night. I let my instincts blindly outweigh my feelings for you. I was... too addicted to the thrill. Too addicted to change to become something that would be even mildly acceptable in your eyes."

There was a small pause and Yeonjun continued in a whisper, his voice deepening even further.

"Too close to hell to be inside your heaven."

Yeonjun had accepted that they were too contrasting. He was too far gone, 'beyond the pale'; beyond Soobin's humanity to exist in perfect harmony.

"So I distanced myself. I _further_ embraced the night and everything it could offer me. Trying to fill myself with it to compensate. But.. none of it was ever enough. Not only did I realize we were two vastly different people, but that I had made a mistake in turning you. I could see you hated this existence; the night I had forced upon you. I took your choices away that night, Soobin. It hurt me deeper than any form of rejection you could have ever given me."

This was... almost too much to listen to again. But it wasn't jealousy that almost consumed me now, it was the two centuries worth of pure pain that was pouring out of Yeonjun. He had held onto all of this for all this time. His confession of turning Soobin, of love, of self-loathing for what he'd done. Just what kind of mental fortitude did he have to not go _mad_ from all of it? Perhaps it was _also_ Yeonjun, who didn't give himself enough credit, either.

"Eventually.. I came back to you, about 100 years ago. I had had enough of my suffering, and yours. I kept trying to bring you out with me. So that you could find someone like I had found you.."

Yeonjun had picked up Cupid's bow and arrow? Was _he_ the reason Soobin was at The Black Swan that night? The reason I even came across him, at all?

I felt a few warm droplets of liquid hit my face from above. Soobin.. Are you crying again? I want to hold you right now..

"I.. _needed_ you to find someone. So that you could be happy. And I.. could finally move on."

"Yeonjun.. I..." Soobin tried to speak but Yeonjun wasn't done yet.

"And then, that night at The Black Swan, I saw the way you looked at Kai. You saw him in the same light that I had once hoped you would look at me with."

If my body could have been capable of anything at that moment, I would have joined Soobin in his tears. This was tragic, beautiful, heart-wrenchingly _raw_ and true. I had never in my whole life heard a story of love like Yeonjun's that made me feel so overwhelmingly _helpless_.

"... Why couldn't you have told me this sooner, Yeonjun? Why did you have to prolong your suffering?"

A good question, Soobin. Why _couldn't_ Yeonjun have told this story sooner?

"Soobin... would it have made any difference?"

The way Yeonjun almost whispered his words out made it obvious that the question was entirely rhetorical. He had known that Soobin's heart had never belonged to him, even without an earlier confession of his feelings to enlighten Soobin. He knew that for love to flourish, it needed to bloom within both of them. But there was no seed planted within Soobin to grow.

Soobin didn't reply to the comment. He knew too. We _all_ understood that love cannot be forced and not everyone can have the happy ending that they hope for.

"Even though it was one-sided, Soobin, you taught me a lot about love. It took me over 100 years to see it."

"What could I have possibly taught you?" Soobin sounded slightly defensive. Seeming it impossible to think that he could have had any sort of positive influence over the other.

"That _their_ happiness.. Is of far greater importance than your own."

Truer words had never been spoken.

I agree, wholeheartedly, Yeonjun. Back in the forest, I had almost sacrificed my own life, multiple times, just to try and make sure Soobin would survive the heist.

"I... I've never thanked you, Yeonjun." Soobin sounded ashamed of himself.

"I've never given you much reason to." Yeonjun's tone seemed to finally even out, a certain sarcasm gracing his voice now to lighten the heavy mood.

"No, I mean.. Regarding Kai. You were.. Always there. Helping me. You told me to pursue him. You were there when I thought I had lost him. And you were here, tonight. You _saved_ him in more ways than I ever could have."

Soobin had been receiving guidance from him all this time? It reminded me of the subtle ways in which Jack had offered me words of advice, even though I hadn't really asked for them. I owe you some thanks too, Yeonjun. I promised myself I would thank him in person once I awoke.

"You did that, yourself, Soobin. I only gave the advice. _You_ were the one to take it."

He has a point, Soobin. You're far braver than you think you are. Please stop being so hard on yourself.

"Thank you, Yeonjun. For everything. Even for.. Turning me that night. You may have taken some choices away from me, but you gave me the choice to have even met Kai."

Aww, Soobin... you're giving me warm fuzzies.

"It only took 200 years." Yeonjun started chuckling with his comment and soon Soobin was too. I was happy that they could reconcile with a laugh.

"What a deeply mad world it is.." Yeonjun added with content as an afterthought.

A _mad_ world? Maybe to them. To me, it was just... different; it was _new_.

I felt Soobin's fingertips gently stroke down the side of my face.

"How much longer will it take for him to turn?"

"When I said it would take time, I didn't mean hours. It may take a few nights, yet. The process his body is going through is a slow one, but trust me, he will rise when he's ready."

A few nights? I guess beggars can't be choosers..

I heard Yeonjun let out a small, pained groan at my feet, he was lifting himself up from his seated position slowly.

"You need more rest," Soobin said, trying to urge the other to sit back down.

"That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm heading upstairs. Call out if you need anything." I could hear his voice grow quieter as he started slowly exiting the room.

"Alright.. Goodnight, Yeonjun. And thank you, again." Soobin had never sounded so sincere.

"Don't mention it, baby."

'Baby'? An endearing nickname for you, Soobin. I guessed he technically _was_ his baby since Yeonjun was his maker.

Soobin was soon lifting my head back up as he moved out from underneath me. I heard him settle down beside me on the floor, his fingers running along the edge of my jaw slowly until his fingertips settled on my lips with a gentle pressure.

"I can't wait to finally kiss you again, Kai" he whispered against my ear.

The thought seemed to breathe an indescribable amount of life into me, I could even begin to _feel_ myself smiling from it now. It seemed my body was slowly starting to defrost from its solidified state. My heartbeat was slowing. I was beginning to feel warmer.

I felt Soobin lie something upon me. I presumed it was his head upon my chest. I could faintly smell the distinct scent of his hair. I could have quite easily fallen asleep with the further reduced stress my insides were under. I knew vampires didn't 'sleep'. I looked forward to my final slumber as a human and my oncoming eternal awakening.

**...**

I felt as if I was floating. There was still a vast sea of white around me that only seemed to glow brighter. I was weightless upon this ocean of pearl. Was this what all turning vampires went through? It was certainly tranquil. I could begin to see a large figure above me. It was male as far as I could tell. He was the size of two men in width and height. He slowly descended to me and my breath became caught in my throat when I saw two white-feathered wings upon his back gradually come into view, stretching at least 4 meters across. I could feel the gliding pressure from them push a gentle breeze against my face. Dark blonde hair twisted and curled upon his head like a golden crown to match the deep yellow tone of his eyes. His bare arm was reaching out to me, a welcoming smile upon his pale face.

Was this.. An invitation to heaven? This is not where I was supposed to be going..

Maybe Yeonjun was wrong..

Maybe I _had_ died.. without a rebirth.

The angelic figure kept his devoted smile upon his face, his hand unmoving from in front of me, waiting for me to place my own within his.

**_"It is time."_ **

He spoke into my head, his lips unmoving. His voice rang with the sound of a hundred harps, sparkling and resonating within my mind; divine.

Time for what? This wasn't making any sense but I... had nothing else to really go with.

I slowly reached my hand out to his, placing my palm within his own. His large hand completely engulfed mine. He stared at me for a moment longer until his calm, accepting expression began to change. His delicate eyebrows frowned together and his mouth opened with a deep concern sitting around the corners of his lips. He looked outright betrayed.

**_"You are not destined for sanctuary."_ **

His large palm now gripped mine with a strong force, stopping me from pulling away as I tried with all my might to free myself, but I had no pressure to push against to pull back. His other arm rose up above his head and a large, silver sword seemed to materialize in his hand, it was blinding in its radiance.

**_"You are damned."_ **

He spoke again, his deep voice was like a speaker on max volume in my head as I tried to escape his invincible grasp upon me. The weapon he wielded was now coming towards me tip first and I gasped out in fear.

**_"I CONDEMN YOU."_ **

His voice broke my mind in half. The sword's end pierced my heart directly and I was throttled downwards at a speed twice as fast as a boulder falling from the side of a skyscraper. The pain in my chest burned, I felt like I was being split in two. My bones were snapping. My muscles were turning into wicks of candles which were catching fire the more I descended. I couldn't breathe, the g-force that I was hit with winded me. My white surroundings were fading, becoming shades of grey and then black. And blacker still. I could no longer see my hands in front of my face as I fell.

My body came to an abrupt halt as I slammed into a solid and searingly hot surface. My breaths were jolted back into my lungs but I struggled to breathe. The atmosphere was heavy and humid, a sauna with all airflow to it locked out.

I rolled onto my front and slowly pushed myself up. The gravity made it difficult. The surface below me just wanted to keep pulling at me.

It was so quiet. _Deathly_ quiet. And then I heard a voice fill every inch of my surroundings.

**_"The heavens have forsaken you, child."_ **

As much as the voice was loud, it whispered. Slowly. It was everywhere. It crept along my skin and sank into my very being through my pores. It invaded me to my core.

"Wh... Where am I? Who are you?" I was shaking, my body was chilled in fear in the heat of the place.

**_"Common inquisitions. I tire of them."_ **

The voice was ancient, inhuman, his tongue rolling along crackling flames in his throat.

**_"The more incessant of queries would be who YOU are."_ **

I felt something quickly swipe at my wrist, it was cut open in the blink of an eye. I hissed from the stinging pain and held my arm up to myself, my eyes darting around in the impossible darkness. I could hear a mouth and tongue lapping at something through it all and a satisfied swallow following it.

**_"Your blood is dulcet and your circumstances intriguing.... Kai Kamal Huening."_ **

Black became blood red in an instant. I could feel my surroundings _dripping_ around me now. Nothing felt solid anymore. Where the _hell_ was I?

 ** _"As for who I am.."_** the mysterious voice broke to let out a laboured laugh. **_"I go by many names..."_**

I saw a figure finally blend into view through the thick curtain of scarlet. He was tall, slender, almost _frail_. His skin was void of all colour, whiter than a plastic piano key and eyes as red as freshly cut rubies. His cheeks were sunken into his face, skeletal and haunting. Long ebony hair adorned his head, falling like a deep, dark blanket down his back to his waist. His body was wrapped up tightly like a mummy in grey-white bands of cloth, the aged fibres barely holding together across his thin form.

**_"But for you, Kai, I am.."_ **

He dissipated from view only to reappear a split second later directly in front of me, sharp teeth seething before my face.

**_"The Nosferatu."_ **


	23. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of Biblical and Mythical imagery and references. I have also included some 'TU' references too, as you may be able to pick out. For those who may need more guidance in understanding, everything that happens to Kai here is what his soul is undergoing instead of his actual physical body. Although I think the more you read, the more that becomes apparent. Writing this chapter was very... different? But it was fun! Enjoy! ^^

.. Nosferatu.. ?

The being before me glared intently. I couldn't tell if he was angry or intrigued by me. I understood nothing about him still but the concept of my location was starting to become glaringly apparent. I didn't much scare easily but he had me frozen on the spot. I was too afraid to even _breathe_. Even Taehyun hadn't instilled this much foreboding in me.

**_"Consider yourself anointed, human. For you now stand before the very FIRST of the Immortally Damned."_ **

The first of the immortals...? The first... vampire?

"You're... Dracu-"

**_"It matters not what your thoughts can conjure to chronicle me as, child."_ **

The sharp-toothed grin across his repulsive face stretched from cheekbone to cheekbone as he stared straight through me.

**_"It is a scarce occurrence for a mortal to find me here on the knife's edge of one's life. The heavens deemed you.. Unworthy.. of paradise and your blood tells me that your plight is.. Peculiar."_ **

What was he trying to say? That I was.. different? Was this not the normal rituals of a human becoming a vampire?

**_"Your human vessel has been raped with a convoluted amalgamation of dark essences, both venom and blood, alike."_ **

Was _that_ why I was here? Because my body had accepted too many altering substances from immortal individuals? Did that make me.. special?

**_"How very fortunate of you to receive such an exceptional curse."_ **

.. Curse? Was this why I had been denied access to Heaven?

**_"Mortals as serendipitous as you are granted a momentous prize for possessing such a riveting circumstance as yours."_ **

He held his long, pale arms extended on either side of himself like Christ upon the cross.

**_"You must now direct your mind to your ultimate choice, for you have been chosen."_ **

His form began floating upwards several feet into the air before me. The deathly frame of him vanished and in its place, my eyes were met with long ears with jagged edges that ended with sharp, pointed tips. Horns grew out upon where his head once sat, twisting and turning like that of a matured stag. Thick, boney spikes erupted out of a torn shoulder like the roots of an ancient tree. One of his two red eyes faded while the other became more crimson still, a pitch-black pupil as black as an onyx sat in the centre. And.. two wings, black and leathery like a colossal unidentified bat never seen by human eyes before.

**_"Know that you can only adorn one of the cursed attributes. You will be granted its power upon your eternal awakening, but it will come with.. a sacrifice."_ **

I could only stand and stare in terror as he continued to bargain with me.

**_"The choice you make will condemn you further. You will lose all you once knew about your mortal existence. Your curse will consume you whole. But within your insanity, you will possess an unrivalled capacity that no other living or perished being can withstand. You will be reborn into an undying demon of the night like no other."_ **

The deathly silence came flooding back as the ancient vampiric-being halted his pitch. He was waiting for an answer. But I... couldn't. I couldn't possibly choose anything. Soobin would be lost to me and I would.. Be lost to myself. I would lose everything I loved. I would become a monster. I would no longer be the person Soobin held in his heart. I would awaken just to.. Kill him.

 ** _No_**. That just wasn't possible. It wasn't an option. I would rather-

**_"Make the choice, Kai Kamal Huening. Or burn for all eternity."_ **

....

So it is then.

Soobin... I'm sorry.

"I choose... death."

All 5 cursed attributes that the being had presented to me disappeared in an instant. He reappeared in front of me, teeth bare once more, breathing his foul, hot breath over my face. Insanity burning in his blood-red orbs, staring me down with relentless disdain, but I.. wasn't scared now. I wasn't going to change my mind.

**_"You DARE to deny my powers! INSECT!"_ **

He spat across my face with his seething words echoing around us. The being brought a hand back, I watched his long, sharp and black fingernails glisten with the red around us. He was about to strike me down. I filled every last hollow place in my head with Soobin and closed my eyes, imaging his soft lips upon mine as my last memory.

His hand entered my chest with a blunt force, I could feel his fingers squeeze around my heart, attempting to crush it within his grasp, but he couldn't seem to break it. I opened my eyes again and saw him staring impossibly at my chest. I looked down and could see fragments of bright light bursting through the hole he had made.

.. What?

The red atmosphere was being blotted by a bright light that chased away every last fragment of colour. I felt something _heavy_ land behind me on the ground. The immortal being was hissing, screeching, recoiling away from me as his skin began to burn and sear from the light. I whipped my head around to it and saw the same angelic figure as before bent upon one knee. He slowly lifted his head up to me and grasped my wrist within his hand.

**_"You do not belong here.. Anymore."_ **

The divine creature spoke into my mind once more. His wings were beginning to burn from the tips of his feathers inwards. They slowly began to disappear and I could feel two spots in my shoulder blades begin to rip open.

He had... given his own wings to me. But.. how would he escape now?

He used the strong grip he had around my wrist to hurl me into the air and I was once again travelling at a tremendous speed. I looked down to watch the two beings approach each other, the angel had materialized his sword once more and the two clashed together in an extravagant explosion of black and white.

The colours and aftermath of the collision reached me fast as an atomic mushroom cloud. Fibres and particles hung in the atmosphere around me and I was uncontrollably inhaling them into myself. There was a deep booming inside my body, the lowest of decibels I had ever heard. One of the wings gifted to me in the angel's last moments began to shed its feathers and I was left with a bare, black flap of skin hanging from the right side of my shoulder blade; a mirror copy of one of the wings the vampire had offered me.

My head spun like the hands of a possessed clock as I lost all concept of time. Visions of both Heaven and Hell mixed together in my head and I was screaming from the consuming, terrifying beauty and horror of it all. My body was both incinerated and alleviated in the same instant; descending and ascending in what seemed like a never-ending struggle between the two, tearing me down the middle of my being and mind.

I didn't know if I was going to survive, it seemed impossible. I tried to grasp something, _anything_ , but I was alone in the empty space of limbo still. And then I heard it, a voice calling out to me.

"Don't be afraid, Kai."

.. Soobin?

I blinked and in a split second the harsh, contrasting atmosphere disappeared. I was still suspended in the air, but with bright blue skies surrounding me and a hot, comforting light behind me, it was the sun. Across the sky before me it faded to deep blue, a full moon in a night sky was moving slowly to become centered with me. I saw Soobin.. Sitting upon it, looking across the skies to me.

"Hello, my sunshine" he smiled at me and his moon finally locked into place to face me directly; an eclipse.

"Soobin..."

I reached out towards him even though he was so very far away. My insides were still pulling at each other in a war that wasn't yet over.

"Soobin.. Save me."

"You don't need me to, Kai. You have saved yourself."

In an instant, the conflict within me died. Everything aligned. Everything sat in its perfect place.

"It's time to wake up now, my love. I'm waiting for you."

My body began moving through the air once, but directly ahead of me instead of upwards or downwards, I was approaching Soobin upon his moon. He continued sitting there on the very edge of it like a rabbit upon the grassy curve of a hill. I lowered myself down until my lips were in front of his own. I stared endlessly into his warm, inviting gaze and closed the distance between us with a kiss.

**...**

My eyes blinked open and I took in the deepest breath of air I had ever inhaled, but my lungs didn't seem to want to expel it. They didn't _need_ to. I was staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling. It was large and domed inwards to a sharp point in the centre of the room. I was... finally awake?

I shot my body forwards to sit up from my previously horizontal position, though my body didn't strain from the fast movement. My body barely held any weight to it. I looked down at myself, my shirt had been removed and I was sitting upon a large, black leather couch in just my jeans and shoes.

I became distracted by the sight of my own hand and I lifted it up to my eyes. My skin was pale, paler than it ever had been, but not in a sickly manner. It seemed to almost sparkle and shine like thousands of little diamond fragments. I slowly rotating my hand around before me, I could see all the small lines upon my skin and could make out details and deeper lines still between them that my human eyes never could before. My eyes felt like they had been replaced with a magnifying glass.

I looked around the room, my bloodied blue shirt was lying upon the floor and there were drops of bloodied water lying scattered upon the white marble tiles. There were 2 other large leather black couches positioned around the circular shape of the room and in the very centre stood a large statue of what appeared to be an angel.

I stood up with ease and approached it slowly. I felt as if I was walking on a cloud, gravity almost seeming to have left me. I circled the statue until I came to face it from the front. The figure looked terrified, its face wore a deep look of pain and betrayal. One of its large wings was broken and barely hanging onto him. One of his wrists and calves had what appeared to be a serpent coiling itself around them. I swear I could have seen this figure of circumstance somewhere before. Was it Lucifer? The fallen angel who had become... the Devil?

As I continued standing there staring at the statue, I couldn't help but wonder at what magnitude my visions had shown me had actually occurred. I reached up a hand to my chest, feeling for my heartbeat but there wasn't one anymore. I became drawn deep into my mind as I stared into the fallen angel's pain-stricken eyes. Was this a physical representation of my soul? A being borne of two worlds? My physical form felt different, but my soul still felt somewhat asleep as far as I could tell. I was so distracted with my thoughts, trying to pry them open that I failed to hear the footsteps approaching behind me. I heard a small rustle of something falling to the floor and a voice speak.

"... Kai.."

I turned around slowly to the voice, I'm not sure why I didn't recognize it, my hearing ability was altered too. Everything was clearer and enhanced. There Soobin stood but he was soon falling to his knees in a crash against the tiles as he stared incredulously at me. His hands shot up to his mouth as he looked into my eyes. He did even recognize me still? Had I changed _that_ much? Was I no longer the man he loved? My mind and soul were slowly awakening now. I took a single step towards him and he was standing back up in a rush.

"Kai.. are you-"

My body moved of its own free will. I hurtled towards Soobin like an asteroid and seemed to stand over him with how much he was almost cowering before me. I couldn't stop my actions. Something was taking hold. God, no, please... please tell me my soul hasn't been taken from me.

I was gripping the front of Soobin's shirt firmly now. I needed his help. I needed him to stop me from slipping into the encroaching darkness that was at my heels now.

"Soobin... I'm.." I couldn't get any further words out as I groaned with a sharp, dry pain in my throat. I was suffocating even though I didn't need to breathe. I was slowly falling to my knees, my unmoving hand ripped Soobin's shirt wide open with the unreal strength that I now possessed.

Soobin was reaching out a hand to me to cup the side of my face, but my hand automatically swiped it away from myself and I was glaring up at him with such uncontrolled hatred.

I could only watch as he recoiled away from me in what appeared to be deep pain and guilt. He wasn't scared of me, but I could tell he blamed himself for whatever was happening to me. I knew the inside of his mind well enough to come to that conclusion. No, Soobin.. This isn't your fault.. I can't control myself..

The deep shredding pain in my throat was slowly seeping through my body from my neck downwards. I could only kneel there and let it slowly take hold more and more.

"... Kai... what have I done to you?"


	24. Chapter 23

_Fuck_.

Make this stop, for the love of _God_.

I thought I was alright when I had awoken just a mere few minutes ago, my previously weightless form now felt like I was being hammered into the ground. I felt thick nails being beaten into my skin as the gravity I had felt during my time with that vampire in my mind returned. I was being pulled downwards into a deep and searing heat; the pits of Hell. I wanted to _kill_ something. All my hands seemed to want to do was rip and tear flesh. The insides of my mouth and throat were the Sahara desert itself; void of all moisture. I was so... thirsty.

Soobin was unmoving for a long time until he tentatively began approaching me once more, kneeling down in front of me.

Shit. No, Soobin. Not too close. I couldn't bear the thought of hurting him.

"Kai.. you're thirsty, aren't you?"

My head snapped up at him, I tried to reply, to make _any_ sort of noise to confirm but I was holding myself back for dear life in the same instant. If I spoke then, I knew it would tip the scales. All I could do was stare at him in conflict. He seemed to understand though. He knew what I was going through. Was _this_ what bloodlust felt like? Was this what I had forced upon Soobin that night he bit my lip when I kissed him?

Jesus, Soobin. I am so sorry. If only I'd had known the terrible, primitive nature of it beforehand. I wouldn't have shoved my god damned _tongue_ down your hot throat that night like an _idiot_.

"Yeonjun.. He should return soon. He will have something for you to fix this, Kai."

His hand was reaching out towards my cheek again and I desperately clung to the last fibres of my sanity, trying not to lash out like my body _needed_ to. But his touch was soft, gentle, it... soothed me. He was stopping me from slipping off the edge of this cliff that I clung to.

"It's going to be alright, Kai. I know you're in a lot of pain right now. But just hold on a little longer. You've done so well, my love."

I'm _trying_ Soobin. I'm just not sure how much longer I'm going to last at this rate..

He reached out for a black shirt that he had dropped, picking it up to lay it over the back of my bare shoulders. His hands gently pressed into the sides of my tensed arms.

He.. didn't see me as a monster.. Did he? He was treating me like a _human_.

I could hear something. Footsteps along the grass _outside_. A noise I never would have been able to hear from such a distance in my previous human form. This was a sensory overload.

"... Oh" I heard a voice and the footsteps halt upon the marble floors. Yeonjun?

"He awoke much sooner than we anticipated, Yeonjun. Do you have something for him? He needs it. He's in a lot of pain."

Suddenly a very large brown sack was thrown at Soobin's feet. It squirmed and jolted in places. I could _smell_ its contents. Rich, earthy.. Sweet...

"There are about fifty rabbits in there for you. I didn't know how many you wanted, so I grabbed every single one I found."

Rabbits? I was going to eat rabbits?

Soobin reached into the sack and brought one out for me. It was already dead. But the _scent_ of its blood had me snatching it from Soobin's hand in an instant. I didn't care. I _needed_ its essence more than a marathon runner needed water at the end of their race.

I could feel two canine teeth grow in my head, forcing their way out of my skull and I sank them unapologetically into the small form of the white critter in my shaking hands. Its bones snapped under the pressure of my jaw and I could hear every last one of its tiny organs burst open. I inhaled its blood as hard as a newborn baby would take its first breath.

 _Forget_ grape juice. Forget egg tarts. Forget lobster.

This was...

Before I knew it, I had drained the rabbit entirely and I was reaching for another. Its weak, dead form in my hands was so small, but this tiny morsel was everything I possibly needed. I sucked it dry, savouring the taste of its blood.

My throat and tongue were doused with it, covering every inch of the inside of me with the way it burst open. Nothing had ever tasted sweeter, more fulfilling. Even the other night when... Soobin had reached one of his many peaks under the onslaught of my mouth and tongue around him during our long hours of passion; it didn't compare to this sweet liquid of _life_ that coated the walls of my throat.

Christ. _Were_ my instincts outweighing my feelings for him? Was I becoming like Yeonjun? Unable to tear myself away from the _thrill_ of this animalistic urge to come out the other side?

I could hear them both talking around me quietly, but the thick swelling of blood in my ears blocked out the specific words spoken. I couldn't decipher what they were saying.

Fuck it. I didn't care. I was still too hungry.

I squeezed the remaining life essence out of a 3rd dead rabbit.

Mmmm, _God_. So fucking _delicious_.

I reached for a 4th, but it was still alive. Heh, not for much longer, my fluffy little friend.

I grasped the back of its neck, it made a small squeak at me in my firm grasp. I slowly brought it up to my face and stared into its terrified face. Those bright red eyes staring at me helplessly, its small, furry ears twitching in all directions. It's... little curved mouth.... A natural smile with the curling edges... just like... Soobin's.

I felt myself calm, the loud drumming of my blood in my ears was quieting, my muscles loosening, my teeth retracting back into my gums. I lessened my grip around the rabbit's neck and offered a small smile to it in gratitude.

Humanity, it seemed, hadn't _quite_ left me. I could see Soobin within the expression of the little rabbit. It reminded me _why_ I had even made this choice of immortality in the first place. It was for _him_.

I placed the critter upon the floor, and it sprinted away from me, between the two sets of long legs of Soobin and Yeonjun and out behind them through the doorway to the outside.

"I don't think you need to worry about Kai losing himself, Soobin." I heard Yeonjun whisper to Soobin but I could hear it.

Soobin was now approaching me slowly and I stood up easily now, my body returning to its feeling of levity once more, no longer being pulled downwards with my inhuman thirst. I brought a hand up to wipe away the blood at the corners of my lips.

".. How are you feeling now, Kai?"

He seemed concerned still, like a hunter walking into the den of a bear in the middle of hibernation.

"I.." I paused, looking around myself to truly take in my surroundings. My eyesight was _incredible_. I could see every small crack in the walls, every speck of dust that floated in the air. I could smell the grass outside and the dead leaves of the forest hundreds of yards away. I could hear the flickering of each and every candle burning in the house and the hot wax that dripped. I could _feel_ the still air around me, my skin was cold but my body was at a perfect temperature. The shirt Soobin had placed over my shoulders was soft and silken, I could feel every last fibre of it against my skin directly, like a warm, consuming bath of almond milk.

I looked down at myself and the paleness of my bare torso, then up to Yeonjun, finally looking at him for the first time. He looked... familiar. I had seen him somewhere before... The Black Swan... ? Possibly. But there was something about his bright blue sapphire eyes that... I couldn't quite place. His expressive dark eyebrows that sat as a contrast against his white blonde and styled hair were so... Where the _hell_ had I seen him before? In a dream? He almost looked like someone I knew..

I looked back to Soobin finally. He was still in quite the state of being completely undone from the events that took place since we first arrived at Yeonjun's house.. However many nights ago that was now. I no longer knew what day of the week it was. But despite the long and strenuous journey...

"I've never felt more _alive_ " I finally replied.

"Your senses are now at their peak, Kai."

I broke my gaze away from Soobin to Yeonjun as he now spoke to me.

" _Everything_ is different. Nothing will ever look, smell, taste or feel the same."

Yes. He was right. Nothing was as it was. My human senses were a dull burning candle in comparison to this new floodlight of exposure my body was under.

Soobin looked back and forth between Yeonjun and I, blinking and stepped more towards me.

"My apologies, Kai... This is Yeonjun."

"I know" I smiled understandingly at Yeonjun. I suddenly remembered the promise I had made to myself to thank him upon my awakening.

I took a few steps forward and held out my hand to his.

"Thank you, Yeonjun. I know you've done a lot for the both of us.. I'm.. eternally grateful."

Both his eyebrows shot up in surprise. Maybe he hadn't realized that I had heard all his confessions of himself to Soobin. The shock soon became accepted as he grinned at me, holding his hand out to take mine to complete the handshake.

"Don't mention it, kiddo."

'Kiddo'? .... Why was I getting 'Jack' vibes from him? A common nickname, sure, but.. Ugh, it didn't make any sense but I couldn't shake it. I felt like I was trying with all my might to think of a particular word, right on the tip of my tongue, but my mind hadn't connected the dots yet to say it.

Yeonjun was now looking me over, his hands on his sharp, slanted hips, his eyes up and down from my feet to the top of my head and a curious, cunning look across his rather voluptuous lips.

"Hmm.. I hate to steal him away from you so soon, Soobin, but.. Do you mind if I borrow Kai for a while?"

.. _Borrow_ me? Wha-

"What do you mean?" Soobin looked at him with the same amount of confusion as I did.

"I want to.. Finish him off a bit more. A few last-minute details, if you will."

I blinked at him, still confused. He made it sound like I was a piece of artwork or something.

Yeonjun's hand came up to take off the shirt that hung unceremoniously across my shoulders.

"We can do better than this old thing" he dropped the shirt to the floor and grinned as he suddenly took my wrist in his hand and began leading me away from Soobin who remained on the spot, still confused.

I understood though. He was going to _dress_ me.

"Yeonjun.." Soobin trailed off, exasperated behind us as I was led up a long and twisting staircase in the hallway.

"Don't you worry about a thing, Soobin! You stay down here and have your fill. What do you think I'm going to do with forty rabbits? Breed them?"

I stifled a small laugh but did my best to smile at Soobin through the intricate twisting iron and wooden frame of the staircase. It's okay, Soobin. We can wait. I trust Yeonjun. Plus I was.. Curious about him now. Deeply curious. The familiar vibe I was getting from him was itching at my brain.

I was led down a long hallway once we had reached the 3rd floor, Yeonjun's still grasping my wrist as he walked excitedly in front of me. I smiled at him and he peered curiously at me over his shoulder.

"Nervous?"

I grinned at him, he seemed so child-like. Very youthful. I knew he was obviously older than Soobin, by how much I didn't know, but he almost seemed younger than him in spirit.

"Not nervous, no. Just curious."

"Now _that's_ the kind of attitude I like to hear!"

I laughed as I continued following him willingly. We passed many rooms until he finally stopped in front of one on the left side of the hall. He pushed it open, releasing my wrist and stood to the side for me to walk in, an expressive and almost _joyful_ smirk on his face now.

"Newborns first."

I smiled at his words and walked into the room.

Holy.

Shit.

Every wall had triple tier stacked rods extended from one wall to the other, there were hundreds... no... thousands of articles of clothing hanging from coat hangers upon the sturdy rods. Every colour imaginable. Every material you could ever think of. A rainbow of _style._ In between two of the rows was a large mirror that extended from the ceiling to the floor, at least 8 foot tall and 6 across. In the middle of the ridiculously sized room was a white leather ottoman which was more like a couch in its size without a back or sides. Two tall iron candle stands stood on either side, 12 candles burning slowly upon them.

Yeonjun _had_ to be a millionaire. What is it with rich vampires?

"Uhhh..." I trailed off and Yeonjun had closed the door behind him, standing next to me proudly as he looked over everything that my eyes failed to comprehend.

"Go on, say it. Tell me how impressed you are."

"I mean.." I trailed off again and just _laughed_. "This is ridiculous."

He grinned at me "I'll take that as a compliment!"

He strutted past me confidently and lifted the top of the ottoman up, reaching for something inside and pulled out a tailor's measuring tape and a small box which he sat down in front of him.

"First things first.. I need your.. Measurements" he smirked at me suggestively but I knew he wasn't serious with the somewhat soft smile he gave me straight after to ease my mind. What a flirt. How did Soobin really not know he was once interested in him? I guessed if Yeonjun was _always_ like this, it would have been hard to pin-point a genuine nature through his sarcasm.

I walked across the room to stand in front of Yeonjun. His eyes moved down me and he slapped the side of my thigh gently.

"Jeans off."

How _accurate_ did he need his measurements to be, exactly?

"Okay.." I reached down to undo my jeans but noticed they were _already_ undone. When had that happe-

Oh.

Beomgyu had done that...

I sat down with the heavy thought and started unlacing my shoes first. I couldn't help the dreadful thoughts that entered my mind as I removed my shoes. I decided to ask Yeonjun a few questions.

"So you.. Really killed Taehyun and Beomgyu then..?"

"Of course! You don't need to worry about them anymore."

My heart sank slightly. I stopped in the middle of untying my second shoelace.

"I was only partially still conscious when I heard you arrive.. What.. happened to Beomgyu, exactly? I couldn't hear him speak.."

"Oh, I knocked him out first. Found that little knife of his in the woods and threw it at the back of his neck. Then it was just a matter of even trying to _catch_ Taehyun.. Fast little fucker."

I looked up at Yeonjun standing before me, he was grimacing slightly with the memory of catching Taehyun until he looked down at me. He had caught the worry sitting fresh in my eyes.

"What's wrong, kiddo?"

I opened my mouth and immediately closed it. This wasn't a conversation I could have with Yeonjun. I knew the box of worms it would open. Yeonjun had saved us all. I wouldn't be there at that exact moment if it weren't for him. I couldn't discredit his actions and tell him that he was _wrong_ for having killed them.

"Nothing.." I lied "I'm just relieved to hear that they're really gone, is all."

"You know, I didn't want to mention it in front of Soobin, but I could _smell_ him on you, you know.."

I kicked my shoes off and stared confusingly at him. He looked slightly concerned, those expressive eyebrows of his frowned. Was he talking about Soobin? Did it.. Bother him?

"You can smell Soobin on me?"

He shook his head slowly, keeping his blue eyes plastered on me.

"Beomgyu."

I took in a breath of air, once again not needing it, but I felt as if I did. He knew? He knew what Beomgyu and I had.. done..?

"What did he do to you? Did that princely little fuck hurt you?"

I bowed my head back down. Something told me that Yeonjun hadn't _truly_ caught onto my secrets. I felt so guilty hiding them, but I did.. Trust Yeonjun. Maybe he would understand the story better than Soobin could at that point in time.

"I.. tried to escape when Soobin was still knocked unconscious. I.. tricked Beomgyu."

I tentatively brought my gaze back up to the blonde and was surprised to see a look of intrigue in his eyes. There was silence until he laughed hysterically.

"Okay... hold the fuck up.. This sounds like a good story" he was grinning excitedly once more in his youthful aura and was sitting down next to me, putting the measuring tape around his neck.

"Tell me everything. I wanna know how you got inside that head of his. I need a good laugh."

As much as Yeonjun's bright attitude towards it was trying to lift the mood, it was heavy inside of me. But.. maybe it would make me feel better about it to get it off my chest to someone else.

"I noticed that Taehyun was in charge and that he couldn't seem to really tolerate Beomgyu at all. There was very little respect shown towards him. When Taehyun was about to kill Soobin, I told him he was a coward... to try and get his attention away from him."

Yeonjun's jaw dropped, he was smiling, completely caught up in my story already.

"You told him _what?_ Shit, kiddo.. that's.. Pheww..." he shook his head and kept the grin on his face. He sounded _impressed_ by me.

"I did manage to draw him away from Soobin but then he heard humans nearby. So he left me with Beomgyu to.. 'deal' with them, as he put it.."

Yeonjun nodded, seeming to edge closer to me with every word, hanging onto them for dear life.

I took in a deep unneeded breath again, readying myself for the hardest part of all this.

"I.. noticed Beomgyu had calluses on his fingers from playing guitar. I'm a musician too, so I tried to relate to him. I tried to tell him that Taehyun didn't really care about him and that he should be with me instead.."

Yeonjun's jaw dropped impossibly lower, trying to fight off a thrilled laugh. He could barely believe what I was saying. I barely believed it.. That I had.. Done such a... I sighed and shook my head, carrying on.

"I.. told him I wanted him and that he should leave Taehyun and turn me, so that we could kill him when he returned and.. Be together.."

" _Fuck_ I wish I could still eat food right now. I need popcorn, Kai. This is _amazing!_ "

Amazing? Amazingly tragic, you mean..

"I even convinced him that we should kill Soobin too, just for good measure. But he was approaching Soobin, about to kill him, himself, while I was still tied up.."

"Oh my god.. What happened next?!"

"I... told Beomgyu to kiss me instead. To get him away from Soobin."

" _Shit_ , you're a brave one... **_Damn_** , kiddo..."

"Beomgyu had that knife on him and I needed to get it off him to knock him out. I had to earn his trust further.."

I wanted to cry. This was almost too much. An amazing story to Yeonjun, maybe, but it was soul-crushing to me.

"So we kissed, but I was running out of time.. Taehyun was going to return at any moment and I still had my hands tied. So.. I asked if Beomgyu wanted to... explore my body a bit more.. I asked him to untie me. I said I.. wanted to feel him.."

Yeonjun now clamped his lips together tightly, looking like he was about to _explode_ out of unrestrained joy.

".. So he did.. And I... kissed him with everything I could to distract him and.. Finally got the knife.."

"And then Taehyun came back and caught you two, right?!"

I nodded, still not lifting my gaze to him.

"God fucking _damn_ it!! You were so close!" Yeonjun threw his body back onto the ottoman, lying there looking physically exhausted from the tale. He laughed some more and continued.

"Heh... Beomgyu, you fool.. Falling for a human so easily.."

He suddenly smirked and even _moaned_ slightly at me, looking up at me from his horizontal position, licking his large lips slowly.

"Soobin is one lucky vampire to have you, Kai, you know that?"

He sat back up, gripping my chin in his hand and moved closer to me.

"An angel's face but with the mind of a _devil_. I fucking _love_ that."

He stared at me almost longingly for a moment longer before releasing my face and finally stood back up, stretching his measuring tape back out from around his shoulders.

"You know, kiddo, I would have done the _exact_ same thing, if I had been in your shoes. You're like a.. Little me. A little Yeonjun."

Was I, really? If Yeonjun had only known the inside of Beomgyu's heart.. Would he have still killed him? It wasn't a question I could ask. The retelling of the scenario _hadn't_ made me feel any better about it, only worse. Maybe Soobin was the right person to talk to about it.. In full.

I finally removed my jeans and stood up in front of Yeonjun. He began measuring parts of me, he was humming to himself and even started dancing to his own song in his head in moments. I could tell he was enjoying the concept of dressing me. I tried my best to smile at his good mood, but I still wanted to know more about him other than the fact that he enjoyed fashion.

"How old are you, Yeonjun?"

"I will be..." he stopped measuring one of my thighs as he looked up at the ceiling in thought for a moment. ".. 413 next September."

Four hundred and _thirteen?_ He was twice the age of Soobin.

"Wow.. you don't.. Seem that old."

He grinned and moved the measuring tape to my opposite leg.

"Yeah well.. _Anyone_ would seem young in comparison to Soobin, right? He hasn't changed one little bit from the day I met him. Big stubborn bastard.."

The manner in which he spoke started to remind me of Jack once more in the way he grumbled slightly. There was no thick Scottish accent though. I couldn't even _tell_ what kind of accent Yeonjun had. It seemed like it was a mix of a bit of everything from everywhere. It was just those _eyes_ of his. If I hadn't known better, I could have sworn they were the exact same as Jacks.

It was a stupid idea, but previous stupid ideas of mine _had_ once almost worked...

"Yeonjun.."

"Mmmm?" he mused as he was now measuring my hips, his eyes fixed upon the end of the measuring tape in concentration.

"Do you know someone by the name of Jack?"

He blinked and seemed to lose his focus for a moment before carrying on.

"That's a common name, kiddo.."

"Jack Wilson. He owns a music store in town."

I saw Yeonjun's eyes widen slightly and his lower lip dropped but he recomposed himself almost immediately and brought his gaze back up to me. He stared at me without any expression, there was a long pause between us before he spoke, his voice lowered to almost a whisper.

"How do _you_ know him, Kai?"

"He's my boss."

His eyes flicked between mine, searching for something. Dishonesty? Why would I lie about something like that? He _did_ know him, didn't he?

He eventually just breathed out a small chuckle, he almost looked defeated by what I had said.

"Jack Wilson, huh? .... Never heard of him."

Yeonjun dismissed the conversation like it was nothing but I wasn't ready to pack this away. He was lying.

"Then why do you have the same eyes as him? Why do I feel like I'm talking to him when I'm talking to you?"

He stared at me from under a strand of blond, a ferocious sea of crystal blue rushing in waves of discontent. The sides of his nostrils were flared and his wide shoulders straightened out.

"You're a pushy one, aren't you?"

I did _not_ want to anger Yeonjun. I had heard in the forest first hand how dangerous of a venture that was. I tried to soften my tone.

"Jack.. He's.. like a father to me. Are you _sure_ you don't know him, Yeonjun?"

I saw the corners of Yeonjun's wide-set eyes twitch slightly.

"Like a father, huh? Seems.. We have more in common than I first thought, Kai."

".. What?"

Yeonjun let the measuring tape fall from my hips and moved it up to my waist, looking back up at me.

"Jack... is the only family I have left."


	25. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Mentions of children dying and some very heavy angst.

My teeth almost _chattered_ in my skull with yet another astounding confession from Yeonjun, but it was one a bit more closer to home this time.

"Jack is... how? How are you related to him?"

"It's a very long story, Kai.." Yeonjun trailed off, making note of the inches around my waist with his measuring tape before moving it up to my chest.

"I'm a vampire now, Yeonjun. I have all the time in the world to hear it."

He quirked a thick eyebrow up at me, that smirkish smile on his lips now becoming obvious to me that that's just how he smiled most of the time. He reminded me of a fox, almost, with his facial features.

"Touché," he replied, finally sounding less dismissive and sighed. "You seem to possess an uncanny ability to get inside the head of a vampire, you know that?"

"I guess.. They never really scared me that much.."

"I can tell! You've already kissed two and _fucked_ at least one of them!" he snickered at me and blood rushed to my cheeks in embarrassment. Soobin had told him that? Damn it, Yeonjun, stop avoiding the question.

"Uh.. that's.. Beside the point.. Please tell me about your relationship with Jack. I'd really like to know."

Yeonjun sighed again and turned me around on the spot. I felt the length of the measuring tape be placed across my shoulders and he muttered a number to himself before walking away behind me to start looking through his vast assortment of fashion.

I sat back down on the edge of the ottoman and just waited. He took a black and white shirt that faded to an ombre across the middle, hanging it over his forearm as he tentatively began his tale.

"Before I start, I'm going to assume that you heard everything downstairs last night?"

I nodded at him silently. He let a quiet half-laugh out and nodded to himself. "I figured as much."

"I'm.. not angry at you. I understand everything, Yeonjun."

"Well, that's comforting to know.. But, now that you know that tale, there is one a bit older than it. Soobin.. wasn't the first person I ever fell in love with."

I tilted my head at him, deeply curious, wondering how this would connect to Jack.

"Soobin doesn't know this, but, when I saw him at his 18th birthday party, I was _already_ in.. something of a relationship at the time.. She was a Witch."

I blinked at him in surprise "They exist too?"

"Oh yes.." Yeonjun's tone sounded dark all of a sudden. "And far more dangerous than any vampire, Kai. Trust me.."

He walked over to me, placing his shirt of choice next to me and started looking through some pants on the opposite side of the room.

"She could see into my mind. She could read every last thought in my head. As much as I tried my best to hide my thoughts of Soobin from her, she eventually found him the more infatuated I became with him."

He looked over his shoulder at me, eyes of sapphire breathing a deep foreboding across the room to me.

"Never fall in love with two people at once, Kai. It will be your undoing."

Something in his words stirred me but I shoved it down, wanting to hear where he was leading me.

"She was _wild_ with me when she found Soobin in my head. She said she would.. kill him."

Yeonjun tugged some pants off of their coathangers and looked down thoughtfully at his feet.

"Are you familiar with the saying 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'?"

"It.. sounds familiar, yes."

"It's true, you know. I had never seen such hatred and envy in another person, Witch, Vampire or otherwise. I had to make the choice- Soobin or her."

It was obvious who he had chosen.. Even though it had never worked out the way he wanted it to. I suddenly felt a lot sadder for his earlier confession of why he had turned Soobin.

"I.. killed her. But as I was biting down into her neck, she was muttering a blood-splattered, inaudible curse to herself in her final moments. I thought perhaps she was chanting something to kill Soobin, but that never occurred. Her last words stuck to the inside of my head. I carried them with me for years, always wondering what she had said in her last moments."

Yeonjun walked over to me, placing the pants down and opened the little box of his that sat next to me, beginning to unhem the shirt with a small picking tool.

"Eventually I met another vampire, far, far older than me who had learned to live side by side with Witches. I asked him what the words meant and he deciphered them for me."

I watched as he pulled the stitching out of the side of the black and white cotton shirt, now beginning to stitch it back up slightly wider than it has once been.

"She had.. Put a hex on me."

"A.. hex? Like a curse?"

"Call it what you will. But she knew the inside of my mind well enough to know that taking Soobin away from me wouldn't hurt _nearly_ as much as what elseplagued my mind.."

Yeonjun stopped his needlework momentarily, his expression was now hidden under a few strands of platinum blonde.

"A few hundred years prior, before I was turned, I lived in a small village that doesn't even exist anymore. I had 4 younger brothers that I was left to fend for after our parents passed away from disease."

I couldn't see Yeonjun's eyes anymore, he recoiled into the deep pits of his memory as all I could do was listen.

"I was away on a hunting trip at the time.. Being the eldest, it was my responsibility to make sure we had food. Then the storm came.. The heaviest of rain that had _ever_ hit Scotland in its entire history.."

Yeonjun drew a sharp intake of breath and his hands now clutched the shirt in his lap tightly.

"I raced back home as fast as I could, but it was too late. The entire village was hit by a devastating flood. They.. didn't make it out in time. I could only stand there and watch as my little brothers drowned in front of me. The youngest was only _two_."

His voice cracked as he fought back tears. I bowed my head, shuffling slightly closer to Yeonjun next to me and placed a hand upon his shoulder in comfort. As much as nothing made sense still about Jack, I felt a feeling of deep sorrow for Yeonjun.

"That Witch.. She knew how important family was to me. She knew how much I mourned them every day. How much I wished I had a close family to call my own again, somewhere to belong to; a _home_. Vampire or not, I wanted it more than _anything_ ; more than Soobin."

Yeonjun.. How much darker can your hours get?

"Ever since my little brothers died, I had always done my best to protect the rest of my distant family. Never able to get close because of what I am, but always in the background, a silent, ever-watching guard dog."

"What.. kind of hex did she put on you, Yeonjun?" I lifted my eyes to him at my side, he was hunched over, his elbows lying across his knees as he stared into nothingness.

"She had.. hexed what remained of my family. Every single female born from my heritage has died before the age of sexual maturity. She hexed my entire family to be weeded out of existence, slowly. Only the men remained. But if they had a daughter, they would soon die, unable to carry on the line. A slow... torturous death of my blood. For a long time, I tried my best to intervene. I stopped a young girl, a distant cousin of mine, from jumping to her death. But she was hit by a car the very next day, anyway. The hex persisted, even if I tried to stop it. All I could do was watch and wait for it to happen. It was inevitable."

My eyes widened slowly, darting around on the floor before us. Jack-

"Jack was born into a family of 6. Five sisters and him. The sisters all died and he remained."

"His daughter..." I whispered out, tears gathering in my eyes.

Yeonjun nodded slowly.

"Isobel. Died like every other female in my family... Because of me."

I breathed deeply but it didn't help. There was a long, deep silence between us in this vast enclosing circle of our combined lives, the ends meeting to become complete around us.

"When I said Jack is the only family I have left, I really did mean exactly that, Kai. He is the very last relation left alive from what that Witch had done to my blood over the course of 200 years. When Jack dies, because he never had a son, the very last of my blood goes with him."

I looked down between my feet, slowly counting the small cracks in the floor as I let Yeonjun's words sink into myself.

He had brought this curse upon himself and his entire family all because.. He had chosen to save Soobin. A single life rescued and in turn, unknowingly sacrificing many, many others.. His family.. _Jack's_ family..

I let go of all the tears I had been holding. This wasn't fair. None of it was fair. But it couldn't be undone. I wanted to _hate_ it. All of it. But if Yeonjun hadn't saved Soobin, I never would have..

 ** _"Fuck.."_** was all I could manage next to Yeonjun as tears of impossibility consumed me.

I heard him sigh deeply next to me "I know it's a hard story to hear, kiddo.. I would say that I'm sorry, but... what good is that going to do now? I know what I've done. I know I unknowingly had forsaken my own family for Soobin's life. Even though, in the end, he didn't want me, anyway."

He resumed stitching away diligently next to me "Not _everyone_ gets a happy ending, Kai."

No..

... that wasn't true.

I stood up, got down on my knees in front of Yeonjun and held the sides of his thighs as I looked up at him with every last piece of moral fibre I had.

"Yeonjun.. You're wrong."

He looked up at me, his eyes were red, though not out of vampiric nature. He darted them back down, avoiding my gaze. "Am I?" He didn't believe me.

I cupped the side of his triangular angled jaw and made him look back up at me.

"You saved both Soobin and myself. Several times. _Despite_ your past. Despite the mistakes you made. I can _see_ how happy it makes you having us around you. You don't even realize it, do you?"

I saw his throat tighten as he swallowed, fresh tears bubbling up from his ducts as he looked at me pathetically. I edged closer to him, gently pressing my forehead against his.

"We _are_ your family, Yeonjun. Blood or not."

Two single tears rolled down his high-set cheekbones as he stared back at me softly.

".. Maybe I was wrong about you, Kai. Maybe you _do_ have the mind of an angel, after all."

An angel? ... Or maybe just the mind of a human.

"You know, I.." he paused, smiling and shaking his head to himself, dismissing the thought he was about to share. "Oh, nevermind.. That's a story for another time."

I slid back to sit on my knees, watching him still, making sure he understood the heavy truth in my words. I think he did though.

"I.. take it Jack doesn't even know you exist then?"

He shook his head as he started his needlework again.

"I think he would.. Like to know you, Yeonjun."

He scoffed at me. "Oh you do, do you? And how well do you think that's going to go down? _'Yo, Jackie-boy, I'm your distant immortal cousin from 400 years ago. Wanna go grab a drink later?'_ "

I sighed and persisted with my efforts.

"Yeonjun.. You _know_ he's lost Isobel.. And his wife isn't doing great either, apparently."

I felt a lightbulb turn on inside my head.

"I know you can't.. Save your bloodline. But you can still save their livelihood."

He stared at me inquisitively as he bit off the end of his thread.

"Their livelihood?"

"Jack's going out of business. He doesn't have enough money to get his wife into a private doctor for a 2nd opinion and a chance at her life."

I looked around myself at all the hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of clothing he owned and stared back at him intently.

"I know money isn't the answer to happiness, but it _could_ give them the chance they need. Would you be open to.. Sharing your wealth with them? With your family?"

He sat back and looked around at everything my eyes had just glanced at before I saw the corners of his plump lips curl upwards slowly.

"I will.. Take it into consideration, Kai."

I smiled at him brightly. Confirmation or not, I knew he would pull through in his own way.

"Oh.. can I ask you something?"

"As long as it doesn't dig up any more skeletons. You and Soobin have dragged just about all my secrets out of me" he smirked teasingly.

"How do I.. say goodbye to Jack? What can I say to him now that I'm a vampire and can't return to work?"

"Most vampires wouldn't bother with the formality, Kai. But if he's _that_ important to you.. Have you considered just being honest?"

I grinned at him knowingly "You know you're contradicting your own words, right?"

He breathed a laugh out of his nose and nodded in defeat. How could he expect me to be honest about my identity with Jack if Yeonjun, himself, couldn't?

"You got me there, kiddo."

"Maybe we could.. Go see him together? Get it all out in the open at once."

"Again.. I will.. _consider_ it.."

I smiled, finally letting it drop. I was satisfied enough with Yeonjun's replies.

"Anyway... stand up for me."

I did as he asked and he was sliding the shirt he had chosen for me onto my arms and up over my shoulders. He began buttoning it up slowly and brought his gaze up to mine, staring a minuscule of concern at me with his orbs of ocean blue.

"I trust you not to tell Soobin what I've told you in confidence, Kai.." he whispered.

I shook my head. Of course, I wouldn't. Soobin's psyche was already troubled enough on a good day. He didn't need to know that he was in part the reason for a 200-year-old cursed family.

As much as I didn't like the idea of keeping secrets, this was one that could only bring upon more darkness than light, another fracture across his mind, a further nail in the coffin; his undoing.

His ignorance _had_ to be bliss. Soobin deserved to be happy and it was _my_ job to make sure it stayed that way.


	26. Chapter 25

Yeonjun stepped back from me, his fingertips wrapping around the edge of his chin as he looked at me thoughtfully in the shirt he had dressed me in.

"Hmm... yeah, I think this will work. You're not so much a 'little' Yeonjun as I first thought. Your proportions are a bit bigger than mine in places, which means.." he trailed off, looking to the stack of pants behind him.

"We'll need to go with something with a bit of _stretch_ to it.."

He dug through the pile and then threw a folded square of _leather_ at me. I blinked down at the pants, unsure of his decision.

"Uh... leather? Really?"

"Trust me. They'll suit you!"

I unfolded them, letting them fall down to their full length and still seriously doubted his choice. He walked around the room, searching for a few other bits as I got dressed. As much as I doubted Yeonjun, the lining of the pants certainly was soft, much more comfortable than I would have guessed they would be.

Yeonjun was then throwing a bright red leather belt at me, I caught it with ease with my newfound accuracy in hand-eye coordination.

"Put that on."

I threaded it through the belt loops at my side and as I was distracted, Yeonjun approached. He moved fast, his hands reaching up to my right ear and I felt a small, itchy feeling and something now hanging from it.

Yeonjun just grinned at me, laughing as he saw me try to work out what had just happened. I tried pulling at the _earring_ he had placed upon me but noticed it wasn't coming off.

"Did you just.. Pierce my ear?" I was surprised at the lack of pain from it.

"Yup!" he smiled simply, unphased. "I needed to add something red to match your belt!"

I laughed "Wouldn't a necklace of some kind sufficed?"

He raised an eyebrow at me, shaking his head at my obvious lack of knowledge about fashion.

" _No._ That earring draws the viewer's eye to that gorgeous face of yours. A necklace would have just drawn attention to your already broad shoulders and they don't need to be accentuated anymore than they naturally are. Do you understand the styling logic now?"

I... truly didn't. I was out of my area of expertise but I replied anyway "Sure.. I guess."

He giggled at me and looked down to my feet. "I can't do much about footwear... but those black shoes you were wearing will suit the outfit, thankfully. Just put those back on."

I took his advice once more, I lifted my head up after I had finished tying my laces and finally caught a glimpse of myself for the first time in his mirror on the opposite side of where I had been sitting the whole time.

What the... what happened to me?

I stood up, approaching the mirror and gazed at my reflection in awe. I already knew my skin was paler than it had been but my _face_ was now much more defined too. The small pockets of baby-fat that I hadn't quite yet outgrown as a human were now gone. I brought a hand up to the side of my cheek, slowly drawing my cool fingertips across my skin that felt like _silk_.

Yeonjun caught me staring at myself and wandered over to join me.

"Oh right, you haven't seen your own reflection yet, huh? Immortality did you _good_ , kiddo."

"My eyes... they've.. changed colour..?" My once deep brown orbs were now coloured _lavender_ with small slithers of white and silver in between the intricate lines of my irises. I looked god damned _mythical_.

"Is that normal, Yeonjun?"

"It's... not, actually. But you were turned under a slightly different set of circumstances. You're unique, Kai. A Unicorn of the Vampire world!"

A _Unicorn?_

"Don't worry, kiddo. I know Soobin's whipped for you as a human _and_ a vampire" he smirked, gently smacking the side of my ass and winked at me.

We both turned our heads to the door, able to hear Soobin's footsteps approaching up the hallway.

"Oh, speak of the devil.." We heard a knock upon the door and Yeonjun approached it, sticking his head out to speak to Soobin.

"We're still busy here, Soobin!"

"You've been in there for an hour, how long does it take to dress someone?"

Yeonjun closed the door on him, rolling his eyes playfully as he walked back to me and spoke in a raised voice to Soobin who was left alone again in the hallway.

"Soobin, you don't realize who you're talking to. I was _born_ to dress people. Vampires, especially."

Yeonjun was giving me a look over, trying to find ways to improve upon his work.

"Hmm.. maybe leave this button undone," he said as he undid the 2nd button of the shirt. "And untuck it a bit." I did as he suggested, making the ends of the shirt flow out from one side while the other remained tucked into my pants.

"Yes, just like that. Let me fix your hair, come here."

I stepped forward into his personal space as he was pushing at my hair, pulling out a comb from his back pocket to tease it slightly.

"Hmm.. maybe just a bit more to the side.. Your hair is so fluffy and _lush_ , I wish my dead strands were."

I offered a small laugh to his comment and smiled as he continued making a fuss over me.

"Turn around for me."

I slowly rotated on the spot, doing a full circle until I faced him again.

"Okay.. well.. Those pants are a _little_ tight across those thighs of yours, but Soobin won't mind." He winked at me again and I fought off a small blush at the comment.

We could both hear Soobin clearing his throat from out in the hallway, letting Yeonjun know that he could _hear_ him.

Yeonjun skipped away to the door, peeking his head out at Soobin for a moment, offering him a small giggle before retreating back in to look at me. He silently waved me over to him near the door and I adhered. I was becoming nervous of Soobin's reaction now. Yeonjun brushed his hands over my shirt, flattening it down in places. His comb flicking some of my hair out of my eyes before returning it to his back pocket.

Yeonjun opened the door and stepped backwards out of it to look at me from a distance, his chin sitting thoughtfully in his hand once more as he gave me one final last look over.

"Hmm.. Yes. I think we're done. You look perfect, baby." He smiled softly at me, quietly proud of his work before he turned on the spot and moved out of the way of the door to let me walk through.

I caught Soobin's eyes with my own, he was seated on a chair up against the opposite side of the hall and his formal posture seemed to almost _melt_ as his eyes moved over me. His lower lip dropped as he just didn't know _where_ to look. I couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad thing.

".. Perfection." He finally whispered and a relieved smile washed over me.

Yeonjun turned to Soobin at his side, seeming flabbergasted at Soobin's reaction.

"Really? That's not often a word I hear you use to describe my fashion sense."

"There's a first time for everything, Yeonjun" Soobin kept his warm eyes on me as he finally stood up, holding his hand out towards me in invitation.

I stepped forward more and took his hand within mine. He no longer felt cold to me. He was warm, his skin invitingly pleasant like a satin cushion, you just wanted to keep touching it. Up close I could now make out little details about Soobin that I had never noticed up until then. He had the smallest of freckles sitting in a vine of tiny fawn coloured climbing roses under his eyes. I could count his thick eyelashes one by one if I wanted to. His black hair seemed brighter, my eyes finally able to make out the very faintest of a brown highlight in the straight strands. He was so much more handsome than I had ever thought possible.

Both of our gazes at each other were interrupted with a small, polite cough coming from Yeonjun to our side. We turned to see him grinning a bright, sharp Cheshire cat smile.

"The way you two are looking at each other makes me think maybe it's time you should be on your way home, hmm?"

Soobin turned to look back at me.

"What do _you_ want to do, Kai?"

I blinked down and stared at the floorboards between us in thought. As much as I was enjoying my time with Yeonjun and digesting the stories and information he had given me, I _did_ want some alone time with Soobin. And the outside world had me curious too.

"Maybe we should go home. I'd like to walk though, if that's okay."

Soobin hesitated but he gave my request a quick thought over and finally agreed.

"Of course" he smiled at me trustingly.

Yeonjun smirked at the pair of us and pivoted on the spot with as much precision as a seasoned ballet dancer and began leading us down the hallway to the staircase. Soobin's hand was still within mine and I could feel his subtle gaze on me from my side. I allowed myself a smug feeling of attractiveness. Keep staring at me like that, Soobin, and you're going to have some trouble on your hands soon.

We made our way down the staircase, Yeonjun racing ahead slightly to open the front door for us. I felt a small moment of discontent at the terrible memories of having first entered his house, the candle flickers and the hidden danger that had lurked within, waiting. But Yeonjun turned around, smiling that unique smile of his at us and I couldn't help but feel at home now. He was the big brother I'd never had. He placed his hands on his pronounced hips and looked sternly at Soobin, a mother wanting her son to be home by 9 pm sharp and _no_ later.

"You take care of him, Soobin. Okay? That's my baby you're taking away from me."

"Your baby?" Soobin sounded intrigued and I was just grinning like a fool at the small family-like banter.

"Yes. _My_ baby. I helped turn him, he's half mine, at the very least!"

I felt _warm_ inside. I was almost surprised at how much Yeonjun meant to me already, but I was deeply accepting of it. He had played the part of an invisible glue between Soobin and I this whole time. I owed him more than words could ever muster.

"We'll come back and visit you, Yeonjun. Promise" I smiled knowingly at him. We both knew that our destinies still had some parts to play out with each other. I looked forward to when we could see Jack, together.

"You had better!" Yeonjun had a playful pout of his lower lip before he was gently pushing us both out of the door.

"See you soon, Soobin" he smiled softly at him and Soobin's hand gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze in acknowledgement.

Even though their relationship with each other was older than I could have ever fathomed, I could almost _feel_ the age and depth of it in that moment. There was so much respect and unspoken appreciation between them. A love and caring far more mature than any I had seen, and far deeper than either of them even realized.

The door closed behind us quietly and Soobin and I began our journey back home by foot as per my request. We were quiet for most of the way. Almost like we didn't even know what to _say_ to each other. None of the events that took place over the past several dozen hours was what either of us expected. There was a deep, understood confused silence between us that we seemed content with.

The closer we weaved our way through the streets, the more and more my senses became alive. Even if the street lights were out, I still would have been able to see clearly. Everything was vibrant in its colour. The cold night air was uplifting and didn't chill me in the thin shirt Yeonjun had dressed me in. My legs weren't tired from walking, I could have walked to the next city over entirely and it wouldn't have seemed like a tiresome venture.

I eventually pulled Soobin's hand to walk through a favourite park of mine close to our suburb. I veered us off the path, walking through a field of grass that hadn't been cut for some time and heard the lyrics of one of my first songs performed for Soobin dance across my thoughts.

 _And I want to walk with you_ _  
__On a cloudy day_ _  
__In fields where the yellow grass grows knee high_

It wasn't a cloudy day, it was a clear night, but it didn't matter. I smiled secretively to myself, my early memories of thinking of Soobin at my work came flooding back, thinking of the songs I had adapted for him to perform to win him over. Those first, excited feelings of being in love. Wanting to get closer to him, wanting to spend time with him outside of The Black Swan. All the terrible thoughts and events that happened between then and now melted away inside of me with his hand in mine as we walked slowly.

"Tell me what it's like, Kai, to see the old world with new eyes" he was staring at me curiously and I smiled further with his query.

"I.. can't get over how _clear_ everything is, especially in the dark like this. I can smell every blade of grass. I can hear cars almost an entire mile away from us."

He smiled at me as we got to a path and there was a large pond in front of us. I rushed away to it and stood at the edge, listening to the gentle lapping of water that wouldn't have been audible to me in the stillness before. At the very far edge, I saw 7 black swans gracefully floating upon the silken blanket of water, their dark feathers glowing under the moonlight above them. A family. I smiled as I felt quietly inspired. I thought of my own family that I had now acquired.

Soobin stood next to me, quietly enjoying my inquisitiveness for my old surroundings with a new light shining upon them. But he hadn't stopped staring at me since we left Yeonjun's house. He wasn't worried, though. I could almost sense he was slowly becoming intoxicated by the sight of me. He was staring at my lips.

"Taste is also something that's different now, Kai.." I turned to him. I took his chin in my hand and edged closer to him but I stopped. I could feel and almost _hear_ the way his body was reacting to me in such close proximity. I knew if I kissed him I would be pushing him down into the grass right then and there and abruptly upsetting the swans' rest in the quiet evening.

I grinned at him and leaned around, pressing a chaste kiss against his cheek instead, as he had once nervously given me when we danced in his study.

"I guess I will have to find out for myself later."

I pulled back and saw Soobin's eyes _burning_ at me in the night air. I knew I was being a tease. I almost _wanted_ to get him worked up and just let him explode with desire at me. Now that he didn't need to be cautious with my body, there would be virtually nothing to hold him back.

I stepped away from him, smirking to myself with the thought and he soon followed me after a moment of trying to recompose himself.

He looked thoughtful next to me as we continued on our way and eventually asked me a question.

"Kai.. those songs you played for me that night at The Black Swan. The second time I saw you.."

Oh. Had he finally cottoned on?

"What about them?" I smiled innocently at him.

"Why.. those ones.. in particular?"

"Why do _you_ think I performed them, Soobin?"

I watched as he looked down at his feet as we walked leisurely. He was being shy once more.

"I thought.. perhaps.. you had played them for me.."

"I did," I said simply, keeping my smile upon him. He looked across at me and his flattered smile lit up the night, the deep stars of his dimples sparkling within it.

"I think you underestimate just how much of an impact you had on my life, Soobin. Quite literally. I went from a suicidal mess to.. being hopeful about my future that night we spoke outside my house. I was falling in love with you. The beautiful stranger that you were."

It felt so much easier to talk about it now. Saying the words out loud further solidified my love for him and the purpose he had given me. He had saved me from the very start.

"Now that I think about it.. I'm not sure why I asked you to save me when you told me you were a vampire. You already _had_ saved me at that point."

"You saved me too, Kai.. I had nothing before you came into my life."

He sounded deeply accepting of that, but, like Yeonjun had been wrong about not having a family, Soobin had also obviously been blind to it.

"You had Yeonjun.."

He looked away from me at his feet, seeming guilty about something. He hadn't realized I had overheard the confession yet.

"It's okay, Soobin. I heard that whole conversation while I was turning. My body had given up for the most part, but my ears and mind still worked."

"And you're.. not upset about any of it?" he asked cautiously.

"No. I was a little saddened though.. for Yeonjun. But love is what it is. It either works or it doesn't. It can't be forced. Both you _and_ Yeonjun know that."

The other half of Yeonjun's story in his closet entered my mind but I refused to let it bother me at that point. I wasn't going to waste away my happiness on something that couldn't be changed. If I let it tear me down, it would bring Soobin with me.

He was now handing me my phone from his pocket which I had _long_ forgotten about.

"Here. Yeonjun found it in the woods. Looks like your boss has been calling you."

I looked down at the dull screen and the sparse 1% battery life that was left. I flicked through the various attempts that Jack had tried to reach me. He had called me almost every hour of the day. He had been worried, hadn't he?

"Right.. I wasn't at work today. Nor will I ever be again.."

I tucked my phone into my back pocket. I hoped Yeonjun would come back to me soon with wanting to contact Jack. I couldn't bear to leave him hanging like that. Maybe I could just tell him I was sick for the meantime.

Soobin's hand was suddenly gripping mine and he looked at me intently.

"Come live with me, Kai."

Was _this_ what made Vampire relationships official?

"Are you.. sure? I don't want to impose upon you.."

I really didn't. I had no financial security to bring to the table, but Soobin seemed to have enough for both of us and then some.

"You won't be, trust me" his soothing words calmed my concerns in an instant.

Maybe, I could then. It hardly seemed possible to separate us as things were. A cunning thought crossed my mind and I couldn't control the urge to let it out.

"I guess it would bring me closer to my one, true love.. That piano of yours is certainly beautiful" I grinned impossibly at him and fought off bursting out into laughter at the look of pure, joking _betrayal_ he gave me with his eyebrows raising at me the highest they ever had upon his usually somewhat still expression.

A loud, echoing laugh left me in an instant with the look he gave me. He was _so_ much fun to tease. He just made it too easy sometimes.

"Unbelievable" he eventually laughed back at me almost as loud as I had.

As he relaxed further next to me on our journey home, I noticed he wasn't wearing his favourite item of clothing.

"I just noticed, you left your coat behind, Soobin."

He was dressed in his black cotton dress pants and the dark silk shirt he had tried to place upon me when first finding me awake. Though it didn't fit very well across the shoulders with his broad frame.

".. So I did" he looked down at himself but seemed unphased by it.

"That's okay. You look good without it too, you know."

His constant smile only widened at me as we walked together, nearing the edge of the park now.

It only took another 15 minutes to reach Soobin's hou-.. _Our_ house. I stood within the entranceway, barely knowing what to do with myself. I checked the grandfather clock next to the door, it was almost midnight.

"Are you alright?" Soobin asked, noticing my slightly confused disposition.

"I would be going to sleep around about now. It feels strange.. to not be tired."

"Yes.. I think it's one of the biggest steps of this existence to overcome. Sleep for humans is as natural as death. It's not normal without it. But.. you are hardly normal now, Kai."

He circled around me until he was directly in front of me, he was much more relaxed, even more so than he had been with me while we were walking. His eyes were tracing every last inch of me unashamedly, making my chest swell with unneeded oxygen. I truly didn't mind being looked at like a piece of meat right then.

"Not that you were ever normal.. You were.. and still are.. immaculate. Flawless. And I wouldn't have you any other way."

I held myself back with his words, but it was a difficult task. I was becoming _hot_ underneath the thin layer of clothing, a fever-induced longing started to build with every ounce of open lust Soobin stared at me with. I tried my best to smile softly and looked away to the hallway, feeling the dangling earring Yeonjun had put into me tap the edge of my neck and quickly returned my gaze back to Soobin. I took his hand into mine without so much as a 'shall we?' entering my mind.

You. Me. Bedroom. _Now_.


	27. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Well.. if the love scene in Chapter 16 was classed as 'mild' I guess you could class this one as 'medium to spicy'. It's not important to the plot, just a bit of 'fun'. Again, if the sexual content doesn't sit well with you, kindly scroll down to the first Tilde symbol (~) and carry on. Enjoy!

The force in which my body almost _mashed_ against Soobin not only made the bedroom door close, it slammed, almost splintering with the harsh creak I drew out of it with my pressing need for this other vampire; _my_ vampire. I kissed him again- _finally_ , the first time since our night of music and dance. But I didn't just kiss him, I was devouring him, sucking his swollen lips in between my own and so was he; we ate each other, feasting upon the immortal flesh, a banquet of lust. I was becoming so _full_ from him, but it wasn't my stomach that swelled between us.

My long, slender fingers gifted to me for playing many musical instruments also had another use. They were perfect for snaking their way around the slim waist of Soobin, my hands encircled him almost entirely as I pushed them under his shirt. My knees were feeling heavy, compelling me to drop to them to unleash Soobin from his pants and into my thirsting throat, we weren't even going to make it to the bed at this point.

You did this to yourself, Soobin.. The way your eyes had been undressing me for the past few hours since you saw me emerge from Yeonjun's dark closet of secrets and colour. I saw your thoughts dance in your eyes with all the ways you could _have_ me. Don't dare to even _think_ about begging me for any slither of mercy.

But I was at a loss, Soobin's hands now had a firm grip on my hips and he was walking into me, forcing me to take a journey backwards as his tongue held me to him, wrapped around my own between us as suddenly the bed was at the back of my thighs.

I was forced back, no tenderness, no apology as all I could do was fall into the firm mattress behind me with no room for disagreement. It was dark in the room but I could see him clearly and the two eyes staring at me, no longer round and soft but sharp and hungry. I perched myself on my elbows, intrigued and impossibly aroused by this new duality Soobin was unveiling.

His fingers, longer than mine were now tracing my collarbone and slipped upon the fragment of smooth ice of my chest, hooking an eager fingertip under the fastened 3rd button of my shirt.

Pop.. pop, pop, pop... _pop_.

He forced the 5 small buttons off, taking flight in random directions across the bed, a few landing on the floor with a small racket of noise. My freshly acquired shirt now lay open upon either side of myself while Soobin's eyes drank in the sight of me.

Oh, how I knew you _always_ had this in you, Soobin. He had stripped himself of his kid-gloves. Maybe it was _me_ who would be begging him for mercy now.

He lurched over me and I was frozen to the fiery touch of his lips on my neck in a gentle kiss, followed by the drawing of my skin away from myself in a firm suck. He made a slow descent, his lips, tongue and chin smearing my skin with wet embers. My hands shot up to the back of his head, fingers sinking into the thick mass of black hair as he reached my stomach with his needful mouth eager to be filled.

God, this felt so different now. My nerve endings were live wires of white-hot fire. I was so much more sensitive to another person's touch than I had been as a human. My freshly acquired vampiric perks, how much they seemed to outweigh the cons.

Soobin stopped at the edge of the blood-red belt at my hips, eyes of desire still holding me pinned in place. I was breathing heavily now, fully aware I didn't need to, but I couldn't _help_ it. I was about to erupt, my already firm pants becoming impossibly tighter. Just fucking _free_ me, Soobin.

"I'm not letting you leave this spot." Soobin's voice sank deeper, 8 octaves below the deepest G note on a piano, 0.198 hertz of promised _thirst_ for me.

Fuck, I could have just... Heh... I _was_ begging now, wasn't I? How quickly Soobin had turned this table, but I didn't mind being underneath him now. I wanted to feel his dominance.

His large palms pawed at my thighs, deliberately avoiding the ever-growing mountain of desire underneath the leather. Soobin squeezed at my muscles and I tensed under him pleadingly, my lower lip drawing into my mouth in a gentle bite as all I could do was stare and hope and _wait_ for him to put me out of my misery.

"Soobin.." I breathed out at him, I was almost whimpering, pathetic. Undone already much like my pants still _weren't._ The starved, suffocation of the throbbing need was starting to hurt now.

He gripped the end of my belt, ripping it open and the belt loops and buckle gave out under the force. I gasped in surprise but in slight pleasure too as it made the fabric grind against me; brief alleviation from being untouched still but inducing just a further longing for more of it.

"You're mine, Kai."

Undoubtedly, Soobin, just _do_ something. **_Anything._**

All 10 of his fingertips crept down the front of my pants and underwear and he gripped them firmly but didn't move.

"Do offer my condolences to Yeonjun for me. I know how much he liked these pants."

Soobin allowed me _no_ time to decipher his message as he was suddenly ripping the pants from me with as much ease as fingers through a spiderweb. I was startled but unquestionably further aroused from Soobin's unveiling of his rough, unforgiving nature. He threw the _ruined_ tatters of my pants and underwear away from us into a corner; forgotten. I looked down to see I was left with torn pieces of leather still scantily bound to my thighs in random places, small rubber-bands of black animal hide pressing into my skin.

A deep groan could be heard rumbling in the depths of Soobin's throat as he stared me down. I was a poor, defenceless creature dug out from its hole in front of this predator's mouth now. Only I wanted to be devoured; a willing demise.

Soobin wasted no time now. I heard his knees connect heavily with the floorboards and I was suddenly _engulfed_ by a deeply wet and warm heat surrounding me; drowning me. I could only look down and wonder just where the _fuck_ all of me went. He had consumed me. Whole. The tip of his nose pressing into my pelvis as I was forced into the very back of his throat. _Christ_. And then he swallowed, the muscles of his neck contracting and squeezing around me, a tight, wet _tugging_ at my swollen flesh.

Every last nerve in my body shot down between my legs while a tight, breathlessness coiled in my throat, condensed but slowly unravelled as I let out a feral, aroused noise that I barely recognized as my own. My arms gave out under me, no longer able to keep myself on my elbows as I relinquished myself to Soobin entirely. My fingers wrapped and curled around his hair roughly, almost enough to scalp him with the force.

I chanced my fate, looking back down at his plush lips stretched around my girth and the pits of my stomach clenched. He was working me, his mouth moved like a jackhammer in slow motion. Uncompromising. Powerful. Deadly accurate. Slowly breaking me down into pieces of a soaking, rubbled mess. My breathless moans were everywhere, they reached all corners of the room, filling every empty space to the brim just like I was within Soobin's mouth.

Suddenly there was nothing. He pulled back, fast. Leaving me beached upon the bed with nowhere to swim; quivering, wet, dripping and exposed in the dry, open air.

He licked his lips as he stood back up, his hands tearing his own clothing from himself with as much ease and frivol forgiveness as he had shown mine. I was nervous now, but excited, similar to whenever I would go up on stage. But it was Soobin's performance I was looking forward to this time.

His fingers hooked under the lacerated bands of leather that clung to my thighs and he was smirking down at me, dragging his tongue between the sharp angle of exposed skin between two of the black ribbons. I could only but tremble and gasp at him in response.

"I would remove these, Kai, but I have to say, they suit you," deep, dark and dangerous was his voice and I let it fill me with further submission.

I was flipped over onto my front, my shirt pulled from my back and arms and suddenly his mouth was beside my ear, hot breath against it coupled with the feeling of his bare body pressing into me from behind. He took my left earlobe into his mouth, biting, sucking, playing with it; a morsel of meat in a Puma's jaw. I felt weakened to it. He had me on the very edge of my wit. I _needed_ to be driven to insanity now.

He released my lobe and whispered against it some familiar words that I had once given him.

"I want to give you everything, Kai.."

His tongue was a hot serpent, slithering its way down between my shoulder blades and down further still, it teased the small of my back above my tailbone in torturously slow, suggestive circles and I was arching back towards him, biting down into the bedding under the onslaught.

God, _lower_ , Soobin, for the love of heaven and hell. But he stopped once more, I could feel his lips whisper against my wet skin.

"I want to give you.. Every last inch, in fact" and he laughed darkly, having mimicked my words to him during our first night together.

I then knew I had created a fiend out of this human-like vampire. But, if I was going to be honest with myself, there always _had_ been a bit of a monster in us both; a little bit of hell, a little bit of heaven. Our angelic halos, slipping to choke us willingly within the heat of desire now.

**_~_ **

Oh my _God_... it was so amazing, so very _deep._ I couldn't keep my hands to myself, they plastered themselves upon the ivory plains in front of me. I had to keep going, I now never tired so I _could_. I thought it was good before I turned, but this was _heavenly_ now. Nothing could tear me away from the addicting sounds I drew out of this masterpiece with every last movement I made upon it.

Soobin was soon approaching me from behind as I neared the end of the song I was playing upon his piano, he was placing a wine glass of blood in front of me upon it and I smiled. It had been several days since we arrived home and the music I had played was like listening to it for the first time all over again. _This_ had been how Soobin heard music for all these years. What a blessing to the senses.

"Have you always played this frequently? Even as a human?" Soobin asked as I closed my piece. He fondled and twisted the glass stem of his cup as he looked at me thoughtfully, leaning against the edge of the piano with his hip.

"Well... I would have if work didn't get in the way of it. But actually.. no. I think since becoming what I am, and my heightened sense of hearing that came with it, I want to play more than I ever have. It sounds.. different. It sounds _better_."

He smiled knowingly at me and nodded in agreeance as I continued.

"I can hear the notes linger in the air for longer, I can almost hear the notes before I even play them. Like a sixth sense."

"It's wonderful, isn't it?" our smiles matched each other in gratitude for the gift of music.

"If I'd have known our kind had this sort of amazing ability, I would have asked you to turn me sooner."

He _should_ have turned me sooner if I hadn't let trivial thoughts stop me. He swirled his glass of blood thoughtfully, looking down into the small waves of red.

"As tempting as that would have been, Kai.. I needed you to take your time with the decision. I guess though, in the end.. you weren't left with much choice."

I didn't know if he was right or not. I _had_ still made the choice, just not under the circumstances I had portrayed in my mind.

"Maybe.. But I think I had made up my mind before that night, anyway."

"Is that so?" he was smiling, intrigued by my words as he took a seat next to me at the piano.

"I'm a pretty decisive person most of the time, Soobin."

Maybe a little bit _too_ decisive at times. Some of my decisions hadn't gone as well for me as I would have liked.

"So I've noticed."

"As unfortunate as my childhood was, I think it's given me a pretty good gauge on how to tell if a situation is bad or not. Or a person."

Soobin, Yeonjun, even... tentatively.. Beomgyu. As mysterious as they all had been to me in the various manners that they once had, there was _good_ in.. all of them. Soobin was looking thoughtfully down at the black and white keys in front of us, seeming to slightly deflate.

"I wish I was as perceptive as you are."

Oh, Soobin.. Don't be like that, sweetheart. I lifted my hand up and pushed some of his hair out of his face, revealing his beautiful forehead to me for a moment.

"You are who you are, Soobin. And I love every part of you for it."

I leaned across and pressed a loving kiss against his lips, my hand sliding down from his hair to glide down the side of his smooth face and neck. I pulled back to smile meaningly at him. He looked back down away from me, his eyes flickering with memories as he spoke again.

"I used to read a lot of psychology books over the years.. most of the mental tendencies I seem to have stemmed from a deep-rooted sort of anxiety. Which leads to a lot of overthinking. Where that anxiety came from, I don't know. I've never been able to figure it out. It isn't because of who I am, it was there even before I was turned. But it did certainly get worse upon becoming immortal."

I now joined him in looking down in thought. He had been plagued with mental illness all this time? Anxiety? Depression, even? The depression, I could relate to. I had always been incredibly up and down in my moods, as much as I had tried to even them out the older I got. It never truly went away, but.. I became more accustomed to functioning around them. I had become less curious as to 'why' they plagued me and more determined to not let them control my life anymore. I had accepted them as being part of myself; a perfect imperfection.

"Some people are just born the way they are, Soobin. They can spend their whole life trying to pinpoint a cause or a reason for why they are the way they are. And personally.."

I edged closer to him, sliding my arm around his waist and pressed my forehead into the side of his head.

"I'd rather be with someone who actually gave thought to things than give no thoughts at all."

You need to learn to _love yourself_ , Soobin. I love all of you just the way you are.

I saw him smile softly, placing a hand upon my own that sat on top of my thigh.

"You really don't care that I think too much?"

"I just think you've been alone for too long. You've had no one to have these deep conversations with. Who else were you going to have them with if not with your own mind?"

Even though Yeonjun left him for years after their fallout, when they _were_ around each other, I don't think Soobin ever noticed that he had a shoulder to cry on all that time. His anxiety had made him live only half a life. Too concerned and caught up in his own thoughts to be able to _see_ things for how they really were. Such is the life of someone who lives trapped inside their own head.

I saw Soobin's eyes widen slightly with my words like I had opened up a part mind that had been in the dark for all this time. He knew, didn't he?

"I think perhaps you have a point there, Mr Huening."

I grinned at the nickname he had been using on me a lot since we had been housebound for the past week. I needed to cheer him up further.

"May I play you a song?"

"You don't need to ask me that" he smiled as he stood up to give me my playing space, walking over to the chaise to take a seat and wait for me to begin.

[2U](https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/20170901jkbday)

The G#m and F# chords filled the room softly, a soft and mystical fog covering us, parting only for me to see Soobin through it all.

 _No limit in the sky that I won't fly for you_ _  
__No amount of tears in my eyes that I won't cry for you_

Are you paying attention, Soobin? Can you hear my heart speaking to you? If I had to start this journey with you all over again, I would still give you everything, all of me, unapologetically and fully. The good, the bad.. There is no growth without pain. I would suffer every last painful memory once more just to be met with you at the end of it all. You were worth all of it, just to see you smiling at me like you are now.

I looked across at him intently with my next lyrics.

 _Open up your mind, clear your head  
_ _Ain't gonna wake up to an empty bed  
_ _Share my life, it's yours to keep  
_ _Now that I give to you all of me_

His smile projecting at me with all its brightness seemed to change, I could see a shift in his mind, the clouds inside of it finally parting to let the sun shine into it in its full and wondrous glory.

Perfect, Soobin, let my music fill you and lift you to new heights. You deserve to fly with the angelic wings you never knew you had. I will always be right here to comfort you. I will always be a hand to hold in your moments of worry. It was my life's purpose to make you happy, to always be right by your side, every step of the way on this new journey together.

You have been my destiny this whole time.

**_~_ **

It was now early evening and I was assisting Soobin with opening all the blinds in the house to let the moonlight fill every inch that it could. Soobin had moved to another room and I felt my phone buzzing in the back pocket of my jeans.

I reached for it and looked down at the screen.

**_Work_ **

Jack... I had called him the next morning Soobin and I had arrived home to tell him I was sick, but that was over a week ago now. I couldn't keep the facade up anymore. I stood there with incertitude. It kept ringing and I couldn't bring myself to answer it. It eventually stopped and I momentarily felt the guilt leave me, but it started back up again in an instant as he called me again straight after. He wasn't one to ever leave me a voice message.

I sighed deeply as I heard Soobin walk away from me further down the hallway. I couldn't keep running around in circles like this, delaying the inevitable. I tentatively accepted the call.

"Hey, Jack.."

"Oh yer _alive_ are ye'?! Thank fuck fer that! Thought maybe ye'd been put into hospital or somethin'!"

I couldn't help but laugh quietly at the bright and brash accent of his that I had missed.

"Yeah.. I'm still... around." Still 'alive' would have technically been a lie.

"So when are ye' gonna be back into work, kiddo? The store misses ye'. Especially the instruments that ye' can't keep yer fuckin' _hands_ off of."

I smiled but it was brief. Words left my mouth that I barely could believe I had even said.

"Do _you_ miss me, Jack?"

"Don't be fuckin' _daft,_ lad!"

He grumbled and eventually let out a sigh of defeat.

"... Maybe jus' a wee bit..."

I grinned, starting to feel more relaxed, but the scales were constantly tipping inside of myself.

"I..." I stopped, trying to find the right words. But what _were_ they? I really needed Yeonjun's help.

"Did ye' lose your tongue from your illness, kiddo?" Jack spoke, becoming impatient with my difficulty in speaking.

"No, I... " I sighed deeply, letting Jack hear it.

"What's wrong, Kai? Tell me.."

"I.. need to see you. I need to tell you something."

"And ye' can't tell me right now?"

He would just laugh, hang up on me and dock my wages if I did.

"No.. it needs to be done in person. Can I come to see you? At home?"

There was an unexpected silence from Jack before he finally replied.

"I mean... yeah... I s'pose so. Must be pretty heavy stuff ye' need to get off yer' chest, huh?"

"Something like that..." I trailed off, thinking that I still needed to contact Yeonjun again to arrange a time. I would have to somewhat force this upon him.

"Will tomorrow night be okay? Around 8?"

"Aye, that's fine. Ye' still know where I live, right?"

"Lewis Road, is it?" I thought for a moment.. Lewis.. Soobin's original surname. Was it named after his family? Did he own property there?

"That's the one, kiddo."

I shook off the question that popped into my mind and returned my attention back to Jack.

"Okay.. I'll see you tomorrow night then."

"Righto.. See ye', Kai."

".. Bye, Jack."

He hung up quickly before I could and I stared down at the ended call on my phone. I tilted my head all the way back and just stared up at the ceiling in thought. I had _no_ idea how to go about this. What I would even say to Jack or how to pry Yeonjun to come along with me still. As much as I trusted him to go along with it, it had only been a week since I dropped the idea into his head. Had it been enough time for him to prepare his mind for all of this?

I looked back down at my phone and went through my recent calls, finding the number that Soobin had called several times- Yeonjun's. Hopefully, his phone line was reconnected now. I dialled it and thankfully it was ringing now. I thought perhaps he wasn't home, but he suddenly picked up.

"Yo."

"Yeonjun?"

".. Kai?!" he sounded excited. "Has Soobin been taking good care of you?! I will _kill_ his ass, if he has-"

I laughed and interrupted his concern "You don't need to worry, Junnie." I'm not sure _where_ the nickname for him appeared from in my mind, but I stuck with it, regardless.

" _Good!_ So what's up? Decided you've had enough of bagged blood and wanna come on a hunting trip?!"

Oh right. Soobin had told me that Yeonjun hadn't adopted the more simple approach to drinking and liked his dinner to be a bit more.. Alive.. At the time.

"Uh.. no. I.. just got off the phone to Jack, actually..."

There was silence and I heard his feet upon his floor move around slightly as he shifted his weight in thought.

"... Oh yeah?" his bright tone lowered but he was still curious.

"Yeah.. I said I would see him tomorrow night. I'm.. going to tell him what I am."

I heard him sigh in thought and he swallowed.

"I presume you're going to ask me to come along with you?"

I hesitated. His question was somewhat rhetorical. He _knew_ I wanted him to come with me. But the decision had to be his. I couldn't force him if he didn't want to.

"That's up to you," I eventually replied.

I heard him sit down, the sound of a leather couch crunching under his weight and he let out another deep sigh in thought.

"You've certainly managed to indirectly make my existence a lot more interesting lately, you know that?" I could hear him smirking. "But maybe.. That's for the best."

I remained silent as I just waited for his reply.

"... What time do you want me to come over?"

I smiled brightly. Thank you, Junnie. We got this. Together. What are families for, after all?


	28. Chapter 27

I lay back against the chaise in the study, although I had been somewhat forced there. Soobin was dusting and reorganizing his vast collection of musical works and he didn't want me helping. Not for any lack of faith in my ability, but he wanted me to 'relax'. I didn't _need_ to, but Soobin, as always, was far too polite to make me do chores. Plus, secretly, I think he enjoyed it.

It had been almost 24 hours since my phone calls with both Jack and Yeonjun. It was 7 pm and our blonde immortal friend would be arriving within the next half an hour to accompany me on my way to Jack's house- a venture I still hadn't informed Soobin about.

I felt awkward about it. He still didn't know much about Jack at all, but it was even harder to talk about him with the knowledge that Soobin's fate had been intertwined with his all this time. I didn't want to lie to him, but I had to be cautious about my chosen words.

Soobin had halted his chores and was looking through his music records to play something as he cleaned.

"Soobin?"

"Yes, my love?" he said without turning his head to me, deeply immersed in his own collection.

"I've been meaning to tell you.. I'm leaving the house for a while tonight."

He finally looked over at me, curious.

"Whatever for?"

"I need to tell my boss that I'm not coming back to work. I'm going to his house to tell him directly."

He seemed worried suddenly as he looked back down to an album cover in his hand and then back and forth between me and it several times, unspoken words of concern edging closer to spilling out.

I sat up and looked across at him, trying to grab his gaze with mine.

"It's okay, Soobin. Yeonjun's coming with me.."

He blinked at me.

".. _Yeonjun?_ "

I had to use Soobin's own advice against him to try and ease his thoughts.

"Yeah. You _did_ tell me he's one of the most experienced people you've ever met. He's.. going to help me with it. I don't really know what to say."

Soobin closed his mouth and swallowed, he was unmoving until he looked back down to the record in his hand, slowly nodding.

"I.. do suppose that would be wise.."

Something told me he was still concerned about the notion and his next words confirmed it.

"Kai.. you're not going to reveal your true identity to your boss, are you?"

I stared at him silently. I couldn't lie to him. But the truth struggled on my lips, regardless, and Soobin read me like a book.

"Kai.." he said deeply, taking a few steps towards me "You should be mindful with whom you reveal your secrets to. It could put us in a great deal of danger."

The dangerous aspect of the scenario hadn't even entered my mind at that point. As much as I didn't know _what_ to expect out of Jack, I still trusted him with the information.

"I really don't think we need to worry. Jack's a bit brash a lot of the time, but he's proven to me in the past that I can trust him. He's.. like a father to me, Soobin.."

"A.. father?"

Yeonjun's family heritage pressed at the side of my mind. Maybe I _could_ tell Soobin a small part of the story.

"Yes.. and he's also Yeonjun's family too. He's the last relative of his that's still alive."

Soobin's mouth opened as he stared at me "Yeonjun still has a family?"

Besides you and I, Soobin, yes.

"Yeah. I told him he reminded me of Jack when we were upstairs at his house and he told me the story of his family history. Jack is a part of it."

Soobin blinked once more, but he looked less concerned now "So _that's_ why it took him close to an hour to dress you."

I smiled and nodded, feeling slightly relieved that Soobin seemed to be becoming more accepting of the concept.

"Did you.. Want me to accompany you as well, Kai?"

I looked down between my knees, pursing my lips together in thought. I didn't know how _deep_ Yeonjun was going to go with his own words to Jack, but there was a possibility he might mention Soobin. I couldn't risk it.

"I think.. It's best that just Yeonjun and I go. If things go well enough, I promise I'll introduce you to him someday, okay?"

I looked back up at Soobin and thankfully he looked accepting of it all.

"I understand, Kai. You do what you need to do. Just be careful."

"I will, Soobin. You can trust me."

He smiled as he started walking back towards his bookshelves. "I know I can." He then let out a small laugh and shook his head.

"What is it?"

"Oh, just.. The thought of Yeonjun having followed his own bloodline this whole time. I never would have guessed he would have bothered to care that much."

Well, there is a reason for that, Soobin, but....

"I guess there's a lot you don't know about him, still. Even after 200 years of knowing him."

He laughed again and placed his record of choice upon his turntable finally.

"Yes. Yeonjun has always been something of a mystery to me over the years. Although, as you found out, I think you realize this."

Soobin grinned to himself as he lifted the head of the record player needle and set it down towards the middle of the many small grooves of the black vinyl.

[Swan Lake](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cNQFB0TDfY)

A classical piece started and something about it sounded familiar. I knew it from _somewhere_. Was it from a ballet?

"Do you recognize this piece, Kai?" he was smiling secretly at me.

"It's.. from a ballet, isn't it?"

"Swan Lake. Opus 20. Act 2. 14th scene. Composed by Tchaikovsky in 1875. I've seen the performance many a time.. Especially when a certain friend of ours performed it." Soobin was grinning at me now.

".. What?"

"I'm unsure if he informed you or not, but our dear Yeonjun used to be a _dancer_ , many moons ago."

I smiled with surprise, though if I was being honest, it wasn't so much a surprise. Yeonjun did _seem_ to have an incredible amount of poise and flexibility to him.

"So Yeonjun used to be part of a ballet group?"

"Oh yes, and not just part of _any_ ballet group. He was one of the world's _finest_ dancers at one point during the 18th century. That is until his never-ageing appearance began to raise suspicion. He could no longer carry on in the spotlight, as such."

"Wow..." I trailed off and a thought crossed my mind "Did Yeonjun teach you how to dance then?!"

Soobin chuckled, shaking his head as he approached me and sat down next to me.

"I'm afraid not. That was a task befitted for my mother." He sounded melancholy. I could tell he missed her.

"Do you miss your family, Soobin?"

He gave it some thought, eventually sitting up straighter as he glanced at many items within the room.

"I do.. My mother, in particular. But it's been many, many years since they all passed now and.. I quietly mourn them every year on the anniversary of their deaths."

I looked down between us and placed my hand on top of his, offering it a gentle squeeze in comfort. He smiled down at our hands and looked up at me to his side.

"But _you_ are all I could want now, Kai. I don't feel the need for anyone else."

My soft smile at his words soon became a scheming grin. I gently pushed him to lie back upon the antique couch and hovered above him, working my body in between his thighs to gaze down at him underneath me.

"And you have me, Soobin. All of me.." I trailed off and closed the distance between our lips in a soft kiss. It wasn't meant to last very long but truth be told, I had become addicted to him. I deepened the kiss further and he was struggling under me to give into it. He pulled back and whispered against my lips.

"Is Yeonjun coming here to collect you?"

"Yes" I answered quickly and returned my lips to his once more, not letting it bother me. I broke away from his lips and dipped my head into the valley of his neck, sucking at the skin firmly, drawing a quivering whimper out of him.

"W-when is he.."

I broke away from his skin for a moment to reply "soon" and my fingers were working on unbuttoning his dress shirt.

"Kai, he- mmp" I cut him short, silencing him with another kiss. My right hand dropped to squeeze his thigh and wrapped it around my waist.

He eventually _seemed_ to relax under me, his gentle moans and the way he arched up against me told me so. I forced his other thigh around me, enjoying the needful noises that were emitting from him. I slowly drew my tongue up the side of his neck, stopping to nibble at his jaw.

"Y-you.. Just need to know that Y- Ah _, Kai.._ " he was breathless and struggling from me having pressed my hips down into his firmly to distract him.

He let out a sudden gasp, his hands pushing at my shoulders.

"Yeonjun doesn't knock."

I looked down at Soobin's face, he was blushing brightly and looking away from me at the doorway. I then heard a chuckle from behind us.

"Well, well..."

I pulled back in a flash from Soobin, sitting back on my knees and whipped my head around to see our slender, blonde friend leaning against the doorway of the study, a teasing smirk stretching cheek to cheek.

"I think I know what _you_ two have been doing with your time over the past week.." Yeonjun _revelled_ in the sight before him, eyebrows high on his forehead with taunting intrigue and yet more laughter coming out of him.

Soobin was moving out from under me, clearing his throat and quickly buttoning up his shirt that I had made a start on.

"Oh, don't let my presence stop you from carrying on..." Yeonjun's smirk only widened as he winked at us.

Well, this is awkward.

The blonde was suddenly throwing Soobin's forgotten coat at him from across the room, only it looked clean now.

"Had that dry cleaned for you, Soobin. _Again_." he smiled and looked back at me.

"As much as I just _hate_ to interrupt the love scene, shouldn't we be going, Kai?"

"Uh.. yeah.." I stood up shyly, pulling down the edges of my hoodie that had worked their way up my sides from our position upon the chaise.

Soobin was shrugging his coat onto himself, seeming to sink into its security away from the embarrassment of Yeonjun's sudden appearance. He cleared his throat once more and straightened out his posture, pressing his hair back down in places.

"Well... do enjoy your evening, won't you?" he blushed again and started walking back to his bookshelves.

I just smiled at him and I made my way over to our guest still within the doorway. He was wearing a tartan beret and I wondered if that was on purpose considering who we were to soon be visiting. It was embellished with a small brooch pinned to the side of it. It had a silver Knight's helm at the top with leaves and vines wrapping down around the edges and some kind of fox-like dog in the centre, 3 little stars sitting above its head. His Scottish family's Coat Of Arms?

"Ready to go, kiddo?" he said, still leaned against the doorway casually.

"Yeah" I smiled and turned back to Soobin who looked _way_ too busy trying to distract himself from the awkwardness he still obviously felt.

"I'll see you later, Soobin."

He turned his head slightly to look at me, offering me a small but soft smile "Good luck, Kai."

Yeonjun and I left the house, walking side by side down the short driveway until he spoke.

"How much did you tell Soobin about what's happening tonight?" his bright blue eyes peered into mine. They seemed so much brighter with his hair pushed out of his forehead underneath his beret.

"I told him I'm going to tell Jack what I am. I.. also mentioned that he's your family, but nothing beyond that."

Yeonjun nodded, seeming happy enough with my answer.

"Do you.. Know what you're going to say to him?" I asked, very curious as to how much of a tale Yeonjun was going to give Jack.

"Nope!" he grinned at me "Cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess. We'll get your confession out of the way first, huh?"

I looked away from him as we continued walking in the direction of Jack's house. He only lived one suburb over and it was about a 20-minute walk away.

"So.. how exactly am I meant to word this to him?" I asked, still feeling somewhat lost about the oncoming revelation.

"Just.. tell it how it is. If he needs proof, which most people do, then I have something on me to help with that."

I looked him over, noting the fitted dark leopard print shirt he was wearing and the even more fitted black jeans with random tartan patches to match his beret. He didn't _appear_ to have much on him. Apart from _style._ He certainly had that.

We came to a corner which had a forest reserve at it and I started crossing the street, but Yeonjun held me back.

"I know a shortcut" and he nodded to the forest beside us. As a human, I never would have dared to take a trip through a _forest_ in the middle of the evening to get to where I was going. But, obviously, I wasn't human anymore.

Yeonjun was suddenly grinning at me under the street light. "Race you!" he said and shot off ahead of me. I just stood there and stared for a moment before I felt excited competitiveness rise up inside me.

Oh, bring it _on_ , Junnie.

I shot into the forest behind him. I was so fast now, the small branches of the thick reserve didn't bother me, they felt like feathers as they broke against my body. But as fast as I was, Yeonjun was _faster_. He was already several dozen feet in front of me. I could tell he did this often.

"Come on, grandma!" he taunted me and I grinned, just increasing my speed to catch up with him.

I could smell the damp earth beneath me, the moss on the trees, the dead pine needles crunching under my feet. The wind was a whistle in my ears. My surroundings weren't blurred, I could see everything so clearly, stopping me from running face-first into a tree. I was finally on Yeonjun's tail now.

"Oh, you _are_ fast, baby! But not as fast as me."

He bolted from me, leaping in long strides with ease and he reached a street on the other side. I joined him only a few seconds later, expecting to feel myself hunch over to catch my breath but it wasn't needed.

Yeonjun was grinning at me "Who's number 1?" he curled his pale hand around his ear to make sure he heard my reply clearly.

"Yeonjun?"

He closed his eyes, nodding with approval. "That's right. One day you'll catch up" and he grinned, slapping me on the back playfully.

I didn't notice the street we were now on, but Yeonjun apparently did as he pushed me to walk to the right "This way. It's only a few blocks from here."

The brief frivolity I had felt with my race against Yeonjun slowly started to fade the closer we approached, I was becoming nervous once more. We now stood across the street from Jack's house. It was two-storied, old but kept in very good condition, much like Soobin's. I turned to Yeonjun on my left.

"Did you.. Want to wait out here until I'm done speaking with him?"

"Mm.. nah, not much point. I'm here to _help_ you, remember?"

"Right.." I said as I looked down at my shoes.

"Hey, this was _your_ idea, kiddo! Don't back out now."

I nodded in agreement. Yes, it _was_ my idea but it didn't make it any easier to execute. I took in a deep breath and crossed the street with Yeonjun next to me, walking up to the light wood door illuminated with an outdoor light sticking out from the side of the doorway. I gave Yeonjun one last look and he nodded at me with confidence. I knew he was trying to keep up a happy front for my sake, I _could_ sense he was somewhat nervous too, underneath it all.

I gave the door 3 loud knocks and waited. I could hear footsteps approaching and the door swung open before us, two bright blue eyes staring at me.

"Hey ki-" Jack blinked at me, examining my face. Of course, I looked slightly different. My eyes weren't the same. "Kai?" he blinked at me again and then looked at Yeonjun to my left.

"Hey Jack" I said softly. His gaze fixated upon Yeonjun for quite a long time before he reluctantly brought them back to me.

"Yer' lookin' a bit.. Different.."

I nodded, trying to keep my hopes high. "This is Yeonjun, a friend of mine. Can we come in? There's.. A lot to talk about."

His eyes moved back to Yeonjun for a moment, eyeballing him hard while looking _quite_ confused by something.

"Aye.." his voice lowered and he stepped aside to let us walk through. I looked back at Yeonjun who was looking at Jack just as hard as he was at him.

God. Why was I suddenly getting the feeling this wouldn't go as well as I had hoped?


	29. Chapter 28

"Head to the end of the hall n' take a right" Jack said behind us, his voice void of his usual charisma which only worried me further.

We did as he instructed and came into a small living room. An old 3 seater couch was pressed up against the south wall, 2 dark brown leather reclining armchairs on the north, and on either side were wooden and glass cabinets decorated with many vintage, decorative items and framed photos. Yeonjun and I stood to the side as Jack eventually walked past us to one of the armchairs and took a seat in it heavily while keeping his old but sharp eyes on the pair of us.

There was a deep, awkward silence between all of us as I saw Jack try to read the situation, but I'm not sure he came up with much.

"We're gonna have to be quiet. The wife's upstairs, restin'." He nodded to the couch behind us "Take a seat."

I did as instructed but Yeonjun kept standing, deciding to lean against the doorway instead.

"I prefer to stand," he said casually. Yeonjun may have been related to Jack, but he obviously didn't know him as well as I did in terms of personality.

Jack raised an eyebrow at the blonde "Oh ye' do, do ye'? I don't know who the fuck you are, lad, but yer' in _my_ house now. And you will **_sit_**."

I sat there feeling forgotten like I was in between two animals that were fighting for dominance, their gazes locked onto each other firmly. Yeonjun eventually pushed his slouched position away from the doorway, holding Jack's gaze as he sat down beside me and popped his neck at Jack for emphasis, not liking being told what to do.

Jesus, Junnie, just _behave_.

There was a further moment of silence between everyone before Jack broke his gaze from the slightly disgruntled vampire to my left to look at me.

"So.. what's this big secret then, kiddo? Have ye' come to tell me yer' running away to join the circus?"

I couldn't even answer as Yeonjun perked up beside me "Are you implying that I'm a clown?"

"Well yer' certainly dressed like one," Jack replied immediately after.

Okay, I've had enough of this already.

"Can you two just _stop_? I can't even get a word in!" I raised my voice and immediately regretted it, not wanting to disturb Jack's wife upstairs.

Further unbearable silence. Ugh. What a _stupid_ idea this was. Maybe I should have made Yeonjun wait outside. It was almost _hilarious_ at how similar the two of them were but I wasn't laughing. I finally looked up at Yeonjun who was now looking off the side, trying not to further engage himself with Jack's taunts. I then looked at Jack who was staring directly at me, he was twisting a large gold ring on his middle finger almost impatiently now.

I shuffled closer to the edge of the couch, resting my elbows into the top of my thighs as I stared down at the faded, yellow carpet at my feet. I could suddenly feel the terrible anxiety Soobin once had with telling me who he was and how badly I reacted to it. Maybe if I tried to not be so.. direct about it. I lifted my head to Jack and began to speak.

"I've come to tell you that I won't be returning to work, Jack. I've undergone a few... lifestyle changes. Working during the day is no longer an option for me."

You would make a _brilliant_ politician, Kai. Really.

Jack shifted in his seat, leaning back against it as he continued staring at me.

"Lifestyle changes, huh? Is this because of that Soobin o' yers'?"

Yeonjun was suddenly glancing at me from the side, looking a bit concerned. I probably should have mentioned to him that Jack knew _of_ Soobin. I hadn't known it would make this potentially difficult for Yeonjun.

"Uh... Somewhat. It's.. difficult to explain.. I..."

"C'mon, kiddo, _out_ with it. I didn't half-raise yer' sorry arse to sit there n' dilly-dally." Jack was growing further impatient and I panicked.

Yeonjun moved beside me, now leaning forward and he looked at me directly from my side.

"Sorry, Kai, but.. You really do suck at this," and before I could even say another word, Yeonjun was saying them for me. "He's a vampire."

Jack looked at Yeonjun as he continued "And so am I," he grinned as he paused and then continued "I'm your 400-year-old distant immortal cousin. Wanna go grab a drink later?" he chuckled to himself, having ended up saying the _exact_ words he spoke in mockery to me at the idea of confessing his identity to Jack several days ago.

I didn't know _where_ to look or what to say, my eyes were tennis balls, bouncing back and forth between the blue-eyed pair until I eventually forced them to stay upon Jack.

He sat there, nodding slowly, licking his lips and trying to fight off a grin. He started chuckling, then laughing, then outright cackling as he stood up from his chair, he almost had tears in his eyes from hysteria.

He walked over to one of his cabinets and took down a large, crystal bottle filled with some kind of light brown alcohol. He started pouring the liquid into a crystal tumbler glass and reached for another, finally stopping his laughter.

"Yeonjun, was it?" he spoke to the other beside me.

"Mmhmm" Yeonjun answered simply.

"I _like_ you. Yer' goddamn hilarious, lad."

He turned back to us "Can I offer ye' a drink?"

"Only if that's single malt Scotch Whiskey you're pouring there," Yeonjun smirked at the other, but it was incomplete. He still had his guard up. He was aware of something that I obviously was not.

Jack grinned, seeming impressed by Yeonjun as he turned back around to pour him a drink.

I didn't know _what_ the hellwas going on. And since when could vampires drink alcohol? Soobin told me his body rejected any other form of beverage or food. I sat there in silence, completely befuddled and Jack was approaching with the glass, extending it out to Yeonjun.

The blonde stood up to take it from him, trying to pull it out of Jack's hand but he wasn't letting go. Jack's eyes were little hardened marbles of stone-blue in his head as he stared Yeonjun down all of a sudden. He leaned in closer over the top of the glass, his voice lowered dangerously at him as he spoke.

"N' jus what kind of a racket are ye' trying to cause in this house here, lad? You come in here, wearing _my_ family tartan and coat o' arms, talkin' utter _shite_. Scrubby little fucker. Ye'd best leave now before I throw ye' out the fuckin' window."

Yeonjun now matched Jack's gaze but didn't remove his hand from the glass. I tensed as all I could do was watch the fire build between them. You're an idiot, Kai. This had never been a good idea.

"Oh.. I'm not going anywhere" Yeonjun replied. He was so fast, reaching into his back pocket and I caught the smallest glimpse of something small and sharp. My heart jumped up into my throat.

"Yeonjun, no!" I tried to snatch his hand but he forced me away with ease. The glass between them dropped, whiskey staining the carpet and the blonde was gripping Jack's hand tightly now. The old man tried to pull away but it was useless.

I saw it now, a little needle, the very same Yeonjun had used to stitch that shirt he gave me with and he was ripping it across Jack's hand, a small, jagged line of red appeared. I could smell his blood and it made my body clench.

"No, Yeonjun.. What are you doing?" I gasped, a white-noise rang in my ears, all other sounds seeming to fade away.

I gripped the edges of the couch, trying to keep myself pinned in place from the bloodlust that started up inside of me. Jack was trying to pull back, but Yeonjun's inhuman strength wouldn't allow it. He sunk his head down to the back of Jack's hand and sucked the blood up, much to Jack's disgust and the blonde finally released him. Jack stumbled back onto the floor with a loud thud and stared up at Yeonjun in terror.

"What in the hell are ye' playin' at?! Psychotic fucker.."

I looked back to Yeonjun who had his eyes closed, then he finally opened them, revealing his now scarlet orbs and glared them down into Jack at his feet. My hands were almost ripping at the couch as I heard the fabric stretch under my hands, my throat was beginning to feel dry and raw from the vampiric urge to quench my thirst.

"Just who the _fuck_ are you?" Jack was moving back along the carpet, his chest heaving.

Yeonjun kept his stare down at his distant relative and began to speak.

"I told ya, I'm your distant cousin, Jack Wilson. Born in 1609."

"... Get out of my house, _monst-_ " Jack was interrupted with Yeonjun continuing.

"Your parents were Alexander and Emily Wilson. Your father, born in 1927 to a family of 4, two boys and two girls.... The girls, your aunts, died."

Jack's eyes widened now, his old hands gripping at the carpet under him. I slowly felt the bloodlust in me ebb away at the sight of him, my empathy was starting to calm me down. I know this is going to hurt to hear, Jack..

"You were born to a family of 5 sisters. Cait, Fiona, Aileene, Bonnie and Annabel. All died before the age of 10."

Yeonjun was now kneeling down on one knee, staring Jack down with every last bit of intention as he blasted his mind with facts beyond Jack's comprehension.

"And then there was Isobel." Jack's eyes were frozen upon Yeonjun now as he could only listen.

"Died when she was 8 of Leukemia."

"H.... How can ye' possibly-"

"I've been following _my_ bloodline for hundreds of years, Jackie-boy. I am responsible for all those deaths. I cursed our family when I chose to save Soobin, Kai's lover, from certain death. Over 200 years ago when all these unfortunate mishaps began."

Jack's jittering eyes moved over to me and all I could do was stare at him helplessly. He hated me, didn't he? Maybe it would have been better if Jack had been left to think I was dead..

We could suddenly hear noise coming from the upper story and a door creaked open to the far left at the top of the stairway.

"Jack? Are you alright down there?" I heard a woman's voice, Jack's wife.

Jack just continued staring at Yeonjun in front of him, unmoving and swallowing down his fear.

"Jack?" the voice continued.

We then heard footsteps, she was beginning to make her way down and Jack ripped himself out of his own terror-struck head.

"Aye, I'm fine, love! Jus' had a wee fall. I'm alright. Go back to bed."

"Are you sure, Jack?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Please go lie back down, alright?"

We all froze as we waited, eventually hearing Jack's wife make her way back up and heard a door close behind her. Jack's eyes moved back to me, he breathed heavily.

"Is all this true, Kai? Are ye'.. Both.. vampi.." I nodded at him slowly and just waited for him to throw me out like I knew he wanted to.

His eyes fell away from me back to Yeonjun who kept his determined gaze upon the other. I looked down at the empty glass that had rolled over to my feet, staring forever into the deep, crystal curves and grooves, the living room light reflecting into it, making small sharp torches of the light beam out against my shoe.

"Kick us out if you want to, Jack. Banish Kai from your life. But we _both_ know he's the only son you're ever gonna have or find again. He came here to tell you this because he _cares_ about you. Certainly gives more of a fuck than I ever could."

Yeonjun stood up after his words but still held out a hand towards Jack on the floor, wanting to help him up.

Jack stared at the pale hand extended to him, his gaze seeming to move away from it like a sun across the sky in the middle of summer; painfully slow.

"Do you really want to give up on the only family you have left, Jack?"

Jack's eyes yet again moved back to me with Yeonjun's pressing question.

"Did.. Did you choose this, Kai? Is this _really_ what ye' wanted?"

I edged closer to him, softening my gaze at him as I spoke. "Yes, Jack. I didn't know about your family history until after I was.. turned. Yeonjun.. He.. he speaks the truth. I wanted to tell you because I.."

I felt my throat tighten and suddenly there were unsolicited tears in my eyes "I love you... Jack. I never had a father in my life or _any_ real family. You mean more to me than.. Than you could ever know."

I bowed my head and just let the tears fall now, a few of them landing upon the glass at my feet with a small tap.

Jack's posture seemed to relax, no longer holding himself away at arm's length from either of us. He finally looked up again at Yeonjun's unmoving hand and grasped it, he was pulled to his feet with ease and Yeonjun steadied him carefully upon his old knees.

He turned from us, walking over slowly to the far left cabinet, family photos in frames were perched upon every shelf. I saw him bow his head but he didn't turn back around.

"As long.. As yer' happy, Kai. Then.. I don't care _what_ the fuck ye' are. Gay or straight. Vampire. Fuckin'.. Werewolf, whatever. Ye' deserve.. To be _happy_ , kiddo."

The tears came hard and fast now. I had never felt more grateful for having known him. Yeonjun was smiling down at me softly, offering a soft ruffling of my hair in comfort.

Jack half turned to me "Jus'.. promise me you'll come see me every now n' then, alright?"

I bolted from the couch past Yeonjun and over to Jack. I almost took him off his feet with a tight hug, bowing my head into his cigarette scented shirt, but I didn't care about the smell as I once had.

"Of course, Jack. I promise."

He hugged me back tightly, patting at my back. God, I was a mess. A beautiful fucking mess.

"Why don't you head home to Soobin, Kai" Yeonjun spoke from behind us and I pulled back from Jack to look at him. "Ole' Jackie-boy and I still have a lot to discuss. Plus I have a proposition for him. Let the adults talk business."

I looked back at Jack, checking for any concern but there was only intrigue now with Yeonjun's words. He nodded at me and rubbed the side of my shoulder.

"Will you be alright, Jack?" I asked out of my _own_ concern, regardless.

"Aye... Feels like a bit of a fuckin' fever dream still, but I'll be right. Go on home, kiddo. And.. bring Soobin with ye' next time, alright? I'd.. like to meet him, finally."

I smiled and nodded, wiping some stray tears away from my cheeks with the sleeves of my hoodie. I slowly walked past Jack and approached Yeonjun. There was no doubt in my mind that I couldn't have followed through with this brave decision without him. He placed a hand on my shoulder as I stood next to him.

"Thank you for being here with me, Junnie."

He offered a playful smirk "What are families for, right?"

I could have hugged him too, honestly. "Tell Soobin that I'll knock from now on." He added and chuckled to himself. I smiled and bowed my head, walking back down the hallway and out of the house.

I closed the door behind myself quietly and stared up into the clear night sky, watching the stars twinkle and the half-moon that sat amongst them all, quietly keeping watch. I eventually peeled my eyes away from the dark, diamond-studded blanket and made my way home with a smile upon my face.

I let myself into the house and back into the study where I presumed Soobin would be, and he was. He was seated on the floor in front of the fireplace with some gentle classical music playing on his record player. He turned his head over his shoulder to look at me.

"How did it go, Kai?"

I wandered over to him and sat down next to him, staring into the flames that crackled away in front of us.

"Not the best to start with, but, like you and I.. everything worked out perfectly in the end."

He smiled and leaned over me, resting his head upon my shoulder and I sunk my own to rest it upon his.

"Jack said he wants to meet you."

"Is that so?" he sounded pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah. Just a forewarning though, he's a lot like Yeonjun."

"Oh dear.." he trailed off and laughed. I grinned at his response.

"Yeonjun also said he will knock from now on."

"I find that hard to believe.." Soobin said with a teasing nature.

I giggled and lifted my head to look down at Soobin, his chin lifting to stare into my eyes. I gently cupped the side of his face and drew him closer for a kiss. I was once again pushing him back upon the floor, holding myself above him and watched as the flames from the fire warmed his pale skin. He looked so very human right then. I pressed my forehead against his and reached up to undo the very top button of his shirt.

"Now where was I?" I whispered softly.

He grinned up at me, accepting his fate in the soft glow of the flames.


	30. Chapter 29

**_12 months later_ **

It had been a whole year since I was turned. It was the start of winter again and as much as I did initially miss the daylight hours, Soobin and I had since created our own world inside our small bubble of heaven and the sun was _always_ shining.

Although as much as Soobin enjoyed the quiet solitude, I was soon _itching_ to get back on the stage. I loved performing for Soobin in our home, but music is designed for all ears. We had visited The Black Swan again many times and Soobin eventually began to see how much I yearned for sharing my music again and enjoying hearing the stories within other's songs. He came home one evening from a walk by himself, placing a small stack of paper in front of me with a smile. He had _bought_ The Black Swan for me; for us. It was ours now and I couldn't be more thankful for Soobin bringing further purpose into our lives for us.

I sat there upon the stage on a chair, having just restrung a guitar that belonged to the club and Soobin was tuning the piano. It was our first opening night under our management and I was _buzzing_ with excitement.

"I was thinking, Kai, perhaps we should invest in a new piano," Soobin said as he looked somewhat disgruntled at the strings inside of the large, black instrument.

I placed the guitar down against the edge of the chair and walked across the stage to him.

"Why do you say that?"

"The previous owners didn't tune this one very often and its parts are beginning to wear prematurely."

"Might not be a bad idea.. we _could_ bring our one in."

I grinned at him as he looked up at me with complete disgust. Oh, Soobin. You're still _far_ too easy to tease.

"I'm kidding, Soobin.. I know you like only me playing that one." I bent down to place a gentle kiss into his cheek to lessen his worries.

I parted from him and made my way backstage to the large group of musicians who were going to be performing that evening. I compiled a stage roster and worked out how long the sets would go for. I was beyond exuberant with the oncoming evening ahead. I had never seen such a large influx of musicians there before. _All_ of them were different. The people, the genres, even the languages. But they were all there for the _music_. And music is a language that _everyone_ can understand.

Soobin kept himself busy with cleaning (of course) and serving people drinks from the bar, making sure everyone was taken care of. It was perfect for him. He didn't let on, but I saw the subtle smile on his lips when he would ask if everything was to someone's liking. He was born to lead, quietly, in his own unique manner. And I would follow him anywhere.

It was nearing the start time of the musical performances and I saw someone make his way in. I recognized him immediately. The same shorter, slim, black-haired man who had spoken to me outside The Black Swan when I had thought about giving everything up.

"You're..."

"Yoongi" he said as he approached me quietly. He was in light blue, distressed jeans and a black leather jacket with a contrasting white t-shirt underneath.

"Got room for one more on the stage tonight?" he asked, his deep voice was almost a whisper.

"Sure thing! How long is your s-"

"3 and a half minutes. One song. Piano." He cut me off and started making his way backstage slowly to wait. He understood the procedure and left me without much else to say as I could only watch him walk away from me.

"I look forward to it!" I called out to him and he gave a simple wave of his hand to me in acknowledgement without turning around.

"Interesting fellow.." I whispered to myself.

I turned back around to the door and someone else also walked through, yet another person I recognized. His blond, slicked-back hair and all the style in the world you could possibly imagine in his wine red suit.

"Junnie!" I _ran_ to him, almost knocking him off his feet entirely with the hug I gave him.

"Woah..." he laughed "Hey there, baby."

I let go of him and beamed at him. "You made it!"

"Sure did. You really thought I would miss your opening night?"

I softened my smile at him. I hadn't seen Yeonjun for many months. We reconciled at certain points to talk about Jack. He offered him money to help his business, but, almost unsurprisingly, Jack had declined the offer. He was too proud to take money from someone, even his own family. But he did accept Yeonjun's offer to pay for a doctor to see his wife. Last I heard, she was finally starting to come right from her ailment.

Soobin was now approaching us both from behind the bar.

"It's good to see you, Yeonjun" Soobin stood beside me and gave the other a tight squeeze of his shoulder.

"Likewise, my friend. I like what you've done with the place" Yeonjun replied, looking around his surroundings and Soobin and I were suddenly confused.

"But.. we haven't done anything to it," Soobin replied.

"Exactly" Yeonjun smirked knowingly at us and I felt my heart soar.

Rose, the same woman who we kept employed there came bouncing over to me like a little breath of fresh air.

"Kai, the opening act will be starting soon."

"Oh, thank you" I turned from her to stare at the stage and quickly glanced back at the other two vampires.

"I better get up there. I'll be back soon."

I rushed away from them and made my way up onto the stage, a few of the other staff were finished setting up the instruments that were needed for the first act and I took the microphone stand in my hands, walking it to the centre of the stage, giving it a quick tap to make sure it was on. I stared out into the large crowd that had gathered and I had such high hopes for the evening.

"Good evening, everyone! Welcome to the first of The Black Swan's open mic night under new ownership!"

The crowd yelled and cheered with enthusiasm. This was so much fun. I didn't mind the audience looking at me now. My confidence had grown substantially since my performance for Soobin all those months ago. It was second nature to be up there. The first act started filtering in behind me, a band of 4.

"I hope you all enjoy your evening with us, I will hand things over to our opening act for the night."

I stepped back from the microphone and smiled at the short and, if I may say so, incredibly sassy woman who took it from me. She almost _scared_ me with those dark eyes of her staring every last bit of playful arrogance at me. I gave another quick, nervous smile at her before leaving them to start.

I walked down the stairs of the stage to my right and made my way through the crowd and found Soobin and Yeonjun seated at a booth towards the back, the very same I had sat with Soobin after I played for him. Soobin's hand made its way to the top of my thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze as he looked at me, quietly proud.

[Belong To You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0cMT8PDzefg&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=19)

The band of 4 started their song. It was slow, deep, _smooth_ and seductive in its vibe. The vocalist's tone was so clear and sultry, it reached every inch of the place, drawing you in helplessly. I noticed Soobin beside me, particularly enjoying the groove of the bassline while I was hooked on the drums, gently tapping my hands in time against the table in front of us. I looked at Yeonjun and thought maybe something was wrong. He seemed.. lost. Or possibly found. I followed his line of sight and saw him looking at the female vocalist and slowly drew my gaze back to him. Soobin and I may not as well have even _been_ there. He was frozen, his mind on an entirely different plain now. I smiled to myself, I think I knew where he was.

I subtly elbowed Soobin at my side. He looked at me and I nodded towards Yeonjun slightly, trying not to be too obvious. Soobin looked at him for a moment and I slowly saw a familiar smile creep across his lips before he looked back at me.

Oh, Junnie. Looks like cupid's arrow has finally found you again.

Soobin and I sat there in quietude, not wanting to pry our love-struck blonde friend from his other world. The band played a few more songs and Yeonjun just fell deeper and deeper, not even talking to us or _looking_ at us in between them.

The band's set ended and I allowed some time to let people rest in between performances. Yeonjun's eyes followed the vocalist off stage and he _finally_ looked back at us. Soobin and I were just grinning like idiots. Yeonjun licked his lips and slouched, looking away from us again as he had caught our knowing gazes upon him. It was the first time I had seen him _embarrassed_.

"I have to hand it to the pair of you.. you've certainly found some intriguing new talent for the stage."

"Oh, you think so?" Soobin teased him. Nice one, Soobin. Let him have a bit of his own medicine just this once.

"Shut it, Soobin" Yeonjun said dejectedly as he straightened out his suit tie.

"I would offer you a drink on the house, Yeonjun. But I'm afraid we don't serve what you seek," Soobin said quietly to the other.

Yeonjun offered a quiet smile as he looked down at the table in front of us. He looked strangely at peace with something.

"That's alright, Soobin, I... I've been tending to dine in lately, actually."

Dine _in_? He.. no longer killed people?

"What does that imply?" Soobin asked the very question that bubbled in my own mind.

"I've given up hunting humans. I think it's time I settled down a touch."

Soobin and I were initially shocked, but it didn't last long on me. Had Jack persuaded this new lifestyle upon him? Or possibly.. Myself? To this day, I still don't know.

"Maybe you should come over to ours for a drink sometime then, Junnie" I smiled at him. It would be so good to see more of him.

Yeonjun's smile seemed to change, it wasn't a smirk, it was genuine and full, heartwarming.

"I think I will take you up on that offer, baby."

I matched Yeonjun's own deep smile with my own. I hoped we would become a family that saw each other often and not only once or twice a year on special occasions. I looked back to the stage and remembered that I had secretly arranged something for Soobin. I knew he probably wouldn't like it initially, but I trusted him. I smiled secretively to myself as I stood up and approached the stage once more.

I took the microphone stand into my hands and began to speak to the crowd.

"What a beautiful performance. How enchanting they were, right, Yeonjun?" I grinned at him all the way across the room and saw him deflate next to Soobin who was holding back laughter. I saw Yeonjun mouth the words "I'm going to kill you" to me, looking incredibly unimpressed with me. I knew his own medicine tasted sour in his mouth now. Heh, too bad, Junnie. Serves you right for not knocking.

I took in a deep breath and looked intently at Soobin now. He, himself, would probably want to kill me now too.

"The next act will be... myself. And.. I want to invite our owner, Soobin to the stage to perform with me."

I kept my eyes on him and his posture straightened nervously, looking around himself as the entire room cast their eyes upon him too. It's alright, Soobin. You can do this.

I reached out a hand to him, staring every ounce of trust I could out to him. I had faith in him.

"Get up there!" Yeonjun was now pushing at his side "You'll be amazing."

I smiled further. Thank you, Junnie. Always there to help, as usual.

Soobin stood up and slowly started making his way to me, only getting more and more nervous and drawn into himself as his coat swayed behind him. He made his way up to the stage and next to me. I stood back from the microphone stand and motioned to it with a hand.

"This is for you" I kept my trusting smile on him, not letting him look away from me.

"Wh.. what are you doing, Kai?" he whispered and tentatively stood in front of the microphone stand.

I sat down behind the piano and pulled the small microphone closer to me, as I always did.

"Just trust me, Soobin" I whispered and without a further moment of hesitation from Soobin, I opened up my song of choice for us upon the keys.

[All Of Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQtnhwU2R9Y&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=20)

I had played this song many times within our home. The entirety of it was _almost_ word for word the story of our journey of love. Soobin knew it, every last word. He would sing it with me when he was feeling comfortable enough. He stood there in front of the microphone still and I decided to sing first to break him into it.

_What would I do without your smart mouth?  
_ _Drawing me in and you kicking me out_

I remembered the first time I had gone to Soobin's house, having drawn me in with his piano and dance and how I was abruptly kicked out, a turning point in our story, once harrowing, but now a mistake that we had both learned from.

_You've got my head spinning, no kidding_ _  
_ _I can't pin you down_ _  
_ _What's going on in that beautiful mind?_ _  
_ _I'm on your magical, mystery ride_ _  
_ _And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me_ _  
_ _But I'll be alright_

Soobin's mysterious presence in my life had forced every last emotion out of me. Intrigue, infatuation, confusion, anger.. Further confusion... and finally compassion, longing, acceptance.. Love; undying even though my heart no longer beat within me.

I watched as Soobin hesitantly took the microphone stand in his long fingers and began harmonizing with me during the chorus. Beautiful, Soobin. _Perfect_.

 _Cause all of me_ _  
_ _Loves all of you_ _  
_ _Love your curves and all your edges_ _  
_ _All your perfect imperfections_ _  
_ _  
_I truly did. I loved _all_ of him. His heart, his body, his deep, complex mind, even the anxiety that still clutched him in certain moments. It's what made him.. _Him_. His 'perfect imperfections'. I took all of them without question. He wouldn't be the Soobin I loved without them.

_You're my end and my beginning_

We _both_ knew how undoubtedly true those words were. He had put a stop to my sad, pathetic life that I had come dangerously close to ending and threw me into that mad world of his to start anew.

I was about to start the bridge of the song by myself, but I saw Soobin suddenly clutch the microphone with all-new confidence and I gladly let him take it instead.

 _Give me all of you_ _  
_ _Cards on the table_ _  
_ _We're both showing hearts_ _  
_ _Risking it all though it's hard_ _  
_ _  
_Phew, _yes_ Soobin. Hit. Those. _Notes_. What a born singer. God, I was so proud of him.

I quieted down my own voice, letting his stand out more than mine. This familiar crowd had heard me before, it was Soobin's time to shine and shine he did. A black diamond, reflecting all his perfect and sharp edges into people's minds with the story of our love. We created a heavenly veil around ourselves as he stared into my eyes from the side, revealing every last piece of his heart, unashamedly.

See, Soobin? I'll always be here to comfort you. To encourage you whenever you think you _can't_. Just keep looking into my eyes and you'll find the strength you need. I will never let you fall again. Hold your head high even though your thoughts may weigh you down. Let me empty that head of yours and fill it with myself, with music, with _life_. With love. With everything you were once too afraid to think you could have.

I felt small tears gather in the corners of my eyes at the sheer amount of pride and love I had for him.

Thank you for saving my life, Soobin, and in turn, saving your own as well.

**_~_ **

The evening went on without a hitch after our performance. Soobin was so much more _alive_ after it. He never realized he had so much passion in him for performing music. Yet another slightly and stupidly brave idea of mine working out in the end. I stood against the side of the bar with Soobin as he gave himself a small break from his duties. Yeonjun had been _glued_ to the vocalist he found for the entire evening. He had invited her to sit with him and she accepted. Soobin and I could barely keep the grins from our faces as we watched from afar. I really did hope it was going to work out for them. Yeonjun deserved to be happy just as much as anyone else, if not _more_.

It was very late now, and there was only one more performance to go. The black-haired, slightly dismissive man still had his one song to perform.

The pianist emerged from having waited backstage all that time and he took a seat at the piano. I could tell he was nervous, he didn't much like the audience's eyes on him. He didn't turn or bow to them like I always had before performing. But he was quietly determined, regardless.

He looked down at the keys in front of him for a moment, holding the audience with anticipation. He finally spoke in that deep, whisper of a voice of his.

"This is a song about.. music. It's called 'Black Swan'."

My eyes widened as every last ounce of my attention clamped upon him with Soobin at my side. He too was intrigued.

[Black Swan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzElaI0pCrk&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=21)

He began and I was immediately drawn into every last note his hands swept up into them. I could hear a deep, powerful story being told with each and every note. It filled me with feelings of struggle and despair, but within it.. determination, fire; a statement. An acceptance for feeling defeated, but through it, a hardened resolve to never let it take you. To never let.. your passion die.

The Black Swan's quote that still hung under the club's name and how this man had deciphered its meaning for me that fateful night. A night I thought would be my last.

_A dancer dies twice and it is this first death- that is the most painful._

Not a dancer.. But a _musician_.

If I... if I had let my passion for music leave me.. I never would have played one last final time that night. Soobin never would have met me. He never would have told me how much he loved my music. And I would have.. Died. _Twice._

I was suddenly crying with _understanding_. I now understood the very _purpose_ of why Soobin and I had _ever_ met. Music had bound our fates to each other. It was the unbreakable first stepping stone of our love. I gripped Soobin's hand in mine and he looked at me curiously.

"Whatever is the matter, Kai?" Soobin whispered next to me.

I just kept my tear-filled eyes upon the pianist, hearing his painfully true story that was hitting too close to home. It tore my heart to pieces and rebuilt it all in the same instant.

" _Never_ let the music in you die, Soobin."

I could sense his gaze upon me slowly moving to the pianist. He stared at him for a long time until he finally turned back to me and I caught his gaze.

" _Never_ , Kai. Music is the very reason I fell in love with you."

More silent tears fell and Soobin wrapped his arm around me securely.

"Thank you for listening to me play that night, Soobin."

"Thank you for playing, Kai."

**_~_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is not yet over. I will be writing one final chapter that goes deeper into Beomgyu's story and Kai's experiences with what happened to him between life and death while he was turning. And just as a side note: The last portion of this chapter really hurt me to write. I poured so much of myself into it from personal experiences and I was crying for almost the entire period of writing it. Even if you aren't a BTS fan, if you just love -music-, please listen to Black Swan. Learn its meaning and never let it go. Keep its message with you as I have.
> 
> See you again soon for one last little journey.


	31. Goodnight, Sweet Prince (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Is 'Beomkai' considered a warning? *thinks about it* Maybe. Things get a bit steamy. Slight non-con? I guess. Funny story- I had planned to use the song in this part for a while now as the lyrics are incredibly fitting to the scenario. Little did I know it's actually one of Beomgyu's favourites. Blew my mind. Like I literally sat there for forever just saying "what?" to myself. Destined, much? Anyway, this final chapter will be written in a few parts. Unsure how many at this point, maybe 2-3 at this stage. Enjoy!

A further six months had passed since our first opening night of The Black Swan. Soobin was out with Yeonjun on a little 'expedition'; acquiring further bagged blood since the refrigerators were becoming bare. I decided I didn't really want to be part of it and I stayed home to play some of the many instruments that Soobin had graciously purchased for me. The study was now _full_ of them. Percussion, brass, woodwind, strings, guitars and of course, Soobin's 18th century piano sitting in the middle of them all. It was a _dream_.

I sat on the chaise, a freshly acquired _Gibson Hummingbird_ acoustic guitar laying across my lap. God, she was beautiful. The vintage cherry-red starburst finish, the pearl inlay along the neck, the engraved pickguard, delicately decorated with small flowers, leaves and hummingbirds feeding on them. An immaculate combination of spruce, walnut and mahogany wood that smelled like a forest of wonder and dreams. Perfection.

It was second-hand, brought into Jack's store but had been kept in incredible condition. I saw it sitting in the front display window one evening on a walk with Soobin and something about it just _spoke_ to me through the glass. I couldn't resist it. So very pretty. Almost too perfect to touch. Some people would have been quite happy to just put it on silent display, but what a waste that would have been. Whoever had owned it beforehand had truly cared about it and this would be my first time playing it.

I began an acoustic song that had been piecing itself together in my head ever since I purchased the guitar. I'm not sure where the chord progression or the lyrics came from, but, just like the guitar, they spoke to me; calling out to be played.

I began and _God_ , it sounded like heaven. Meticulously handmade. No horrible buzzing of the strings like with some cheaper variants of guitars. Stayed in tune without a fuss. Easy action. What more could a guitarist want?

[Circles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99FVCDOEuQs&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=22)

I began singing after the instrumental intro, relaxing into the mood of the laid-back song that I had written in my head.

 _We couldn't turn around_ _  
__'Till we were upside down  
_ _I'll be the bad guy now  
_ _But no I ain't too proud_

"Uh.." I stopped. My head was hurting all of a sudden.

I pressed my fingers into the side of my temple with the sudden pain I felt there. Vampires never got headaches. Except for the similar feeling of bloodlust, but I _knew_ that kind of pain. This was different. I sat there for a moment and slowly began to feel it fade away.

"Weird.." I whispered and continued on with the song from where I stopped.

 _Seasons change and our love went cold_ _  
__Feed the flame 'cause we can't let go_ _  
__Runaway, but we're running in circles_

"Jesus Christ.." I stopped once more, the pain in my head returning and a small pulling strain upon my right shoulder blade.

"What the hell.." I whispered out loud to myself, rubbing at my head and turning my shoulder over a few times to loosen the stiffened muscles within it. My vision was becoming slightly blurred, almost returning to the lacklustre sight I had as a human. I shook my head and took in a deep breath, slowly feeling the strain start to ease away once more.

I almost didn't want to play anymore, but the _sound_ behind the craftsmanship of this instrument just compelled me to keep going. I was.. Becoming addicted to it. An unknown spell cast upon me in the solitude of the room. I placed my fingers upon the fretboard and continued once more.

 _Let go_ _  
__I got a feeling that it's time to let go_ _  
__I say so_ _  
__I knew that this was doomed from the get-go_ _  
__You thought that it was special, special_ _  
__But it was just the sex though, the sex though_

 _And I... still... hear the.. echoes...  
_  
I dropped the guitar from my hands, landing upon the floorboards in a heavy, discorded wooden and metal clatter. My hands gripped both sides of my head now, they _ached_. I felt like my head was going to explode. My right shoulder blade was burning like someone had ripped a knife through my flesh. _  
_

 _"God"_ I gasped out. Soobin.. Please come home... I need you... I don't know what's happening to me..

I clenched my eyes closed, my head between my knees as I fought with the sudden onset of excruciating pain, every muscle becoming ice as I burned from within.

Wait.. where had I felt this before? While I was turning? Yes... That pain was unforgettable.. But why now? Why again? I suddenly heard laughter, deep, dark and sickly, it echoed in my head like the seismic wave of a volcano erupting in my brain.

**_"Oh, Kai Kamal Huening... Had you presumed my presence lost on you? How wrong you are."_ **

No... that voice... that... vampire... I thought I had only imagined him; a figurative image in my head for what my soul was going through between life and death. Why was he back?

"Get out.." I seethed at the voice between clenched teeth through the throbbing torment. It just laughed further at me, unphased by my plea. I gripped my hair hard enough to almost pull the strands clean out of the follicles.

**_"You will never be rid of me. Heheh.. "_ **

" ** _Argh!_** " I groaned, my hand was being forced downwards, my fingers pried open by an invisible force to sink slowly down to the ground, reaching towards the neck of the guitar that I had abandoned.

"S-stop.. What's happeni.."

I was made to pick the guitar up, flipping it over and my eyes were compelled to look through the strings covering the soundhole to a small scribbling of a name which I had failed to notice before. I drew in a rough, terrified gasp.

No... it.. can't be..

There, clear as day, etched into the wood in perfect cursive handwriting with the sharpened tip of a knife was his name.

"Beomgyu.." I whispered. 

This guitar.. had belonged to him? How on _earth_ did it make its way into Jack's store and into my hands? Surely, it was just my imagination.. This can't have been true..

" _NO"_ I gasped out "This isn't real.. **_GO AWAY!!!_** "

"Go away?" another deep voice spoke now, a distantly familiar one, but it wasn't coming from inside my head.

I shot my gaze up to where it came from, the pain letting go of me in an instant as I stared in disbelief. I dropped the guitar once more with another loud crash into the floor as I saw a figure now seated behind the piano across the room.

Perfectly aligned black hair, deep almond-shaped and coloured eyes, pale skin, a lean figure dressed in cream frills of silk, satin and intricately embroidered cotton. His perfect posture all done up with a little white ribbon tied into a bow around his slim neck like a perfectly presented royal heir.

"You... You can't be.."

He looked over at me now, pressing his fingers down into some E, G and B notes to echo a deeply pained E minor chord at me that filled the entire space of the room and my mind.

"I can't be... what? Yours? That's not what you once told me, Kai.."

That deadly little prince-esque man stood up now, slowly approaching me upon the chaise but I couldn't even move in response.

"Beomgyu..." I breathed out at him. "You... you died.. Didn't you..?"

He stopped at my feet and stared down pure intimidation into my very soul.

"Is that all I am to you then? _Dead_? That's not very nice now, is it?"

He was suddenly straddling my lap and I could only _let_ him. My mind was screaming at my body to move, but I still couldn't control my actions. He leaned in close to me, almost enough for the tip of his perfectly shaped nose to touch the end of mine, but he stopped and all I could do was stare into those deeply terrorizing eyes of his.

"You once told me you _wanted_ me, Kai. _Only_ me. Or have you forgotten?"

I tried to move again, to shove him away but it was futile.

"Should I.." he looked me up and down "remind you?"

"Yes.." I answered and my eyes widened. That's not what I had meant to say. Were my words now being controlled? _What the_ ** _fuck_** _is going on?_

He smirked at me now and before I could conjure another fleeting thought he was kissing me. But he was so.. gentle. The soft cushions of his lips pressed against mine with such tenderness. He pulled back, his once sharp and hard eyes now dazzling at me with silent affection.

"I knew it, Kai.. I knew you loved me. How could you possibly lie to someone about something like that?"

I stared at him desperately, feeling my heart begin to crack along its surface with fresh, raw guilt for what I had once said to him during the darkest hours of my life.

"Oh, if _only_ we had been given more time that night..." his eyes darkened again but glazed with lust now. "The things we could have _done_ up against that tree.." his eyes lifted up from dragging along my clenched chest as I struggled and back into my eyes. He leaned around to whisper against my ear.

"I know you still think about it, Kai.." his inner thighs were now clenching around my waist firmly. "I know you still think about me in the depths of your mind..." My hands were now lifting to encircle his firm, chiselled waist, I couldn't even stop myself.

No, Kai, what on _earth_ are you doing?!

"That's it, Kai.. give into what your heart wants.." his words whispered, desperate and I was falling more second by second by an unstoppable compulsion. He pulled back from my ear and pressed his forehead against mine.

"I loved you, Kai," he whispered and I felt my mind snap in half with his words. All resolve left me and I buckled under the pressure, stealing his lips back with my own.

My tongue wrestled with his inside his mouth, my eager palms moving along every inch of the soft material of his pretty attire. His own were moving up and down my chest as we collapsed into each other with an unstoppable desire. Beomgyu _fought_ with me. Pressured me. We were struggling for dominance over the other which only stoked the fire to burn hotter between us. Neither of us willing to yield, scales tipping back and forth and I was pulling his shirt open upon him now. I tore my mouth away from his reluctantly but again eager upon the tight skin of his pale chest. His fingers sunk through my hair, pulling it. I could feel his moans vibrate through his torso onto my lips, setting my skin on fire.

Beomgyu was gripping my shoulders, pushing me back as he skillfully pulled my t-shirt up over my head.

"Mmm.." he moaned softly "Do you prefer me over him, Kai? Is this better than it is with that _idiot_ \- Soobin?"

The sinful fog that clouded my head parted down the middle at the sound of him saying Soobin's name, making a voice inside me _scream_. My own voice. The darkness I felt inside was covering everything, oil-slicked wings unable to spread to fly away. This.. this isn't right..

"N-.. no.... Stop... this..." It took _everything_ for me to say the words, barely audible whispers of desperation.

I could feel it again. A deep, shredding pain erupting from my right shoulder blade once more. My fingers were gripping Beomgyu's waist so hard, I thought I would tear him open.

"What's wrong, Kai? You wanted this, remember?"

My eyes widened as I looked at him, his skin was slowly starting to flake away into particles of ash within my hands from his feet upwards. I felt sick and hot, a crushing fever taking hold of me. The screams from my own voice inside of myself growing louder now.

"You wanted this... you _told me so._ You said you wanted to give me the love and respect that I _deserved_ " Beomgyu's still intact face had tears running down his pale cheeks from his deeply pained eyes. The same pain I saw in him when Taehyun had attempted to kill me.

"No... I.. I never meant to.."

"Never meant to what, Kai? To let me believe that you loved me? To leave me to _burn_ and become dust?"

His legs were gone now, his torso slowly fading from view as I tried to hopelessly grasp at every last loose fragment of him that turned to grey, hot powder in my hands.

"No, Beomgyu... please...I..."

Much to my heavily pained surprise, he began to sing to me, some of the lyrics of the song I was previously singing before all this started. As if.. The song had been _his_ all along. Not my own.

 _Maybe you don't understand what I'm going through_ _  
__It's only me.. What you got to lose?_

I shook my head at him, desperately trying to stop him from slipping further away from me, tears welling up inside me.

 _Make up your mind, tell me what you're gonna do_ _  
__It's only me... let it go_

"No, Beomgyu!" I tried to cup the sides of his face but it disintegrated in my shaking hands, the remains of him floating away from me into nothingness, just like Yeonjun said he had when he.. Disposed of Beomgyu and Taehyun that night.

**_Thud._ **

My body was pulled down off the chaise and onto the floor, a heavy and relentless gravity pulling at me as my skin began to burn. My hands tried to keep myself up, my face only centimetres away from the floorboards. I could feel the thick, humid heat of the pits of Hell trying to claim me.

**_"Do you acknowledge your Sins of the flesh and mind, child of darkness? How beautifully they haunt your soul."_ **

The same voice boomed in my head in a dark whisper. It spoke again, but it changed, becoming filled with light and that familiar sound of heavenly harps ringing in my ears.

**_"Right what you have wronged."_ **

Familiar sights and sounds flooded my head once more, Heaven and Hell mixing in a blur of black and white, tugging relentlessly at me, wanting to cut me in half from the inside out and all I could do was cry out in pain.

"Kai?!"

It vanished. Soobin. His voice pulled me out of the rift. I lifted my head up from my position on all fours upon the ground. He was rushing over to me, Yeonjun joined him and they lifted me up to my feet to steady me.

"What's wrong, my love?! Talk to me."

I stumbled back away from him, looking around myself in all directions to make sure there wasn't anything lurking in the shadows.

"What is it, kiddo? What happened?" Yeonjun spoke and all I could do back away from them both further. I was.. Scared of myself. Frightened of what I had just done. The guilt was tearing me up further.

"S-stay away from me!" I ran from them and they could only watch as I rushed down the hallway and into the bathroom. A thunderstorm had started outside, I could hear the deep rumbling of it outside and the rain soon started beating down onto the roof.

I stood in front of the mirror and glanced at myself, barely able to look myself in the eye. A lightning bolt crashed through the atmosphere outside, lighting up every inch of the bathroom through the window and my eyes widened with what I caught a glimpse of inside my own reflection in the glass.

A single wing on my right shoulder, black and leathery, stretched out several feet from my back, disappearing in the same instant the lightning stopped.

I heard a hurried knock on the bathroom door "Kai?! Are you alright?!" Soobin yelled and without a further moment, he shoved the door open. I backed away from him again, falling to the marble floor and scrambled back until my shoulder blades hit the edge of the bath.

"Kai.." Soobin called softly to me, confused.

Yeonjun stood in the doorway next to him looking deeply concerned, but he seemed to almost recognize the fear in me.

"Yeonjun, what's happening!?" Soobin turned to the other for answers.

The blonde slowly stepped forward and looked down at me. "Did you.. See something, Kai?"

My fingers tried to grip the flat surface beneath me and I nodded.

"What was it?" Yeonjun pressed me for further answers.

"I... I saw... him... Beomgyu..."

Yeonjun frowned at me and Soobin was walking over, kneeling down in front of me to take my face in his hands.

"What do you mean, Kai? He's dead..." Soobin trailed off and looked at Yeonjun behind him "Right?"

"Oh yeah, he's dead. But.. something about him is obviously haunting Kai." Yeonjun stepped forward now too, slowly kneeling down on one knee in front of me next to Soobin.

"Did you hear voices? In your head?" His voice was deep, pressing.

I nodded slowly "They... they said I needed to acknowledge my sins. To.. 'right what I had wronged'..."

Yeonjun looked me over carefully and side-eyed Soobin briefly before sighing and standing back up to turn away from us both.

"We need to go back." Yeonjun spoke.

"What?" I asked, looking at the elder vampire over Soobin's shoulder.

"To the woods, where they burned and died."

He looked back over his shoulder to me, deadly seriousness staring me down. "You haven't told Soobin yet, have you, Kai?"

I knew what he meant. My story of how I had tried to trick Beomgyu into trusting me so I could save Soobin.

"No..." I hung my head and saw Soobin looking back and forth between the pair of us.

"What do you mean?" he looked at Yeonjun desperately before returning his gaze to me "What haven't you told me, Kai?"

I couldn't even say it. I was disgusted with myself. Ashamed. I thought it wouldn't be of any value to tell Soobin, as it would possibly only hurt him more. It wouldn't have changed anything. But it was obvious that this was part of my suffering. I had wronged _both_ of them.

"I..." I stopped and looked back up at Yeonjun and he understood my struggle. "Not here, Kai." He said and started walking back out of the bathroom. "We'll wait until the storm passes and we'll go."

I returned my eyes to Soobin and could barely even look at him for longer than a second. His hands were tenderly rubbing up and down my arms and I wanted to run away again, not feeling deserving of his compassion.

"It's alright, Kai.. I trust you."

I closed my eyes with his words. It just amplified the pain in my right shoulder blade and that invisible wing that hung over me like a dark cloud, casting a shadow over my heart. 


	32. Goodnight, Sweet Prince (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel if I give any warnings, it will likely just spoil it. So I'll just give one- Soobin swears lol. This is a very lengthy part of this final chapter. Strap yourselves in.

Yeonjun was in the kitchen busying himself with stacking Soobin's refrigerators with the blood they had acquired. I waited in the study with Soobin, beginning to hear the storm slowly die down outside. He was pacing around nervously as I stood there and looked down at the guitar that still lay upon the floor, face down. I was too scared to even touch it. I didn't want it to bring on another episode of.. Whatever the hell happened earlier.

Soobin finally pried himself out of his concern and reached for the guitar to pick it up, his cleanliness getting the better of him. I stepped forward quickly to grab his wrist "No!"

He looked at me, his soft, round eyes searching mine for an explanation. "What's wrong?"

"That guitar, it... it's what brought all this on. It once belonged to Beomgyu. His name is carved into the inside of it."

Soobin's eyes dropped to the red instrument in disbelief. He then picked it up quickly with his other hand and stepped back from me so I couldn't interfere. I let out a small sigh.

Soobin... you're still far too stubborn for your own good, sometimes.

He continued walking away from me back to the instruments and turned the guitar over by the neck in his hand, carefully eyeing up the inside of it through the soundhole. I saw his expression drop as his eyes caught the name written inside.

"What are the odds that this should fall into our hands..." he trailed off and cautiously placed it back upon its stand.

"They're pretty high, actually" Yeonjun now spoke from his leaned posture in the doorway, having overheard the start of the conversation.

Soobin turned to him on the spot "How so?"

The blonde pushed himself away from the door and slowly approached the instrument, running his fingertips over the strings quietly.

"I've heard tales of these occurrences many times over the years when vampires have died. Some of them manage to leave certain parts of their memories attached to items that hold great meaning to them."

He tucked his hands into his pockets and licked his lips before looking up at me directly from underneath a dark, arched eyebrow.

"Beomgyu must have been particularly fond of this piece."

I looked away from Yeonjun's prying eyes. I could tell he was almost trying to address a secondary fact within his words. Yeonjun was even more perceptive than I was. There's a _reason_ Soobin once said he was the most experienced, knowledgeable vampire he's ever known.

"Why has it found us so easily? Surely it's no coincidence?" Soobin asked the other.

"These objects are.. Possessed, in a sense. They have a way of manipulating certain individuals who come into contact with them so that they can make their way to where they.. Want to be.."

I bit the inside of my cheek. Yeonjun was being vague for my sake. But Soobin, with his ever-turning mind, required further answers.

"But why would this want to be here? Does Beomgyu's bloodlust for Kai still exist, even in the afterlife?" Soobin asked, still painfully oblivious.

Yeonjun looked at me again and I shifted my weight upon my feet, feeling more uneasy with every question and answer between the two of them.

"Can we just leave already? The storm's over." I said impatiently.

Yeonjun stopped eyeing me and turned around on the spot to make his way out of the study without another word or glance. Soobin approached me, sliding a comforting arm around my shoulder and gently ushered me away behind Yeonjun.

"Everything's going to be alright, Kai.. We'll get to the bottom of this."

I almost _hated_ the undeserving support Soobin was giving me. I was so tense about the oncoming confession of mine. As much as Soobin had told me he trusted me.. I didn't even know if _I_ trusted myself.

I was a numb, silenced body of stone as the three of us made our way across the city to the woods behind Yeonjun's house. I had once again adopted the ability to shove my emotions down as hard as I could. I didn't know what lay ahead to be found in those woods, but Yeonjun seemed convinced it would hold further answers. Soobin had tried asking him more questions, but our blonde friend remained silent for the entire journey. Something about the way he avoided both of our gazes had me thinking that he wasn't just unsettled about _my_ unsaid words. I could almost sense he was worried about something hidden beyond that.

Yeonjun led the way through the thick forest that I barely recognized from my memories. When I had last been made to walk through those trees a year and a half ago, they were bare. It was now the beginning of summer and the branches and ground were full of greenery and small patches of wildflowers. I would have enjoyed my surroundings more if it weren't for the oncoming unknowns of the evening.

We eventually came into a clearing near the river that gushed by in the distance. I _could_ now recognize the layout of the circling trees that stood around us, immediately bringing up some dreadful memories. I recognized the tree that Beomgyu and I were.. Up against. And the one that he had stood before when I was first speaking with him. Besides the harrowing thoughts, I couldn't find much else in the area that would be of any help to the scenario.

Yeonjun, however, wasn't convinced. He was deeply immersed in his own head and motivation as he started digging at random patches of the ground with his bare hands, leaving small piles of dirt in a large semi circle as he searched for something almost desperately.

Soobin stood next to me the whole time, rubbing at my lower back in comfort. I eventually pulled myself away from it. For once, he wasn't helping. He was making it more difficult for the condensed mess inside of me to remain intact.

I turned my head to Yeonjun as I heard a sudden gasp from him in the middle of his digging.

".. No.." he whispered.

"What's wrong, Yeonjun? Did you find something?" Soobin was now approaching him but I stayed put.

Yeonjun had his head bowed, something small in his dirt-covered hand but I couldn't make out what it was from my position. I almost didn't want to know.

"What.. what _is_ that?" Soobin asked as he stared down into the other's palm.

Yeonjun stared straight through Soobin's eyes with a gaze I had never seen present on him before. He looked sick, unsettled. Like his worst fears had been realized. His hand slowly dropped and I saw a small red marble-sized piece of stone drop from his hand to bounce lightly upon the damp grass.

"Yeonjun?" Soobin asked and the blonde was walking slowly away from him, lost on uneasy feet; drunk on his own thoughts that intoxicated him.

I couldn't stand it, my curiosity finally got the better of me and I was walking over to the small piece of red glass upon the forest floor. I picked it up and examined it closely. To anyone else, it would have seemed like a child's marble, but I could feel a deadly weight to it. Something about it was impossibly sinister.

I heard an almighty crunch and whipped my head back to Yeonjun, his fist having met the side of a tree trunk in a powerful punch. Soobin and I just stood there in shock, unable to comprehend the situation.

"Taehyun... you goddamned **_idiot_**..." Yeonjun muttered bitterly to himself, sounding like he was on the very edge of tears.

"What is it, Yeonjun?!" Soobin asked, desperate for light to be shed.

We could only watch and wait as Yeonjun bent his forehead against the tree in front of him. He stood there for a long, deeply silent few minutes until he finally managed to compose himself enough to lift his head back up. He turned halfway on the spot to look at the pair of us, tears slowly starting to dry upon his high, pale cheekbones. We could only stare in baited silence.

"I.. haven't been entirely honest about something."

Soobin and I were silent as we waited. What _more_ could Yeonjun possibly have stored away in his vast history of secrets? He sighed deeply, bowing his head once more, his eyes flicking between two flowers at his feet as he struggled to continue.

"Taehyun... I knew him. Personally. He was a... companion of mine."

My eyes widened and my hand clenched around the tiny trinket in my hand. I could only shake my head slowly in disbelief. Soobin exhaled deeply next to my frozen position and took a single step forward towards Yeonjun with a heavy foot upon the grass.

"Why..." I looked up at Soobin with the sudden deadly drop in his voice. His eyes lost all their softness and concern, now full of dark, burning resentment.

"Why the ** _fuck_** would you not tell me this?! Had you **_knowingly_** risked Kai's safety all that time?!"

I blinked at him in shock, it was the very first time I had _ever_ heard Soobin curse or lose his temper. He looked like he wanted to outright murder the other, his tendons taunt on the sides of his neck. He started approaching Yeonjun quickly and I shook myself out of my momentary confusion, trying to grab Soobin's arm to hold him back.

"Soobin, stop-" he pushed me off himself with ease in his rage.

 ** _"EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"_** he now had Yeonjun by the collar of his denim shirt, slamming him against the tree. His ferocious yell filled every inch of the forest as he stared Yeonjun down. I could hear small animals scurry away up trees and birds take flight from the sheer terror he echoed into the air.

Yeonjun glared at him, gripping his wrist, twisting it to get out of his grasp upon him. I wrapped a hand around Soobin's shoulder, pulling him back from Yeonjun.

"Soobin, calm down, love.." I whispered soothingly, pulling him back further by several feet to create some _much-needed_ distance between the two older vampires.

"I'm **_waiting_**." Soobin pressed Yeonjun further, his eyes stitched onto the other.

The blonde swallowed and slowly licked his lips, his eyes barely visible from almost being closed in thought.

"I.. met Taehyun 5 years ago.."

Yeonjun reached a hand up to straighten the collar of his shirt that Soobin had pulled at before feebly trying to _breathe_ into his dead lungs.

"He.. was actually my choice of prey for the evening. But.. right as I was about to start following him, he turned around, looked me dead in the eye and said.. 'I know what you are.' It... threw me off guard. _No_ human had ever suspected me before."

I could hear Soobin's fists clench at his sides. The tale so far wasn't doing anything to calm him down as we listened intently.

"He told me he.. Wanted to become like me. He wanted to be turned. But I refused him. I needed him to know what this existence was truly like before he could make that kind of commitment. I.. took him in, for a while. So he could learn our way of.. 'living'."

Soobin was starting to rile up again beside me, unable to stop another small outburst from escaping him.

" _You_ taught him to be the monster he was then?!" Soobin spat out at the other.

Yeonjun's eyes were now dark as he tilted his head towards us "I'm not _done_ yet, Soobin."

Soobin's nostrils flared as the fire within him continued to burn. All I could do was rub at his stomach in small, soothing circles, trying to calm the beast that was growling inside of him.

"Taehyun was incredibly intelligent, highly intuitive and every bit as perceptive as I am. It did not take him long to learn the secrets of our existence. His knowledge soon began to surpass even my own. After a while, he asked me to turn him again. But I.. refused him, once more.."

Yeonjun trailed off and I noticed Soobin's posture seemed to slouch ever so slightly. He was now more interested than irritated.

"Taehyun... Never used to be as terrible as you both knew him. He once had an incredibly sweet and... loving disposition to him, behind the abundance of brains in his head. But.. the more that he learned about the nature of vampires, the more I could see a shift in him. The closer he got to the night, the darker his mind became. He had _every_ last piece of Vampiric bloodlust in him while still only being a _human_."

Yeonjun turned from us now, his broad shoulders slouching as his fingers ran over the bark of the tree in front of him in thought.

"Yes, Soobin... I _had_ unknowingly created a monster out of him; a teacher having failed his student."

"So why didn't you just _kill_ him then while he was still human?!" Soobin demanded.

"Because I still believed there was some small amount of _good_ left in him, Soobin! Just like I still believed that _you_ could love m-" Yeonjun cut himself short and shook his head, letting out an emotionless chuckle to himself.

I bowed my head. I couldn't help but feel a slither of empathy pass over me. I understood Yeonjun's heart. Soobin let out a small sigh at my side.

"So if _you_ didn't turn him, then who did?" Soobin asked, sounding slightly calmer but his words still laced with impatience.

"I don't know. I came back from a hunt one evening and he was gone. It was obvious to me that if _I_ wasn't going to turn him, then he was going to seek out someone who would."

Yeonjun now turned around to us again.

"I never told him about your whereabouts, Soobin. I said there was one other vampire in this city and nothing more. He never did find you, since you barely left your house. Consider your introverted nature a blessing."

Soobin looked away from Yeonjun now, eyeing up the grass near his feet.

"And then years later, only about 6 months before you two met, Taehyun returned to this city, as a vampire, with Beomgyu in tow. I saw them from a distance one evening, hunting someone.." Yeonjun trailed off and now looked at my hand, still holding the little red marble inside of it.

"I thought.. when I saw Taehyun's ever-red eyes, that he had just gone _mad_ from bloodlust. That he had lost every last piece of himself to it. But... it's obvious now..."

Yeonjun was now walking over to me, taking the deadly little trinket from my hand, turning it over between his still grubby fingers.

".. I truly don't know _where_ he acquired this or his true motives behind choosing to curse himself with it.."

"What is it?" I asked as I watched it glisten in his hand from the turning of it.

"It's an eye implant. Artificially made by God knows who. I've only ever _heard_ of their existence. But Taehyun seemed to have found a way to find one, for himself."

"And.. what does it do?"

Yeonjun sighed deeply, gripping the marble in his hand tightly as he was once again struggling with his words.

"It.. controls the person that it's inside of."

I let out a sharp gasp "You... you mean to say that.."

Yeonjun frowned and turned, walking away from me again. I stared hopelessly at his back, my knees giving out underneath me as I fell to the grass with a small thud. That tight little ball of emotions that I was holding in place inside of me was quickly unravelling itself now.

"Yeonjun.." Soobin finally spoke again from his stunned silence next to me. He was calm once more but sounded apologetic now.

"Understand me, Soobin. If I had to relive that night all over again.." he turned back around to lock his ice blue eyes that burned with certainty onto Soobin's face.

"I _still_ would have killed him. I didn't want this existence for him. _He_ made his choice. And it was the _wrong_ one."

Neither of us could argue his logic. I kneeled there, continuing to let the ball of loose threads of thoughts uncoil, bouncing from side to side until it landed upon an inkling of dread.

"Do you think.. That implant had also been controlling Beomgyu? Indirectly?"

Yeonjun looked down at the dark object in his hand once more. "I don't know enough about this thing to give you a definite answer to that, Kai. But, as you once told me, if Taehyun _was_ in charge... then I would say to some extent, yes- it had been."

"What a terrible situation.." Soobin whispered under his breath and finally moved away to walk in a large circle with his thoughts.

I remained on the forest floor, feeling the knees of my jeans becoming damp from the wet grass beneath me. My right shoulder blade was throbbing again, my heart was a pressure cooker inside myself as I struggled to contain an oncoming meltdown.

"This is not what I expected to find here.." Yeonjun now tucked the small marble into his back pocket and began looking at the small mounds of dirt he had dug up.

"I brought us here tonight because I think there's a possibility that something else has been left behind too."

I looked up at him slowly as I watched him begin to dig once more.

"I don't know if you remember, Kai, but did you notice that Beomgyu wore a ring?"

I slowly brought my hand up to my left cheekbone, recalling the gash Beomgyu had left upon me when he backhanded me with it upon his hand. "Yes.."

"The night I first saw those two together, they were having some kind of disagreement. Taehyun pushed Beomgyu to the ground and that ring of his slipped off his finger and fell down a drain." Yeonjun continued digging, not having found anything yet.

"Beomgyu _frantically_ went down into the sewers to retrieve it. It was like watching a parent try to stop their child from drowning."

"Do you suppose.. It would be another item that has pieces of his memory attached to it?" Soobin mused as he stopped pacing.

"I would bet all 414 years of my life onto it, Soobin" Yeonjun replied with grim confidence as he continued on to another fresh area of grass to dig.

"And how do we.. handle these items, Yeonjun? Do we destroy them to stop them from haunting Kai?" Soobin continued.

Yeonjun slowed his digging and looked over at me briefly "That's up to him.."

I didn't want to be there anymore. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to lock the bedroom door, lie down and not move for a whole week. I wished I had never laid eyes upon that guitar in Jack's store. For all the bravery I had once had, I now felt like a coward.

"Kai.." Soobin spoke gently to me and I couldn't even look at him. "What is it that you haven't told me?"

My fingers were suddenly busy playing with a blade of grass in front of me between my knees. My lips may as well have been stitched closed with barbed wire. I was being selfish. I knew that. I didn't want to relive the pain. I felt like a child being asked if they drew with permanent markers on the bedroom walls; fully aware that they _had_ but utterly unwilling to admit.

"Argh!" Yeonjun let out a pained gasp and I was drawn out of my own head to look at him. He was clutching his forearm, his hand tightly clenched into a dirt-covered fist.

"What's wrong, Yeonjun? Did you find it?" Soobin asked as he watched him cautiously.

The blonde was now standing, seeming like he was being led directly over to me as his hand was stretched out in front of him, bound by an invisible chain and Yeonjun was the ball that was dragged behind it.

"T-take it... Kai...." Yeonjun struggled and his fingers were forced open wide. Inside his palm, amongst the grass and mud sat a gold band with a thick and grand ruby stone set into its claw.

I stared at it hopelessly, feeling that familiar magical air around me draw me into it, just like it had when I saw Beomgyu's guitar in the store window. I could no longer control my thoughts. I _wanted_ it in my hand.

I took it from Yeonjun and I was being sucked through space and time, lights and objects projected past me in a blur of colour and sound. Time slowed back down and I could now make out scenes moving in slow motion inside my head.

I saw Beomgyu, dressed exactly as he had been earlier in the night when he came before me. Only he was much younger in front of me now. Maybe only 5 or 6 years old. He sat on the wooden floor of a large and illustrious bedroom, playing with a little teddy bear and some handmade wooden toys. He looked back at me over his shoulder and smiled with all the childlike innocence you could possibly imagine. But he vanished in an instant, time seeming to flash forward as I was pulled into another vision. Was this... his past?

I saw him again, older now, standing on the side of a stone bridge, but he was over the side of the barrier, looking down into the river that rushed by beneath him ferociously. He slowly lifted his head and looked at me over his shoulder again before jumping off. I could do nothing as I was ripped into another time and place yet again.

Beomgyu was bound in chains to the wall of a dark, stone room. A jail cell. A _dungeon_. He was dressed in dirtied rags. He looked up at me hopelessly, his eyes full of tears. His skin was much paler now, his features more defined.. Much like my own after I had been turned. But he looked like a mere shell of his former self that I had once known. A beggar, not a prince. He opened his mouth and let out a whisper into the cold, secluded room.

"Don't leave me here... Save me."

"Beomgy-"

I tried to reach out for him but I was snatched from the scene yet again by an invisible hand clutching me. I was beginning to feel nauseous.

I could now hear music. A guitar. The very distinctive sound of a particular one I had played earlier. I turned around and saw the black-haired man seated on a wooden park bench, that guitar of his within his hands, strumming E minor and C major chords beautifully into the night air that surrounded him. I slowly made an approach, walking around until I stood in front of him. He was so deeply immersed in his own music that he didn't even notice me there. He looked so incredibly.. At peace. It made my heart happy to see him enjoying his music. His perfectly featured face and its sharp details were as soft as a summer breeze across him as his fingers moved effortlessly across the frets and strings, breathing life into the instrument and dreams into my heart.

".. Beautiful, Beomgyu..."

He looked up at me, his smile slowly fading away and a hand reached straight through me, bright red hair and a pitch-black dressed man now stood in my place. Taehyun. He gripped Beomgyu's wrist, wrenching it away from his guitar and pulling him away into the night and away from me as I could only stand there and watch.

"Kai?!"

I blinked and I was suddenly back upon the forest floor, lying on my side, wet grass against my cheek and Soobin kneeling in front of me, pulling me upwards.

"Are you alright?! You passed out.."

I wearily looked around myself, getting my bearings back and slowly looked down to the ring that still lay in my hand.

"I.. I'm fine, Soobin.. I just.. Need a moment.."

I began slowly pushing the dirt off of the ring to look at it more closely. I could now make out something engraved into the ruby in its centre, a single musical note. My throat was tight now as I tried with all my might to hold back the inevitable tears. But how could I possibly? Not when I now saw _another_ etching upon the ruby, carved into it with the very smallest and sharpest of knife tips.. Three letters.

K... a.... i...

I... _screamed_ with sorrow. Howled. Clutching the ring so hard its sharp edges almost cut into my immortally hardened skin. Soobin's arms were around me, but I barely felt their weight as I finally let all the self-inflicted pain I had held inside of myself all this time claim me. I _deserved_ the agony. Every. Last. Drop.

"Oh, Beomgyu..." my own voice was foreign to me through my deep shame.

"Kai" Soobin's palms were cupping my cheeks, making me look up at him. "Enough, my love. Don't keep me in the dark. Tell me what's go-"

"I _lied_ to him, Soobin!" I cut him off, I couldn't bear one more soft understanding word of his. I had to make him see that I was just a fucking _terrible_ excuse for a person, so utterly undeserving of his never-ending compassion.

"When you still were unconscious here, I tried to earn Beomgyu's trust. I told him I wanted him. I told him to turn me. I said we would kill Taehyun. I said we would kill _you_. I told him he could be free. I told him he could be _happy_.. With me. I promised him love and kindness. I.. I kissed him. I.. almost let him _have_ me.."

Soobin's hands now dropped from my face, balling themselves into tight fists.

"I promised him... a perfect life that I had no intentions of ever giving him. I promised to save him, just so that I could save you.."

Soobin's eyes were cast downwards as I stared desperately at him, all emotion on him lost. Was I losing him? Did he still want to be with someone like me now? A liar. A fraud. Someone who had so easily forsaken one life for another. _Can_ you really trust me after all, Soobin?

I heard a distant rustling of grass next to me, finally remembering Yeonjun was even there.

"I'll... leave you two alone.." he said quietly as he turned to start making his way out of the clearing and into the darkness of the woods.

"Just..." I turned back to Soobin at the beginning of his sentence. "Answer me one thing, Kai.." I stared at him silently, waiting for the possible beginning of the end.

"Is all this.. The _real_ reason Beomgyu is haunting you?" Soobin brought his gaze back up to mine finally, his deep pools of dark brown shimmering with tears.

"Are you sure that you didn't.. _actually_ love him?"

....

... The fact that I did not immediately answer "no" was nothing short of cataclysmically devastating.


	33. Goodnight, Sweet Prince (Part 3)

I stared straight through Soobin in my bewildered silence. My eyes couldn't even blink away the burning tears that filled my lower lash line as 18 months of unprocessed emotions hung from my lips. I could only sit there upon the ground and watch Soobin's eyes spin with his tears as he found his own answer within my stunned silence.

"... I see..." he was standing up now and I hopelessly tried to grab his hand but he twisted it out of my pathetic grasp.

"Soobin, no.." I begged and he took a few steps away from me, his deep velvet coat pushing a cold, unwanted breeze at me as it swung behind him.

"Please, Soobin.." I started crawling upon uneasy hands, trying to grasp at him but he stepped away further.

"I.. I may be oblivious to many things in this world, Kai. I may not be able to read people or situations as well as you or Yeonjun can. But there is _one_ thing that I am better at than either of you."

I watched him turn his head to look down at me over his shoulder, his cheeks graced with the tears _I_ had put there.

"I _know_ when I can see love in your eyes, Kai. That little sparkle in your depths is always unmistakable when you look at me, even when you're crying in pain.." he looked away, staring up at the night sky between the tree branches for a moment before continuing.

"Just now, I saw that same glimmer of love within you. But it wasn't for me this time... was it, Kai?"

I swallowed hard, looking back down at the ring in my hand while I suffered an almost unendurable pain in my shoulder blade once more. Was Soobin right? Had I been... in love with.. both of them?

My eyes widened as something Yeonjun once said to me echoed from my memories.

_"Never fall in love with two people at once, Kai. It will be your undoing."_

.... No... I _couldn't_ have been... But God, **_why_** did it almost make sense? Had I not only lied to both Soobin and Beomgyu? Had I also been lying to myself about my feelings this whole time?

"I'm... I'm sorry, Kai. I'm sorry that I wasn't enough for you," Soobin sounded almost _accepting_ of what his thoughts had figured out for him. Like he was.. giving up on us.

"Soobin, no.. Don't say that.. You _are_ enough for me.. You're everything.." my voice cracked with each and every word I spoke to match the deep ravines within my heart as I felt Soobin slip further and further away from me.

"Am I?" Soobin turned around to me fully. "Am I the only one that lives in your heart, Kai? Or did you split it into two pieces with Beomgyu that night?"

Slight concern covered my features now as I stared at him, no longer in pain, but in thought.

Split into two... something about his words made sense, but not in the manner I knew he was trying to express. I _had_ always felt split down the middle since that night of my turning; a being borne of two worlds. Were my sinful acts with Beomgyu in order to try to save Soobin's life the reason for that? A seemingly _good_ deed committed in an _evil_ way. Was that why upon the cusp of my death I hadn't belonged in Heaven _or_ Hell, but rather.. stuck in between? Becoming an amalgamation of both..?

One half of me, devoted to my life and love with Soobin, and the other... tortured with guilt and a mystifying longing for Beomgyu.

I looked down at the ring in my hand again, the musical note and my name cut into the ruby that shone up at me like a little red star. I dropped my mind back into the maze of Beomgyu's memories that he had shown me. His bright and happy childhood. His deep passion for music, almost a mirror image of my own. The mysterious, unfortunate events that befell him. The undeniable stunning features of his and how I had _almost.._ enjoyed kissing him that night. The pain he felt for me having misled him and for him to die with that agony. Followed by my own unspoken grief I had carried around with me all that time.

But amongst it all.. something was missing. There was a lack of a certain, familiar warmth in my heart when I thought about him.

I looked back up at Soobin, slowly bringing myself to my feet as I approached him. He was tense as he stared at me in desperation like he was only just _barely_ hanging on. I plunged myself deep into his eyes as I frantically searched them. I filled my head with the sound of his soothing voice, his beautiful smile when I played music for him, his never-ending support and blind love for me, never asking anything of me in return for everything he had ever given. A true selflessness.

He knew, we _both_ knew- if I chose to remove myself from his life, _all_ he would wish for would be my safety and happiness.

My eyes widened with revelation and I looked back down at the ring, turning it over in my palm.

I think... I understood now.

"No, Soobin... I'm _not_ in love with him. I _never_ had been."

I brought my gaze back up to Soobin's, his eyes searching mine as I steadied my resolve further.

"I had only been in love with the idea of _saving_ him. The longing in my heart was only for him to be happy; to be free.. _Without_ me."

Soobin blinked at me now, his eyes losing their pained edge as I think he saw the final truth within me that I had struggled to unveil.

"One half of me has always felt a deep guilt since that night when I lied to him. I had ignited hope in him for a new life but he was never given a second chance to fulfil it. All this time.. The mysterious pining for him was _only_ for the desire for him to have lived that life of happiness. After witnessing the memories he's shown me, I now know more than _ever_ that he deserved it."

Soobin now looked down at the ring in my hand, his eyes tracing every edge as his mind worked within himself.

"I _did_ split my heart that night, Soobin. I split my entire soul, not out of love for two people, butfrom the guilt for having wronged him.. _and_ you. For the heavy burden of my sins."

I stepped closer to Soobin, drawing a finger along the side of his cheek, making sure his eyes never left mine.

"Please believe me when I say that the _only_ love that has resided in my heart, from the very first moment I met you, has _always_ been for you, Soobin."

Soobin looked back down at my hand, lifting his own to trace the edge of the gold and ruby accessory, a small smile gracing his pale, handsome face.

"Do you understand now?" I asked softly.

"I.. don't think this has truly been a matter of _me_ understanding, Kai. It has been your struggle and yours alone. But yes... I do understand."

He brought his gaze back up into mine and smiled softly, his hand reaching to brush away a few strands of hair that hung across my forehead.

"You had wanted to keep a monster alive so that he could be given the chance to change into something better. Your empathy knows no bounds. You have the pure heart of a _true_ angel, Kai."

In an instant, I felt all the pain from my shoulder blade and that heavy, invisible dark wing subside, as if Soobin's words had banished it from existence.

**_"Your Sins have been acknowledged... and forgiven, Kai Kamal Huening."_ **

A familiar voice spoke into my head, but it wasn't sinister and taunting. I knew it was only that angelic being who spoke to me now, the darkness within me.. had finally been silenced.

"What is it, Kai?" Soobin searched my expression as I stared off into nothingness with the voice that only I had heard.

"Oh.. nothing. Just a little voice in my head telling me I've done the right thing" I smiled back at him secretly.

"And you have, Kai" he looked back down at the ring in my hand and looked thoughtful. "What are you going to do with it? And his guitar?"

I joined his gaze with my own upon the object. Beomgyu had never been given a proper burial upon his death. Certainly not one worthy of the prince that he was in my mind. I slowly looked around myself at all the small crumbled sandcastles of dirt that Yeonjun had unearthed. No, I couldn't return Beomgyu to this place. He deserved better. He deserved...

I bowed my head and allowed myself a small smile at the thought that crossed my mind. I looked back up at Soobin.

"Have you ever been to Paris, Soobin?"

He blinked at me, obviously not expecting those particular words to escape me.

"No.. Why?"

"During my time around Beomgyu, he had mentioned that he had always wanted to go there. It's... one of the promises I gave to him too. As much as I couldn't fulfil any of those promises.. I think I want to give that one to him, at least."

My fingers enclosed around the ring in my hand "I want to lay him to rest there."

Soobin's confused expression slowly became a deep smile, dimples punctuating his cheeks.

"I didn't know him like you did, Kai, but.. if you think that would make him happy, who am I to disagree?"

I offered a small smile to my clenched hand and tucked the ring into my back pocket for safekeeping. "Do you think Yeonjun went home?"

Soobin looked at the thick forest behind us in thought "I would presume so. I would like to talk to him some more though."

I glanced down at Soobin's empty hand, placing mine within it in a soft grasp. "Let's go then, Soobin."

We made our way back out the way we came in, eventually reaching the backyard of Yeonjun's residence. Soobin was about to knock on the backdoor until our blonde friend opened it before he could. He stared back and forth between us.

"Have you two made up then? I don't need to go to court and try to get shared custody of my baby Kai, Soobin?" he was suddenly smirking at us, having figured out the answer already.

I gave a giggle and looked at Soobin to find him smiling sheepishly. "That's hardly necessary, Yeonjun."

"Good! Lawyer's fees are expensive.." he stepped back from the doorway to let us through and closed the door behind us.

"Yeonjun, can we talk some more?" Soobin asked as we were led into the living area, candlelight flicking around us in all corners.

"I presumed that's why you came back here, Soobin."

Yeonjun sat down on one of his leather couches, a long coffee table in front of him and the largest, deepest bowl of blood sitting upon it. He certainly had a big appetite in comparison to Soobin and I.

"What did you want to know?" he said as he lifted the bowl up and started sipping from it noisily like a serving of tomato soup.

Soobin opened his mouth to speak but realized Yeonjun was being too loud with his drinking to be able to be heard properly.

"Shit, I could drink 5 bowls in one sitting if I wanted to.. I should have started drinking like this _years_ ago.." Yeonjun took another large swallow of the blood before he realized Soobin was waiting for him.

"Ah, heh.. Sorry, Soobin" he grinned and wiped the corners of his lips with the back of his hand. "Go ahead."

Soobin circled around him and decided to take a seat next to him on the couch while I sat on the bottom edge of the statue of the fallen angel that still stood within the middle of the room.

"That eye implant of Taehyun's you found.. What do you plan to do with it?" Soobin asked, seeming cautious.

Yeonjun's fingers glided around the edge of the bowl in thought. "I need to learn more about it. I have an older vampire acquaintance overseas who could possibly shed some more light on it. He might be able to tell me how they're made or even _who_ makes them."

Yeonjun stared pure resolve down into his bowl as his now red eyes swam across the surface of blood.

"I refuse to let the existence of these cursed items continue. It's the best I can do as a tribute to Taehyun's memory."

Soobin looked down, nodding slowly in agreeance but suddenly twiddling his thumbs, seeming a bit nervous.

"About Taehyun... did you know about those concerts he and Beomgyu were holding to hunt humans?"

"I did.." Yeonjun trailed off, as if he was waiting for Soobin to scold him once more as he had earlier in the forest.

Soobin drew in a deep breath and pressed his lips together firmly. I knew he was holding back from wanting to possibly explode at the other. But he eventually sighed heavily, as if to defuse his frustration somewhat.

".. Why couldn't you have at least told me about _that_ , Yeonjun? I almost lost Kai to them because of it."

"Do you remember the night I came to you when you were sitting in a heap of pity on your kitchen floor, Soobin? Stained in blood, tears and... was it grape juice?" Yeonjun asked.

I arched an eyebrow at Soobin now. I hadn't known about this story. Soobin was looking at me, almost looking a tiny bit ashamed of himself.

"Yes.." he replied quietly.

"I _had_ come to you to tell you about those concerts. I came to you as soon as I saw a poster for it in the city that same night."

Had it been the one I put up in Jack's store window? ... Potentially.

"But when I found you, my main priority was to fix up the mess inside your head and heart, Soobin. You had thought you had lost Kai because of your little 'accident', and I couldn't let you continue to believe that."

Accident? ... Oh. The biting of my lip..

"As much as you _know_ I had appreciated your words of wisdom to me, Yeonjun, why did you continue to withhold that vital information about those concerts from me? Why did you leave without telling me?"

"Because I trusted you to do the right thing and go to Kai _before_ those concerts started," Yeonjun said simply and picked up his bowl to slurp from it again.

Soobin looked deeply confused and almost astounded as his mouth hung open.

"You.. tempted fate? By blindly trusting me to find Kai again before they did?"

"Yup," Yeonjun said simply between mouthfuls of blood.

Soobin slowly shook his head in disbelief at how _casual_ Yeonjun was being about it. It almost surprised me, too.

Yeonjun swallowed and patted his stomach in satisfaction before carrying on.

"Well.. I didn't _entirely_ leave it up to fate. I had _also_ been at that concert that night out of mere curiosity, although I wasn't amongst the crowd. I hid in the upper levels and watched from a distance. I didn't want either of them seeing me there."

Soobin struggled with his words now as I sat there, further intrigued.

"Guess it was bad luck that Kai _had_ ended up there too before you could talk to him. I watched how you escaped with Kai that night, just in the nick of time. I decided to stay behind to make sure they didn't try to follow you."

Yeonjun really _had_ been there for us, almost every step of the way. I saw the deep realization of this within Soobin's eyes as he glanced around the floor in front of him.

"Is that.. How Taehyun and Beomgyu found you then?"

"Yes. But Taehyun, being as calculating as he was, had it all figured out as soon as he saw me. He _knew_ he could get to you through me. I tried to reason with him, tried to pry out _any_ sort of goodness left in him, but it was no use. I hadn't known at the time that he was being controlled by that implant."

Yeonjun briefly glanced down at his pocket that still held the sinister trinket inside of it.

"As much as I partially knew I didn't stand a chance against _both_ of them at the same time, I _did_ try to stop them, Soobin."

We both just watched as Yeonjun finished off the remains of his serving of blood, more quietly now.

"And, as they say.. the rest is history."

I slowly blinked my eyes from having zoned out so heavily. "You had sacrificed your own existence to try and save us.."

"Mmm.. I guess so.." Yeonjun trailed off, not really wanting to admit to being the legendary vampire he was and _always_ had been. But it wasn't only his status as a vampire that he was legendary for, he was also the most remarkable _friend_ either of us could have ever asked for.

Soobin was suddenly wrapping his arms around the blonde tightly in a close hug, almost burying his entire head into Yeonjun's shoulder. I smiled endearingly at them as Soobin began sobbing with gratitude.

"I... you... I'm so sorry for losing my temper before... and for cursing at you.." Soobin just collapsed further against Yeonjun like a small, although _giant_ child.

Yeonjun just grinned over at me while patting the top of Soobin's head. "Aww, baby.. Stop it now" he laughed as he wrapped an arm around Soobin's shaking shoulders.

"But I.."

"Shhh... shhhh..." Yeonjun continued smiling at me across the room as he rubbed at Soobin's back soothingly. "We're _family_ , right? It's what we do."

Soobin just nodded multiple times, completely unable to deny it as he remained hopelessly glued to him.

"You know this is the first time you've ever hugged me, Soobin? After over 200 fucking years." Yeonjun laughed heartily.

My soul was filled with a deep, immeasurable warmth as I watched them. I truly didn't know what I would have done without either of them. My admiration and love for them both was _beyond_ spoken words. I could only feel it as I quietly shed a few silent, gracious tears of my own.

"Alright, that's enough now, Soobin, you're staining my $900 shirt.." Yeonjun smirked as he gently pushed Soobin off of him to his side.

Soobin rubbed at his eyes and stared down into his lap, his dimples shining deeply as he tried to stop the tears, sniffling quite pathetically to himself within his indebtedness. Yeonjun looked over at me again, his features settling back down upon his face with sincerity.

"I presume you've come to terms with everything you needed to then?"

I finally caught Soobin's understanding gaze with mine and nodded with a small smile.

"Well... almost. There's one last thing I want to do. We're going to Paris."

Yeonjun's blue eyes widened with pleasant surprise "Paris?! Oh, you're in for a treat. Vampire capital of the _world_."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. More vampires live there than any other city in existence. So.. why the sudden urge to go?"

"I.. want to give Beomgyu a proper burial. I know he had wanted to go there."

Yeonjun gave a small smile and dropped his gaze from me suddenly.

"I'm.. sorry that I hadn't known more than I did about Beomgyu. I only did what I thought was ri-"

"Don't apologize, Junnie," I gazed at him softly and let him read my expression. I didn't need to say anything more and his ever-perceptive mind understood that with the single nod he gave me.

"You know, I know a guy with a private jet in London. He can get you to Paris in just under an hour."

 _Of course_ Yeonjun knew someone like that.

"How is it that you always know exactly what to do and where to go, Junnie?" I grinned at him teasingly, although I was mildly serious.

"You think I just sat on my ass for 414 years doing sweet fuck-all?" he smirked. "I'm not Soobin."

Soobin now lifted his head to shoot a harmless glare at the other's taunt, drawing a small snicker out of the blonde.

"Well.. find a place to stay in Paris first. I could recommend a few hotels if you'd like. Ones that are 'vampire friendly'."

Soobin nodded and I finally stood up to approach him upon the couch, sinking down to my knees in front of him. He smiled at me and ran a hand down over my shoulder.

"Are you ready, Kai?"

I looked down and reached into my pocket to draw Beomgyu's ring out, staring at it glistening within the candlelight. Are _you_ ready, Beomgyu?

Something about the way the ruby almost seemed to _glow_ at me told me that he was.


	34. Goodnight, Sweet Prince (Part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have slightly underestimated just how long these final parts of the story were going to be. It will be more like 5-6 parts at this stage. Although Yoongi's cameo appearance has played its part in this story, another BTS member makes an appearance in this chapter too ^.~ Enjoy!

A few days had passed since our evening in the forest and at Yeonjun's estate. We had collectively come to a decision about where to stay while in Paris through Yeonjun's many suggestions. Soobin was in the bedroom, packing a few bags full of clothes for us while I stood within the study, looking down at Beomgyu's guitar that sat upon its stand next to the piano. I was trying to figure out whether or not to take it with me until I felt my phone buzzing at me in my back pocket. I withdrew it from my jeans and looked down at the caller ID.

**_Junnie_ **

I accepted the call without a further moment of consideration.

"Do you miss us already?" I asked, grinning with the phone pressed against my cheek.

"Hah! Hardly," Yeonjun replied with a teasing giggle. "Have you left for London yet?"

"Not yet."

"Oh good. Listen, kiddo, I've cancelled your reservations at the hotel you had planned to stay at."

I blinked "What? Why?"

"It only came to me after you both left. There's one other hotel I forgot to mention. It's... pricey, though. But trust me, it will be _well_ worth it."

I looked over my shoulder to make sure Soobin wasn't going to walk in at any moment to overhear the conversation.

"Uh... why, exactly?" I asked in confusion.

Yeonjun then spoke his reason to me deeply, slowly and I almost dropped my phone from my hand at his words, barely able to believe what he had uttered to me.

"... **_What?_** Such a place exists?" I asked, wondering if perhaps Yeonjun was joking.

"Only one of its kind in the world. I know the vampire who owns it. We used to go to the same dance academy together for a while back when I did ballet. I managed to book you two into the hotel last minute through personal request."

I shook my head in disbelief. "And.. how much is it per night to stay there?"

There was a small moment of silence before he eventually answered ".... $100,000."

" _Junnie!!_ " I almost yelled at him. This was way too excessive.

"Don't worry, don't worry! You _know_ Soobin has more money than he knows what to do with. It'll be fine!" Yeonjun tried to keep a bright attitude about it.

I sighed deeply but started to let the concept of the place circle my mind. Even though it had a hefty price tag attached... I almost _knew_ Soobin wouldn't mind paying for the certain experience the place offered that I barely believed had come out of Yeonjun's mouth. I slowly began to smile and nodded.

"Okay then... I trust you. Thank you, Junnie."

"Don't mention it. The place is called _Aeternum Spes._ It won't show up on any GPS your phone has though, so call me when you get there for directions, okay?"

"Okay" I turned around, Soobin now standing within the doorway.

"Is everything alright, Kai? I heard you raise your voice suddenly."

"Yeah, I'm just talking with Junnie."

Soobin gave a smile and a polite nod, turning back around to leave to continue with packing.

"I'll let you go, kiddo. I hope you two have an amazing time. Especially Soobin" Yeonjun deepened his voice endearingly at me with his last few words.

"I'm sure he will," I smiled. "Thank you again. I'll call you when we get there."

"See ya, baby."

The call ended and I tucked my phone back into my pocket, returning my thoughts to Beomgyu's guitar. I honestly didn't know _what_ I was going to do with it _or_ his ring. I had wanted to bury the ring at least, but I'm not sure if burying a _guitar_ seemed right.

I looked over at the hard leather guitar case the instrument had come with and decided to just take the guitar with me, anyway. I was sure I would figure it out eventually.

I walked out into the entranceway carrying the guitar case with the instrument inside, finding Soobin placing two large luggage bags near the front door. He straightened his posture out as he stood there, smiling gently at me.

"Are we ready to take our leave, Kai?"

The thought of the hotel we were going to be staying at made my heart so full. Oh, Soobin. You have _no_ idea what you're in for.

"Yeah. Let's go, Soobin."

We took a train to London from the station in the city, only taking an hour to arrive. We were greeted with Yeonjun's pilot friend, surprised to find that he was a human, not a vampire. Although it didn't surprise me that Yeonjun had close acquaintances of _both_ species. We were driven to his private estate and boarded the small, private jet. I learned that it was the first time Soobin had ever flown on a plane. As uneasy as he was initially, his eyes were eventually constantly staring down at the city night lights as we made our journey across the sea to France. I was thankful that it was a clear night, it would make the further oncoming evening that much more enjoyable.

We landed at the Paris international airport after a rather short 45-minute flight. I called Yeonjun again to receive directions and noted it down on my phone. I looked up at Soobin as we stood within a waiting area in the airport.

"Uh... so, Yeonjun's made a few changes to our accommodations.." I said to Soobin carefully, knowing he would become momentarily worried about any sudden alterations. He didn't much like spontaneity.

"What's he done now?" Soobin asked with the predicted light concern in his voice.

"He's booked us into a different hotel than we originally planned. But from what he's told me about it.. it's a 'once in a lifetime' kind of place. You'll see. Don't worry, Soobin."

He eventually nodded and picked up the luggage as I held the guitar case in my hand firmly.

We took a 30-minute taxi drive to the inner city of Paris, passing through the bustling, lively and bright atmosphere. The entire city was lit from top to bottom with lights, music and _love_. I could see why it had been dubbed the 'Romance Capital Of The World' by the sheer amount of couples we passed. We got off on the road that led up to the hotel we were to stay at.

It was positioned on the highest hill in Paris, the entire building, several dozen stories high was made _entirely_ of reflective glass. Not a brick or a plank of wood in sight. The name _Aeternum Spes_ hung above the grand entranceway in deep gold lettering, each letter as tall as I was. I turned to Soobin at my side, looking every bit as bewildered and enchanted as I was.

"Looks expensive.. certainly _seems_ like Yeonjun's taste.." Soobin trailed off, but he didn't seem worried anymore.

"He knows the owner, apparently. He booked us in by personal request."

"I wonder what's so special about it.." Soobin mused to himself as we entered the foyer and I couldn't keep a secretive smile off my face with his words. You'll find out soon enough, Soobin.

The outside of the building may have looked somewhat clean-cut, but the inside was almost like walking into Yeonjun's closet, itself. In every corner were tall ceramic vases filled with flowers of every colour imaginable. But sunflowers seemed to be the main type of flora. They sat in cut bunches behind the front counter in even larger vases, their yellow smiles breathing hope and love into your soul.

I approached the front counter, the young and what _appeared_ to be, vampire, spoke to us.

"Bonjour, gentlemen. Welcome to Aeternum Spes _._ Will you be staying with us on this fine evening?" He had a _deeply_ French accent, but I could still understand him.

"Yes. We should be booked under the name 'Yeonjun'." I replied.

The young vampire looked away from me to his electronic screen and began searching for our booking. I briefly looked at my side to Soobin who was deeply immersed into gazing at all the flowers and I smiled.

"Ah yes.. Here it is. One moment, messieurs."

The man left his position behind the counter and went off to the side to talk to someone behind a wall to the right.

"Monsieur, your special guests for the evening have arrived."

"Alright, alright!" I heard a bright voice echo from behind the wall and a man emerged behind the counter, almost _dancing_ his way out from behind it to make his way before us directly.

We were greeted with a luminous heart-shaped smile offset against high cheekbones and cheerful chocolate eyes that dazzled. He was shorter than both Soobin and I but very lithe, almost as much as Yeonjun, a true dancer's physique. His light brown hair was styled back in a sophisticated manner, dressed in an orange and black waistcoat and suit pants with a cream coloured shirt underneath. He emitted every last piece of style that Yeonjun did only he seemed slightly more eccentric.

"Kai and Soobin, right?!" he reached both hands up to place one on either of our shoulders.

"That's right" I smiled back at him and his deep brown eyes locked onto mine.

"Oho.. something about that smile of yours tells me _you're_ the little ball of sunshine Yeonjun was talking about!"

Little ball of sunshine? Really, Junnie?

He bowed before us graciously, not unlike Soobin would and stood back up straight, his smile positively _beaming_ at us.

"I'm Hoseok. But you two can call me Hobi! Welcome to Aeternum Spes!"

"Thank you, Hobi" I continued smiling at him, feeling like I had just walked into a new home, almost.

"Oh? What's that in your pocket?" he asked, deeply curious as he was suddenly reaching a hand into the chest pocket of my white shirt. I didn't _have_ anything in there.

He suddenly pulled his hand back out, empty, but his thumb and forefinger were crossed over each other to represent the bottom edges of a heart and grinned at me.

"Gotta keep a bit of love on you at all times, right?!" he grinned and winked at me.

Both Soobin and I laughed at him. I felt like my small family circle had just been ever so slightly extended.

His bright expression dropped for a moment as he snapped his fingers in the air with a sharp pop, immediately grabbing the attention of one of the staff and another young man came over obediently.

"Yes, monsieur?"

"Take these gentlemen's bags to the _Speculo_ room. Look sharp about it."

He gave the hotel staff a quick but stern look, I suddenly felt a bit scared of the sudden shift in his aura but it all melted away as he turned back to us with a sunshine smile.

"Yeonjun told me many things about the pair of you.." he smiled at me and his eyes moved to Soobin, lingering on him for a particularly long moment.

"Good things, I hope?" Soobin asked.

"Hahah.. as good as they can be!" He laughed brightly, the sound filling the entire foyer before he started following the hotel employee with our luggage. "Follow me!"

We eagerly did as instructed and we were led up many, many flights of stairs. As the walls were all made of glass, we could see through almost everything. The nightscape of Paris was visible from every last angle.

We were brought before our room as our luggage was placed down in front of the door. The staff member walked back the way he came, leaving the three of us behind. Hobi reached into his back pocket, pulling out a little golden key and pushed it into the doorknob, pushing the door open just ajar. He turned back to us with that _almost_ permanent smile of his.

"If you need _anything_.." he trailed off, pulling out a small card from his waistcoat pocket and handed it to me "You call me directly and I'll take care of it for you. Okay?!"

I nodded at him eagerly. "Okay! Thank you for the warm welcome."

"Yes. It is deeply appreciated" Soobin followed on behind me, offering a small bow to the cheerful vampire.

"Eyy.. no worries! Enjoy your stay. Peace!" he smiled and lightly bounced his way down the long hallway, whistling to himself as he went.

"What a pleasant fellow.. he almost looks familiar to me.." Soobin mused and smiled to himself.

I pushed the door of the room open and stopped immediately in pleasant shock. "Oh my God.."

"Hmm?" Soobin questioned behind me with our luggage in hand.

I slowly walked forward and took in my surroundings. _Everything_ was made of reflective glass. The floors, the walls, the _ceiling_. I had never seen anything like it. A large bed sat on the far west wall and large ceiling-high windows on the north, a small balcony with a table for two seated on it outside, decorated with a small vase of red roses.

"What on earth.." Soobin now stood next to me, his eyes darting everywhere with as much curiosity as me. I let him walk ahead of me and I turned the main light on, watching it and our reflections bounce everywhere, becoming further overwhelmed second by second.

"How _curious_.." Soobin smiled to himself more as he looked around " _Fascinating_ architecture.." he put our luggage down to trace his fingers over some of the mirrored walls.

The more I stood there and processed the sheer _existence_ of such a room, the more Yeonjun's words started to make sense to me. $100,000... even $1,000,000 a night was starting to feel worth it for the purpose this room he had informed me of.

Soobin busied himself by looking through a white bookcase near the windows at a collection of works.

"Oooh!" he sounded excited "They have some very fine literature here.." and he pulled out a little black book and turned it over to read the writing on the back of it happily.

I smiled at him, thankful that he was enjoying himself already. I looked down at the guitar case clutched by its carry handle in my hand and then down at Beomgyu's ring that I had decided to wear on my opposite hand, watching it glisten up at me under the bright lights.

I looked back up to see Soobin already opening up the sliding glass doors to the balcony, taking a seat at one of the small wooden chairs at the table with his book of choice. I walked over to him and stood within the doorway, watching his eyes move back and forth across the words on the first page.

"I'm leaving now, Soobin."

It took him a whole 3 seconds to register I had said anything, already deeply immersed in his reading.

"Oh! My apologies, Kai. Yes, of course... You go do when you need to.." he smiled understandingly at me as he looked away from his book to me.

"Will you be alright here by yourself?" I smiled, thinking it a somewhat redundant question.

"Oh yes. Do not worry about me. This little masterpiece in my hands will keep me busy for a few hours, at the very least" he smiled warmly.

I walked over to his seated position, leaning down to press a gentle kiss against his forehead. "I love you."

His dimples appeared happily at me with his deep smile "And I you, my love. Do be careful while you're gone."

"I will. See you soon."

I turned around and made my way out of the room and started walking back down the stairs to the foyer, becoming intoxicated with the smell of the flowers. I exited the hotel and stood out in front, glancing at the city lights in the distance, almost beckoning me to them, but... I somehow doubted I could find a specific place in the dense city to find a good resting place for Beomgyu. It needed to be somewhere.. A bit more out of the way. Somewhere private. Somewhere special.

I wandered away from the hotel and saw that not far down the road stood possibly the tallest tree I had ever seen. It was taller than the hotel, itself. Rusty red bark and deep green foliage with thick branches that sprouted out as far as several people in length. How grand. How magnificent. I felt drawn to it and I accepted the feeling of intrigue in me and approached it, now standing upon its vast roots at my feet.

I looked back over my shoulder at the cityscape of bright lights and love, able to see the Eiffel Tower standing proudly in the distance. A cunning thought crossed my mind as I suddenly looked back up at the very top of the tree. I was now pulling the guitar case up over my back with the shoulder straps and began climbing the tree.

It would have been quite the feat if I were still human, but my vampiric strength made it easy now. Although as much as I knew I wouldn't suffer much if I had fallen, it still didn't stop my still-human fear of heights from rearing its head inside of me. I climbed as high as I could and now stood upon a particularly thick branch, standing against the edge of the trunk. I could see the _entirety_ of Paris from my position, even the horizon beyond it and neighbouring small villages in the distance.

"Well, Beomgyu.. I think this is the best view of Paris in the whole city" I whispered to myself and looked down at the ring, slowly pulling it off my middle finger and looked back at the tree trunk.

The wood had a small hole inside of it and it almost came naturally as I began to push the ring into it firmly. This wasn't what my mind had thought a 'burial' would be, but it felt destined at that moment and I didn't question it. How could Beomgyu view Paris if he was in the ground? This spot would be perfect for him to _always_ have the view of the city he had wanted.

I gave the accessory a small tug, making sure it wasn't going to fall out but it wasn't budging from where I had forced it in. The ruby sparkled with all the distant city lights, like an eye gazing out into the distance. I gently ran my fingertips over it in thought.

"I hope you find some small amount of peace here, Beomgyu."

I stood there upon the branch for another few minutes before bowing my head and started to make a descent back down the tree until I heard a voice speak to me.

"Leaving so soon?"

I whipped my head back up and saw two long and lean legs dangling over the edge of the branch above me, swaying gently, though they seemed ever so slightly translucent. I dragged my gaze up the familiar princely attire and saw two dark yet soft eyes gazing at me.

"... Beomgyu?" I asked hesitantly, wondering if I was just talking to another memory of his past.

He lifted his gaze from me to look across the vast city and gave a small smile.

"... Could I ask you to stay with me awhile?" he inquired softly.

I somehow knew this wasn't just a vision that either the ring or guitar was creating, but his actual soul, still lingering. It didn't seem like he wanted to be put to rest just quite yet.

I looked over my shoulder at the hotel in the distance, shining like a diamond in the night and pondered. Soobin expected me to be gone for a few hours, at least. Maybe... I could then. I paid close attention to how I was feeling. I didn't feel the sharp, tugging of guilt inside me. It felt like the right thing to do; the holding of someone's hand before they died.

I looked back up at Beomgyu, sitting there on the branch above me and offered him a gentle smile.

"I'd be more than happy to."


	35. Goodnight, Sweet Prince (Part 5)

I gripped the branch above me, pulling myself back up to sit beside Beomgyu, but the added weight on my back from the guitar made me lean back a bit too far and I was losing my balance.

"Ahh!" I was falling backwards until I felt a strong grip upon the front of my shirt and looked down to see Beomgyu's fist gripped into the fabric, stopping me from taking a rather long fall to the ground.

He pulled me forward and I steadied myself "Uh.. thank you."

"Can't have you falling onto that pretty face of yours, can we?" he smirked and kept his gaze away from me, slightly dismissive of having helped me.

"I guess not..." I gave a small smile as I lifted my gaze to the city in the distance.

There was silence between us for several minutes. I just.. didn't really know what to say to him. There was _so_ much that could have been said, but I couldn't figure out where to make a start.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Kai. It's even more beautiful than I thought it would be," Beomgyu eventually whispered, his eyes moving over the night lights with a gentle smile.

"You're welcome.. I wanted to keep at least _one_ of my promises to you, I guess.." I trailed off, still feeling a bit awkward about him sitting there next to me. I was having trouble reading him. He _seemed_ at ease, but I was unsure if he still held resentment towards me or not, under it all.

I started to think to myself, questions popping up in my head from every corner. The memories he shared with me had made a small amount of sense, but maybe I could coax some more out of him to try to understand him a bit more.

"Do.. you mind if I ask you something?" I said cautiously, eyeing him up from the side.

"What?" he answered, still staring off into the distance.

"Were you ever.. _truly_ happy during your lifetime?"

I stared at him as he thought about it, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards for a moment to resemble a very brief smile, his eyes now cast down to the ground several hundred feet underneath us.

"Not truly, no.." his voice deepened in thought.

"Did you.. want to tell me more about your life..?"

Beomgyu's lips were now pursed together as I saw a flicker of disapproval glance across his features. "I think I've shown you all I'm comfortable with."

I swallowed and looked away from him again. I somehow expected that answer out of him, but it was worth a try. He didn't want to dwell on the past, that was obvious to me.

"Sorry," I said simply.

"Heh.. don't worry about it" his hands were playing with a strip of embroidered cotton along the edge of his pant leg, almost like a nervous habit.

I thought of perhaps one question I could ask that might not bring up terrible memories. Of course, I wasn't _certain_ , but I got the distinct feeling it would lighten the almost non-existent conversation between us.

"What type of music do you like?"

I watched his expression carefully and I faintly saw his hidden eyebrows underneath his perfectly presented hair arch slightly.

"I don't really have a 'type', genre doesn't matter to me. As long as it sounds good."

I gave a sincere smile. His opinion of music was the same as my own.

"I agree. I feel the same way about music."

I was suddenly conscious of his guitar on my back again and I fiddled with one of the shoulder straps sitting across my collarbone.

"I.. _do_ still wish I could have heard you play your own music for me."

He now turned to me, his mouth opening, on the verge of saying something until he shut it and turned his eyes from me once more. He almost looked suddenly a bit defensive if not.. slightly _shy_.

"What's wrong?" I asked softly, not wanting to possibly anger him or disrupt the conversation too much like I previously had.

"I... I still could..." he struggled with his words that were barely audible as he kept his gaze away from mine, almost like he was afraid of being rejected.

I looked over my shoulder at the guitar case and back at the tentative little prince sitting to my right.

"Of course! I'd _love_ to hear you play, Beomgyu" I smiled encouragingly at him.

He gave a small nod eventually "Give it here then."

I obediently took the guitar case off my back, bringing it around to lay it across my lap and unlocked the sides of it, lifting it open to reveal the red wood glistening in the dark. I carefully lifted it out by the neck and held it out towards the other, watching as he took it gently from me. I closed the case with my arms folded on top of it, waiting patiently for him to start.

He tuned the guitar by ear, just as I would and saw his eyes quickly glance up to me a few times, suddenly seeming a bit nervous. Had he never performed in front of someone before?

"It's okay.. take your time" I smiled softly, my eyes pushing gentle confidence at him.

"I uh.. wrote this song not long before I met you.." he looked up at me finally from the side and I was thankful he caught my encouraging gaze at him. He very much reminded me of my old self, not having much confidence in his own musical ability, but I believed in him. As long as he believed in his passion, the rest would follow.

[Maze In The Mirror](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elOjgR8ZMqE&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=23)

He began a strumming pattern similar to that of a gentle acoustic pop song and I watched as I opened my ears, heart and mind to the delicate chords and notes echoing into the night air around us. I never took my eyes off him as my smile remained, slowly noticing his confidence grow more and more the further into the song he progressed. I began gently swaying, enjoying the vibe the piece was giving me. I could tell he had practised it a lot. He didn't miss a note. His timing was perfect. I even began humming next to him as I became accustomed to the chorus. The light and airy bridge started and I almost felt my soul be swept up into the heavens. His delicate approach to the song certainly didn't lack emotion. Even though he was still a bit dismissive of me during spoken conversation, his music now spoke his soul to me and I felt like I could finally understand him.

He finished the song but didn't look back at me yet.

"That was gorgeous, Beomgyu. Really.. Thank you for sharing your song with me." I smiled at him, no lies within my words or heart.

I saw him give a little smile and couldn't help but think how cute he was at that moment. He was looking down at the guitar, gently gliding his hand over the side of it in thought, his fingertips tracing the intricate carvings on the pickguard. He suddenly gripped the neck and held it out to me, as if to make a sudden decision.

"I.. want you to keep it. I want you to play it for me now and then whenever you perform. Okay?" His eyes now stared determinedly at me, like he wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Are.. you sure, Beomgyu?"

"Did I _stutter_?" his eyebrows were arching intimidatingly at me and I took the guitar from him without further consideration, not wanting to annoy him.

"I'd rather it be in your hands than some stranger. I.. know that you play well, too." He looked away from me once more, hesitant in his compliment.

I bowed my head with the smile on my face, placing the guitar back in its case and pulling it onto my back once more.

"I promise I'll take good care of it for you, Beomgyu."

He gave a small smirk "Mm.. I know you will." He was now looking down at my hand that sat on the branch in between us and placed his own on top of it. I didn't question the gesture and accepted it, slowly linking my fingers with his own between us.

It got me thinking, yet again though. I know he didn't want to talk about his past, but there was _one_ thing that I just needed to know.

"Please answer me one thing, Beomgyu, and I promise I won't push things any further."

He looked at me, seeming slightly more comfortable around me now.

"Was Taehyun.. ever truly kind to you?"

I felt his fingers tighten in between mine but I grasped his hand gently, rubbing my thumb over the back of his knuckles reassuringly.

He sighed deeply next to me as he cast his eyes outwards towards the horizon.

"He... had his moments, yes. Though I was never truly sure if they were genuine or not."

I guessed that eye implant Taehyun had would have made reading him difficult. Much like Yeonjun had struggled. Beomgyu was now shaking his head as if to empty his thoughts and he stared up much higher into the sky now, staring at the stars that twinkled brightly in the night sky.

"Do you believe in reincarnation, Kai?" the tone of his voice was louder now, speaking faster and more enthusiastic.

"Reincarnation? .. I've never really thought about it.."

"Do you think, maybe..." he paused as I saw his eyes connect between 5 individual stars "Do you think in another lifetime we could all exist together with the same dream in mind? To live a life of happiness and music together?"

I gazed up at the stars with him now in contemplation and felt a deep, genuine smile cross my lips.

"I think.. that sounds like a dream come true, Beomgyu."

"I'm going to wish for it!" he said determinedly and closed his eyes. I grinned at him now in his almost child-like youth.

"Isn't telling someone else your wish _while_ you wish for it bad luck?"

He peered an eye open at me, glaring almost teasingly now "If you weren't so good looking, I'd kick you in the face."

I had to stifle a laugh. "I'd just shove a tomato down your throat.." I smirked at him, recalling the memory of him saying how he had disliked them.

"You _like_ the idea of punishment, don't you?" he leaned in closer to me now, his hand gripping my chin while his eyes traced my face for a slow moment in time. His eyes lingered on my lips for perhaps a bit too long and he realized it, pulling back from our almost cat-and-mouse type bickering.

"Insolent brat" he grinned and almost laughed, looking away from me once more.

I was happy at that moment but felt my heart laced with a familiar sadness whenever I thought about him. We truly _could_ have gotten along well in the end.

"I'm.. sorry things couldn't have been different, Beomgyu."

He was silent for a long moment before giving my hand a gentle squeeze in his own.

"It's alright.. I'll just have to hold out for my wish to come true" he smiled, now acceptingly up at the stars that reflected in his dark eyes.

We sat there in a pleasant sort of silence, gazing at the heavens together for maybe close to a further hour, just quietly enjoying the other's company in the still, bright night.

I saw him bow his head next to me eventually and he spoke softly "I think it's time I went on ahead now."

I turned my head to him, feeling my dead heart stir inside of me. As much as I didn't want him to go, I knew that it was best for both of us. He stood up and leaned against the side of the tree trunk, dropping his gaze to my still seated position.

"Let's meet again one day, Kai. I'm sure we'll make beautiful music together."

I stood up wearily and took his small hand in mine once more, gripping it softly as my now tear-filled eyes gazed into his that smiled softly back at me. Even though he was about to finally pass into the awaiting afterlife, he still looked every last bit of a prince with his formal posture, attire and slight attitude to him.

Suddenly a quote from a book of Soobin's I had been reading back home popped into my mind and I felt compelled to reference it.

"Goodnight, sweet prince; And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest."

Beomgyu smiled at me, his own eyes now shimmering in the darkness at me with unspoken affection. He was lifting my hand up between us, placing his other hand over in front of himself and gave a very noble bow. My hand was brought up to his lips and he placed a gentle kiss upon the back of it.

He looked up at me and with one last little genuine smile, he slowly faded away from view in front of me. I blinked, letting two single tears glide down over my cheeks as I finally let him go. I walked forward on uneasy feet and leaned against the side of the tree trunk for a moment. I looked up at where I had placed the ring into the tree and noticed it wasn't glowing as much as it once had but something bright was catching my attention to my left. I lifted my head up to the stars and noticed one of them that we were staring at earlier now seemed to be shining more brightly than it had been.

Coincidence?

As I made a slow descent down the tree, something told me that it wasn't.

I stood upon the tree roots, feeling the acceptance of Beomgyu's death slowly start to seep into me. As much as it hurt, it no longer tore me up inside. Much like my grief for everyone else that had left me in my life, it only made my heart yearn more for those who I still had close to me. I looked over at the hotel, knowing Soobin was waiting for me and made my way back.

As I entered the foyer, I was once again met with Hobi who had just finished getting off a phone call behind the front counter.

"Eyy, Kai! How's your evening going?! Need anything?" he was so bright and eager to please that I could barely think of a response to the overwhelming amount of pure hope he put into me.

"Umm.. nothing at this stage! But I'll let you know if that changes" I smiled and turned on the spot until an idea came into my head, compelling me to turn back around.

"Actually.." Hobi now whipped his head back up to me in curiosity. "Does this hotel.. have a piano?"

He grinned at me "Not only does this hotel have a piano, but the very _room_ you're staying in also has one!"

I blinked at him "It.. does? I didn't see it.."

"It's hidden" he whispered and beckoned me over to him. I listened intently as he continued on "On the east wall, near the balcony, there's a small button. Push it and the piano will emerge from the wall."

I blinked at him again. I suppose... for a $100,000 per night stay, it almost _did_ seem plausible that such a feature existed.

"Okay.. I will keep an eye out for it then!"

The exuberant vampire winked at me and slapped me on the shoulder. I turned from him to start making my way back up to the room. My heart became fuller and fuller at the prospect of the oncoming hours. Soobin, as far as I knew, was still oblivious to the real reason we were staying here. It would only be another 6 hours or so until he would finally see it for himself.


	36. Good Morning, Sunshine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Slightly heavier sexual content which includes vampiric blood-kinks and erotic asphyxiation. (Because fuck it, why not? Let's have some fun during this final chapter, shall we?) Followed by an incredible amount of fluff, of course ^-^

I let myself into the hotel room, gently locking the door behind me and gazed across the massive mirrored panes of glass to see Soobin, still seated outside on the balcony. I took the guitar off my back and sat it against the wall and approached him, sliding the balcony door open to find he was intently listening to a live band of street musicians that had started up a short distance away.

He turned to me, lifting up a poured glass of blood for me. "Welcome back, my love."

I stepped forward to take the glass from him and took a seat at the table in the empty, wooden chair.

"Did you find a suitable place for Beomgyu's rest?" he asked as he swirled his glass around in intrigue.

I took a small sip from my own, letting the sweet, metallic liquid settle on my tongue "Yes. It was the perfect spot for him."

Soobin nodded with a smile, looking back out towards the horizon "I'm happy you were able to do that for him, Kai. You did a very noble deed. I'm proud of you."

He pressed a gentle smile my way and I took a further sip from my glass, turning my attention to the music playing in the distance. I could now make out the small band of 3 people playing under the street lights outside of a small restaurant. A pianist and vocalist, an accordion player and a violinist coming together to play a slow, dream-like French love song into the romance-filled air.

[La complainte de la butte](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqUazoCayx0&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=24)

"Do you understand the lyrics, Soobin?"

Soobin slowly nodded "Yes. It's a song about the very hill that this hotel is positioned upon, the highest point in all of Paris. It speaks of a poet having written a song for a stranger he met here and how they shared one moment in time together, but how he continues to long for her in the streets. A very bittersweet piece, but beautiful, nonetheless."

How uncanny, I thought to myself. It almost reminded me of Beomgyu's brief love for me, in a small way.

Soobin suddenly cleared his throat as he began translating the verses for me after they were sung.

_The moon all too fair_ _  
_ _In your russet-red hair_ _  
_ _Sets a sparkling crown_ _  
_ _The moon all too red_ _  
_ _With glory it spreads_ _  
_ _On your poor, tattered gown_ _  
_ _  
_ _The moon all too white_ _  
_ _Caresses the light_ _  
_ _In your world-weary eyes_ _  
_ _Princess of the street_ _  
_ _Do allow me to greet you_ _  
_ _My broken heart cries_

He turned back to me and blushed slightly at how intently I was now gazing at him.

"There's something incredibly attractive about you translating a French love song to me while in Paris, Soobin" I grinned, twisting my glass around in between my fingers as I eyed him longingly across the small table between us.

"Am I not equally as attractive at other points in time, Kai?" he smirked.

"Stop taking things out of context" I laughed. "Did you finish your book?" I looked around, not seeing it anymore.

"I did. It was written by a well-known landscape photographer from the early 1900s. He was explaining in great detail the varying stages of sunlight during the golden and blue hours and how they are most suited for some very captivating imagery. I found it both fascinating and informative, since, obviously.. sunlight is no longer an option for us."

I smiled secretly to myself for the umpteenth time that night. 6 hours was too long to wait until I could finally unveil my shining surprise for Soobin.

I noticed how peacefully he was gazing at the city before us, his eyes sparkling.

"Did you want to live here, Soobin?" I grinned at him.

He turned back to me, surprised but seemed thoughtful as a small smile crossed his pale features.

"It certainly is.. beautiful.." That wasn't a yes. But certainly not a no.

I smirked to myself, crossing one leg over the other as I sat back to look at him in thought.

"It would mean you'd have to change your surname again, wouldn't it? I mean.. you _could_ just take my surname, instead..." I trailed off, letting his mind put the pieces of my vague comment together.

He arched a dark eyebrow up at me with intrigue, his soft smile morphing into a cheerful grin.

"Is that.. a _marriage_ proposal you just extended to me, Mr Huening?" he said, almost laughing.

I kept smirking at him "I don't know... _is_ it?" I said teasingly as I casually threw the query back at him.

He looked at me openly before he laughed softly, breaking his gaze away from me with a small blush upon his pale cheeks.

"You must know, Kai, that in order to take _my_ hand in marriage, you would have needed both my parent's permission."

"Maybe we just need to make some new rules then" I smiled, but didn't press the somewhat serious subject any further, despite our light-hearted approach to it. However, to my surprise, Soobin continued.

"Perhaps I need to ask _your_ parents instead for the blessing. A visit to Jack's house might be in order after this excursion" he smirked to himself smugly and took a sip from his glass while I just sat there in disbelief. Did he actually want to be.. married?

Soobin had thrown an unexpected curveball at me through my teasing and all I could do was sit there and feel my cheeks become warm from the notion.

He stood up from having finished his glass of blood and walked back inside the room. I followed him, closing the sliding door behind me and watched as he placed his empty glass down upon the bookcase, looking around in what I presumed would have been the 1000th time since I was gone at the reflective glass.

"I don't suppose you know _why_ this room is made entirely of mirrored glass, do you, Kai? Did Yeonjun mention it at all?"

Yes, I do know the reason, Soobin. But for now, I'm going to have to give you a fake one to not spoil the surprise.

He turned around to me at my lack of a reply and, much to his shock, I bent down to scoop him up from his thighs and carried him over my shoulder to the bed, throwing him down onto it and grinned at him.

"It's so I can see you.. from all angles..." I dragged my eyes up and down his body as two roses of blush-pink bloomed upon his cheeks with my words.

6 hours was a long time to wait, but as I began unbuttoning my shirt in front of Soobin, I knew of a good way to spend those hours. How deeply _inappropriate_ it would have been to _not_ make love to him while in the city of romance.

**_~_ **

Our clothes lay abandoned upon the glass floor, the crisp white bedding of the hotel bed scrunched to resemble a white rose of ruffles from our movements upon it. Hmm.. too much movement, perhaps. I need you pinned in place, Soobin.

I ripped my hands away from holding his thighs and placed them into the bed above his broad shoulders, my wrists and forearms acting as two poles to stop him from moving up the mattress from every last thrust I gave him. The sudden shift to the pitch in his moans underneath me told me he heavily agreed with the slight adjustment I made.

His blunt fingernails were still managing to dig into my upper back, I could feel the marks he was leaving upon me, gladly accepting them as small trophies of my triumph over his increasingly lost sanity. I slowed, almost pulling out of him entirely, as much as he whimpered at me not to like a small child having their favourite toy taken off them.

"Shhhh.." I calmed him soothingly but he was desperate. I knew he had been close by the smeared wet warmth he left across my midsection between us. Not yet, Soobin. I want you completely lost to me. The past 18 months of being with him had made it evident to me that he liked it a particular way.

I dropped one of my hands, slipping it underneath him to angle his hips up more towards me, allowing a more direct hit against that special bundle of nerves inside of him that I couldn't keep myself away from. My hand moved like a snake across a hot desert and I coiled my fingers around his left thigh, pushing it upwards to lay against my chest.

I gazed down at him, he bit his lower lip at me now and gave me a knowing smirk. He knew what was coming, he knew I was about to give it to him _exactly_ how he liked it. I sunk myself back into him, the hot walls enveloping and sucking me inwards and I could feel a deep shiver rip its way up his entire body as I spared no empty space within him. I thrusted a deep, feral groan up into his throat as he clenched both his teeth and eyes closed.

" _Fuck_.." I couldn't keep the smirk off my face or the pulsing of my blood in my throbbing flesh from having made him curse like that. It was a very rare event, after all. I pulled back, leaving him empty and immediately fullagain in an instant. He almost ripped the skin from my back as I knew I was slowly awakening a primal need in him.

" _God_ , Kai.. you're so-" He couldn't even finish his sentence as my hips pinned him firmly into the mattress, watching as he squirmed around, an animal stuck on the end of a spear; helpless and begging for its life.

"I'm so... _what_ , Soobin?" I nipped at his jaw before sucking firmly at his neck, continuing to ease back and forth from inside of him like a sturdy wave against the hot shore, not giving him much spare room for coherent thought. It wasn't very kind of me, I knew that, but where's the fun in playing fair when you can be underhanded?

"Y-you're... _Ahh!_ -" I emptied him of all contemplated thought while I filled him once more with my palpitating need for him. I allowed him a small moment of respite as he looked down between us, dragging his glazed eyes over the increasingly adhesive mess he was making upon our abdomens. He loosely stuck his eyes to my face "You're so... well proportioned.."

I smirked at his choice of words and how they incited a small amount of pride in myself.

"Oh? Is _that_ why you keep me around then?" I teased him, my whispered words dripping into his ear and he let out a coy sort of half-giggle at me. "One of many reasons, Kai.."

I lessened the space between us, lowering my body closer to him and tested the flexibility of his leg now hanging over my shoulder and of course, he was as pliant as ever, like soft clay in my hands, giving and moving precisely how I wanted him to. My hips clapped against his repeatedly, a heavy applause in my ears for our performance. Soobin's head hung back, jaw slack and eyes rolling like a pair of dice across a table, but I was done playing games now.

He began chanting my name, growing louder and louder like a man possessed. That's it, Soobin. Let the whole damn establishment know who's responsible for pushing you to the point of no return.

His head rolled to the side and my eyes clasped onto the stiffened tendons on the side of his neck and my lips and tongue were drawn to it; spellbound. I wanted it. I wanted his sweet, red essence to splatter upon me along with the other hot and leaking bodily fluids that simmered between us.

"Let me suck you, Soobin.." I felt my teeth emerge and they scraped his skin. We had done this a few times in the past after I had drawn some rather useful information about blood-drinking from our more-experienced, blonde friend.

"Do it.." Soobin whimpered at me and without a further moment I bit down into his neck for a small moment, enough to break the skin to let the blood flow freely, but not long enough for my venom to enter his veins; a very precise and dangerous manoeuvre, but I had perfected it now.

I drank from his torn artery heavily, savouring every last drop as it filled me with a newfound desire and strength only found within drinking blood directly from the source. I pulled back, still holding myself deep within him as I let the bloodlust alter my endeavours. Every last bit of remorse left me and I gazed down at Soobin with my now red, pulsing eyes. A deep growl rumbled inside of me as I knew this was no longer about passionate lovemaking, I wanted to relentlessly _fuck_ him.

I forced a hand around Soobin's neck, choking him lightly, watching as his blood spilt forth over my fingertips and took a journey down the incredibly long length of his taunt chest.

"Nnngg... **_harder_** , Kai" he glared up at me, _demanding_ it from me.

His blood spilt forth now as my grip around his neck tightened, staining both the bed and his skin like a dripping, abandoned paintbrush left upon a blank canvas. What a beautiful fucking mess he was, drowning in his own blood and desire. I dipped my head down, licking the thick streams of crimson up with my tongue while I continuously buried myself within his arousing heat with complete abandon now. Soobin could barely make any noise in response, too overwhelmed from each and every plunge I gave him; stunned and dazed into almost complete silence. All he could do was draw air in but I allowed him no moment of exhale. My skin was beginning to boil to a dangerous point, my pores were small, swirling pools of lava as I began chasing my fevered end now, relishing in the tantalizing sopping sounds of myself becoming drenched inside of him from my fevered stimulation.

Soobin was suddenly gripping my hand away from his neck, bringing my wrist up to his needful mouth and he swiftly cut it open with the tips of his sharp teeth, now visible. He drank from me and I almost felt myself slip over the edge from watching him. His eyes were so _dirty_ as he gazed at me. I watched my blood drip from the corners of his soft lips, letting out a deliberate, ungentlemanly groan at me while he took me all the way in to my lower abdomen which clenched at the sinful sight of him before me.

Fuck... I was so close now. The stars that danced behind my eyes and the unreachable itchy, tingling between my shoulder blades told me so. I watched as Soobin's eyes turned their deadly red tone and he finally released my wrist from his mouth, staring up at me with a new destructive desire. He was gripping my upper arm and- ohgod.

He flipped me over onto my back with ease and climbed up onto my hips, sinking himself back down upon me and I shuddered violently under him from the fresh position and pleasure it offered. He leaned over me, sinking his weight onto my chest with his palms as he held me down now. He rode me, my hands clutching onto his slender hips for dear life as he wasted no inch of me, putting all of me to use within himself. His smirk above me was a jagged little rusty saw with my blood that still stained his mouth as he delighted in taking control of me now. As much as Soobin could be every last bit of a gentleman on the street, he was almost _disgustingly_ the opposite in bed when he wanted to be. He left me no choices now, all I could do was lie there under him and accept the firm, dampened slapping pressure to my hips and nerve.

His neck was still bleeding openly and droplets fell onto my face and into my open mouth, I savoured the taste of him like a parched pit of sand, desperate for moisture. His moans sank dangerously low now and I felt him tighten around me with an impossible force, his movements inconsistent. He was buckling, disintegrating as his sanity hung by a slither of a thread which was invisibly tied to my own; bound to each other's fate in a ferocious sea of red and white with our blood and-

It hit me, a sudden wet and hot smack to my collarbone and neck, slowly dripping down into every crevice in my shoulders and pectoral muscles as he found his release upon me; an animal now set free as he growled above me with abandon. But he didn't let up, he moved faster upon me, trying to drag me with him over that edge that he fell from. I looked up above him at the mirrored ceiling, watching the reflection of his body squirm around on top me through his blissful struggle and it was more than enough to shove me both deep into his clenching heat and out of my own mind as I knew it.

My long, loud moans bounced off every smooth, reflective surface in the room as I spilled into him endlessly; a broken tap gushing into a sink not big enough to hold my volume all as I leaked from him down onto my own thighs. He smirked at me, licking his still blood-stained lips and chin in dark satisfaction as he took all he could from me, milking me like the last vein of precious resource the core of the earth could offer a dying world; So. Utterly. _Drained_.

I gripped his toned arm, forcing him down to my lips and chewed at his own through my breathless gasps for air, eventually piercing his skin as I sucked more of his essence back, my tongue lashing at his, making him taste himself in a snowball of scarlet.

It almost _frightened_ me that I could tell Soobin wanted more. This hellish angel wasn't done dragging my body and mind through the clouds and fire yet. But...

I looked over to my left, eyeing up the sky outside, the time was getting close now.

Soobin gripped my chin and forced me to look back up at him "I know you still have more in you, Kai... Let me _fuck_ it out of you.."

God _,_ he was being so unashamedly _filthy_ tonight. I'm not sure if it was the blood consumption or the seductive atmosphere of Paris in general that was instilling it in him, but I had to ease him back. I closed my eyes for a moment and forced the feverish, primal lust to melt away from inside of me. I reopened my eyes to gaze more softly at him now and he noticed the shift in my disposition.

"Hmm.." he mused and now matched my smile with his own tenderness at the flick of a switch "Perhaps later on then, my love."

There it is, Soobin; your other half. I need him wide awake and poised for what's about to hit him.

He looked down at us both as if to wake up from a fever dream and blinked at the mess we had made, as if he'd never even noticed it through his various stages of lust.

"Oh, my.." he didn't know what to do "Anyone would think a murder took place here."

I grinned up at him "This hotel is run by _vampires_ , Soobin. I'm sure they see their fair share of blood on sheets."

"Hmm.. I do suppose you're right.." he finally rolled off of me and batted at me gently with a forgotten sheet, trying to soak up the liquids upon myself.

"I think this calls for a shower, Soobin" I laughed, knowing his attempts to clean us both wasn't going to work very well with just a square of white cotton.

He smiled at me, pushing his blood sodden fingers through my hair and offered a now gentle kiss against my cheek. "Will you join me?"

"Naturally" I grinned at him and watched as he lifted himself off the bed to make his way to the partially open door of the bathroom to the right of the bed.

I sat up and hung my legs over the edge of the mattress, watching the stars begin to slowly fade. This shower needed to be fast.

I joined Soobin, as I promised and we rid ourselves of our previous hours under the hot water. I was becoming excited now. I couldn't keep the grin off myself, and it was becoming harder to hide as Soobin began to question it. I _almost_ told him, but.. where's the fun in telling someone of their gift before they open it?

We walked back out into the main room, Soobin stopping to try and fix his hair in one of the _many_ reflections he had available to him. I tightened the towel around my waist and looked back out to the sky. It was a lavender-blue now and only growing lighter as the stars began to dim further.

Soobin now stood next to me as he looked at the sky.

"Oh, how pleasant. Seems the blue hour is upon us."

"The blue hour? I questioned.

"Yes, I read about it in my book earlier explaining the various angles of sunlight during both twilight and dusk. The blue hour comes before dawn and sunset. I imagine many aspiring and accomplished photographers are out there right now, capturing this sight."

I became conscious of the time. "How long does the blue hour last?"

"That varies upon the season. Since we're in Summer now, it will only last about 20 minutes, I imagine."

Only 20 more minutes. Or less, even, considering we were already in the middle of this 'blue hour' Soobin was describing.

I suddenly remembered what Hobi had told me downstairs about the hidden piano and I wandered over to the east wall near the balcony that he mentioned that button was. I scanned the reflective glass closely and finally saw a little square that was cut into the shape of a musical note. I grinned as I turned back to Soobin who was also wrapping a towel around his waist.

"Wanna see something amazing?"

He smiled at me, his eyes dropping to take in the sight of me before lifting them back up to my face. "I already do, Kai."

I laughed softly and turned back to the button, giving it a gentle push. Even though I knew what was coming, it still didn't stop the astonishment from covering my face as I watched two panes of glass separate and the floor from the inside of the wall began to move towards me.

I stepped back and looked over my shoulder at Soobin whose mouth was hanging open in surprise now. "What the devil.." he trailed off, walking over to my side to watch.

A grand piano emerged upon the moving floor tiles, it too, was made of reflective glass. Of course. What wasn't, at this stage?

The floor came to a halt and we just stared in amazement at the surreal-looking instrument.

"This place is just full of surprises..." Soobin mused as he circled the piano. "Did that lovely gentleman downstairs inform you of this?"

"Yeah..." I felt nervous now as I looked back out at the sky. The horizon in the distance had the smallest slither of orange to it. The very tip of the sun was almost upon us now. Our attention was then turned to a sudden voice coming from hidden speakers within the room.

"Valued guests of Aeternum Spes, gaze now at the oncoming dawn. May hope be with you, always."

Soobin turned to me, confused, then suddenly to the top of the windows and panic took him.

"... _No.._ No this can't be..!"

He was looking around frantically now for any sort of blinds or curtains, but of course, there were none to be found.

"It's okay, Soo-"

"I assure you it is very much _not_ okay, Kai! The dawn is here! We're trapped!"

He spun his head around to the door, starting in a sprint towards it in fear but I clutched his wrist firmly before he could part ways with me.

"Soobin, listen to me. It's alright."

"KAI, WE CANNOT LINGER HE-"

 _"Trust me,"_ I urged at him and he was at a loss within his deep fear and confusion for the situation. "But.. the... the sun.. Kai..."

I gently walked him back to stand before the glass doors of the balcony while he almost seemed to shiver under my hands.

"This place, Soobin. It's the only one of its kind in the world for vampires."

"W-what do you mean..?" he stared in terror at the blue and orange glow of the sky, mere minutes.. No.. seconds away from the sunrise now.

"The vampire who owns this place, spent close to 100 years developing a special kind of technology.. a.. _magic_ of sorts."

"Magic?"

"Every single piece of glass you see, both inside and out, have been treated with it. It.." I dropped my hand to clasp his within my own and made him look into my eyes.

"It stops the sunlight from harming us, Soobin."

His eyes flicked between mine, searching once more and I simply smiled at him in response. He couldn't speak as he slowly shook his head in bewildered disbelief.

He pulled his eyes away from my gaze and planted them back upon the sky. The blue hour was ending, and now...

The first striking rays of the sun hit Soobin directly in his eyes, he closed them immediately, as if he didn't trust it, bowing his head. I gently squeezed his hand, whispering to him "It's okay, Soobin. Open your eyes."

He slowly brought his head back up, peeling his lids open and I almost gasped out loud at the sight of the sun's rays meeting his irises and pupils. His eyes shone _amber_ within the light. His skin warmed with newfound melanin, his cheeks and lips a healthy rose-red.

Soobin looked down at himself, mesmerised by the sight of sunlight upon his skin and I watched as his mind gave up trying to argue the very surreal circumstance we were both in. His hand came up to his mouth, shaking his head as tears filled his eyes with the purest amount of life I had ever seen in them.

"Is this real?" he whimpered out, now stepping forward to press his large palm against the window. "Is this really..."

I smiled at him with all the warmth that my heart would allow, resting my head upon his shoulder as I, too, began to enjoy the feel and sight of the sunlight upon myself. It had only been 18 months for me since I had last seen it, but for Soobin...

"I... it.... It's been... over 200 years, Kai... 200 years since I-" he cried openly now, tears flooding his very human-looking cheeks, making him shine all the more brighter. I held him closely from the side as his body shook with the overwhelming amount of emotions that came pouring out of him with the dawn that had been absent from his existence for all those long years of darkness.

"I just-" he whimpered more, unable to speak any words of _any_ sense through the staggering sight before him. "I don't know what to say, Kai.. this is..."

I looked back over at the piano. As always, if words couldn't be spoken, music would say them for us.

I walked over to the instrument and sat down at the small seat behind it, watching the warm sunlight bounce off of it from every angle. I hovered my fingers over the keys for a moment, thinking about what to play. I had written many songs since I moved in with Soobin, but there was _one_ that was his personal favourite. I wrote it for us. For our memories. For our present. For our future.

[Our Summer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fWyczYxIcg&list=PLx3sQc7YekdEKLmw1FHlF8T4rw7jCVnM0&index=25)

I opened gently, the notes delicately bouncing from glass wall to glass wall, much like the sunlight was beginning to. I knew the song by heart, so I lifted my gaze to keep it upon Soobin. The sun rose higher in the sky now, touching every last surface of the city and himself. He looked up and around, noticing the sunlight reached _everywhere_ within the room with the mirrored walls and all came bouncing back to him. He cried further, impossibly thankful, enormously exhilarated. His eyes shimmered, glowing with the light of the sun as he just held both of his hands over his heart as if to greet a very old, dear friend once more that he thought was forever lost. The sight of him pulled at my heartstrings as my own eyes filled with tears of happiness for his once-impossible reunion with the sunlight.

Do you remember, Soobin? When I first came to see you all those months ago in your dark, spectacular house, and the Spring dawn I had brought you then with my music? The sunlight I had painted for you. For this moment in time, you no longer have to imagine it. Bathe now, in its tangible, healing waves of light. Your soul deserves this more than _anyone_.

We watched through watery eyes as the colours of the dawn changed minute by minute. From shades of blue to purple to red to gold and then.. back to blue as the sun now sat high in the sky. The dawn had completed its full cycle of glorious colours as Soobin was left standing in an endless sea of _blue_ with the sky's reflection upon each and every surface. He looked like an angel floating in the heavens.

I closed the song and he looked at me, still at his wits end of incomprehension. I stood up and approached him, joining him as we both just looked around ourselves in the immense azure sky that surrounded us from every last angle.

"I... thank you for this, Kai... You have no idea how much my soul has yearned for this over my long years.." he shook his head again for the 100th time, his tears never ending with gratitude. I brought a hand up to wipe them away and kissed each of his cheeks for a long moment in time, his skin was so _warm_ , sunkissed and alive.

"You look... so very beautiful in the sunlight, Kai.." his eyes moved over my face, tracing every edge.

"Am I not equally as attractive at other points in time, Soobin?" I smirked, mimicking his own words from the previous night back at him.

He laughed warmly and seemed to stare at me then with such a different intent. He was hesitant but confident in the same instant. "Oh to _hell_ with the formalities!"

My eyes grew wide as he was suddenly lowering himself down upon one bended knee, taking my hand in his.

.... What... what is he...

"I have nothing to give you but my life and love, but all of it.. has come from you. You have given me a new world, a new existence, a _purpose_ for lingering as long as I have. I thought I lost you multiple times, but you've always come back. Stuck to me like... like _chewing gum_ , almost. But now... I ask you... Kai Kamal Huening..."

I was choking with tears now, my empty hand covering my mouth as he became almost a watery mess in front of me. I blinked the tears away feeling the warmth of them run down over my fingers.

"Will you be my sunshine forever.. in marriage?"

I could have sworn I felt my heart beating once more inside of me. My smile extended as wide as the sunlit horizon before us. I gripped his hand and brought Soobin back up to his feet.

"Eternally, Soobin."

He swept me up against himself, tilting his head around ever so slightly to place such a complete and longing kiss against my lips and I returned it with every last fibre of myself, mind, heart and soul. Soobin pulled back after a long moment and stared into my eyes with the tears that still sat there and pressed his forehead into mine as he held me close to himself. This really _did_ feel like we were standing in heaven together.

"I promise I'll place something upon here after we return home, Kai" he said as he traced the circumference of my left ring finger. "I hadn't expected any of this. But.. what other moment would have been more perfect than to propose to you in the sunlight?"

He was right. There likely wouldn't have been a more opportune moment in time. Thank you for giving us this experience, Junnie.

"I wonder what Yeonjun will think when we tell him.." I grinned at Soobin and he laughed.

"I imagine he will be utterly _beside_ himself with joy. He will most likely want to be responsible for our wedding attire.."

 _Of course_ he would. Junnie wouldn't want anyone else befitted for the task of dressing us both for such an occasion.

"Jack will want to play his bagpipes at the wedding, I just know it.." I giggled at the thought and the sheer amount of excitement for the special day.

Soobin wrapped his arms around me, holding me close as his eyes never left mine within the baby blue skies around us.

"Good morning, sunshine" he whispered tenderly to me.

I smiled and cupped his face within my warm hands, keeping my forehead pressed into his own as we basked in the magical rays of the sun. Even though it didn't harm us, I could have melted, regardless.

Through all the harrowing and terrible hours we had both experienced through our existences, we had both, finally shed ourselves of _every_ last piece of it to start a brand new day together in the sunlight.

Because, as they say- it's always the darkest before the dawn.

_**The End.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Further authors notes will be uploaded in a few days. I'm taking a small vacation within my own country. I will be back to go deeper into some secret meanings/easter eggs within this story. Thank you for reading. It's been a pleasure.


	37. Author's Notes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this took many hours. If you loved the story, I would also appreciate it if you read these notes. It will hopefully open your eyes to many, many hidden meanings within this AU.

I felt the need to make some extensive notes about this story. The more I progressed into it in the early stages of Soobin's POV in 'Mad World', the greater its meaning and my purpose for writing it became not just out of a bit of fun trying to write my very first Tomorrow x Together AU/fic, but it slowly morphed into a very personal reason, _especially_ when the time came for me to start 'New World'.

As most of you may have noticed, music in this story is almost a main character in itself. It is the very reason why Soobin and Kai's characters even met. Their love for it was the reason their own love for each other even happened.

There are some _entire_ scenes in this story that were inspired by a single song.

For example- the pivotal moment of Soobin telling Kai he's a vampire and the complete emotional breakdown that Kai has in response was inspired by Beyonce's 'Crazy In Love- _Remix_ '. Not the original, but the Remix in particular. It's much slower and _much_ darker. I basically had it on repeat while writing that chapter from both POVs and it really helped shape that scene in my head.

[Crazy In Love (Remix)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JxMZPdZLehs)

I listened to Marilyn Manson's 'If I Was Your Vampire' a lot while writing the kidnapping scenes of Kai and Soobin by Taehyun and Beomgyu. It really helped me get into their heads and the secret darknesses that reside within both of them, but particularly what's going through Beomgyu's head for that entire scene from start to finish. Yes, I know Marilyn Manson is known as controversial to most, but as a matter of personal opinion, if you look past his eye-opening stunts and physical appearance, he is a musical _genius_. His lyrics and hidden purposes in his songs are amazingly enriching if you only open your mind to them and be more perceptive.

[If I Was Your Vampire](https://youtu.be/7Dp2qZAZPfQ)

Yeonjun's character, as fun as he was to write, I had always planned from the very beginning that he was to be an incredibly layered character with a lot of darkness in his past, hidden under a sarcastic, light-hearted front. 'After Hours' by The Weeknd is a song I drew an _awful_ lot from its lyrics to assist me in creating his backstory about his once deep love for Soobin and his guilt revolving around turning him. I can no longer listen to the song without associating it with the Yeonjun I created.

[After Hours](https://youtu.be/ygTZZpVkmKg)

His character is one of my favourites in this story, and I think is a personal favourite of most of my readers. I very much made him into a sort of 'anti-hero'. He's cocky, he's a smart-ass, he's flirtatious, he likes people to think he doesn't really care but underneath it all, he has an _incredibly_ strong moral backbone. He has suffered a lot, through his own doing, just trying to help people, trying to make a difference. He is _the_ most resilient person in this entire story- and that is an exact reflection of how I see the _actual_ Yeonjun.

He was with Big Hit for 5 years (I believe) before he debuted; their Legendary Trainee. He trained the longest and hardest. He _fought_ his way to be to where he is now, despite setbacks, he stuck with it. As the Yeonjun in my story said in his scene with Taehyun when he came back from the dead "Precision is nothing against pure, unrestrained _willpower_." TXTs Yeonjun perfected himself to be the artist that he is today through unbreakable willpower. And it is that _exact_ kind of resilience to hardships that I mirrored into this Yeonjun in my story. Their souls are identical. Well, as identical as I feel I could make them. I won't be as arrogant to say that I know the real Yeonjun as well as I think I do, but I feel I understand his mental fortitude enough to come to a sort of rough conclusion on what makes him tick. He loves a challenge and nothing will stop him from pushing forward, even if that means failure- we _all_ know he will just stand back up again and keep going. That is our 4th Gen It Boy, after all. And that is the Legendary Vampire Yeonjun.

As for Soobin's character, I actually drew a lot from some Billie Eilish songs to help build upon his mind. Particularly 'When the party's over' and 'Lovely'. Both songs are _incredibly_ introspective and self-loathing, which of course, is Soobin in this story all over. As it's stated in the later chapters, Soobin reveals that he has battled with Anxiety for almost his entire existence and I felt it very important to actually refer to it as 'Anxiety' and not just the effects of someone having lived for so long that they ended up miserable from a supernatural occurrence. Soobin had his anxiety _before_ he was turned- a human ailment that persisted into his immortal existence.

Mental illness is something that we do not address enough. Anxiety is something that I used to deal with and still do occasionally. Because I have personal experiences with it, it was almost second-nature to be able to put that into Soobin's character. As I covered in his conversation with Kai, and Kai's thoughts about it- Anxiety makes you live half a life. It stops you from making brave decisions because you are too worried about the results. You think you will fail so you don't bother. It can stop you from living the life you always wanted. And that's why Soobin spent over 200 years in solitude in a state of unchanging. He was too scared to move. With every action, there is a reaction- and its the reaction that he feared; the fallout.

As subtle as it may have been to the reader (which is why I'm bothering to write these author's notes)- Soobin _still_ dealt with his anxiety even after finally ending up in his far-fetched relationship with Kai. Because this is the reality of mental illness. A person cannot fix it or take it away from you entirely. They can _help_ \- but it is up to the person who is plagued by it to fight it and win over it. Even though Soobin never truly shook his anxiety off, he ended up with someone who at least _understood_ his anxiety and, most importantly, accepted it as a part of himself; he ended up with someone who loved him, wholeheartedly, _regardless_. Again, speaking from personal experience, mental illnesses are always easier to deal with if you have people close to you that understand and accept it.

Jack's character was essential. Just like Soobin had Yeonjun to help him, Kai had Jack do the same. Runs in the family blood. He was a lot of fun to write, slowly developing him from a grumpy old man to one of the strongest shoulders Kai would have to lean on in his life. I mean.. He's still a grumpy old man, but, just like Yeonjun, underneath it all, is incredibly resilient and experienced with hardships to be able to share his wisdom with a breaking heart. He helped build and raise Kai into the person he is in this story. He is the embodiment of the parental guidance I had as a child; a firm hand but a soft heart when it was _needed_. And most importantly- an acceptance for who you are and your life choices. As Jack said, as long as you're happy, a parent shouldn't care _what_ you are.

I won't go too deeply into Taehyun and Beomgyu and the main reason for this is because I'm _contemplating_ writing their part of the story. I have their entire backstories already in my head and partially on paper, but because I pride myself on being a decent 1st person POV writer, and because these characters are both dead, it doesn't make sense to write it in past tense from 1st person. Because they're not even alive anymore to write that story for themselves. I'm truly terrible at writing in 3rd person. That's not to say that I won't _try_ , but... for the meantime, I make no promises. It's just a personal matter of me questioning my own ability ^-^ I'm very hard on myself and I like my work to be as close to perfection as it can be. So basically, if I delve into Taehyun and Beomgyu deeper here, it would just spoil any potential future works revolving around this main storyline. In the meantime, they will remain something of a mystery. All I will say is that there's a very good reason Kai thinks of Beomgyu as a prince. As for Taehyun, the only light I'm willing to shed is about that eye implant of his.

I won't discuss here _why_ he chose to have it, but for those of you who follow the Tomorrow x Together universe, Taehyun's special 'feature' or body part is an eye. There are many theories floating around out there as to why he has a special eye (don't get me started on my own theories, or else I will be writing forever.). But it felt right, at several points in time, to reference the TU. I will go into further detail about this later in the notes.

Yoongi.

**_LISTEN_**.

I know this is a Tomorrow x Together AU, but Min Yoongi just never leaves my fucking brain. That man...

He's a genius with his music. An absolute genius. He inspires me daily. Every second of the day. He is what I like to call my 'musical soulmate'. We are _both_ musicians and we are both musicians for the _exact_ same reason. It's not for recognition, fame or money. He understands the true essence of music, its impact. He is an artist with the same moral ground as I. He just wants to bring stories to people, not only to heal people but to help them _understand._ To open up your eyes. It is that reason I put him in as a cameo appearance. Not a main character at all, but his purpose is pivotal. He helps Kai understand the importance of music in a very raw sense.

HOBI. BTS's sunshine. His cameo wasn't as important as Yoongi's, but still meaningful. The hotel Soobin and Kai end up in _had_ to have been owned and run by Hobi. The purpose of the place was so that vampires have the opportunity to be able to enjoy sunlight again. To give them _hope_ that it's not just darkness a vampire has to be surrounded by. The name of the hotel _Aeternum Spes_ is Latin for "Eternal Hope"- a homage to Hobi as a person and what he as an artist wants to give to people- the very same purpose he has in this story.

Kai. Well.. there's an awful lot to say here, but I will try to condense it as much as I can. Even though I wrote 'Mad World' first, Soobin isn't actually the main character in this story, it's always been Kai. As much as Soobin may initially appear as a very deep and complex character, Kai's complexities go even further. Now that I've finished both sides of the story, Soobin is very black and white, despite his deep mind, but Kai's character is an amalgamation of many things.

One of these things is, in fact, myself. I put bits and pieces of myself into Soobin's character, but definitely not as much as I put into Kai. There are many parts of Kai's past and personality that have come from my own happenings. Working in a music store (which I still do), dealing with grief, dealing with past abuse, dealing with feeling like you're cursed whenever things that make you happy get taken away from you and being _too_ brave sometimes. But apart from all of that, the one thing I put into Kai's character that I took from both myself -and- Hueningkai, as an artist, was the understanding of music and empathy. Hueningkai seems very gifted with his incredible amount of empathy towards people. He's very perceptive to a lot of underlying things even though it might not be obvious to a lot of people, it's obvious to me. I've always felt like I've been able to see underneath the layer of him that sits on top. I can tell there's an awful lot of depth to him that he doesn't let on about. I added those layers to him in this story and, as said, layers of myself too. As a combination of the two, I think he's come out to be a very well-built character with an awful lot of growth to him over the course of this story.

But really, what makes Kai's character truly stand out against the rest is again, going back to the empathy he has. It's because of his empathy, that _most_ things take place. He had empathy for Soobin when he looked uncomfortable around him the first time they met outside his house, which in turn, led to a conversation and the beginnings of that relationship. He had empathy for Jack, which stopped him from wanting to be turned into a vampire so quickly, which in turn, led to him being captured by Taehyun and Beomgyu. He had empathy for Beomgyu, which led to his soul being split and Beomgyu's haunting over him. He had empathy for the live rabbit he was very close to killing, because he recognized his empathy for Soobin through it, which put a halt to his consuming bloodlust. And he also had empathy for Yeonjun, which really opened up the whole feeling of 'family' between them all, connecting Yeonjun with Jack, bringing both sides of the story together. Kai glued everything and everyone.

It's Kai's kind heart, despite his hardships that really pushed this story in the directions it went. As for Hueningkai as a person, it is his kind heart that really stands out to me the most. It was that quality about him that I instilled into my version of Kai.

I will now list off some easter eggs/hidden meanings that might require further detail that couldn't be included in the story at the time.

**\- The Black Swan** : I've mentioned it before as a chapter note, but The Black Swan is homage to BTS's song- their best song, in my humble opinion. If you still haven't looked up the meaning of it, what are you doing? Not only is it homage to a group that I greatly respect, but Black Swan's meaning is a strong yet underlying theme within New World and Mad World. Black Swan is about the fear of losing your passion and dying inside because of it. Music was _all_ Soobin clung to throughout his years, and likewise for Kai. If _both_ Soobin and Kai had lost their passion for music, they never would have happened. The song has great personal meaning to me. Throughout my own life, there were _several_ points in time where music was literally all I had to keep me going. If I had lost it, I guarantee I wouldn't be here to have written this story. I owe music my whole life.

**\- (Song) Mad World** : Mad World was one of the very first songs I _ever_ sang in front of anyone. I used to have a lot of stage fright when it came to singing. A friend of mine began playing it on the piano in the music hall of my high school and he told me to sing it. It was only after he told me he thought I had a good voice, did I buck up the courage to keep singing publically instead of just playing instruments.

**\- Soobin's handkerchief and locket of his mother** : Soobin has mentioned that his mother is an angel once. I believe he said it on Weverse. I took that close relationship and included it in this. Even though his family is all dead in this story, he still clings to his mother's comfort.

**\- Cats hating Soobin** : Two reasons, 1- Soobin loves dogs. 2- If I were to compare Soobin to either a cat or a dog, I think his personality suits a dog better than a cat. Even though he _lives_ mostly like a cat, solitary and antisocial, underneath, he has very dog-like tendencies that he doesn't realize. He is loyal. He always wants to please. He does everything he can to protect. He secretly longs for companionship. Cats pick up on this in this story and therefore, hate him because they don't see him as their own kind.

**\- Blood/blood-drinking and bloodlust explained** : So you may have noticed that when the characters drink blood from being poured out of a blood bag, there is no bloodlust present. This is because, in this story, if the blood is not coming out of the vein of something, it's technically 'dead' blood and not 'alive'. It has gone stale and lacks the certain warmth and raw essence and flavour it does when it's still inside of something that is living. This is why Kai struggles with bloodlust while drinking from rabbits and also why bloodlust starts to take hold of him when Yeonjun rips the back of Jack's hand open with the needle. It's _fresh_ blood. As for drinking the blood of _another_ vampire, though the blood is _technically_ dead, it's still alive, but at a much lesser rate than a human or animal. What happens to the blood of a vampire when they are turned, is that it is frozen. The heart no longer beats, therefore it doesn't _pump_ through the body, it sits still like a lake. But because vampires tendons and muscles still work and are supernaturally strengthened, blood _thickens_ in the vein and flesh, instead of rushing. This in part explains why vampires are still able to blush and be sexually stimulated. Another thing I feel I should mention is the difference in taste between Soobin's blood and Yeonjun's blood when Kai is given it to turn. He describes Soobin's blood as sweet and Yeonjun's blood as sour. The reason for this is, again, in this story, the taste of someone's blood vastly has a lot to do with how 'pure' a person's soul is. Since Soobin is likely the purest out of anyone in this story, his blood is sweet; untainted. Yeonjun's, however, has an almost bitter taste to it, due to his dark past of hunting humans, unashamedly.

**\- Soobin's velvet coat:** I own a red velvet coat that I wear during autumn and winter. I _never_ leave the house without it and it took me a long time to realize that I did this until someone pointed it out to me. A velvet coat was one of the very first things that I decided to add to Soobin's character (they are _incredibly_ soft and comfortable, I assure you.)

**\- (Song) Can't Help Falling In Love With You:** When I was in the early stages of writing Mad World, I had spent most of one day researching songs I could use that Kai would play for Soobin. I was tentative on this one in particular because I thought maybe I could find something better. I left my writing for the day and went out with a friend that night. We went to an open mic night at a musician's club in my own city (the exact same kinda place as The Black Swan), and at the very end, a young woman sang this song. I thought it was destined. It made me think I was _meant_ to use that song, just as the lyrics from it suggest "somethings are meant to be." I felt a lot more purpose in writing this story after that night.

**\- Soobin's hearing** : Although all vampires have heightened senses, Soobin's hearing is the best out of everyone's, for two reasons. He has spent so much time in quiet solitude that he has honed it even further than other vampires. Because he surrounds himself with much less noise, apart from music, his hearing is heightened even further. It's why he is able to tune a piano just by ear without needing any equipment. The other reason is to do with the TU. Soobin's special body part is his ears.

**\- The biting of Kai's lip:** Well, it's less about the biting of it and more about the motion of Kai wiping it away with his finger. It has been confirmed that during the choreography for 'Can't You See Me?', during the chorus, the segment where they're pushing their fingers along their lower lip is meant to represent wiping the blood away after a fight. So I felt it fitting to have it so Kai was wiping it away with his finger in such a manner instead of any other way.

**\- Yeonjun calling Soobin 'baby':** Yeonjun often calls Soobin 'baby' as a nickname. I believe it's been said a few times over Vlive and perhaps during TO DO? It felt fitting to include this nickname in this story. He also refers to Kai as 'baby' too. As Yeonjun briefly mentioned, turning a human into a vampire, from the maker's point of few, is almost like parenthood. You are bringing them into the new world. You feel somewhat responsible for their existence. They are, almost, the vampire's child, in a way. This is also the reason he calls Soobin and Kai 'baby'.

**\- Soobin's address:** 4319 Choi Avenue. The numbers are Tomorrow x Together's debut date. 4th March 2019.

**\- Use of the words 'save me':** The words 'save me' have been incredibly prevalent in Tomorrow x Together's songs. They are present in Crown, Can't You See Me?, Puma and Eternally. I heavily believe it has something to do with their universe/story. I used the phrase several times throughout this story, especially coming from Kai. Beomgyu also says them during one of his memories he shows Kai. As much as I have my own theories about why it's used in their songs and TU, Mad World/New World are very much stories about saving yourself and others, it felt right to use the phrase at several points in time because it's yet another link to the TU that fitted well with my own stories.

**\- 'Bubble of heaven':** Both Soobin and Kai have referred to their existence together a few times as being inside their own little 'bubble' of heaven together throughout the story, particularly towards the later chapters when they're officially an item. I mostly took this idea from the Eternally MV in which Soobin sees a child version of Kai inside a bubble-type atmosphere.

**\- Beomgyu's thighs:** I mean.. Do I really need to explain this one? It's a well-known fact that Beomgyu has strong thighs, I felt it fitting to include that when he pins Soobin down with them.

**\- The sound of Kai's neck being bitten:** When Soobin describes the sound of Taehyun biting into Kai's neck when he tries to kill him, he said it sounded like a tomato being squeezed and bursting. I took this from the 'Can't You See Me?' MV, in which Yeonjun is seen bursting a tomato in his hand- representing the spilling of blood.

**\- Animal names:** I also felt it fitting for everyone, at some point in time, to be referred to by their animal-related names. Kai thinks of Soobin as a rabbit because of the shape of his mouth. Beomgyu also calls Soobin a rabbit. Kai once thought of Beomgyu as a teddy-bear. Yeonjun calls Taehyun a squirrel. Both Soobin and Kai have thought of Yeonjun as a fox. And Yeonjun calls Kai a 'Unicorn of the vampire world'.

**\- Kai's plush rabbit toy:** As many people might suspect, the stuffed rabbit plush he looks at in his room with lips that remind him of Soobin's, is actually 'Molang'- one of Hueningkai's favourites. How could I _not_ include it?!

**\- The scent of Jack's cologne:** So the bottle of cologne that Jack lends to Kai is the scent of a candle that I always had burning while I was writing. It's called 'Wild Forest' and is a sort of musky, wood fragrance. It's my favourite scent in the whole wide world and it inspired me to include it in the story. It's heavenly. Really. I become damn near intoxicated by the tiniest scent of it lol.

**\- Character's sexual orientation:** To clear up any misconceptions, both Kai and Yeonjun are openly bisexual in this. Soobin, however.. Well he's just completely gay. Beomgyu and Taehyun... that's not something I will elaborate on at this point in time.

**\- (Song) Moonlight Sonata- 1st movement:** This is one of the first intermediate songs I learned how to play on piano and it's one of my favourites to perform to an audience. I never get tired of it so I wanted to include it.

**\- (Song) Spring- 1st movement:** Another song I enjoy performing live, though I play it on violin instead of piano. It was the song my music teacher really pushed me to perfect in 'storytelling' and 'world-building' while playing music. This song inspired the entire scene of Kai going to Soobin's house.

**\- Kai 'flying too close to the sun':** For those who may not have picked it up, this is a reference to the story of Icarus. He is a Greek mythological figure in which he tries to escape the island of Crete with his father. His father makes wings for him out of wax and feathers. He warns him not to fly too close to the sun, or it will melt the wax on his wings and he will drown in the sea below him. Icarus ignores his father and his wings do end up melting, causing his death by the sea. Basically, it's an idiom for not being over-ambitious; to find balance. Kai struggles with this during this story. His confidence gets him into some terrible situations, mostly revolving around the thought of losing Soobin through asking too much of him or putting them both into situations that are dire.

**\- Jack's mothers saying:** "If you love something, let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it." I used to have these words hung up on my bedroom wall as a child and they've always helped me with the various relationships in my life. Again, another personal piece of my own life I included in this.

**\- Kai's reference to the 'end of a chapter of his life':** Kai thinks to himself when he leaves Jack's store for the very last time that he feels like his old life has ended with Soobin's unveiling of himself. He mentions the next chapter of his life could be one of Eternity (immortality). Of course, it's a reference to the album- The Dream Chapter: Eternity.

**\- Soobin wanting to be a language teacher:** I believe Soobin has mentioned it several times before, if he weren't an artist in Tomorrow x Together, he would have liked to have been a language teacher of some kind.

**\- Geographical location of the story:** I've been vague about it from the beginning, but as most of you found out towards the later chapters, this story is set in England. Soobin was born and raised there. Yeonjun is of Scottish descent, though moved to England eventually. As it was mentioned, Kai moved to England from America when he was adopted. The exact location within England is a town by the name of 'Camberley'- approximately 50km from London, with a population of around 40,000 people. It's a lovely little town, consisting of mostly older-style, red brick houses and lots of greenery/parks surrounding it.

**\- Beomgyu's knife:** The certain knife I refer to in this story is in fact called a 'push dagger'. Their length and design is used for close-combat, specializing in piercing arteries quickly and efficiently- especially in the back of someone's neck to cut the brain from the spinal cord.

**\- Kai's turning:** As I briefly touched on during the 'Goodnight, Sweet Prince' chapters, what happened to Kai while he was turning was purely what his soul was going through. The Angel he meets isn't just _any_ angel, but he is the Archangel- Michael. This Angel is known in many religions as the leader of God's armies against Hell's forces. He is known for wielding a sword and in the Book of Revelation- defeats Satan. Although Satan doesn't make an appearance in this story, the 'Nosferatu' character subtly represents him- but in a Vampiric essence. Nosferatu is one of a few names for the first vampire, more commonly known as Dracula. When this creature tries to kill Kai by trying to burst his heart open, light appears from Kai's chest instead. This signifies that Kai actually has a pure heart and doesn't belong in Hell, but, because of his sins towards Beomgyu, he doesn't belong in Heaven either. It's a stalemate between the two. When the two beings clash and explode, Kai breathes their essences into his soul, becoming an entity of both, representing one half of him being pure and the other sinful. I had always planned to do this based on an interesting fact about Tomorrow x Together's universe. If you watch the Angel or Devil MV, you will notice that Hueningkai, at several points in time, is depicted as _both_. He is seen with both angel wings _and_ devil horns at the same time. There are several other subtle clues throughout some of their other songs that also suggest that Hueningkai is not as innocent as he seems- whether or not he actually _knows_ this though, I think is still unclear. The lyrics in Angel or Devil "two voices, too noisy" sung by Hueningkai depict him being able to hear the two voices in his head from a dark side and a light side, feeling like he's being split in two- just like I've included in this story.

[Angel Or Devil MV](https://youtu.be/cfm97EKin4c)

**\- Nosferatu's 5 attributes:** The 5 attributes that the Nosferatu offer Kai are different body parts. Ears, horns, shoulder spikes, an eye and wings. All 5 of these attributes are the 5 special attributes that Tomorrow x Together are gifted/cursed(?) within their universe.

**\- Kai's awakening:** When Kai awakens as a vampire, I drew from an entire verse within Crown to inspire his sudden onset of bloodlust:

_My body must have gone mad_

_There's a horn coming out of my head_

_What do I do? I don't know how to stop it_

_Oh, I'm the only bad thing in this world_

_Save me, maybe I have turned into a monster_

_Got no one but you_

What this verse represents in this story is Kai's bloodlust that he doesn't understand and he thinks that he's lost himself to his darker side. The "Got no one but you" signifies that in this new, dark world, the only person he has at that specific moment in time to save him, is Soobin.

**\- Kai thinking Yeonjun is youthful:** I think this should be obvious, it's a nudge towards Yeonjun being the 'fake maknae' because he sometimes doesn't act his age, being the oldest.

**\- Yeonjun calling Kai a 'little Yeonjun':** Another obvious easter egg. It's always been known that Yeonjun thinks of Hueningkai as a 'little Yeonjun' or more commonly known as 'The Yeonjuneez.' I believe this is mostly because they both have the same personality type. Their personalities are similar in the story too, but Yeonjun is obviously more refined in his personality, while Kai is still somewhat breaking into his still. But he does become more and more cunning as the story progresses.

**\- Yeonjun's curse:** I drew from Tomorrow x Together's universe again with this one. In the Eternally MV, we see a few times, once from Yeonjun's own eyes and once through Taehyun's, that Yeonjun keeps dying for some reason. Almost like he's cursed. So I put my own curse upon him in this story, only it was the continuous death of his family, instead of himself.

**\- Yeonjun's little brothers:** The reason I made it so Yeonjun had 4 little brothers who died is because Yeonjun is an only child, but found a family of little brothers within Tomorrow x Together, and found his own family within Soobin and Kai, in this story.

**\- Kai's eye colour:** When Kai is turned, his eyes become lavender/purple. This is because he was turned by both Soobin _and_ Yeonjun. The colour purple is made from mixing red and blue together and these colours are representations of the 'colours' of Soobin's and Yeonjun's souls. Soobin's soul is blue- which represents calmness and loyalty. Yeonjun's soul is red- representing passion and hunger. Combined? Kai's purple vampiric eyes.

**\- Yeonjun's hair:** Yeonjun comments on Kai's hair being fluffy and that he wishes his 'dead strands' were more alive. This is a bit of a joke towards Yeonjun's hair being constantly bleached and dyed different colours throughout their various comebacks- this kills your hair over time.

**\- Kai seeing black swans on a pond:** While Soobin and Kai are returning home from Yeonjun's house after Kai being turned, he stops at the side of a pond and sees 7 black swans in the distance, realizing that they're a family and how it reminds him of his own. This is a subtle nod towards Tomorrow x Together seeing the family that BTS are as 7 and how it inspires them with their own teamwork/family orientation with each other.

**\- Yeonjun referring to himself as 'Number 1':** As a trainee, Yeonjun would ask the other trainees to look at the trainee rankings and Yeonjun was usually always at the top. He never hesitated in asking others who the number 1 spot in all positions was, as an opportunity to boast about his talents. When Yeonjun wins the race against Kai in the forest on the way to Jack's house, he asks him the same question.

**\- Jack/Yeonjun's family tartan and Coat of Arms:** I'm not sure how many of my readers are familiar with Scottish culture, but each family house in Scotland, represented by their surnames, have a unique tartan pattern (which was usually worn as a woolen kilt and upper body sash across the chest) to represent their family. A 'Coat of Arms' is also something that represents the family name. Yeonjun wears a metal brooch of it on his tartan beret. It usually consists of several attributes in the form of symbols. Stars, swords, leaves, trees, animals, pieces of armor etc. Yeonjun was born under the name 'Wilson' in Scotland which carried onto Jack. Although Yeonjun never confirms that his surname is still Wilson, it is his original surname.

**\- Yeonjun's confessions:** During the scene between Jack, Yeonjun and Kai and their confessions, Yeonjun starts one of his sentences off with the words "I told ya". I took this from the start of his rap verse in Puma. It's a nod to Yeonjun's ability to spit facts through his rapping. Yeonjun is also, constantly, telling raw truths throughout this story. That is, after all, what a real rapper tries to accomplish through his words. Even though Yeonjun hides _many_ things in this story, whenever he finally unveils them, he holds nothing back and characters are left in a state of being unable to deny or argue the truth in his words. Much like artists could _never_ clap back at Yeonjun's rap.

**\- Soobin's reliability in Kai:** There are several points during the story where Kai asks Soobin to 'trust' him because Soobin doubts himself. This really comes down to the unique and special relationship that Hueningkai and Soobin have as friends in Tomorrow x Together. See, even though Soobin is the older out of the two, Hueningkai looks after Soobin the most. During Tomorrow x Together's US showcase, Soobin wasn't feeling well, but mentioned that thanks to Hueningkai's constant reassuring gaze at him, being held by him and telling him jokes, he began to enjoy the performance and gain some strength back through him. When they also won their first Rookie award, Soobin was too caught up in tears to speak, so he automatically handed the microphone to Hueningkai to speak for him. And Hueningkai was also there for Soobin when he had his first MC experience for Music Bank recently. His purpose of encouraging Soobin was very present there too. You can see it plain as day. I tried to embody this special encouraging/nurturing nature in Hueningkai during the scene in this story where Kai invites Soobin up on stage to perform with him, and Kai thinks to himself that he will always be there for Soobin to help him through moments of uncertainty. Both versions of Soobin worry to a point about things, but also, both versions of Kai stand tall next to Soobin to support him whenever he thinks he's going to fall. It's an incredibly mature aspect of him and I have an amazing amount of respect for him for it, especially considering he is the youngest. He has a very matured emotional and mental sense to him that I feel is often overlooked under the 'maknae' title. This is what I mean when I said earlier that there are _many_ layers to him. This is one of them.

**\- (Song) Circles:** About a month before I began the Goodnight, Sweet Prince chapters, I was trying to decide on a song that I could use to really embody the whole Beomkai situation. While on my way to work, this song came on in my car and I listened to it closely, especially considering it's a Post Malone song (one of Beomgyu's favourite artists) and it turned out to be perfect. A while later, I saw an interview online of Beomgyu saying that he puts this song on repeat. So that was... creepy. It _had_ to be used!

**\- Kai's 'devil' wing:** When Kai is in the bathroom during the storm and lightning fills the room, he sees a devil's wing on his back only when the lightning is present. I took this from the Eternally MV. When they're all standing outside upon the crumbled arena, their 'attributes' are shown when the lightning strikes.

**-'Can't You See Me?'s hidden meaning in this story:** This hidden meaning is likely the most important out of _any_ I've listed so far. The _entire_ essence of the Goodnight, Sweet Prince chapters were purely based upon the lyrics of 'Can't You See Me?' and even some of the choreography assists in its own way. Let me try to break this down as simply as I can:

[Can't You See Me? choreography](https://youtu.be/O9BqpP7uYlU)

**_"I'm yours, you're mine, secrets of the world"_** \- Taehyun's line, signifying his once-close relationship with Yeonjun and the secrets of the vampire world that Yeonjun shared with him.

**_"A scintilla of just the two of us, blooming under starlight. Now see them burn in fire"_** \- Hueningkai's line, talking about a small inkling of something igniting between himself and Beomgyu and how it was all taken away with Beomgyu's body dying by fire.

**_"This place turned to ruins, memories into ashes"_** \- Beomgyu's line, talking about how that night burned down, himself and his memories becoming ashes. It's also why in the scene inside Soobin and Kai's house and the vision of Beomgyu before Kai, he slowly turns to ashes in Kai's hands.

**_"That something-something the two of us promised each other. In the flames you turn your back"_** \- Beomgyu's line, talking to Kai about how he holds resentment over him igniting hope and love in him and Kai abandoning him while he was left to die.

**_"A collapsing sandcastle, who's a liar?"_** \- Soobin's line. The small piles of dirt that Yeonjun digs up while searching for Beomgyu's ring, and the finding of Taehyun's eye implant are described as 'sandcastles' of dirt through Kai. Soobin feels lied to here, by both Yeonjun _and_ Kai for their secret relationships with Taehyun and Beomgyu. The beginning of his resentment.

**_"I resent you quite a lot"_** \- Beomgyu's line, directed at Kai during the choreography, as he looks directly at him. Although Beomgyu has a love for Kai in this story, he also has resentment for being lied to and betrayed.

**_"Cause you don't understand me"_** \- Kai's line, replying to Beomgyu, signifying that Beomgyu didn't understand _why_ he did what he did.

**_"Put a stop to my resentment, please"_** \- Soobin's line to Kai, in the choreography Soobin forces Kai to look at him. This summarizes the confession of Kai's confused 'love' and longing for Beomgyu and Soobin is dealing with the resentment he initially feels for it.

**_"Hold my hand once again"_** \- Yeonjun's line, wishing he could have guided Taehyun differently to not lead him on the dark path Taehyun ended up taking.

**_"Can't you hear it? My voice searches for you"_** \- Kai _and_ Taehyun's line. I won't tell you why it's important to Taehyun (because spoilers) but it's important for Kai. When Soobin is still unconscious from Beomgyu knocking him out, he hears Kai's voice searching for him which eventually wakes him up with the words "save me"- also used in this song, as previously mentioned.

**_"My heart incinerated, come and feel me"_** \- Both sung by Kai and Taehyun. Taehyun's meaning is hidden for now. But from Kai's point of view, it represents his heart being torn up with guilt when he asks Beomgyu to kiss and 'feel' him and his fake intentions to stop him from killing Soobin.

**_"Friends don't understand me anymore"_** \- Overall, these words sum up a lot of this scenario, as it comes from almost everyone's perspective. But especially Yeonjun in this instance. His confession of having been close to Taehyun and Soobin and Kai not understanding any of it initially.

**_"Can't you see me?"_** \- This heavily revolves around Taehyun. But again.. No spoilers for you! Maybe you'll be able to figure it out for yourselves ^-^ Think about it.

**\- Soobin telling Kai he wanted to keep a monster alive:** This is a reference to the song 'Can't We Just Leave The Monster Alive?'

**\- Yeonjun drinking a large bowl of blood:** It's a well-known fact that Yeonjun has a large appetite. I decided to emphasize this when he is drinking blood from a huge bowl, rather than a small quantity in a glass like Soobin and Kai do. Eat well, Junnie!

**\- Hobi pulling a heart out of Kai's pocket:** On two different occasions, while TXT and BTS have been around each other, J-Hope asks what Hueningkai has in his pocket, the first time he encourages him to say that it's the love for his fans. The 2nd time he sees him, he asks him again and replies that he has love in his pocket. A cute moment I wanted to add to this story between the two.

**\- 'Speculo' room in the hotel** : When Soobin and Kai arrive at Hobi's hotel, Hobi asks one of his staff to take their luggage to the 'speculo' room. The word Speculo is one of the Latin words used for 'Mirror'- which is exactly what kind of room they were staying in with the purpose to reflect the sun's light in every given direction. Hence the hefty price-tag associated with it.

**\- Beomgyu wishing on a star:** When Beomgyu is looking up at the stars with Kai in the tree, he makes a wish upon a star for all 5 of them to come back together under the same 'dream' in a different life. This is a reference to the meaning of Tomorrow x Together's name. Beomgyu wishes for the existence of Tomorrow x Together with all 5 of them living a life of music together in an alternate universe.

**\- 'Cat and mouse':** Kai describes the brief bickering between himself and Beomgyu as a cat and mouse type relationship. It's been mentioned in times before that the dynamic between Hueningkai and Beomgyu is 'Tom and Jerry'- constant play fighting.

**\- "Goodnight, Sweet Prince" quote:** This is a quote from William Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'. In which a character says farewell to a friend who dies in his arms, acknowledging the bittersweet moment that he will never see him again.

**\- (Song) La complainte de la butte:** This French song I included, as Kai ponders to himself in the final chapter, is very much, metaphorically, sung by Beomgyu to Kai. As Soobin explains, it's a sad love song about longing for someone after they're gone. I've known the song for years, but little did I know, it's about the same area I set the hotel upon- the highest hill in Paris- _Montmartre_. Funny how that came together. Yet again, another song that was _meant_ to be.

**\- 'The Blue Hour' reference:** Even _before_ Tomorrow x Together announced the news that their new album is called The Blue Hour, I had planned to reference it in this final chapter. Again, _creepy,_ but meant to be! I don't know much about this upcoming album, but what The Blue Hour is, as Soobin describes, is a moment in time always found either before dawn or after sunset, where the angle of the sun is either setting or rising at a certain degree below the horizon. In this story, the blue hour is taking place before the dawn during the 'nautical stage' of twilight/dusk. The main reason I chose to include the different stages of the sun rising and noting the times of day is largely to do with the final line in this story "It's always the darkest before the dawn". This is a saying used to describe that things often get worse before they get better. Which, in turn, sums up the entire story. Almost the whole story was dark before it finally lightened, entirely and completely, at the very end- the coming of the dawn, both literally and metaphorically.

That's all for hidden meanings, but to wrap this up, let me tell you a bit about myself. Outside of writing, I'm a young musician from New Zealand. I have been playing instruments and singing most of my life. My father encouraged me to start playing the violin when I was only 6. As difficult as I found it to master such a complex instrument at such a young age, it ignited an ever-lasting love and passion for music in my life.

My music teacher's name was Rose- I included her name in this story as the minor role of the one of the staff of The Black Swan. This teacher of mine taught me a very important lesson about music, which had absolutely nothing to do with technical ability. She started teaching me some much more complex pieces a few years into playing and when I was 8, she said these very words to me:

"Music is much more than notes on a sheet of paper or how accurately you can get your fingers to be placed upon your instrument. Music was created out of a necessity to tell a story. Whenever you play, you are painting a world for yourself and your audience."

In short, she encouraged me to _feel_ a song, to understand its purpose and make sure my audience also understood it. She taught me that music is an entity and is one of the strongest forces on earth. I've always held onto that. As I got older, I began playing piano and guitar too and have always done my best to emerge audiences into the very heart of the pieces I play. It's also something I like to include in my writing. Much like music, writing is world-building too. I worked very hard to make sure I could immerse you all as deeply as I could into this world I created. Hopefully, I've done a good job.

As I stated at the beginning of these notes, my purpose in writing this AU changed to something of great personal meaning to me. In a way, it's half a TXT AU and half my own life lessons. I may only be 20 years old, but I feel like I've lived for way longer because of my many, many experiences. I wanted to give people understanding, hope and compassion within this story. I hope my readers can take something from it to apply to their own lives and be better off for it. Much like Big Hit's artists' songs, they are for _healing_. If even one of you can walk away with a valuable lesson through my writing, then that's enough for me. If I can 'save' someone through my writing, I can die happy.

Thank you all so very much for reading my many words. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

Maybe I'll be back again soon with another journey, who knows? ^.~


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